What Happened to the Easy Way Out
by Crimson1
Summary: Part 18 and more or less END! The third part to If it were only this easy and Even Easy Has Problems. The Journey West is done. Here begins the Journey to the East. Claiming the taken and going home. Yaoi. 58 39. R&R!
1. East

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE EASY WAY OUT

-----

If he closed his eyes and just breathed he could almost smell the flowers. He could easily remember what the field looked like, the way the flowers settled in his smaller hands as he picked them, happily taking just a few so that Konzen's desk wouldn't look so empty. But what really caught in his memory and made him feel the smallest twinge of loss was thinking of the smell. He could imagine being surrounded by that smell, the flowers in a vase on the end of Konzen's desk and crowning Goku's own tousled hair. He preferred the flowers to his coronet, of course, but even then he needed it. He could remember a time he didn't, but after the gods came for him…

"Oi, monkey, quit it with the spaced-out shit. You're creeping me out."

Goku blinks and he is back in the jeep. There are no flowers here, just desert sand and the smell of cigarette smoke as Gojyo takes a puff on the, thankfully, one cancer stick he will light for the day. Goku really appreciates that both Gojyo and Sanzo smokes less now, especially when that unpleasant smell is rapidly wafting away the last trace of flowers. He could almost believe they had really been in front of him a moment before.

"Hey, you listening?"

"Yeah, I hear you. I'm just tired, okay?" Goku shoots back, shaking his head to remind himself that he is not in Heaven. He is riding in a jeep for longest drive of his life with his best friends and his…lover. He still blushes sometimes thinking of Konzen as his lover.

But then he has to remind himself that Konzen isn't. Sanzo is.

"Hey, Hakkai?" Goku asks, shifting in his seat so that his shoulder just barely brushes against the sleeve of Sanzo's robes. "How much longer to the next town?"

Glancing back at Goku through use of the rearview mirror, green eyes flash a bright smile from beneath brown hair and a silver monocle. Goku had a sudden vision of glasses then, and longer hair, and a smile that always seemed just a little bit harder to read than Hakkai's. "According to the map Miss Yaone gave us…not much longer now. Over the next hill and a few miles after that. It should be a fairly good size town too by the looks of things."

Good, Goku thinks, blinking a few times to get the image of a lab coat and tie out of his head.

Hakkai wears green. Hakkai keeps a tidy room and never touches cigarettes. Hakkai is not Tenpou.

"Bout time we had decent beds again." Gojyo grumbles from up front. Goku can tell the redhead's words are mainly for show, since Gojyo is far more involved with what his hand is trying to do than what words are coming out of his mouth.

Seeing Hakkai ever so slightly flinch when Gojyo brushes his knee with teasing fingertips makes Goku wonder how on earth the kappa even managed to notice Goku was spacing out. Gojyo's attention is focused on the brunette beside him, not the one in the back.

Goku has long since gotten used to his friends being a couple, rather enjoys it to be honest, but now that he remembers so much more about his very dear, very _old_ friends, he realized this is not the first time in his life he has seen them frisky. They danced around their feelings for as long as he can remember in this life, but Goku can still picture the one morning he dashed into Tenpou's bedroom, hardly prepared for the naked Marshall and just as naked General under the covers of Tenpou's bed.

He didn't understand then. He understands now.

But even though Gojyo is every bit as charming and sexually driven as that not quite forgotten General, Goku's eyebrows knit in frustration at having to tell himself that Gojyo is not Kenren. Not anymore. None of them are. Memories of past and present may be rushing equally through the poor heretic's mind, but he knows what is then and what is now. Now he is still Goku but older, wiser, driven by different things, and his friends are not Kenren, Tenpou, and Konzen, they are Gojyo, Hakkai, and—

"Knock it off." Sanzo hisses, bopping Goku on the head with a little more force than usual. The monk had appeared to be sleeping, though Goku never bought it for a second. Despite violet eyes still being closed, the jig is now definitely up. "You're not spacing out, you're somewhere else entirely. Get back down to earth or I'll smack the reality back into you if I have to."

Only to Goku would these words come across as loving as they are meant to. "Sorry." He says, "I'm just thinking. It's no big deal. I mean…can't I _think_?"

"I've yet to see proof such a thing is possible, so _no_. Thinking too much isn't good for anyone. Stop it."

Goku allows himself to slide down in his seat so he can better snuggle into the robes he knows so well and clutch at that perfect crook of elbow reserved just for him. "Do I have to be happy and hyper all the time? Can't I…think a little sometimes too?"

"No."

Sanzo's finality is more than a little annoying.

"Not you." The blonde says assuredly.

"Why not?" Goku is getting a little angry now.

"Because."

Half wondering if Sanzo is going to make any additions or just leave things at that, Goku waits. He doesn't wait long.

"When _you_ think," Sanzo says, "…you don't smile."

A part of Goku's heart flutters to hear the tenderness in Sanzo's voice. He looks up, caught by violet that didn't expect to be caught.

Sanzo looks away. "And you're even noisier. If that's possible." He says quickly, huffing loudly. "I wish I could shut you off sometimes."

Goku knows this is one of the few things Sanzo would ever lie to him about, so he just smiles and snuggles in a little deeper. He hates secrets but he doesn't really mind lies as long as he knows whether or not they're true. "Sure thing, Kory." He says. "Whatever you say." And he closes his eyes so he can't see how much Sanzo twitches to hear that name.

"Idiot."

While Goku and Sanzo are comfortably dozing now in the backseat, the mischievous kappa is not satisfied with the simple jump he got out of Hakkai, much as it pleased him. He isn't looking for shock factor or teasing. Well, not teasing without a little more to it, anyway. But when Gojyo makes a play, he does nothing short of everything, even when the play is being made on their sometimes reckless driver who could theoretically kill them all with a simple jerk of the wheel.

Goku and Sanzo may no longer be paying attention to the pair up front, but Hakkai is not at all unaware of his partner's plans.

"Gojyo, please stop that." He says, politely at first, giving his knee a slight jerk to rid it of Gojyo's returned fingertips. "You wouldn't want to cause an accident."

"Maybe that's exactly what I want." Gojyo purrs, running the entire flat of his hand over Hakkai's knee and fixing it with a tight grip. "You know…see how much I can get away with before you run us off the road."

"That isn't funny or wise, Gojyo."

"No, but I know you love me for my logic."

"I'm sorry to inform you, my friend, but your logic is the very last thing that made me fall in love with you."

"You sure?" Grinning with more than a little maliciousness, Gojyo runs his hand up Hakkai's thigh and begins to move it ever so slowly to the right.

Hakkai snaps his legs together causing his foot to twitch on the gas peddle. "Gojyo…" there is warning in Hakkai's voice now. "_Please_."

Thinking about this logically—with true logic not Gojyo's own twisted form of it—Hakkai wonders if at this rate they will begin to fall into the patterns of their dreamworld personas, with rampant sex at the most inappropriate of times and the inability to keep their hands to themselves.

Of course, if Hakkai thinks with just a little Gojyo-logic, he realizes that if they are heading in that direction, _he_ should really be the one making the advances.

"Why don't you start without me?" The brunette says with a wickedness to his smile no one could replicate. Taking one hand off the wheel, he grabs Gojyo's wrist before any true groping can occur and moves Gojyo's hand to rest between _Gojyo's_ legs where he aids a more personal groping experience for the redhead. "I'll catch up when we get to town."

Gojyo is dumbstruck for all of two minutes before having the sense to take his hand off his dick and give Hakkai the incredulous look the healer deserves. "You are one creepy bastard sometimes."

Hakkai's grin remains the rest of the trip into town. While Goku and Sanzo clearly heard the exchange, they prefer to pretend they have no idea what was happening.

-----

"We have plenty of rooms. Four singles?" The girl at the counter flashes her eyelashes coyly, focusing the most of her pretty eyes on Gojyo, who just can't help leaning against the front desk with a certain inviting charm.

Hakkai and Sanzo speak in unison. "Doubles." And then try to avoid one another's eyes after their tell-tale exclamations. Sometimes the random females along the road can be more than a little annoying. Sanzo doesn't like that this one seems just as interested in Goku as she is in the kappa. He muses that she must have a thing for the muscular and brainless.

The girl acts flustered for a few moments before changing things in the guestbook and turning to grab _two_ keys that she hands shyly to Hakkai. Sanzo tosses the gold card onto the counter without looking at her.

As soon as the foursome is on their way to their rooms and the girl is out of earshot, Gojyo bursts out laughing. "You two are the worst, jealous bastards ever. If the doubles thing doesn't make her think we're queer, the death looks you guys were giving her for checking out me and the monkey just confirmed her suspicions." He shakes his head at Sanzo, who refuses to comment.

Hakkai, however, speaks up in their defense. "I don't know what you mean, Gojyo. We were perfectly polite, we simply…were quick to correct her."

"Whatever you say." Gojyo grins back.

Goku is giggling. He's the only one in the group that can adequately pull it off.

Sanzo is pretending not to know any of them, even if he _is_ a little antsy to get into a room with Goku. They get such little time alone, after all. Not that he'd admit such a thing. These days it's just implied.

Hakkai is failing miserably at not appearing cross, much as he tries. "Dinner in an hour?" he asks brightly, hoping that changing the subject will shut Gojyo up. He can't help being jealous. Gojyo is a charmer and flirtatious by nature. Girls are bound to flock to him. But Hakkai doesn't have to like it.

"Hour? I'm hungry now!" Goku exclaims, grabbing his stomach in supposed agony.

"You had a snack fifteen minutes ago." Sanzo grumbles.

"So? That was way small, Sanzo. I need nourishment."

"Can we try starving him a week just to see what happens?" Gojyo puts in, sticking close to Hakkai as the brunette finally turns to the door that belongs to them. "Betcha it won't even phase him."

"Hey!" Goku calls in protest, close behind Sanzo as the priest turns to unlock _their_ door, just across the narrow hallway from Gojyo and Hakkai.

Sanzo speaks without turning to address the kappa. "If you can stand the whining, be my guest."

"Sanzo!"

"Ha! I'll buy earplugs just to watch the brat squirm." Gojyo laughs.

"Shut up!" Goku shouts in a pout.

Sanzo is already over the threshold and turns back to grab Goku by the end of his cape. "Get in here."

Goku protests even while being unceremoniously dragged. "But Sanzo—!"

Stepping inside their room, Gojyo is all laughter. He eases past Hakkai who is turned towards Sanzo and Goku's quickly closed door and calls out one last time just for good measure. "So that's an hour then?"

-----

Dinner _was_ in an hour and went by with little incident. No gunshots went off, neither smoker smoked, and food was—mostly—shared evenly. Teasing and threats still commenced, but all in good fun. The only unfortunate thing was that Hakuryuu was still outside, parked, a 'no pets' sign signaling he was not allowed to enter. Hakkai didn't like this one bit and as he and Gojyo finally retired to their room for much needed rest, the first thing Hakkai does is go over to the window to sneak his friend inside.

A soft whistle is all it takes to alert Hakuryuu that the coast is clear and the dragon is inside the warm comfort of a bedroom before anyone is the wiser.

"Sanzo'll shoot something if we're caught and tossed out on our asses, you know. And my guess is it'll be either you or the parrot."

An offended 'kyuu' follows Gojyo's use of the nickname 'parrot'. Hakuryuu ruffles his scales a bit before flying to land on the nearest bed. It has become known to the creature that only one bed is ever actually used when the group gets doubled like this, the other being happily claimed by him.

Gojyo raises an eyebrow at the dragon. "Don't cluck your tongue at me, I'm just saying. You behave yourself or we're all outta luck."

While carefully removing his sash, headband, and monocle, Hakkai's ears perk to hear Gojyo speaking so…logically. And not with Gojyo-logic, but normal logic that has actual sense. Of course, Hakkai knows Hakuryuu would never do anything to jeopardize their stay. The dragon is better behaved than all three of Hakkai's other companions combined.

Hakkai changes slowly, feeling a few new aches in his body from being back on the road after a still so recent battle. When he finally turns to look back at Gojyo he finds that the redhead and dragon are no longer bickering. Gojyo is sitting on the end of Hakuryuu's bed, and Hakuryuu, not minding the intrusion, has his head resting on Gojyo's knee while his scales are pleasantly stroked.

At what point the mixture of 'kyuuing' and taunting turned into this Hakkai has no idea. He does know, however, that it brings a smile to his face quicker than thoughts of a good night's sleep.

"Speaking of behaving oneself," Hakkai mentions slyly, "I find it rather funny that you, Gojyo, listen when Hakuryuu scolds you, but continue to behave badly when I do."

Gojyo looks up and blinks, not understanding. He seems to realize all at once that he is being uncharacteristically nice to the dragon and pulls his hand away like being bitten. "Shit, I was just…hey what do you mean continue behaving badly? What did I do?"

Hakkai is already by the opposing bed, pulling back the comforter and sheets. "I seem to recall an incident in the jeep with the indecent placement of hands."

"What, when I tried to cop a feel before we got to town?"

"In so many words."

"Aww, come on, I was just riling ya. You know you're even friskier than me half the time." Gojyo says, and is already up off the end of the bed—Hakuryuu left to fall into blissful slumber after being tenderly pet—and slides up behind Hakkai to wind long arms around a thin waist.

Hakkai lets the edge of the sheet fall from his fingers. "Gojyo…" he says, "I am many things but frisky is not an adjective I would ever give myself." Even as he is saying this, Hakkai turns in Gojyo's arms, slips his hands to ride very low on Gojyo's backside, and bats pretty long eyelashes in a way that makes Gojyo wonder if he should run.

How is it that the brunette can so easily make a playful smile seem sinister?

"I have few conditions, Gojyo, but one is a definite must."

Already liking where this encounter is headed, despite what Hakkai might say, Gojyo pulls in close enough to feel teasing breath against his lips. "Oh, and what's that?"

Hakkai's smile crooks even more sinisterly, dripping dangerous charm and intent. He kisses Gojyo with the barest touch before speaking, making the kappa lean into him unsuccessfully in the search for more. "There must be walls. Four of them. Not soundproof, but not paper thin. And whatever door exists will be closed. Other than that…"

"I could throw you to the floor if I wanted…?" Gojyo whispers, continuously leaning forward to capture lips Hakkai keeps only just out of reach.

Gojyo can see the thin beads of sweat building on Hakkai's upper lip, every pore of the full demon's body leaking pheromones that make Gojyo want to pounce. For a moment he wonders if he and Hakkai could become even more sexual than _Gonou_ and Gojyo, since there is one and a half demons included in their relationship versus the dreamworld's.

That thought is enough to give Gojyo all sorts of naughty ideas, and the look in Hakkai's eyes speaks of thing all too similar. Both of them are panting and they haven't even kissed properly. It must be a full moon tonight, Gojyo decides. Maybe that would explain why Hakkai's eyes appear almost jade when the brunette reaches back to flick off the light.

Semi-darkness and the pounding of blood in their ears holds suspended before Hakkai pounces, throwing his weight forward and nearly knocking them both to the floor as he lunges for a kiss. This time his teasing is done with the promise of more.

Hakkai feels warm in Gojyo's arms, feverish. Gojyo reaches up and digs his fingers back into soft brown hair, loving that the headband is gone and the monocle is safely put away. He loves Hakkai in just his black nightshirt and cotton pants. Hakkai's collarbone is exposed only at this time of night, when the healer's tunic has been discarded. It's chiseled, carved from marble, and is by far Gojyo's favorite chaste spot to trace with his fingers. He slowly brings his hands down Hakkai's face, his neck, and finally to the contours of that lovely bone, all the while kissing Hakkai fiercely.

As passionate as Gojyo knows he is, he gets the feeling sometimes that he could never compete with the full passion Hakkai pours into a lover. Being one of only two Hakkai has ever had, Gojyo feels supremely blessed. He knows that he is only being allowed to see Hakkai this released and wild because there is love between them. Anything less than that and Hakkai would never allow it. Gojyo is _loved_, and that turns him on more than skin ever could.

Gojyo is indeed loved, but right now that is coming out in wave after wave of _sex_. There must be a way to remove Gojyo of his clothing that is somehow quicker than all other times before, Hakkai thinks, fighting the urge to throw Gojyo to the floor. Hakkai is not an animal, or at all sex-starved. He _can_ make it to the bed. His passions are just so strong. He doesn't know what has come over himself, but he feels the most unquenchable desire for Gojyo lately. He can hide it in the jeep, keep Gojyo in check even, but when they are alone he has to fight to keep himself steady, go out of his way to dress for bed slowly just to avoid jumping the poor kappa unprepared. He has noticed that with each new day—and it has been so few since they left Houtou Castle—that he feels more and more _alive_. Perhaps it is the relief of the battle being won, of so much being behind them now. He doesn't know. But the most rampant part of it keeps coming out in ways he feels he must direct at Gojyo. It just seems right, like making up for lost time.

A great creaking of springs signals they have indeed found the bed as they fall, tumble, and land. Gojyo laughs at how the wind is knocked from him, not minding at all the 'frisky' side to Hakkai that has begun to show up more and more. In Gojyo's mind all he can think is that it's about _time_. It wouldn't surprise him if they made love until dawn, and no one would ever hear a complaint about it.

Stopping long enough to toss his black nightshirt over his head and be sure not throw it onto the other bed and, therefore, onto Hakuryuu, Hakkai gives Gojyo the most devilish of grins. His eyes are still flashing darkly as he sinks down to capture damp lips yet again.

-----

"You really don't mind?"

"Do I have to tell you things a million times before you'll believe me?" Sanzo growls. "You kick less if I have a firm hold on you anyway."

The pair is currently a step further than being ready for bed; they are in it. Sanzo, per Goku's request, no longer sleeps in his black undershirt but in a pair of simple, comfortable pants. Goku has thus offered to no longer wear a T-shirt and to just sleep in his boxers, to which Sanzo replied with a small grunt. Goku took this for affirmation.

Snuggled under the covers, Goku has both arms wrapped around Sanzo's waist and his is head dug into the monk's firm chest—how he would prefer to sleep every single night if possible. He knows he is treating Sanzo like an overgrown teddy bear, but he just can't help it. Sanzo never even used to let him touch him all that much, let alone hug him. Now he gets to snuggle? It's just too perfect.

"You're really soft." Goku murmurs, letting his nose bump along the skin of Sanzo's neck as he digs into his 'teddy bear'.

Sanzo huffs. "You're annoying. Shut up already and go to sleep."

"Urrg…it's not that late."

There is a tentative pause. "Would you…rather…" Sanzo ends this prompt with a slight clearing of his throat, like the last few words got caught and thrown away.

Goku finds it adorable that Sanzo is so timid. He supposes the blonde will always be a bit of prude, no matter how often they're together. "I kinda like being like this." The monkey admits. "Is that…okay?"

"Okay?" the sheer surprise in Sanzo's tone almost gets Goku giggling again. "You practically paw at me like a rabid dog. _This_ is fine."

And Goku does giggle, just a little. He doesn't mind Sanzo's barbs nearly as much now that he is certain the monk truly loves him, and now that he actually gets Sanzo to admit so out loud once in a while. But Goku's giggling soon fades and a somber silence fills in the space around them. It is clear there is something unsaid that longs to be brought up. Sanzo waits for it patiently. Goku, feeling that Sanzo is waiting, could be lying on pins.

So much has been left unspoken since Houtou Castle. Love has been spoken. Devotion. Promises even. But truth waits in the wings. Sanzo's unwillingness to push lets Goku know the blonde will wait forever if need be, but Goku can't escape feeling he owes Sanzo the truth.

The truth is he remembers a lot more about his life now than the few short years of Son Goku.

"Sanzo…"

The silence listens and Goku feels a little unnerved. He knows Sanzo doesn't want to seem pushy but sometimes he would prefer the characteristic grunt.

"I…" Goku isn't quite sure what he wants to say. He doesn't know where to begin. His mind keeps bringing him back and he just wants to stay where he is. He knows that in the end what he really needs is to find some kind of middle ground, but getting there and discovering it is the hard part.

So he just says what he knows.

"I loved you then too."

Sanzo waits for more, but when it is clear Goku doesn't know how to continue, the priest speaks up, his voice soft. "When I was Konzen." He says, and it isn't a question.

Silence answers. Much as Sanzo doesn't wish to push, he can feel that Goku wants him to.

"In Heaven." Sanzo prompts further.

Still silence.

"And those other idiots were there with us."

Nothing.

"Goku…it isn't hard to figure out with all the hot air Homura spewed at us and with those other gods. But if you don't want to tell me the rest…I won't force you."

Goku takes a breath and sounds like someone gasping for air after nearly drowning. As always the monkey has switched from lighthearted to being near tears in barely any time. It is an ability Sanzo wishes Goku didn't have. "I want to tell you." Goku says, wrapping his arms around Sanzo tighter. "You deserve to know. You do. It isn't fair…what they did to us. Especially to you."

Sanzo cannot deny his curiosity. He has no memory of this. The things he does know he has surmised, put together, and guessed. It could never be as real to him as it must be to Goku. Whoever Konzen was, he was at least a god, much as it seems far-fetched, and he was a _former_ life of Sanzo's. But with Goku, Sanzo knows it is more complicated. Goku is still the same person he was in that other life. The same form. The same monkey through and through. He has grown older, but only after Sanzo found him. He truly has lived for over 500 years and now…

"You remember _everything_…don't you?" Sanzo says.

Goku doesn't answer him.

"When you're ready." Sanzo says without hesitation. He tilts his head so that his cheek rests atop Goku's unruly hair and feels no need to say more.

It is these moments he wants to multiply. Moments when he can forget about every neurotic thought telling him to give up attachment and let Goku go. The part of him that reminds him of people he has killed, of people who have hurt him, or tried to hurt him in so many horrible ways. With Goku, alone, curled together, Sanzo can forget there was ever a time they were apart.

Sometimes he wishes his life was as easy as Koryuu's so he didn't have to forget to feel these moments.

For a long time neither of them says anything. Both wonder if the other has fallen asleep, but their matched, uneven breaths give them away.

"Sanzo…?" Goku says at last.

"Mm?"

"Can we still practice? Once in a while."

"Practice? With your limiter?"

"Yeah."

Sanzo almost says 'but why, you've beaten it' until he realizes things weren't exactly easy with Seiten Taisei, just _easier_. Besides, "You want to get rid of this thing for good." Sanzo says, and as with so much of what he has said tonight, it isn't a question. He gently runs his fingers along the rim of Goku's coronet, and although Goku cannot feel it and he isn't looking up to see the action, the topic at hand is known.

"I can beat it. I can make it so I never need it again." Goku says with conviction Sanzo believes wholeheartedly. When Goku has such determination, few things can stop him. "Youkai don't need limiters. They don't _need_ them. I shouldn't need mine either. I can be me without this thing, all of me, I know it."

"Goku." It doesn't need to be said that Goku isn't exactly a youkai, but Sanzo's use of Goku's name implies that reminder anyway.

"I know, Sanzo. But…there was a time…a long time ago…when I didn't have a limiter and I didn't need it. I remember. I know I can be that way again."

A corner of Sanzo's mouth twitches. He wants to press, so badly he wants to press Goku for more. He wants to ask the heretic about everything, to know every detail of what Goku remembers. But he won't. "Alright. We'll practice."

"Thanks."

Sanzo grunts his reply and Goku smiles.

"I love you, Sanzo," he says, more on reflex now, but with every fiber in him he means it. Sanzo's resulting silence makes Goku paranoid of what the monk might be thinking. He needs the blonde to understand. "I love you because you're _you_, Sanzo," he says, snuggling deeper into the curves and turns of a body he now knows every inch of, "not because you remind me of someone who's…gone."

Sanzo is silent at first, and only after he grunts in seeming frustration does Goku know everything will be okay. "Did I say I thought otherwise?" the monk growls, staring down at the mess of hair in his line of vision until Goku finally looks up to meet violet with gold.

"I just want you to know." Goku says.

"I _know_." And Sanzo kisses Goku soundly to prove it. "How many times do I have to tell you not to say stupid things?" he says, his voice dimming, but only because he has too much breath now after stealing Goku's. "Stupid questions are even worse."

Goku licks his lips, wishing the kiss had been more than just a firm punch line to a point. He knows he doesn't have to ask, but he can't help it. He blushes as he asks, "Do you love me, Sanzo?"

And Sanzo replies in a way he rarely does. He smiles, and there is nothing of a smirk in it at all. "What did I _just_ say?" he says.

This time Sanzo bends his head and kisses Goku as much more than a pointed punch line. It carries not dominance but understanding. It whispers. It lets Goku control as much of it as Sanzo controls. The flesh between them is soft and pliable, and they taste each other, seeking tongues for a connection, not out of direction from their hormones. Everything in their passion for one another is slow, like learning how to love for the first time.

Only Goku knows how true that is. He hopes that one day the others can join him.

The pair kisses until they are too tired to move their lips and are at last a cuddled heap of happily tangled limbs on the bed. Morning cannot come slower.

-----

The sky is too bright, the birds chirping too happily, and the endlessly blooming cherry blossoms too…pink. There are times Kanzeon Bosatsu wishes she could just pop down to the lower world for kicks, and for the change in scenery. Technically, she could. No one would dare question her. But then she would miss all the wonderful twists and turns of her favorite show.

The Journey to the _East_.

She can watch from anywhere in Heaven if she chooses, and just now she has chosen to look down upon the lower world and her traveling troupe from a large courtyard. One currently occupied by a stubborn, slumbering boy.

Her attention shifts from that of the Sanzo-ikkou to look at Nataku, seated in his chair, staring blankly at nothing like a corpse. She thought just maybe he would twitch or blink or even speak after what has transpired. The punishment has been lifted. Goku figured it out on his own and Heaven can do nothing. The gods, Goujun included, could never tell the Sanzo-ikkou their true identities—not those who knew the terms—but if things were figured out, all bets would be off.

Frankly, Kanzeon thinks they took their sweet time in getting to this point, not that she minded the show, but now that Goku remembers, anything is possible. She had thought Nataku might finally arise, but maybe even this miracle is not enough to wake him.

"He knows now. And still you sleep." She says, her long nails clicking on the sides of the great throne Nataku sits in. She shifts her eyes down at him, his body motionless, and then looks, almost somberly, to the figure of a slumbering earth child in bed with her dear nephew. "Must he burst through Heaven's gates before you'll live…Nataku?" she asks.

No one answers. She doesn't expect anyone to. But as she sighs and turns to leave, her flowing white gown fluttering around her as she moves, she senses the slight twitch of fingers that longs to speak. It isn't enough. But one day, perhaps even in the near future, it may be all Nataku needs.

tbc...

A/N: Dear gods, I'm back. Something must be seriously wrong with me to be working on several original things and think I can handle a third part, but you can thank some of the more vocal of my fans (my roommate at the top of that list) for this being here, and I intend to continue. I pray to god it remains a trilogy and does not ask for a fourth part. We'll see. Anyway, here it is, all nice and relatively easy. Don't let Nataku scare you. He is not intended to be a main part to the story...yet. I'll let him tell me what's up there. There are many other things planned, however. The dreamworld will be touched, much as that may seem impossible. You'll eventually get what I mean, but don't worry, Nii hasn't and won't arise from the dead. Please review to let me know this is actually desired and I will write more when I can. P.S. I am a senior in college now and life is scary. I may be really busy but I will do my best.

Crim


	2. Something in the Water

Something in the Water

* * *

There is something so glorious about the way the sun can be so many colors and still maintain most of its gold. Sanzo doesn't particularly care about the gold in himself that Goku finds so fascinating, but he loves the gold in Goku. Those eyes have been with him for longer than he remembers. Literally. The more he stares at Goku, really looks into the different hews of yellow and gold and amber in Goku's eyes, the more he remembers seeing those eyes in his dreams, even as a small child. He remembers. But he can't remember more than vague images and feelings. Goku has always felt like home even before Sanzo could admit that. Back when he first picked the brat up he wasn't in the mood to replace the family he was still mourning. Koumyou was the broken home Sanzo could never rebuild.

Somehow, he has begun to rebuild that family now. He knows Koumyou would be proud of that. It doesn't dull the ache to know this, but it rounds the edges a bit.

Sanzo brings his now nicotine smudged fingers to his lips. He had pulled out his cigarette in haste, waking far too early with a severe craving he couldn't quench fast enough. Taking a slow, soothing puff, he curses himself for being so weak. He can admit that he had started to smoke too much before everything with the dreamworld happened, and now that he is smoking much less he is better off for it, though he will never give it up completely. He should be used to the lesser intake of the addiction, having gradually weaned down after they first left the dreamworld. But still, some mornings he wakes feeling like he quit cold-turkey, and nothing can calm him like that first breath of Marlboro.

Gojyo's weak-ass sticks can go to hell. High-lites? Pansy.

The bed behind him creaks. Sanzo has suspected Goku was up for some time, more than likely staring at the monk in the window and wondering how long he should wait before making his presence known. Sanzo rarely if ever speaks first when Goku is feeling particularly cautious. Usually Goku acts this way when he believes Sanzo wants to be alone and needs the quiet time to think. Usually Goku is right. Sensing the monkey coming up behind him, Sanzo knows that this time Goku is not as concerned about disturbing him as he might let on. A moment later Sanzo is proven right as strong arms slip under his and wrap around his chest, warm bare skin pressing against his own naked back.

Sanzo refuses to shudder. "Go back to sleep, idiot. It's barely dawn."

Goku murmurs a few unintelligible phrases and digs his forehead into Sanzo's back. "But, Sanzo…m'not…tired. 'Sides…_you're_ up." The monkey's even choppier than normal speech proves to Sanzo that Goku is more than likely only half aware of any of his actions. That would certainly seem the case as Goku moves his right hand up and down along Sanzo's stomach like rubbing a damn Buddha belly.

Sanzo does not appreciate being used as a good luck charm, even if Goku doesn't know what he is doing. "Quit that." Sanzo says, and he grabs hold of Goku's hand to keep it steady. His cigarette is hanging from his mouth still and he takes a long drag.

Behind him, Goku stifles a cough. With a wrinkled nose Goku peers over Sanzo's shoulder, pressing their bodies more fully together, and stares at the offending cancer stick.

"Don't even try to bullshit me. You don't cough at smoke. I'm not stupid and I am not putting this out."

An indignant growl precedes Goku's words. "But, Sanzo…"

"I never said I was quitting."

"But you've been so good."

"And I'm still being…hey. _Good_? I'm not a fucking pet." It takes little effort to free Sanzo of Goku's close-quartered hold on him; the monkey is far from being fully functional at this early hour. "Sit boy is not something I respond to, _monkey_. The role of animal in this relationship is already taken."

Goku has grown accustomed enough to this treatment to only scowl, and he digs the side of his face against Sanzo's like a cat. "Meanie." He says.

"Speak for yourself." But although Sanzo sounds disconcerted, the soft twitches of a smile are pulling at his mouth. It really is too early to get ready and his nicotine addiction has been satiated, more or less. And Goku is up, after all.

Sanzo shifts in the window so he can better pull Goku onto his lap. The small brunette climbs aboard groggily but wraps his legs around Sanzo's waist with a slow grin and sits in a way that makes both of them shiver. Every part of them that can touch below the neck is connected. Goku is practically purring, mostly from being slightly drunk on lack of sleep.

"So noisy. And smothering. And annoying."

Goku makes a face. "Shouldn't you be spouted sweet nothings?"

"If you'd like me to lie to you then why don't I start be saying how _clever_ and _intelligent_ and—"

"_Alright_." Goku breaks in with a sudden frown. "Jerk. I know in your own warped way calling my a noisy monkey _is_ a sweet nothing but could you at least—"

Sanzo decides to cut Goku off in the best way possible to avoid any further pointless talking. He kisses the chimp with enough force to elicit a yelp. Goku forgets about complaining and the pair of them spends the rest of the morning discovering all the wonders of window-seats as useful hard surfaces.

-----

Breakfast is rather uneventful other than the strange fact that they are allowed to eat it. Sanzo's response to their incredulous questions concerning breakfast is that they rushed to the West for life and death reasons. They are heading East now to return sutras that will do at the Temple of the Setting Sun the same thing they are doing now. Nothing. And they can continue doing nothing while the four hellions make a leisurely trip back.

If Kanzeon wants to keep them from speeding back on dragons, Sanzo plans to take his time.

"Thank you, Miss." Hakkai smiles kindly as the waitress leaves. She looks a little flush but this is expected considering the amount they ordered. Turning back to his companions, Hakkai reaches into his pocket for the small guidebook and map Yaone lent them, hopefully ensuring them a more pleasant trip home.

Gojyo peers over the top of his tea; morning is the only time of day he can stand the stuff. "Hey, Hakkai. How far we gettin' today? Any nice big cities? There's supposed to be all this west we missed using those dragons. Haven't seen much of it yet. I need a real town pronto."

Emerald eyes dance across slightly rolled pages, but Hakkai's expression is not hopeful. "I am sorry to disappoint you, my friend, but a good sized town won't be anywhere in our near future. The first one is still at least a week away if not two. It appears we will be sleeping under the stars tonight."

A round of groans passes between Gojyo and Goku.

Sanzo grunts. Let him be locked in a room with the (un)Merciful Goddess for five minutes. Just five. If he wasn't certain she would be the one listening to his prayers, he would have gotten on his knees to beg for that chance.

"Damn it, Sanzo." Gojyo says, focusing his frustrations on the most convenient target. "If you weren't a god damned priest that it-she what's-her-face would have let us get back the way we planned. But no, you have to be _Sanzo_. Fuck. Just throw down the robes and the sutras, flick her mighty godliness off, and let's call on Kougaiji already for those dragons."

Much as it irritates Sanzo to have Gojyo talk to him _ever_, this particular conversation is getting old. The kappa seems to think it prudent to bring up the whole "we almost had dragons" thing at every setback in the journey. They have spent only a few nights outdoors. The redhead has no reason to complain. Sanzo hasn't complained. Not aloud. He hates the situation just as much if not more. If he thought throwing down his robes and sutras would keep Kanzeon off his back, he would have done it. In fact, though the kappa seems to forget, he already did do it! If Gojyo doesn't drop this soon, he might conveniently forget his promise to Hakkai and put a whole in the kappa's head.

"Hey, Sanzo, did you hear—"

"I heard you, asshole." Sanzo says through grit teeth. "Go ahead and flick off the sky if you want. See if it makes a difference. You're more than welcome to walk back."

Gojyo's fists clench. If it weren't for Hakkai's warning glare he would be up on his feet. Sometimes Sanzo was more than he could tolerate. "Fine, Mr. All-High-and-Mighty. I was just saying. _Shit_. And here I thought getting laid regularly would mellow you."

A huff leaves Sanzo's lips. To anyone with any true intelligence, it would be clear the priest is holding back his real anger. Gojyo knows this. But it doesn't mean he isn't going to push at every possible opportunity.

What a boring ride it would be if everyone got along.

"Regular sex sure as hell hasn't made any part of you more tolerable. Why the fuck would it mellow _me_." Sanzo says dismissively, lifting his glass to his mouth for a large swig.

Goku coughs back a laugh.

Hakkai's face turns a little red and he clears his throat.

Gojyo spends a few seconds debating continuing the argument but in the end can only chuckle loudly. "Whatever you say, bouzu. I s'pose if you changed too much we'd miss your skinny ass."

Sanzo refrains from smiling outright, but allows a corner of his mouth to twitch upwards in reply.

Gojyo takes a drink of his tea and grins into the bottom of the cup. "Still your fault we lost the dragons." He adds.

There is a small hush. The Smith & Wesson does not appear but the sound of its hammer being cocked makes a resounding click. "Tell me, Hakkai. I could neuter the cockroach with one shot and he'd still serve most of his usefulness. Right?" Sanzo's twitching mouth has formed into a malicious grin.

Hakkai does not immediately answer, appearing to be very seriously considering Sanzo's question. "I can't think of anything _I'd_ miss." The healer says, his face a well-played mask.

Goku is failing miserably now at stifling his laughter.

A few weeks ago Gojyo would have exploded with indignant shouting to such teasing. However, seeing as how he knows Hakkai is only playing along and really, he enjoys his "sparring" matches with Sanzo now that there is no longer a threat of actually being shot, Gojyo sits back and allows a new comeback to wash over him.

He grins when it comes to him. "You know, Sanzo, I'd say the same thing back to you, but I know it wouldn't be true."

Violet holds onto crimson, waiting for the catch.

Gojyo's grin lengthens. "The monkey can't top _you_." He says, "Your ass is so tight there's no way Goku could be man enough to make it worthwhile."

Only Gojyo can insult two people that smoothly in one sentence and Sanzo coolly admits defeat. After all, he sure as hell didn't receive the brunt of that one. Gojyo must have decided it was high time Goku got brought into this bout too.

"Hey!" Goku yells, a few seconds delayed since it had taken him a moment to realize the joke had somehow come back to him. "I'll have you know—"

"Goku." Hakkai says quickly, his tone acting like a hand across Goku's mouth. "Please, I don't think I could handle your rebuttal. Such adult ideas concerning you is difficult enough sometimes. I'd rather not suffer details."

Hakkai's words are left with a long pause as all of his companions turn to look at him. Hakkai knows what they are thinking. They are thinking of the night they no longer speak of. The night details would have been unnecessary since all four got first-hand views of their companions. Out of the four of them, Hakkai is the one most unnerved by their delinquency. He holds strong.

"It would be most inappropriate conversation for the breakfast table, don't you think?" he adds, actually saying, though without words, that if they deem it okay to speak of sex in more detail to one another they are bound to head down a dangerous path. Or possibly be forced to speak of the night when their rule of walls didn't apply.

It is unanimously decided to follow Hakkai's lead.

The group is saved from having to decide what topic they should change their discussion to when the waitress, heavily overburdened, arrives at their table and begins filling every inch of space with various plates. Sanzo pays without questioning the ridiculousness of the order.

-----

"So, Goku, what you are saying is that you would like to continue practicing without your limiter as we head East."

Goku shrugs his shoulders. He doesn't want to seem as adamant about this as he actually is. He wouldn't want to worry the others with his urgency. "Well…yeah." Goku says, kicking the dirt at his feet. "I want to get to a point where…I don't need my limiter at all. And I can't do that if I don't practice."

The group is camped in a small clearing inside a patch of woods. They could probably afford to camp more out in the open now that there isn't a youkai army on their tail, but a year of watchfulness has made that rather difficult. They cannot help being overly vigilant and they feel perfectly justified in it. There could always be rogues out and about that might think to ambush them.

Hakkai is speaking with Goku while finishing setting up camp, laying the sleeping bags out neatly around what will soon be their fire.

Gojyo had gone out fishing for dinner and is in the process of cleaning them before Hakkai cooks them up.

Sanzo is sitting on a nearby rock, looking out into the trees somewhat distantly, deep in thought about many things but also wondering how easily it would be to sneak a second cigarette for the day without Goku nagging him. The kappa has the nerve to be taking the withdrawals more easily. Damn him and his weaker addiction. Those pansy High-lites are sure giving him an advantage now.

"Goku, I thought you had the beast whipped already." Gojyo says, eyes staying on his fish as he readies them for Hakkai. His leather jacket has been laid down at a safe distance though his white tank top will more than likely be snatched by Hakkai later for a thorough cleaning in the river.

Lifting off from his perch on a nearby tree, Hakuryuu flutters down to sit on Goku's shoulders, kyuuing softly as if to say he would like the same explanation as Gojyo.

A smile tugs at Goku's lips as he looks at the friendly little dragon. The red eyes. The silvery scales. The way he picks on Gojyo more than anyone else. Goku knows the dragon is more than just a pet. He wonders if he should tell the others that he is beginning to understand those kyuus a little better.

"I can control him." Goku says in answer to all those listening. "I mean, me and him…we remember that we're the same person so he won't try to hurt you guys anymore, but…we're still kinda separate and we really shouldn't be. If I practice more I might be able to talk when I'm him and think and really be completely me no matter which me I'm being." Goku pauses, his nose crinkling like he just caught a whiff of Gojyo's fish that was not particularly appetizing. "Does that make any sense?"

Hakkai smiles at Goku with a gentle expression, heading over to sit beside him on one of the rocks near their fire pit. "It makes perfect sense, Goku. Would you like to try before or after dinner?"

"Oh! We can wait til after." Goku says in earnest, already eyeing the fish hungrily. Gojyo may not be the best cook, but he is a very good fisherman. Combined with Hakkai they really are the perfect pair.

Gojyo shakes his head at Goku and laughs loudly, though he agrees with the monkey and has had to ignore the rumbling of his stomach the entire time he cleaned his fish.

Hakkai reaches out to playfully tousle Goku's hair and then stands to survey his work on their makeshift camp. It certainly isn't as hospitable as an inn, but it will do.

Since Sanzo has remained rather quiet throughout all this, Goku asks Hakuryuu to go back to his tree—to which the dragon is not at all offended—and walks over to the daydreaming monk. "Sanzo?" he prompts, plopping himself down in the dirt at Sanzo's feet. "Something wrong?"

Goku has long since learned that Sanzo rarely responds to such a "stupid" question, and isn't really expecting anything. So it disturbs him a little when Sanzo looks down at him without even the smallest trace of his usual masks.

"Sanzo?"

"I never said I was patient."

Goku has a pretty good idea what Sanzo means. "Sorry. I don't want you worrying over something that's really…not…that big a deal. I mean…I'll tell you what I remember. I will. I just…not yet. I don't want to spoil things."

Sanzo's eyes narrow in sudden questioning.

Really, Goku hates when his mouth speaks without use of his brain. "Not that it _will_ spoil things." He says quickly, knowing that adding a qualifier will do little to alter Sanzo's reaction. Judging by the monk's cross expression, Goku is pretty certain he isn't being believed anyway.

He reaches up to place his hands on Sanzo's knees and feels a bit like a beggar seeking coins. Or food. It isn't as if he hasn't pawed at Sanzo for such things before.

"Is it the practicing?" he asks, "Coz you said you didn't mind. And we know it's safe now so…it's not like I'm gonna change by doing this."

"Hn. Maybe you already have."

Goku is worried now. "What are you talking about?" he demands. "You're the one who keeps saying it's okay if I'm not ready to tell you. What changed?"

"Nothing." Sanzo asserts, though his eyes flicker with a hint of falsehood. He is allowing Goku's childish position, but does not reach his own hands down to take Goku's or give any indication he is comfortable. "I've been thinking. And the more I think about this…the more I feel I…remember, even when I don't. It doesn't make sense, but I know there's something about this, something about what you remember that scares you. Are you trying to hide it from us by bringing your two sides together?" The question is asked point blank, with Sanzo bending down low enough for their eye contact to be almost chilling.

Goku tenses. He should know better than to try and hide things from the person who can hear his voice in his mind. Sanzo has always had incredible intuition in Goku's case. Maybe Sanzo knows more than he realizes.

Receiving no answer, Sanzo at last makes contact with Goku, reaching down to grasp the monkey's stiff shoulders. "Goku," he says, his voice low and serious, "what are you so afraid we'll find out?"

Drowning in all that familiar violet, Goku finds himself wishing for the fan. At least it would distract from what he knows he will have to tell Sanzo and the others soon, even if only for awhile. That is the real reason he seeks such immediate practice without his limiter. Well, maybe a small part of him wonders if he really could keep the truth from them forever. Seiten Taisei is still unpredictable. At least if Goku is in control he can protect his friends from yet more bad memories of unfair pasts.

Goku wishes he could answer Sanzo, but right now the only response he can offer is through his trembling.

"Sanzo, Goku. These fish will fry rather quickly, so we'd best set things up for dinner."

Hakkai's voice could be calling to them from heaven it feels so far away. Goku still sometimes expects to see Tenpou when he turns at one of Hakkai's summons, after all.

Grateful that Sanzo releases him, Goku quickly gets to his feet, his eyes trying to explain how sorry he is for not being able to tell Sanzo what the blonde wants to know. His eyes will have to do, because his mouth can only manage, "Not yet."

Sanzo doesn't push. After all, the monk said he would wait for Goku, but he has never been known as a patient man. With each passing day he feels this nagging voice growing at the back of his mind, and he has begun to wonder if it is the monkey's own sorrowful subconscious trying to break through on a new level. Perhaps Seiten Taisei isn't as afraid to tell the truth.

This, of course, is exactly what Goku is afraid _of_. The monkey doesn't want his companions to know the truth; the truth that he is the reason their lives were mapped out in pain and suffering and insurmountable loss. He doesn't want them to know that he is the reason…Kanan, Koumyou, and Gojyo's mother all had to die. He cannot deny that he is the reason his friends are broken. He is the reason they were punished. When they discover that, how can they not hate him for causing them such anguish?

Goku eats his share of the fish with a feigned smile. He really could one-up Hakkai in a contest of who is most skilled at it. Everyone always assumes his joy is genuine. Lately, it rarely has been. Thinking back to that very morning, when things seemed so much brighter, Goku had taken much joy in Sanzo. In their playfulness. In their lovemaking in the window seat. In their comfort next to each other as they road in the back of the jeep for hours. But Sanzo is often one step ahead of Goku, and this time is no exception.

While there is a part of Goku that believes he should confess all in a torrent of tears and apology, there is a stronger part that thinks of how much easier it would be if they never had to find out. Heaven is in the past. Perhaps it should stay there. And where that possibility lies, Goku thinks, is in making it so that Seiten Taisei no longer exists.

-----

The river is far cleaner and clearer than some of the water holes the Sanzo-ikkou encounter next to towns. This little bit of brook is deep in woods, only for the enjoyment of animals and those travelers wishing to remain extremely under cover. Hakkai finds himself wishing the river were larger, or perhaps a lake. He could use a refreshing swim. It really is unfair that the only things getting to feel the cool laps of water are Gojyo's dirty tank top and the pots and pans from dinner.

Lately, the weather has been hotter than normal for this time of year, so Hakkai, feeling a little less formal than usual since they are miles from other people, undoes the four clasps at the top of his tunic. A teasing amount of his clavicle is exposed in doing this, and still, it is far from the amount of relief Hakkai would like.

"Goodness. I am moments from stripping down completely in this heat."

"Heh. You won't hear any complaints from me."

Hakkai resists the urge to grin. He had left Gojyo back at camp, shirtless and relatively listless too. He half-expected the kappa to follow him and is not at all disappointed to be right. "Gojyo," he says, hiding his smile by keeping his face on the water, "would you be so kind as to give me a hand over here."

The short laugh Gojyo replies with indicates he has understood the command correctly. By the time Hakkai has placed the last pot to dry on the clean cloth he spread over the ground, Gojyo is already enfolding him in possessive arms from behind. "I'm sure the monk and monkey can entertain themselves for a few minutes." The redhead purrs.

"Minutes? You underestimate me, my friend."

The pots scatter, one managing to be knocked off the safe cleanliness of the cloth completely to land in the dirt, as Hakkai twists in Gojyo's hold and knocks them both back onto the ground. The addictiveness of Gojyo is starting to overtake him, he thinks, or perhaps his newly rekindled hormones are driving him mad.

"I…can't seem to get enough of you." He says breathlessly against Gojyo's ear, his mouth striking down to deliver wet kisses between words. He has Gojyo straddled by the waist and pressed down into the dirt. Gojyo's bare chest—his now clean tank only a few feet from them—presses up against Hakkai with each heaved breath.

Undone or not, Hakkai's tunic needs to go.

Hakkai is thinking nothing close to clearly as he rips his shirt off over his head, successfully catching his monocle and headband in its folds to be lost until he tries to put it on again.

Gojyo does not mind this urgency in Hakkai, but he is shocked the healer doesn't pause to at least fuss a little over…something. The kappa decides to consider it a blessing and quickly forgets he ever questioned the beautiful brunette since Hakkai is grinding down against him and meets their mouths for a ravenous kiss. Gojyo laughs he is so amazed by Hakkai's passion. Shouldn't he, the infamous lover Sha Gojyo, be the insatiable one?

The only time Hakkai acts like himself is when they are with their friends. Even then sometimes Hakkai finds little ways of being naughty. The other day Hakkai had been the one rebuking Gojyo for trying to fool around in the jeep. In a few days more, Gojyo suspects Hakkai will be the one with roaming hands. He wonders if this should worry him, but he enjoys the idea of frisky Hakkai so much, he can't think of a good enough reason.

He has to ask. "Wasn't there a rule…about walls?" the kappa grins, panting after the force of Hakkai's kiss. Their foreheads are pressed tight together as they struggle to regain their breaths, their bodies tight and hot against each other, with equal pressure beneath their slacks demanding more attention.

Hakkai licks his lips. "Fuck walls." He says, and attempts to capture another kiss.

Gojyo's head hits the hard ground as he pulls back to avoid the contact. "What?" he says, unable to articulate much more than that. He doesn't mind the thought Hakkai spoke, but he never thought he would hear Hakkai speak in such crude words so smoothly. For a moment Gojyo swears he sees the pupil of Hakkai's right eye tremor and the redhead's passions turn into a lump in his chest. He stiffens. "What's with you lately?" he asks, sounding perhaps more accusing than he means to.

Confused and lingering rather close to angry, Hakkai tilts his head in question. "What are you talking about? If my more amorous qualities offend you, Gojyo, I will be more than happy to suppress them."

Much as Gojyo's mind is a little too fuzzy to compute all of what Hakkai just said, he knows it wasn't good and that it was spoken with much sarcasm. "Hey, no harm, baby, I just…well…I've been noticing you're a little bit…rougher, that's all. Not that I can't handle it, I just want to be sure…you're okay."

The anger melts from Hakkai's face and his expression becomes dark and devilish once more. The healer licks lightly at the opening of Gojyo mouth, tickling Gojyo's lips, until finally pushing forward and tasting deeply. They kiss for a long time before Hakkai pulls away, sighing blissfully.

"Gojyo…" he growls, "I assure you…that I am…_more_…than okay." This assertion is stressed by Hakkai pressing deep enough with his hips to grind Gojyo's lower back into the ground.

Lips trembling, Gojyo bites back a moan. Had he allowed it, there is no doubt the sensory-mastered monkey would have heard it.

Gojyo rebukes himself for being stupid enough to think passion meant anything was amiss, and he reaches his arms around to grip Hakkai's ass and pull to find that same pressure again. Doing it out here in the dirt; Hakkai would never have allowed this before. Swearing. Sneaky touches. Dirty implications. Gojyo decides he knows what has come over Hakkai.

After four long years, the kappa has finally started to rub off on the well-bred healer. And as far as Gojyo is concerned, with results like this, it couldn't have happened sooner.

Pants are soon yanked down to puddle around ankles, and without protest Gojyo allows Hakkai to lift his knees into the air and press inside of him. The sun is almost set now, leaving shadows and growing darkness around them so that the faint light from their nearby campfire is the only reminder that they are not completely alone.

Each thrust of eager hips brings Hakkai and Gojyo closer together until Hakkai can no longer support his weight and no longer wants to. While they are still at the height of passion, with Gojyo all but whimpering and Hakkai's breath sounding like that of a hunting wolf, Gojyo suddenly laughs. To ensure he does not suddenly find himself in a large amount of pain, he is quick to explain where he finds the humor.

"This…" he breathes, "…those other…selves of ours…it had to be this."

Hakkai is just as breathless. "Had to be…what…?"

"Ten to one…" Gojyo says with a grin, "Ten to one…says…_Gonou_ and Gojyo…ended up as their…merry married selves…because they…had…three one night stands…and couldn't get enough."

Because everything takes a little longer to register when you're fucking your lover in the middle of the woods, there a few more thrusts given and taken before Hakkai echoes Gojyo's laughter. "Haha. Yes, my friend," he says. "Most certainly."

tbc...

A/N: Expect the next chapter to NOT continue here, but to delve into a bit of fun in the dreamworld. The chapter after that will continue where this left off showing Goku's practice session. Lots of little things are in the works and will soon start causing more problems. You'll just have to wait and find out. Thanks for the amazing welcome back, everyone. I look forward to yet another journey with you. Don't forget to tell your friends.

Crim


	3. Three Consecutive One Night Stands

Three Consecutive One Night Stands

* * *

"If you screw this up for me, I will murder you in your sleep."

Gonou, lying back on his couch while grading the thankfully last of his classes' essays for the week, looks up at the serious face of his sister. Kanan is hovering over from behind the couch, hands on her shapely hips, lips in a straight line, and green eyes glittering with the promise that lies behind her threat. Gonou is an intelligent man; he knows when it is and is not okay to question his big sister. She has nails and a mean right hook. She also is one of the dearest people in his life and can therefore cause him the most anguish just by thinking it.

He is at rapt attention and sets his grading aside.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that." He says, sitting up and staring her in the eyes with calculated calmness. "I prefer to know what I am being threatened over before I make my decision whether or not to risk it."

Kanan's arms move swiftly, crossed in front of her as if she is disciplining a room full of unruly students. "Gonou, I mean it. I have never been more serious than I am being with you right now. Do _not_ screw this up for me."

For a moment Gonou is still at an utter loss, eyes scrunched in confusion as he tries to weigh his sister's expression for an answer. And then it dawns on him. Much as he tries to restrain himself, a mischievous grin tugs at the corners of his mouth anyway. "You have a new beau. Don't you."

"Gonou…"

"Anyone I know?"

"Thank the gods, I don't think so. They're new to town."

A single eyebrow rises in question. "They?" Now Gonou is really intrigued. "Are you dating a pair of twins without me? That's really rather unsportsmanlike, you know."

Huffing in frustration, Kanan whirls around the edge of the couch and lands herself very heavily onto one of the cushions. She just barely manages to miss Gonou's still outstretched legs. As he pulls his legs up to give her more room, she stretches hers out, sharing the couch as they used to during school days when they would study for hours in the same position.

Like green eyes meet and stare across the now much lessened area between them. This is a game to them, a challenge. Eye contact is stage one, to see who will break first. Kanan speaks in a flurry of determination, but Gonou is right there with her.

"They are two brothers that have just moved to town."

"Brothers, you say."

"They bought out Raito's bar."

"Goodness, now that is exciting."

"If I even get an inkling that you are hitting on my boyfriend, I will castrate you with my heel."

"I doubt you could—"

"The pointy ones."

Gonou is momentarily silent.

"I really like this guy, Gonou. He's respectable but still fun. Handsome but not overly pretty."

"You say that like it's a bad thing.

Kanan ignores this. "He treats me well and never asks any more than I am willing to give."

"Well, then I am sure he enjoys your company considering how willing you usually are."

"_Gonou_."

It still amazes Gonou how she can say his name in a way that sends chills racing down the edges of his skin. His earlobes practically tremble.

Realizing she truly has his attention now, Kanan continues. "I really like this guy." She says again.

The sincerity in her voice is all Gonou needs to find a straight face and mean it. He nods once. "Consider him sacred ground. I promise." He says. Lightly, he nudges her legs with his, disrupting the way her skirt lays over her thighs. "So, are you going to at least tell me Mr. Right's name?"

A smile of relief comes to life on Kanan's face. She takes a breath, deeply, as if she had been holding it this entire time. "Jien." She says. "Sha Jien." At last she knows she has made her point. Her brother has limits, even with such an incorrigible libido.

"And…what's this about a brother?"

Kanan's face falls. Damn it.

-----

On the way to the bar, Kanan has not once ceased berating Gonou with all the reasons why castrating and killing him in his sleep still applies to him messing things up through the brother. The last thing she wants is to have to break up with Jien just because Gonou fucked around. He fears are warranted. This has happened before.

More than once.

"Gonou, I mean it."

"Do you have absolutely no faith in me, Sister?"

Kanan is unflinching. "No. I don't."

"Your love for me is touching, really."

Just before reaching the door to the Sha bar, Kanan stops, reaching out to halt Gonou's hand before it can push the door open. She looks him square in the eyes. "I love you, Gonou. I even trust you some of the time. But I know which head you think with."

Gonou opens his mouth to speak.

"And yes, I know I think with the same one most of the time but this is different. Please."

The mischief falls from Gonou's eyes, at least long enough for him to tell her this bit of truth. "You have my solemn vow, no matter what happens, my actions will not affect your relationship. If he means as much to you as he seems to, I could never allow it to be ruined on account of me. I hope you at least know that."

Kanan smiles and Gonou reflects it. Once they have pushed through into the bar, however, Gonou's mischievous expression returns. Kanan is too preoccupied with thoughts of her beau to notice.

As they enter the bar, they are immediately struck by its work-in-progress feel. Raito had not been the most conscientious of owners, and the previous bar had been the favored spot of the more seedy people in town. It may take a while for some of the blood stains to come out of the hard wood floors.

The bar is technically not open at this time, but because of the many workers moving in and out, the door had been unlocked. The bar itself is in the best shape so far, washed and freshly painted, with several—though not quite enough—stools lined up in front of it. Behind the counter, unpacking boxes of liqueur to be stacked and put away, there is a rather ruggedly handsome youkai man with his back to them. Gonou notices the fine tanned shoulders and powerful arms. But when the youkai turns to face them, dark hair spiked and face very much a _man's_, and as Kanan said, not terribly pretty, Gonou breathes relief. He is honestly not attracted. He can keep his promise and his dick without any worries.

"Hey, beautiful." The youkai says, his fanged grin bright despite the sweat on his brow. It is clear he could not possibly have anything to smile about if not for the fact a gorgeous brunette has just entered his line of sight. He barely gives Gonou a second glance, however, except to offer a nod in greeting. "I take it you're the brother I'm s'posed to watch out for?"

Clearly this Jien character is not interested in men. Gonou does not know what Kanan was worried about. Women and their inaccurate radar. "I love meeting someone when I already have a subheading." Gonou says with a grin. "Cho Gonou. I hear you're practically engaged to my sister. If you do happen to find yourselves in the family way, I promise I'll still attend the wedding."

A solid slam of an elbow to Gonou's ribs precedes Kanan's words. "Gonou." She growls. "Behave yourself."

Jien, of course, is laughing heartily. He reaches over the bar to pat Gonou on the shoulder. "I like you already. Grab a seat. I'll get you two something to cool off with. Just try to ignore the mess. We still have a couple weeks before we open."

As Kanan and Gonou each take up stools at the bar, Jien reaches over to kiss Kanan properly in greeting before disappearing into the back. The twins sit in comfortable silence, Kanan occasionally kicking Gonou in the shins to make sure he doesn't forget his promise. They are able to distract themselves rather easily with imagining what could be made out of the old bar. It really does have quite a bit of potential.

When the swinging door to the kitchen opens, Gonou and Kanan both turn, expecting it to be Jien. All they can make out at first is the top of a dark head, the same smooth tan skin, and the edges of youkai ears. This particular youkai seems different from Jien despite their inability to see him with a stack of boxes piled up in his arms. When this mystery youkai finally releases his boxes in a heap on the ground, he stands back up with a shake of his head and roll of muscled shoulders.

The relation to Jien is unmistakable. He is tall, tan, black haired and blue eyed with a remarkable smile and a fine body. He is shirtless, the sweat dripping down his stomach where it disappears into his rather low-riding pants. He is also considerably prettier than his big brother.

Gonou keeps his eye on the prize and practically purrs in excitement. Now this is what he is talking about. "Need a hand with anything over there?" he calls to who must certainly be Jien's younger brother. "I know I wouldn't mind offering you one. For several things." He adds beneath his breath. He hopes those youkai ears hear him anyway.

Judging by the sly grin on the youkai's face as he turns towards the bar, Gonou knows his hopes are not in vain. "My, oh my, I think I found a new definition for beautiful and it's sitting at the counter of my very own bar. Heaven help me." The youkai looks mainly at Kanan while saying this, but it is understood by his quick glances towards Gonou who he really intends the words for.

"You must be Gojyo." Kanan smiles. "Jien's told me a lot about you but we haven't met yet. I'm Kanan. I brought my brother with as well, just to be fair. Baby brothers can be pretty protective sometimes, after all. I figured you two had to meet." Whether I wanted it or not, she thinks privately. She is not entirely oblivious to the secret messages being passed between Gojyo and Gonou right under her nose.

"So you're the babe he can't shut up about." Gojyo whistles. "I'm impressed. I didn't think Jien knew what a fine woman looked like. Clearly, I was mistaken. Pleasure to meet ya, Kanan." Blue eyes flash towards Gonou. "And your name…?"

Gonou allows a slow, indulgent smile. "Gonou. Baby brother, yes, but only by a few minutes. Kanan won't let those minutes go, however."

Gojyo is particularly interested in this. "Minutes. That'd make you two twins, eh? Twins…" He says again, and whistles again as well. "Don't mind me but I think I might need a cold shower later with a pair like you around." He grins. He is saying 'pair' but his eyes no longer seem to remember Kanan is there.

Gonou leans back against the bar, letting the opening of his button-down shirt stretch to reveal just the smallest bit more of his smooth chest. The day is looking up, he thinks. Very up.

The swinging door alerts them of yet another addition to the conversation.

"Don't tell me you're starting in already." Jien says scoldingly. He does not go back behind the bar this time, but sets a small tray on the counter between Gonou and Kanan, carrying four glasses of what appears to be lemonade.

Gojyo looks only slightly offended. "Don't know what you mean, bro." he says, his eyes not once leaving Gonou's. He can see Gonou's smile stretching wider even as he is feeling his own do the same. "Don't know what you mean."

-----

As it turns out, the drinks Jien offered had not been mere lemonade but lemonade with a little something else. Hours and several rounds of other more heavily alcoholed drinks later, the workers have all gone home, the sun long set, and the two pairs of siblings are enjoying each others company through bouts of laughter.

Tipsy, though not at all drunk seeing it is rather hard for her to get drunk at all, Kanan is immodestly poised on Jien's lap. They are seated at one of the few tables suitable for use. Gojyo and Gonou are each in their own chairs, though scooted close enough together to offer discrete touches their siblings aren't entirely aware of. Little more than the brush of a foot, a leg, or perhaps a hand has been given, but the quest for more is ever ahead of them.

Jien, about the same tipsiness as Kanan, is more visibly red in the face and whispers something clearly naughty into the pretty brunette's ear. Kanan giggles and nods agreement, kissing Jien soundly and not at all caring that the baby brothers know exactly what big brother and big sister are thinking.

Gonou decides to help them along. "I assume you won't be needing me to walk you home. And I'm sure Jien can handle helping you up the stairs."

Kanan turns to Gonou with a pout. "Don't assume, Gonou."

"Not at all. I'm just trying to hurry you along so Gojyo and I can have wild sex on the floor of the back room." Gonou says this with a completely straight face. He does not look at Gojyo, but his foot nudges the youkai's upper thigh as if to say he isn't entirely joking.

Giggling is Gonou's reply before his sister gives him a final firm look. "Very funny, Gonou." She says, and then turns to Jien. "Goodness me, I don't know if I can stand."

Jien already knows this game, it would seem, for he immediately rises, Kanan in his arms suddenly, and heads for the stairs that leads up to his and Gojyo's apartment. "Night boys. Lock up and behave yourself, won't ya."

A moment later Kanan and Jien are gone.

The next moment Gonou is in Gojyo's lap, straddling the youkai's waste, and kissing around sharp, tempting fangs. Several minutes pass before either manages to catch their breath. They had been waiting for their siblings to leave for far too long.

"Fuck." Gojyo growls, his face illuminated by a large grin.

"By all means." Gojyo grins back. "I wish we had gotten rid of them sooner." Still straddling Gojyo most happily, Gonou wraps his arms around Gojyo's neck and tilts his head towards the door. "Walk me home? It's not far."

"Home?" Gojyo says with clear disappointment. "What happened to by all means?"

Gonou dips down to lick Gojyo's slightly parted lips. He pulls back with a promising grin. "You _will_ be invited up." He says breathily, "Isn't it nice to have that kind of absolution?"

Gojyo thinks it most certainly is.

It is not easy for the two to disentangle themselves, but once they have, flushed and buzzing from adrenaline, they make it to Gonou's little hole in the wall in less than five minutes. The apartment isn't much, small, cozy, and quite a bit more untidy than Gojyo would have ever guessed. They don't immediately make it inside the apartment, however, which may account for some of Gojyo's shock.

Upon first reaching the door they spent several minutes pressed up against it, trying to find different points of leverage that were never satisfactory. Finally opening the door and remaining attached through most of entering the apartment, what finally separated them was the bookshelf that deemed it appropriate to topple over upon their entrance. The amazing thing is, Gojyo doubts the books strewn about because of the shelf have little to do with the chaos.

"Tell me your bedroom is at least a little cleaner. I don't need much space, but we've had enough problems with the chair, that alley, and the door." Gojyo leans down to stop Gonou from trying to pick up the books on the floor. It would take far too long for any amount of tidying to actually help. He grabs Gonou's wrist and tugs, bringing the brunette's face close to his. "I want to fuck you properly. Maybe knock some of that smugness out of you."

Gonou's eyebrows both rise at this, challenging such a bold claim. "Oh?" Gonou grabs Gojyo by the back of the neck and tugs back, just enough to keep their noses from bumping. "I was planning the same thing."

Gojyo grins. "Guess we'll just have to try it both ways."

"My thought exactly."

"Gonou, right?"

"Haha. Yes. Gojyo, was it?"

"That's me. Jien's gonna kill me for this."

"I'm sure Kanan will dispose of me rather efficiently as well."

"Does it bother you?"

Gonou jerks his hold on Gojyo's neck to better kiss the youkai sharply. He ends the liplock with a fierce bite to Gojyo's bottom lip. "I've wanted to fuck you since I first saw you. That doesn't happen very often."

Gojyo licks at the soreness of his lip, not having minded the bite one bit. "Well then." He offers, looking towards the door he can only assume—and hope—leads to a bedroom with a non-cluttered bed.

Gonou understand and agrees. "Wonderful idea."

-----

Gonou falls back onto the bed with groan. Gojyo has his knee pressed hard against the brunette's groin and is doing everything he can to press down deeper as they sink into the mattress.

The bed had indeed been cleared off and perfectly ready for a late night adventure. It wasn't made, which Gojyo didn't mind actually, but he had issues with the indistinguishable substance he stepped on when crossing the threshold.

Gojyo never bothered to put on a shirt during their evening together, and now that the night has progressed so perfectly he makes quick work of evening things up. Gonou's shirt is tossed into the abyss, missing perhaps a few buttons now as it sails through the air. Gojyo is too impatient to wait much longer before going for Gonou's pants as well.

It is decided that Gojyo is an excellent multi-tasker. He works at the buttons to Gonou's fly while simultaneously sucking on the perfect sinew of Gonou's white throat.

Gonou arches into the feel of a wet tongue, accompanied occasionally by the sting of not always gentle fangs. Not wanting to be one-uped, Gonou must think quickly for something to help him turn the tables back in his favor. Once Gojyo has successfully rid Gonou of his pants, the brunette's takes his chance. He plays the act off well, hoping it will make Gojyo think he is so enraptured he has lost all desire for control.

As hard as possible, Gonou thrusts his hips up—naked now since the brunette rarely wears underwear—and grinds against Gojyo's jeans. The youkai's eyes glaze to a dull blue, his face displaying pure triumphant pleasure, and while his guard is down for that one moment, Gonou makes his move.

Suddenly they are flipped, Gonou's legs wrapped around Gojyo's to hold him in place. Gonou seeks to make things even as Gojyo had before, and removes the offending jeans that are holding Gojyo's erection captive. He is pleased to discover Gojyo shares his same thoughts on the need for underwear.

"Fuck… _Fuck_." Gojyo pants, his head digging back into the mattress as Gonou takes him in hand and gives a swift tug. The brunette's own length is standing at attention, just below Gojyo's own, and the possibility of them moving the smallest bit closer and meeting is a terrible tease. "I…shit…I was…uhhh…you…_bastard_."

This is how Gonou likes the game to be played. "I said we'd share. I didn't say who'd get to go first." He says silkily. The longer strands of his hair are sticking to his shoulders and falling into his face. His glasses remain crooked on the end of his nose, making him seem adorably mussed and innocent for a man currently giving a hand job to the demon in his bed.

Gojyo has a sudden urge to take Gonou's glasses off, and does so. He tries to get them to reach the nightstand but fails when Gonou runs his thumb over the wetness of Gojyo's slit. The glasses fall to the floor and Gojyo lets out a sharp cry.

Gasping himself at the sound of Gojyo's enticing voice, Gonou realizes just how little attention his own weeping cock is getting. This must be remedied.

"How experienced are you then?" Gonou asks with a small smirk. He can pretty much guess by tonight's progression that Gojyo is no stranger to sex with another man, but he still has to ask. He is debating whether or not he wants to go to the trouble of finding the lube buried somewhere in his dresser drawer.

Clearly Gonou is also very good at multi-tasking; his hands have yet to let up from stroking Gojyo with those long-fingered hands. "I doubt you're a first timer." Gojyo says, his voice catching on several of the words in a high-pitched break.

"Certainly not."

"Same here. So…I take it you don't mind…a little…experience in your bed."

"_Certainly_ not."

Gojyo grabs a rough handful of Gonou's long, damp hair and pulls the brunette in close enough to smell the sweat on the back of his neck. The scent is intoxicating. Like sex and mint and a need for control. "You're a bit of a tease." Gojyo accuses, still smiling.

Gonou gives the flesh in his grip a tight squeeze.

"A-a-and I…like that." Gojyo manages, referring to the teasing as much as the bold move by his partner. "But now," he says huskily, "_Right_ now…I want you to fuck me."

The lube is definitely unnecessary.

Gojyo is awed by this beautiful human's strength. As quickly as they had switched positions before, Gonou has Gojyo flipped and onto his stomach. Gojyo mourns the loss of that skilled, soft hand, but he cries out again when Gonou offers a sharp bite to his shoulder. Had it been a bite from a youkai, it would have undoubtedly drawn blood.

"And I thought this town would be boring…" Gojyo says.

Gonou releases a laugh, the sound something between sinister and lofty in its pretty pitch. "I am never that, I can assure you." Gonou says. His voice is surprisingly even, but then he has not received the same attention Gojyo has. "Your constitution should be significantly stronger than mine. How prepared are you for a test of that…?"

Necessary or not, the thought of using anything to make him more slick never enters Gonou's mind. He runs a hand along Gojyo's smooth back and over the rounded arc of the youkai's backside, sustaining the moment of anticipation. The not knowing is what has Gojyo trembling. Like a carnival ride, the moment of intensity could come at any time, and only the operator knows exactly when.

"Ahh…shit!"

Gonou has positioned himself finally and merely presses, leaning his weight forward with no more force than a small push. The result is torture for both of them, a gradual impalement that has sweat dripping from pale and tan skin alike. Gonou never denied being a tease, after all.

The first rock back is by Gojyo's power, unable to wait for Gonou before he has to arch back and speed the process. The suddenly deeper connection breaks Gonou of his collectedness and he thrusts forward in response, giving little time in between continued thrusts as they seek a rhythm.

Gojyo is up on his forearms, knees bent and folded beneath him, ass in the air where it meets Gonou. The brunette is also on his knees, leaning over Gojyo completely now with their bodies connected at every angle. Gonou's face rests between Gojyo's shoulders, Gojyo's back presses up into Gonou's chest, and their hips, aligned just right, do not merely rock, they quake.

Gonou's breath picks up, a stream of pleased whimpers escaping him. Gojyo allows a stream of curses, accompanied by the occasional cry. It has been a long time since either had a first time so instantly and invigoratingly passionate.

When they finish, only moments apart from each other, Gonou's hands tighten on Gojyo's biceps hard enough to leave bruises, if the youkai were human, that is.

They collapse forward, Gojyo flat on his stomach and lying uncaringly in the new wet spot on the bed with Gonou flush on top of him. They do not move for several minutes.

"Still up for switching roles?" Gonou asks, when he finally has enough breath in him again to speak.

Gojyo peers over his shoulder through the fine strands of black hanging into his eyes. "Hell yes."

-----

Gonou reminds himself that it is highly probably Kanan will kill him today. He hopes she at least waits until after school. Or better, that she hasn't found out yet. There is the possibility she never will, but Gonou knows better than to rely on chance.

He and Gojyo had a very adult conversation after their adult activities ended. Both agreed it would probably be best of they didn't see each other again, at least not intimately, in case something went horribly wrong and they actually did end up ruining things for their siblings. Neither wants such a thing to happen and they parted on good terms.

Of course, Gonou hasn't been able to get those intense blue eyes out of his mind all day, or the image of tan skin linked and coiled up with his own starkly white legs, which Gojyo found "fucking incredible," and mentioned so more than once. Neither seemed capable of stopping themselves from complimenting the other, for various things. Gonou's pretty face, Gojyo's sharply cut eyes with their bold and dark lashes, Gonou's long legs, Gojyo's broad chest, Gonou's hypnotic smile, Gojyo's deep voice. Every part of them had seemed so accentuated in their moments of passion. Gonou wonders if he really wants to maintain the pact he made with Gojyo at all.

He manages to avoid his sister at work and make a quick exit for home after classes. Delaying the inevitable is always preferable when it comes to Kanan. He has to make a small market run, just for a few essentials, but doesn't think he will have to worry about running into her and facing her wrath. Not yet.

What he really doesn't expect to find is a certain youkai sex god who is suddenly standing right in front of him, buying apples from one of the many stands. Gonou knows he should resist, but his self-restraint has never been that good.

He decides a cliché is in order. "I can't seem to get you out of my mind." He says softly, having snuck up right before the tall youkai to whisper against his neck. "Can I be bold and assume you've been feeling the same way?"

Gojyo is grinning already, but does not yet turn around. "I'm sorry, but…do I know you?"

Gonou puts on an exaggerated look of surprise when Gojyo finally turns around. "Oh my. Do excuse me. I mistook you for someone else." He says and promptly moves to leave.

Gojyo grabs his arm. "Funny, but you ain't gettin' away that easy…Gonou."

"Impressive." Gonou grins. "You remember my name. I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised considering how much you moaned it last night."

The young woman behind the apple cart blushes and pretends not to hear the conversation.

"But then I also remember yours…for much the same reason." Gonou says, and when he speaks again his tongue caresses the name, "Gojyo."

The cart girl blushes harder just from the sultry sound of that.

"I don't suppose you'd accompany me back to my place for some…polite conversation."

If Gonou had thus far suspected Gojyo was only pretending to be happy to see him, the eager expression that fills the youkai's face puts all his fears aside. "There's a little voice in the back of my head telling me to fear the wrath of my older brother, and yet…I can't seem to care right now with you looking so prim and proper. Like you need to be messed up a little."

"Careful." Gonou warns mockingly. "I am a teacher. Don't force me to punish you for inappropriate behavior."

"Tease."

"A tease who delivers, what could be better."

"How far's your place again?"

Gonou pulls in close to Gojyo and speaks with their lips almost close enough to touch. He does not care that the apple cart girl is helplessly staring at them, or that the market is crowded. "Not far at all." He says.

Gojyo tosses the girl enough cash for two, and follows Gonou quickly through the streets.

-----

"We really have to be better about this."

"Totally. When Jien finds out he'll neuter me. Though it is technically his fault for leaving us alone that first night."

"And Kanan's as well. If they don't trust us they should have known better than to leave us to our own devices."

"Exactly. It's not really our fault at all."

"I completely agree with you, Gojyo."

"Thanks." Gojyo pauses. "Any chance you've seen my boxers?"

Gonou cannot help but chuckle. "I'm afraid not. Be smart next time and forget to wear them at all. It's faster that way."

"Next time?" Gojyo purrs.

Gonou really has no control over his smile after that question. "Damn. Did I say that?"

-----

The following day, Gonou finally runs into his sister long enough for her to gush over Jien and thank her dear brother for not messing things up as she had feared. Clearly, he and Gojyo have both been silent enough about their two run-ins for Kanan and Jien to be oblivious. Gonou considers this a blessing, but he isn't about to push his luck.

Having swindled Jien's phone number out of his sister—it being Gojyo's as well since the brothers share their flat—he phones Gojyo and asks if they can meet when he gets off of work. Gojyo agrees. Arriving right on time, which is quite the feet for Gojyo, he and Gonou shut themselves up in the classroom for a good talking.

This must stop. They can't risk getting caught. If they allow a relationship and that relationship sours, it might cause a rift that would upset their siblings. This is bad. They are adults and can—and WILL—beat this long enough to have five minutes together without needing to thoroughly ravage each other.

Yes, they agree, this can and WILL be done. It is for their own good and the good of their siblings. After all, it's not like either of them has trouble finding dates. This is just a passing fling anyway.

They leave the schoolyard together feeling entirely accomplished.

-----

"So much for that idea."

"It would seem so."

Gonou stretches high above his head, his back aching from being pressed into the headboard for so long by Gojyo's superior strength. Gonou is himself very strong, but Gojyo does have slight weight, height, and species advantage on him.

Both are naked—naturally—sweaty, exhausted, and devoid of possible options concerning their predicament. They just can't seem to keep their hands off each other. They don't even know each other's favorite color, food, recreation, or pastime. There is absolutely nothing holding them together, other than their libidos.

Surprisingly enough, neither really minds.

"Gojyo…"

"Yeah?"

"Good intentions aside, I think the situation is rather hopeless."

"Yep, sure seems that way. Say…mind if I bring a toothbrush over here? Ya know…just in case."

Gonou looks over at Gojyo beside him, the youkai's hair perfectly spiked with sweat and his face flush. "Why not just bring everything?" Gonou suggests, and surprises himself with how much he isn't joking.

"We'll need a bigger place."

"I've been meaning to move anyway."

"So I guess this means we're giving up."

Rolling onto his side to better make his body flush with Gojyo's yet again, Gonou travels his eyes down the still sweat-soaked and enticing body of his new lover. "Decidedly so." He says, and leans down for a kiss that can only end in further recreation.

-----

Watching Jien, Gojyo, and her baby brother moving box after box out of Gonou's apartment, Kanan can only think one thing.

"How did I not see this coming?"

tbc...(yes, with other LATER moments into the dreamworld, though next we will return to the main storyline)

A/N: That was fun. More or less a request from my dear roommate, who pesters me often to get chapters of this posted. You may praise her. This whole section was written because of the idea of these one night stands and the question "Why don't I just bring over a toothbrush." "Why not bring over everything." It just works for this pair.

Some of you may have the mistaken idea that Hakkai is turning into this version of Gonou. It isn't nearly that simple. I have more in store for the boys than I can handle. It's going to be so much fun. Stay with me.

Crim


	4. Uncovering Deception

Uncovering Deception

* * *

Hakkai chokes back a laugh, imagining his sister's face scrunched up in defeat over the hopelessness of her baby brother's libido. Thinking of Kanan in terms of the dreamworld makes it possible to picture her without pain seeping through and he is thankful for that. He can think for just a moment that it was easier than it was, and that Kanan was indeed a sister, not a lover also. Especially not a tragic one.

He will have to thank Gojyo later for prompting his little daydream.

"Better get back or monkey-boy'll have a fit." Gojyo says, straightening his rumpled tank top and reaching for his jacket on the ground.

Hakkai zips up his slacks, smooths his tunic, and turns to look around for his monocle. He had thought it was on the cloth of cleaned dishes, but it seems to have disappeared. Coming back without it would surely give away what the pair had actually been doing by the river.

Scowling, Hakkai turns towards Gojyo, scanning the ground.

"Gojyo, have you seen my—"

The monocle is thrust in front of Hakkai's face, a tan hand and smiling tan expression delivering it promptly to its owner.

Hakkai takes it, his own smile twisting into a sinister promise for payback in reply to that tease. "Thank you, Gojyo. Missing anything of yours?" Hakkai then produces Gojyo's pack of cigarettes that had tumbled out of the kappa's pocket some time during their escapade. They had been rescued by Hakkai and placed inside his own pants pocket. He holds them out to Gojyo now, only slightly out of reach.

Gojyo reaches for them.

Hakkai pulls back.

Gojyo grins and reaches again.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Gojyo…you really should cut down."

"I have cut down, you bastard. Hand 'em over." Gojyo makes a sudden lunge and gets a good grip on the pack, along with most of Hakkai's hand.

Hakkai uses this leverage to pull Gojyo in closer, and with both of their hands clutching the cigarettes, they kiss, quick and wet and dominating. The winner is never decided; Hakkai gives up the cigarettes, placing them in Gojyo's back pocket personally, but Gojyo does not pull them out again for a post-coital smoke.

Both feel somehow accomplished.

Monocle in place and clothing as little tell-tale as possible, they each grab an armful of dishes and laundry and head back to camp where Sanzo and Goku are waiting.

Hakuryuu, rising from his curled up spot next to the fire, 'kyuus' at their return and flutters over to rest on his favorite perch. He is not at all disrupted when Hakkai bends down to pack away the dishes and clothing, or when Hakkai finds a comfortable spot on the ground.

The little dragon does, however, tilt his head questioningly at Gojyo when the kappa takes a seat next to Hakkai and winces ever so slightly. Hakkai passes Gojyo a devilish grin. Gojyo pretends to ignore him and hopes Sanzo and Goku aren't as perceptive as the parrot.

"Okay, so…we can try now…right?"

"Of course, Goku. You're certain this is what you want?" Hakkai asks this very gently, his sensual side calmed for the time being with a serious matter at hand.

Goku's face is just as serious, which makes him look rather comical. He nods in resolution.

Sanzo and Gojyo meet gazes and simultaneously roll their eyes at Goku's child-like nature. They know this matter is not one to be taken lightly, even if there is at least some reassurance that Seiten Taisei won't rip them to pieces once released. There always is that chance, though, and for that they can't help being a little nervous.

"Should we tie the chimp up again?" Gojyo asks, itching for a cigarette even more than he had after he and Hakkai first finished their tousle.

"Tie me up!" Goku cries indignantly. "I'm not going to attack! I'm good now. I just need to practice."

"Okay, okay." Gojyo concedes, holding up his hands in defense. "Don't flip out, it was just a question. You've nearly filleted, slashed, bitten, and deflowered some of us. Caution isn't supposed to be a put-down."

Goku scowls at Gojyo, especially in reaction to a few of those choice words, but quickly backs down. He could never blame the kappa for being worried. He can tell that all of them look a little on edge, and they probably should be for safety's sake. He just wishes they trusted him more. Or maybe he wishes he didn't feel the same way.

Because he is afraid. He has spent too many years fearing that part of him to ever take it lightly. He hopes pretending to be confident will ease his friends' minds, and his own. If only a little.

"Can I?" Goku asks, posing this question to Sanzo with a small gesture up towards his crown.

Sanzo stares him down a moment, gauging him perhaps, before offering a solemn nod. Hakkai and Gojyo barely have time to get back on their feet before Goku pulls his coronet off in a single fluid motion and tosses it to the ground.

Gojyo summons shakujou on instinct. Hakkai takes a defensive stance. Hakuryuu has gone up to perch on the limb of a tree. Sanzo, however, though standing, does not reach for his gun. He simply stares, watching the swift transformation of Goku into the beast.

There is no cry as they are used to, no sounds of pain or distress. Goku simply arches back as his features shift, his ears becoming pointed, his hair longer to stretch down his back, his eyes slit, his fangs glinting in the light of the fire, and his claws sharp enough to slice through most anything. When the transformation has completed and Seiten Taisei stands before them bearing his toothy grin, only the sounds of the crackling fire echo in the small clearing for several minutes.

In a flash Seiten Taisei disappears from view and when he appears again it is on top of Sanzo, the monk pressed down into the dirt, flat on his back.

Gojyo and Hakkai's initial response is panic, each raising their weapon and chi-filled hands. It is only as they take in the sight before them that they realize how little harm Sanzo has come to. In fact, one could almost find the sight endearing with the way Seiten Taisei is curling into Sanzo's chest, purring and nuzzling like a love-starved cat.

"Mine…" Seiten Taisei says in a soft, rumbling voice. He strokes his claws lightly over the front of Sanzo's robes, careful not to tear them.

Shakujou vanishes just before hitting the ground as Gojyo lets out a whooping laugh. Sanzo bowled over by a "cat" and helpless against it. The sight really is too precious not to react to.

Hakkai quickly finds it is difficult for him to stifle laughter as well. His chi fades, returning to his body, and his voice quakes in the struggle for keeping his chuckles down.

Hearing this incredulous behavior though he cannot see it with a mass of brown hair blocking his vision, Sanzo curses beneath his breath and vows to shoot those two bastards as soon as he is free and capable again. "Get the fuck off, idiot!" he yells, pushing at Seiten Taisei's immovable body. "I'm not a bed! And I'm not yours!"

Seiten Taisei growls at this, warningly, but only nuzzles in deeper. He knows enough about this Sanzo-creature now to understand such words have little meaning. "Mine." He says again, more firmly, and hugs Sanzo around the middle. "No share."

Sanzo grits his teeth, hearing Hakkai and Gojyo completely give in to their mutinous laughter. "Fine, don't share me. Whatever. Just get off so I can _breathe_."

Amazingly, Seiten Taisei does release Sanzo somewhat, sitting up more so that he can better see the pretty blonde's face. He shakes his head at Sanzo and points a dangerous claw towards the coronet on the other side of the fire. "No share." He says, as if this explanation should be more than enough for Sanzo to understand his real meaning.

Still mostly lying in the dirt, Sanzo has decided to ignore Gojyo and Hakkai completely, and instead focuses on deciphering the beast's words. He follows those claws to the coronet. He strains his brain to understand what deeper meaning there could be in the simple gesture and simple words.

When it dawns on him, he feels fairly foolish for having not gotten it immediately.

"You mean Goku." The monks says, slowly, to be sure Seiten Taisei understands. "Goku doesn't want to share me with _you_. That's it. That's why you're such a clingy little brat."

Seiten Taisei does not appreciate this interpretation, but eventually nods anyway. "No share." He says once more and bends down as if to return to his comfy position on top of Sanzo.

With rather impressive reflexes for a human, Sanzo stops the beast, using both hands with equal force on stubborn shoulders, and pushes. "If you have to cling, fine. But you are not lying on top of me all night. Let me up."

A deep frown settles on Seiten Taisei's face, his fangs peaking out over his down-turned lips. The image is surprisingly cute. Not that Sanzo would ever say so. Regardless, the beast does get up on his feet and allows Sanzo to get to his feet as well. The first thing the monk does once grounded again is whip out his fan and strike the beast on the head, to which Seiten Taisei hisses but does not strike back.

A few more chuckles escape Gojyo and Hakkai, but a threatening wave of the fan silences both of them. It is always a question whether or not Sanzo would ever actually hit Hakkai, and Gojyo almost wishes their cease in laughter hadn't saved them just to see what might have happened.

"We're not doing this so you can have cuddle time, monkey." Sanzo says, tucking the fan away and addressing the beast now rubbing its assaulted head. "You said you want practice, here it is. Now I don't know what you're hoping to do, but my guess is—"

Seiten Taisei suddenly growls. "Lies." He rumbles. "Not practice. Rid of me."

Sanzo pauses. Seiten Taisei's expression has become darker though not threatening. "What do you mean, rid of you?" Sanzo says, stepping closer to the beast since he had backed away after the fan attack.

Hakkai and Gojyo, stilled now of all remnants of laughter, approach more closely as well, not wanting the beast to feel cornered but hoping to assist since Goku wants so much to get something out of this.

"What do you mean?" Sanzo presses, catching Seiten Taisei's eye and locking violet on wild gold.

With his head tilting slightly to the side, Seiten Taisei replies by once again pointing at the coronet on the ground. "Wants." He says. "Wants rid of me. Not together. Hates me," he says more quietly, "Always hates me."

The coronet has come to represent the more Goku-like part of their personality, while Seiten Taisei, calmer and lucid now, is the one who is free. They still seem to be separate and while Sanzo, Gojyo, and Hakkai all assumed Goku meant this practice to bring the two sides together, Seiten Taisei seems to be saying something quite the opposite.

A pout rests on the beast's lips, his fangs still protruding adorably. "Lies. Hates me. Lies to you." He says.

Sanzo does not like this one bit. "What are you talking about?" Sanzo does not focus on the fact that Seiten Taisei is actually talking and more than one word sentences. Grammar is still lacking but this is leaps above where they have been with the beast in the past. "If Goku is doing this just to force you back into some small part of his brain then he is stupider than I thought. You're the same fucking person! He said…that lying little rat _said_ there was a time when you didn't need the limiter and you were whole and it was _different_. Was that a lie too?" A few fierce steps bring Sanzo right up to Seiten Taisei and he grabs the beast by the shoulders.

The child within the beast is timid of this more fearsome Sanzo but not truly afraid. He hesitates, but speaks as clearly as he can. "No lie. We together. Different then. Different now. Wants me gone. Sanzo…want that too?" Slit gold eyes hold nothing of the anger and bloodlust the beast was so filled with once before. They quiver and waver with liquid depths that call out Sanzo's sympathy. They call out Sanzo's love for everything Goku is, Seiten Taisei included. Without every part of him, he would no longer be Goku. Sanzo wishes Goku understood that.

"No. I don't want that. I want you free from the limiter and for every part of you to be whole. If Goku thinks he can have that by overpowering you, then he's an idiot. He doesn't get it. He keeps saying he can control you, but it should be about more than that. This wouldn't mean anything if I didn't want you both. I have to want you both…" Sanzo raises one of his hands from gripping Seiten Taisei's shoulders and cups the beast's cheek, running his thumb along that smooth jawline.

So many times has he stared into the eyes before him, slit or otherwise. Regardless, it is always Goku he sees there. If Seiten Taisei were suddenly gone, Goku wouldn't exist either. It's common sense. We are the sum of our parts, not them individually. Sanzo learned that long ago. If he hadn't he would still be fixated on his damn purple eyes. He never could get used to them.

"Sanzo?"

Sanzo is too transfixed by Seiten Taisei to hear Hakkai at first.

"Sanzo, we will have to talk to Goku of course, but for now, perhaps it would be best if we utilized this time with Seiten Taisei." Hakkai walks up behind Sanzo, Gojyo close beside him. "He is speaking. A good beginning. And since there is no immediate threat, I think we should talk more with him. Maybe…get him to tell us about how he came to be like this."

A small part of Sanzo bristles, angry that Hakkai is speaking only to him. He releases Seiten Taisei and turns to the healer with narrowed eyes. "Speak to him yourself then. He's not an animal. He can understand you and he can answer. Right?" He swiftly returns his gaze to the beast.

Seiten Taisei looks at Sanzo, to Hakkai, and over at Gojyo as well. There are things that still confuse him because his mind is simpler, more direct in this state. He knows who his friends are, he has all of Goku's memories inside of him along with his own, and he feels no inclination to attack unless an actual foe should arrive.

He has not, however, spoken in any lengthy extent since he and Goku were whole all those centuries ago.

He nods and his eyes dart around the campsite, waiting for someone to give him direction. Hakkai steps forwards and takes him by the arm, leading him over to the fire where they sit, and are soon joined so that all of them are sitting around the campfire. Seiten Taisei looks hard at Hakkai and grins, toothy and wide. This man has always been the kindest, gentlest among them, but lately there is also a bit of darkness in him that reminds Seiten Taisei more of Tenpou. It calms him though most people would probably be disturbed at the growing fierceness only a beast would be able to detect.

"Do you prefer to be called Seiten Taisei then? I get the feeling you aren't happy with us when we call you Goku."

"That's an understatement." Gojyo mumbles.

Hakkai ignores this comment. "We will call you Seiten Taisei if that is what you want."

To be honest Seiten Taisei has rarely thought of his own name. To him, he really doesn't have one. The gods gave him his title and Konzen named him Goku. Really, _Goku_ is the name he should use because it was given out of love, much as Konzen would probably deny such a claim.

"Goku fine. Konzen name me." The beast says.

Sanzo is startled. "I _named_ you? You didn't have one of your own?"

Seiten Taisei shrugs. "No need. Free." But there is a sadness in the word this time. Lonely, it seems to say. One doesn't need a name when alone. "People nice then. But…no friends. No family. No Konzen. Happy with Konzen. Happy with Sanzo." To illustrate this further, he reaches over to Sanzo beside him and grabs onto a piece of robe, clinging.

Sanzo doesn't brush him off.

Hakkai, on Seiten Taisei's other side, prompts the beast further. "Goku then. Can you tell us how you came to be split? It may help us better understand how to help the two of you come together again."

Even before the story begins, Sanzo feels he understands already; Goku has given him enough hints and pieces of that part of the story. But Hakkai and Gojyo have heard very little and listen intently. Hakuryuu, still safely up in his tree, cranes his neck as well to better overhear. Or so it seems.

"Live alone. Here. Not Heaven. No gold." Seiten Taisei passes an accusing look at the coronet next to Sanzo's feet. "Just me. Then…could think better. Talk. Still strong." He says, looking at his sharp claws and flexing them. "And play. Everyday play. Warm sun. River. Happy…" He trails, his eyes wide and childish in the light of the fire. He looks at each of his friends. "Alone. Not scared when gods come. Friendly. Promise food. Company. Say gold good. No ask. Put on head. Cold. _Hard_. Feel…different. Their fault." He says with a small growl. "Their fault magic go angry."

"Magic?" Gojyo breaks in, his mind overloading with the simplicity of Seiten Taisei's speech and having to fill in the blanks where the beast leaves things out. "What magic you talking 'bout, chibi?" The endearment slips out of Gojyo's mouth unthinkingly, but Seiten Taisei is not offended by being considered a child.

"Magic." The beast nods, not knowing how else to say it. He looks down at his own body. The power within his small frame is amazing, even to him it would seem.

"Wild magic." Hakkai clarifies. "It's an old term for the lifeforce that runs through Mother Nature's closest creations. The earth itself, the trees, places that marked where the world first came into being, all of these were once considered conduits of wild magic, untamed. As long as it was not disturbed this power helped sustain the world. The legends surrounding Goku makes it seem highly possible his power might just come from that. A true child of the earth."

Gojyo is awed. Goku is just the monkey, his annoying companion and younger brother figure that fights with him over food and complains constantly about everything. The idea of Goku as something worth reverence, even if Gojyo does stand in awe occasionally of Seiten Taisei's power, is hard to take.

Sanzo is not in the least bit surprised. He is more interested in the now anyway, in the hows and whys of Goku choosing to lie to them. There is something unsaid that Sanzo wants to know. Seiten Taisei may be his only hope in finding out what.

"What happened next?" Sanzo asks. "After they put the limiter on you and brought you to Heaven, then what?"

Tilting his head to the side slightly, Seiten Taisei looks Sanzo square in the eyes and his lips twitch, seeking a smile. He seems to hold it back, debating whether Sanzo will appreciate it or not. "Met you." The beast says. "Gods brought me to lady on throne. She say I yours. She say you take me. I live with you. Small bed by your bed. You name me. Give food. Play. Yell sometimes. Nicer than Sanzo." He adds with a short nod, not meaning it to be an insult, just a fact. "Konzen love me. I think love me. Sanzo love me?"

Though they try to avoid looking at him, Sanzo can feel Gojyo and Hakkai want to glance in his direction. It isn't that either doubts the monk's love for Goku, but Sanzo will never be someone that affections come to easily. "Don't ask stupid questions," he says reflexively, and his older companions are not at all surprised by the choice.

Seiten Taisei's expression falls.

"Don't ask question you already know the answer to." Sanzo clarifies, and reaches over as he had before to run his hand along the beast's cheek. He removes it just as quickly as he had offered the gesture, but the beast is pacified. Sanzo is about to ask for him to continue when Seiten Taisei leaps to his feet.

"Play now? Please?"

Sanzo is startled. "Play? What do you mean?"

Seiten Taisei stretches back, darts his eyes about the clearing and into the woods around them. "Play. Want to run. Smell things. See things."

"I think he wants to stretch his legs a bit, Sanzo." Hakkai suggests, wearing his more congenial and motherly smile. "He hasn't been able to do that in…goodness, who knows how long. Whenever he has been free since we have known him he has either been rampaging or helping defeat a foe. I think it would be alright to let him go off for awhile. If the limiter caused their split, perhaps the more time he spends without it the more the two personalities will fuse."

"Whoa. So you're just gonna let the chimp run around?" Gojyo says, holding up a hand as if to ask his sensei if he really is in the mood to sacrifice small animals today.

"I doubt he'll cause any trouble." Hakkai assures.

"Do you forget who you're talking about? With the limiter _on_ he'd caused trouble on his own."

"Gojyo."

"I'm just saying."

"Play!" Seiten Taisei yells, and bounds forward to tackle Gojyo back into the dirt, since Gojyo seems to be the only clear dissenter. "Please play. Be good. Promise. Not long. Please please." He is sitting on Gojyo's chest, his claws resting harmlessly on the kappa's shoulders as he begs.

Gojyo's instincts cause him to tense. Those glittering fangs are turned up in a smile, the claws are not seeking to harm him, and the eyes no longer shimmer with that raw cruelty they had grown so used to. Gojyo reminds himself that the dangerous part of Goku's "wild magic" has been calmed, or at least split more evenly to not be so consuming.

Collecting his bearings, Gojyo places his hands on Seiten Taisei's shoulders and squeezes lightly. "Okay, go off already. You don't have to beg me. Long as Hakkai and goldilocks say fine, I'm all for it. Just don't bring back any mutilated squirrels to show us or anything."

Seiten Taisei considers this with a wrinkled nose, turns to acknowledge Sanzo who nods his assent, and in his otherworldly swiftness, is suddenly gone, leaving the others to wonder after him.

"What's he gonna do anyway?" Gojyo asks, sitting himself back up and subconsciously checking over his body for any marks. It still amazes him that he can have an encounter with the beast and not sustain any injuries.

"Act like the monkey he is and play in the trees." Sanzo suggests. "Who cares. Him I trust. It's Goku I'm not so sure about."

The three remaining members of the ikkou discuss what they think might be the best way to deal with Goku. His motivations are unclear. He wants to overpower Seiten Taisei but judging from what they have seen of the beast, there isn't much reason to fear him anymore. Sanzo debates telling the others of his suspicions, that what Goku wants to suppress is not fierce power but the truth. Memories. Things Seiten Taisei could and probably would tell them if prompted that a part of Goku doesn't want them to know.

He does not tell them this, but he will be sure and bring it up to Goku. In the meantime they decide to allow Seiten Taisei to remain out as long as he wishes. Since being without the limiter only makes him more coherent, they don't see much harm in it. When he returns to them after his forrest romp, they simply explain that when they come to a town tomorrow they will have to put the limiter back on.

The prospect of getting more time to "play" has the beast easily agreeing to these terms. He curls up next to Sanzo when they ready for bed and begins to purr. Gojyo and Hakkai chuckle a little again, mainly because they know Sanzo is embarrassed by public display of affection.

He glares at them. "Shove it. He can cling, but that's it. I expect the same from you two. No funny business. We are never having a repeat of…that night. Understood?"

Half of Hakkai is scandalized just to be reminded, the other considers this a challenge to be taken up later. "Not to worry, Sanzo. I can assure you nothing sordid will take place in these woods."

Gojyo stifles a laugh.

Sanzo huffs, knowing not to believe things the healer says while wearing certain expressions—like the one he is wearing now.

Seiten Taisei shakes his head. "Lie. Already did."

Gojyo and Hakkai stiffen.

"What?" Sanzo says.

The beast curls away from Sanzo just enough to look through the fire at Hakkai and Gojyo lying together on the other side of camp. "Already did. I smell by river. On them too."

For a moment the others had completely forgotten Seiten Taisei's keener sense of smell. Gojyo and Hakkai feel supremely foolish.

Sanzo glares at them as Seiten Taisei turns back to him and resumes his hypnotic purring.

Gojyo decides to stare at the stars.

Hakkai looks back at Sanzo with an unapologetic grin. "Goodnight then." He says, as if he hasn't a thing to be ashamed of. "Some of us _are_ early risers after all."

Sanzo pretends he didn't hear that.

-----

So far along their journey the Sanzo-ikkou has not encountered a single youkai. The few towns they have passed have been small, all towns they missed on their way West due to their final shortcut on dragons. They have taken note of this lack of demons and also realize that the more East they get the more likely this is to change. Being so far West, when the Minus Wave was finally and forever cut off, nearby demons that returned to normal fled to Houtou Castle.

The demon kingdom is therefore bustling with life, returning to the full court Rasetsunyo remembers from her days as queen. She has taken up her role again, though in more of a figurehead manner, and has allowed all refugees access into the castle for as long as they choose to stay.

She has also fallen back into her role as mother, having acquired a few extra "children" in the process, and is enjoying her more maternal duties most of all.

"How do you get the stitches so straight?" Lirin asks, poking her head over Rasetsunyo's shoulder to watch as the youkai woman works on a patch for the quilt in her lap.

Rasetsunyo smiles to herself, glancing up at Lirin before returning her eyes to the needle and thread. "Much practice, dear. A steady hand and patience is all one really needs. You can help me if you like."

Lirin comes around Rasetsunyo's chair and plops down onto the floor in front of her. She pouts. "I can't sew well. Yaone keeps trying to teach me. I think my hands are too small."

A secretive smile creeps onto Rasetsunyo's face; the excuses of children who refuse to be poor at anything they do. "If you would rather help with the more creative end than the practical one, that's fine too. You can tell me whose patch I should do next."

"Whose?" Lirin questions, tilting her head to better get a look at the half-formed quilt.

The patches are all vastly different. The way it looks now it resembles an even-sided cross with one patch in the middle and one coming off each side, making five in all.

The one in the middle is a rich violet with a center shaped like Ra-mama's earrings. It has flowers and what looks like a rope winding through it with a large knot.

The one right on top is burgundy with little versions of Ra-mama's earrings all over, along with a small crown in the center surrounding a heart.

The one on the right is dark blue with what looks like a hand holding onto the hand of someone smaller. There is a sword lining each of its sides.

The left one is rosy pink with a darker pink ribbon very gracefully coiling around its edges. An even-armed cross sits in the center, like the quilt itself, and there is a chalice on either side of it.

Finally, and not at all least, is the one on the bottom, the one Ra-mama is still stitching. It is an earthy green with rabbits in the corners and three linked hearts in the center. The reason Lirin is so excited by this patch is because Ra-mama is stitching Lirin's name onto it.

"It's me!" she cries, up on her knees to more clearly see the quilt. She searches for names in the other patches and is not surprised which ones she finds. "And Nii-chan!" she says, pointing to the dark red, "And Yaone and Doku!" she says to the pink and blue, "And this one must be you, ne, Ra-mama?"

A glance at the center patch makes Rasetsunyo smile even wider. "Very good, dear. I thought it would be best to make a family quilt. Do you like it?"

Lirin is far too excited at the thought of being part of a "family" quilt to really care what other parts of it she might like. "It's great! Nii-chan has the earrings like yours and a crown coz he's prince, right?"

"My little prince." Rasetsunyo smiles, though she knows how much Kougaiji blushes at being called his boyhood nickname.

"And Yaone's is the frilly one?"

"With a healing cross for her abilities." Rasetsunyo adds.

"And Doku's sword, and…is he s'posed to be holding _my_ hand?"

"A brotherly image." Rasetsunyo clarifies. "A helping hand to those younger, smaller, and in need. He has been a great help to your brother. Very selfless. A good man."

"What about me?" Lirin presses, running her hands over the small rabbits in the corners of her patch, careful not to bump Rasetsunyo's stitching. "Why bunnies? And why three hearts?"

Rasetsunyo puts down her stitching for a moment and gently takes hold of Lirin's face. She stares into the eyes so like her son's and cannot help but love the girl just as dearly as if she were her own. "Three hearts because you bring the two last hearts of my family together and make it even better. And rabbits for luck, for your amazing speed and cleverness, and because you really are too adorable." She lightly bops Lirin's nose before picking up her needle again. "Why, do you not like it?"

Done with the floor now, Lirin has rushed over to grab an extra chair and pulls it next to Rasetsunyo. She shakes her head vigorously in response to Rasetsunyo's question. That she is in the quilt at all is enough for her. "But…whose next then? How you gonna make it a whole blanket?"

"That's what I need your help for, dear. Who should be next? Who else is part of the family?" There is mischief in Rasetsunyo's expression that Lirin is too innocent and ignorant of to notice.

Lirin, of course, falls right in Rasetsunyo's hands. "Baldy!" she cries, on the edge of her seat. "He can go by me and Doku! And that red guy, he can be by Nii-chan and Doku, since they're brothers. And Mr. Hakkai can be by me and Yaone coz he's the only one really nice to girls. Oh, and Goku can go in the last spot. Perfect!"

Rasetsunyo agrees completely. "Would you like to help me decide what goes on their pieces?"

For a moment, Lirin's face finds a little mischief of its own. "Can I design Sanzo's?"

-----

In another part of the castle, Dokugakuji is extremely anxious. He has been helping in every area he can, taking care of the refugees, checking on the soldiers in charge of guarding Gyumaou's chamber, and occasionally exploring the parts of the castle Nii kept blocked off to see if there are any surprises left behind. There are still several areas to be flushed out, but so far all has gone well.

Meaning Dokugakuji is extremely bored. Especially since his best friends keep sneaking off together. He is happy for them, and knows it is about damn time they wised up to their feelings, but the puppy-love stage has them forgetting most things about life outside of each other. He isn't even entirely sure they have slept together, but the bite marks he caught on Kou's neck the other day makes him wonder.

What he really wishes is that Kougaiji would come and confide in him, give him the inside scoop, but the pair made a pact not to do that since Dokugakuji knows them both so well. It would be too inappropriate, Kou said.

It's guy talk; it's supposed to be inappropriate!

The formality around the whole thing has Dokugakuji sorely longing for time with his brother. With the war over he finally has the chance to reconnect the way he always wished he could. He and Gojyo talked, but he still doesn't feel he has—or ever can—make it up to Gojyo for leaving all those years ago.

When Dokugakuji rounds a corner only to discover Kougaiji and Yaone stealing a kiss in the hallway, he has made up his mind.

"Yo! If you two can focus enough for a minute to hear this, I'm thinking of taking off for awhile."

Kougaiji and Yaone pull apart, both flushed from being caught, and quickly right themselves. "Oh, Dokugaku, excuse us. What were you saying?"

"What do you mean taking off?" Kougaiji asks, apparently having heard more than his partner in crime. His face is serious despite his blush.

"A vacation." Dokugakuji explains. "You two need time alone, Lirin's off with the Lady of the castle most the time, which is fine by me, and…I kind of feel like getting away. The Sanzo party can't be too far off yet. Maybe I'll go bug my little brother for awhile."

The reaction Dokugakuji expects is exactly the one he gets. "Goodness, we haven't run you off, have we?" Yaone asks, concerned. "We really shouldn't be so public about all this and…let ourselves get carried away as we have."

Yaone's voice is sweet and her mannerisms better than any reform school graduate, but Dokugakuji knows her well enough to not entirely buy the sweet act. He always figured she would be wild in the bedroom. Not that he would ever be stupid enough to tell Kougaiji he's wondered about that.

He shakes his head. "It's no big deal. Go be crazy in love, I'm glad for it. Keep the making out in the corridors down to a minimum, please, but otherwise…" he trails off with a grin, watching Kougaiji's cheeks turn the same shade as the prince's hair.

"Well," Kougaiji manages, "If it's what you want, I give you my blessing to go. Keep in contact and send our regards to the Sanzo party."

"Oh, and do take some of those muffins I made the other day, will you?"

Dokugakuji lifts his arm in a wave and walks on down the hallway. "You know I love you and your cooking, Yaone, but a man does not show up to see his bro bearing muffins. See you two love-birds later, okay? And don't get into trouble. Got it?" A final pointed look is passed back to the pair, focusing mainly on Kougaiji, which makes the prince feel strangely…warned.

He isn't entirely sure what Dokugakuji means to bully him about, but whatever it is, he decides he is definitely not going to do whatever it is he is being warned against.

-----

Full on into a new day, the Sanzo ikkou is well on its way to wherever the jeep will lead them. Thankfully, that elusive larger town is finally on the map, and they are closer to it than Hakkai first guessed. They should have warm beds and a good meal lined up before the sun goes down.

Riding along in the jeep, Seiten Taisei is having an utter blast. Gojyo has repeatedly referred to the beast as an excitable dog, since he can't seem to sit still and often stands up on the seat in the back to feel the wind rushing past him.

"It's air, you dork, what's the big deal? Don't you move fast enough to get that rushing feeling on your own?"

Seiten Taisei ignores the comment; he is having far too much fun.

"Sit down." Sanzo barks, smacking the beast in the shin since he has once again stood up on the seat, his arms outstretched as they sail over the desert landscape. "If we hit a bump and you go flying, we're not turning around to pick you up, got it?"

Although Seiten Taisei is not foolish enough to take Sanzo's threats seriously, he is understanding of the monk's worried tone and sits back down. He slept better than he can ever remember last night, curled up against Sanzo the whole time and allowed to rise with the morning without that awful crown on his head. He feels freer than he has ever been.

He is not looking forward to putting the limiter back on.

"Just sit still awhile, will you?" Sanzo says, softer, almost gently beside Seiten Taisei's ear. The monk slips an arm around the beast's back, mainly to hold him steady but also for the contact.

Seiten Taisei starts to purr.

"Knock that off." Sanzo growls, lowering his voice even further. "Do you always have to attract attention to yourself?" Meaning Sanzo would rather the purring did not attract further barbs from Gojyo and Hakkai.

The purring does not cease. "Sanzo comfy. Warm. Like sun."

"Sanzo IS comfy AND warm like THE sun." Sanzo corrects, and realizes how loudly he said that when Gojyo looks back with a raised eyebrow. "Fuck off."

"Sanzo IS comfy AND warm like sun. THE sun." Seiten Taisei repeats. He looks up at Sanzo with adoring eyes, but Sanzo is too busy glaring at Gojyo.

"That's very good, Goku." Hakkai provides, looking back through the rearview mirror. He meets gold eyes in the glass. "You're improving as far as…well…humanity goes, I suppose I must say, but how do you _feel_? Do you feel like you and Goku are still very much separate?"

Seiten Taisei considers this a moment, then frowns. "Still separate." He says. "We remember both ways. But still different. He wants back now."

"You can sense that?" Hakkai is intrigued.

Gojyo and Sanzo stop making faces at each other long enough to pay attention.

Seiten Taisei takes longer thinking over his answer this time. "Not…sense. Know. Me always want out. He must want out too." He nods to himself.

For a moment, Sanzo and the others feel a little guilty for allowing Seiten Taisei free reign for so long without consulting Goku first. The chimp probably assumed it would be a quick outing, like in the past, but it has been almost a full day and night now. They hadn't really considered Goku's reaction to this.

Sanzo looks up and meets both red and green eyes in the mirror. "Maybe it's time we replaced the limiter. We'll be reaching that town soon and the last thing we need is to attract unnecessary attention. We get enough of that as it is." As he is speaking, Sanzo can feel Seiten Taisei tense beside him. He feels torn between two versions of the same thing, which makes him feel foolish. They are both Goku, just different forms of him. Sanzo wishes he didn't feel that things he did for one are a betrayal to the other.

"That's probably wise, actually, if you're alright with that. Goku?" Hakkai says.

Calling Seiten Taisei "Goku" has helped, but the beast is not their Goku, not the way they know him best.

Seiten Taisei looks up, already moving out of Sanzo's hold. He doesn't speak, he only nods. He will not fight them on this issue because with the same intensity he once tried to kill them he now desires their love, and will do nothing that might risk losing it.

Sanzo reaches back into the supplies where they carefully wrapped up the coronet so a new one wouldn't have to be summoned. He holds it out to Seiten Taisei but the beast does not see it; his eyes are tightly closed, anticipating, waiting for Sanzo to put it on for him. Again, Sanzo cannot help feeling a certain guilt as he places the crown back where it usually rests.

A convulsion wracks Goku as he transforms, but when he falls against Sanzo, wholly returned to normal, he immediately rights himself and pushes the monk away. Like a pouting child, he says nothing, turned into the corner of his part of the backseat. The way things are now, Goku remembers everything that Seiten Taisei experienced. Sanzo and the others know this.

Therefore, the rest of the ride into town is strangely quiet. Allegiance has shifted; the lines no longer make sense. Goku will not look at Sanzo. Hakkai and Gojyo will not pressure either of them. The only reprieve from the silence comes when they finally reach the city and park outside one of the many inns.

Sanzo, getting out of the jeep after Goku, grabs the boy by the shoulder, spins him to look him in the eye, and says, "We need to talk."

tbc...

A/N: I'm sorry! I'm a senior and I have a new boyfriend and things get crazy. I have a boyfriend who accepts my yaoi fettish, is cute, and likes to bite. I'm happy. I hope you can understand why homework was hard enough to get done, let alone this. Maybe that was more information about your friendly neighborhood Crimson than you wanted, and if so, i apologize. ;-)

I will try and do better, but I have alot of writing this semester. A novel, for example. My roommate was very good about not nagging, but finally, I can appease you all with a long chapter. Hope I didn't alienate you by taking so long. The next part will hopefully come soon. This town has oh so many fun surprises in store.

Crim


	5. If you thought it was complicated before

If you thought it was complicated before…

* * *

"There is no way that's gonna go well."

"Have faith in them, Gojyo. They just need to talk a few things out."

"Sanzo's not the only one he's pissed at you know. Did he make eye contact with you?"

"Well…no."

"Me either."

"Still, I think it is best if we leave them be."

"Good. My thoughts exactly."

Having successfully unpacked the jeep, rented rooms with the promise of payment from Genjou Sanzo himself (thank goodness the innkeeper is a fan), and now carting their portion of things to their room, Gojyo wants nothing to do with Goku and Sanzo right now and everything to do with his best friend.

Once they have reached their room and tossed their things to the floor—though Hakkai did aim to toss his onto the available chair—Gojyo grabs Hakkai for a quick kiss before suggesting very happily, "Care to find the hot spots in town, baby? A few drinks, a good time…a room waiting for us when we get back…" He accompanies his words with a more than telling grin.

"Mmm," Hakkai hums, not quite ready to let Gojyo go after that kiss, "Marvelous idea, Gojyo. But while we do have some funds of our own to spend, I do not know if Sanzo wishes us to wear ourselves out should he decide on an early start tomorrow."

"Fuck that. We're in no rush. 'Sides, with monkey-boy in a tissy, we'll be stranded here for at least a few days. They don't' know how to get over dumb arguments the way we do."

Hakkai, though he had been about to lean forward once more, pulls back instead. He retains his grip on the front of the kappa's shirt. "What dumb arguments? Have we had any fights lately I don't know about?"

"I'm talking back in the day, smartass." Gojyo says with a crookedness added to his grin. "You'd get all passive-aggressive with me over using my beer cans as ash trays and I'd get pissed you washed my favorite pair of underwear while I was on a hot streak. Shit like that."

"Lucky undergarments is revolting, Gojyo," Hakkai says with a wrinkle of his nose, "Even if it does psychologically improve your poker game. Besides, if I recall, you weren't fairing too well with the ladies until I got my hands on those boxers. You should thank me."

Crimson red eyebrows lift in knowing disbelief. "You saying you want a thank you for helping me get laid?"

"I…" Hakkai grimaces, realizing he has been caught in his own trap. "I see your point." Coming to a new conclusion, Hakkai regains his smirk with a vengeance. "If ever you believe you have reason to thank me for that again, Gojyo, please realize that if I am not the bearer _and_ executioner, I will have to find something intimate to eradicate, for penance's sake of course."

Gojyo's eyes cross. Sometimes Hakkai's logic can make his head spin; Hakkai's phrasing can turn it around backwards. "Come again?"

A darker shade of green overtakes Hakkai's eyes, leaving them in a strangely sinister light. The fact that the healer is smiling in his cold-blooded manner makes the expression even more chilling. "Gojyo…" he says, and he releases his grip on Gojyo's shirt to better wrap his arms low around the kappa's waist and pull in close enough to whisper. "If you ever dare leave me for some woman you meet in a bar, I am afraid I might have to do something quite rash to your…manhood."

Gojyo gulps. "Uhhh…how about something to the woman instead?"

The sinister light flickers but does not dim. "Do not test me, Gojyo. You wouldn't like the answer." And just as swiftly, that bent darkness is gone, leaving Hakkai's eyes a warming emerald once more. "Not that I think I have anything to worry about, of course. Now, weren't we going to see what sort of fun we might get out of this town?"

"You're not worried about the monk and monkey?"

"Are you?"

All hesitation and uncomfortable presence washes out of Gojyo and he is back to thinking mischievously about what he can do with a night on the town with his favorite companion. He has grown used to Hakkai's changing countenances and darker moments; he has learned not to give them too much weight.

"Hakkai," he says, "Baby, if you wanna go out, then we're going out. I don't think anything on this earth could stop me. Certainly not teenage angst. Goku and Sanzo can figure things out for themselves. Goku's a quick forgiver anyway."

Before Gojyo can successfully pull away from Hakkai and head out to hit the town, Hakkai grabs hold of Gojyo's forearm and pulls the redhead back to him. "Ah, ah, Gojyo. Must we really leave so quickly? It isn't all that late yet. We could find ways to make the time pass into evening a bit…more."

"You really are insatiable lately." Gojyo willingly returns to Hakkai's embrace, and while Hakuryuu—having initially followed them but now nesting on one of the beds—hopes they are paying enough attention to not fall on top of him. "Insatiable." Gojyo repeats around mouthfuls of Hakkai. "I really love that word…"

-----

Goku had not slowed his pace since pulling out of Sanzo's grip. He is halfway to the back of the inn now where a small alley leads to a rear door. Anything Goku might do to escape Sanzo is worth it, even if he has to buy his own room with what little money he keeps.

How could Sanzo choose that _thing_ over him?

"Goku!"

Goku ignores the call, hurrying down the alley and towards the back door. He grasps the handle and is about to pull it open when that same fierce grip on his arm clamps down.

With little thought to sensitivity, Sanzo yanks Goku's arm hard and spins the boy around to face him. The monkey's eyes are wild with anger and wet as if at any moment that fury could turn into furious tears.

Sanzo refuses to be moved into pity. "You are out of line. You think you can turn your back on me, run from me, when all I ask is to talk? No. It doesn't work that way. If you want this to keep going then you have to be honest with me. Do you understand? If you keep lying to me, that's it. I'll be the one walking away next."

"Then go!" Goku yells back, jerking his arm out of Sanzo's grip and steadying his footing to better face off against the priest. "What's the difference?! You'd rather have him anyway!"

Sanzo is stunned. Not only is he incensed that Goku is immediately yelling—much as that is not a surprise—but he is certain the monkey has gone insane. "What the hell are you talking about? If you're actually going to stand here and be jealous over yourself, then you've had one too many hits to the head!"

Too angry to face Sanzo without fearing a violent outburst, Goku whips around again to open the door. He has barely reached for the handle this time when two thin but strong hands grip the back of his shoulders and slam him forward. Goku spins back to face Sanzo, his eyes wider with anger and his teeth grit together like a fanged animal. But the priest is upon him already, pressing him back into the door.

"How many times do I have to say this!?" Sanzo seethes. "You're the same fucking person! If I love one of you I love both of you! I'm stuck with both of you! _Lucky fucking me_!" Sanzo slams his right palm into the door, reverberating the wood behind Goku's head. "And not only do I have to deal with your psycho concept of self, oh no, I also have to deal with you lying to my face. Not being able to tell me something, that I have tried to be patient with, even if it pisses me off, but _this_. You have never lied to me. Ever."

"Shut up!" Goku says, squirming against Sanzo's hold. "It's not like you tell me everything!"

Sanzo pulls himself closer to Goku's now beat-red face, imposing and ominous. "You want me to tell you everything? I'll tell you the whole fucking tail. You'll love it…" Sanzo's darker side has gotten the better of him, and perhaps without realizing what he is doing, he reaches inside his robes and pulls out his Smith and Wesson.

The anger in Goku melts into a sudden cold panic.

"Want to know why I picked this for my weapon?" the monk asks tauntingly. "Huh? I could have chosen anything. _Anything_. But I chose this. A six-shot pistol with shit range. Why do you think I did that?"

Goku doesn't answer; he doesn't think Sanzo expects him too anyway.

"I chose this gun…" Sanzo starts, and with an expression Goku never thought he would ever see directed at him, Sanzo raises the gun and turns it to press the barrel against his own temple. "I chose it…so it would be just the right size for _this_." Sanzo thumbs the hammer with a definite click.

"Stop it! Stop it!"

Goku screams, and kicks out at Sanzo with such emotional unrestraint, the priest's legs are knocked out from under him and he tumbles back. Sanzo is so shocked, his grip on Goku releases and the monkey, thankfully, does not go down with him. The gun is knocked to the ground beside Sanzo's leg.

Staring down at the winded monk, Goku trembles from all the anger and fear and confliction within him. He shakes his head consistently, his voice a resonant chant. "Don't say that. Never say that. You would never ever do that. You're the one always telling all of us, all of everyone, how stupid and pointless it is to die when you can live. You didn't take it for that. You didn't. You wouldn't. You're lying!"

Startled at first, Sanzo's expression quickly melts back into a stoic, angry mask. "Wrong. The only one lying here is you."

Goku straightens back against the door. He knows Sanzo was not serious about using the gun just now, but he also knows, purely by the monk's cold stare as well as his unwavering voice, that Sanzo wasn't lying to him about the gun's initial purpose. The last thing Sanzo would ever want anyone to know about him is a weakness. Goku knows Sanzo has told him something no one else knows, and will probably ever know.

Shouldn't he be able to do the same?

A vivid memory of Seiten Taisei curled up happily as he slept next to a perfectly complacent Sanzo surfaces in Goku's mind. He can remember how it felt, what the beast saw and said, and every sensation besides, but it was still like being an observer. He remembers everything that happened, every feeling, but they are not yet one. The difference is enough for Goku to still feel betrayed. Though not as much as he still feels frightened.

He is angry, yes, but Sanzo is too trusting, too loyal. He does not know the secret Goku hides. The secret that it was because of him, because of the beast and Goku's own stupidity, that everyone his current friends loved had to die.

"I can't…" Goku whimpers, and the tears that had been merely glossy possibilities come pouring out. "I can't! I'm sorry I lied about _him_, but why can't I want to get rid of him? Why!? It's my fault too, it is, but if it wasn't for him…"

"What are you talking about?" Sanzo has not risen from the ground, too entranced by Goku's strange state and outburst. "What don't you want him telling us? What are you trying to hide? For someone who hates secrets so much you sure are good at keeping them."

Sanzo's comment makes Goku flinch. He is a hypocrite. He knows that. But maybe that is better than the scorn and hatred that might follow should he tell the truth.

"I can't…" Goku says again. "I'm sorry, Sanzo. I don't…I don't want you to hate me. I don't want _him_ to be the better choice. He'll tell you and he won't understand how much it will change everything. Please, just let me get rid of him—"

"No. You can't just get rid of him, idiot. Either you keep that crown on your head for the rest of your life, or you live together. You can't cut off part of your personality. He _is_ you."

Goku just shakes his head. "I don't want you to hate me." He says again.

Getting up slowly from the ground finally, Sanzo reaches for his gun and tucks it back inside his robes. He feels Goku watching him but takes his time anyway, dusting the dirt from his clothing and righting himself. When he does at last look at Goku, his face is a stone wall. "If you don't want that," he says, "Then you should have chosen to tell me the truth." Turning swiftly to head back out of the alleyway, Sanzo averts his gaze and starts walking. His gate does not falter. His resolve is as stubborn as his expression.

"Sanzo!" Goku calls.

The priest does not stop.

"Sanzo! Please, just understand! I can't. I just…can't."

Sanzo offers nothing but his retreating back.

While the tears are still streaming down his cheeks, Goku's fists clench at his sides and he slams both of them back into the wall. "Fine! Go, you…asshole!" But the conviction cannot accompany Goku's words; he wants too desperately for Sanzo to turn around. "Sanzo! _Sanzo_!"

When at last Sanzo disappears around the corner, Goku has lost the will to call out. He doesn't think. He doesn't hesitate. He pushes off from the door and takes off running, as fast and as hard as he can, down the other end of the alley and into the city.

-----

Hakkai and Gojyo had been intimately involved when they heard Sanzo's stomping approach and the slam of the door to the room next to theirs. They didn't have to pause in their actions to know that the monk and monkey's argument hadn't ended well. Hakkai considered going over to talk with the monk but Gojyo was able to convince him it wouldn't solve anything when both of them were probably still strung out and hot-headed at the moment. Hakkai, amazed at Gojyo's logic, agreed, and the pair has since gone out as planned to see what the town might offer. Hakuryuu, more than happy to have the room to himself, has happily stayed behind.

Of course, Hakkai still plans to at least pop in on Sanzo and Goku later once they have gotten the chance to cool off.

"Hey, Hakkai, check this one out." Gojyo mentions rather excitedly, gripping Hakkai's arm so he can better pull the healer's attention towards the club on their right. "See that sign in front? Youkai welcome. Can you believe it? Maybe old Goddess of Bitchiness doesn't need us after all. Seems the people around here don't mind the youkai gettin' back to normal."

Hakkai can barely believe his eyes. Up until now they haven't run across any youkai, knowing that most of the western ones have migrated to Houtou Castle. This is the first place further East where there has been any sign of them.

Gojyo's grip on Hakkai's arm tightens and Hakkai turns to look at Gojyo in concern. The kappa is staring ahead, scanning the area and apparently finding something truly remarkable. Hakkai follows that crimson gaze and understands immediately.

There are youkai in the town, freely walking about. Not many, and a number of the humans around rush past quickly or toss the youkai glares, but many youkai and humans meet gazes and wave like friendly neighbors.

A few people in this town are trying, and that is saying a lot for so soon after the end of the chaos.

"How quickly has it spread that the minus wave is done for?"

"I don't know, Gojyo. Perhaps the youkai here didn't cause as much trouble. I could imagine most of them went to Houtou Castle to serve or got sent further East in wait for us. This town might have been a sort of eye of the storm after the initial attacks."

Gojyo lets out a whistle at a particularly curvy youkai brunette that winks at him before going into the club. "I forget what it's like to mingle."

Hakkai's right leg juts out from his body to come in contact with Gojyo's shin. Completely accidental, of course.

"Ah! I meant to mingle _races_. In _general_. Geez."

"Of course you did, Gojyo." Hakkai's smile is back to being sinister.

Gojyo decides to change the subject. "So…wanna check out the club and see what's to see, or what? _You're_ who I want to have fun with tonight." Gojyo moves his grip from Hakkai's arm to around the brunette's back. "Sound good, baby?"

A few passerbys give Hakkai and Gojyo the same look they gave the youkai.

They ignore such things entirely, of course, too much invested in each other to care what anyone else might think.

"Absolutely." Hakkai says and he steals a kiss before tugging the redhead after him. "I can't remember the last time I had you all to myself for a night like this when it didn't matter if we made money for groceries. I feel like being extravagant and juvenile."

"If that's the same as wild and crazy, then I'm all for it."

The pair is almost to the door when a familiar voice calls after them, freezing them in their tracks. "Oi!" the voice says, and they can hear the smile that accompanies it, "Should've known you guys would frequent dives like this."

Gojyo whips around so fast he loses his grip on Hakkai, nearly knocking them both off balance. It hasn't been all that long, but with the way this past year has been, Gojyo can't help loving the sight of the particular youkai in front of him. "Holy shit, Jien!" he calls. "I mean Doku, or whatever the hell, just…what are you doing here?"

The clubs and bars on the strip are just now getting full as the sun finally sets, and out of the bustling crowd of people Dokugakuji appears in his white, long-sleeved tunic, youkai features out for all to see, smiling jovially. "Hey, bro," he says, and swings a fist to punch Gojyo's arm. "I was hoping for some quality time. Can't stand being a third wheel round those new lovebirds at the castle. Though I s'pose I'm still a third wheel, huh?" Dokugakuji nods in greeting to Hakkai, hoping to be contradicted.

Hakkai smiles in return. "Not at all, Doku-san. We were heading for the club after all, and that's certainly not being alone. You wouldn't be imposing. I can imagine Kougaiji and Yaone are in a slightly more amorous state than ourselves, being so newly in love."

Gojyo tries not to cough too loudly. Hakkai is only a good liar when Gojyo isn't standing next to him with the truth written all over his face.

"At any rate," Hakkai continues, bowing his head in an offertory gesture, "If you have come for time with Gojyo, I certainly wouldn't want to intrude. Can we agree to compromise and enjoy an evening all together?"

Gojyo chuckles, "Just so long as that together part ends outside the bedroom, okay?" He really had to say it, knowing his brother and Hakkai as he does.

As expected, Dokugakuji makes a disgusted face and hits Gojyo in the arm again.

Hakkai, however, laughing in that dangerous tone of his, leans in close to Gojyo and whispers, "Don't tease about things you might not have much control over once you've been drinking. You never know what I might do without proper supervision." Hakkai pulls back with a grin, leaving Dokugakuji out of the loop and Gojyo in a state of horrified shock.

'That better be a joke!"

"Ahahaha, of course, Gojyo."

"That face as untrustworthy as it looks?" Dokugakuji leans forward towards his brother.

"Yep."

Hakkai feigns a scowl. "I resent that."

"Come on, you two!" Dokugakuji says, grabbing both brunette and redhead around the neck with a joint embrace that he can better move them forward with. "This is one of the few towns around that really did live in harmony before the mess. Now that things are back to normal, the beer still flows and the fun is still had by all. Let's join in!"

Gojyo goes along willingly, laughing and loving that he can once again enjoy an evening with his brother.

Hakkai, pleased for Gojyo's sake, tags along. He tenses slightly under Dokugakuji's pull, but reminds himself to be gracious. Much as he may disapprove of Jien having left young Gojyo behind, Dokugakuji and adult Gojyo now have a chance to make up for things. It is something Hakkai can never have with his own sibling. He would never wish to deny such a thing from someone else.

Only a small part of him, the vindictive, unforgiving part that still occasionally hates himself on raining days, feels a humming anger for the youkai. For all youkai. There are many in the club, enjoying life again amongst human friends. That too Hakkai should be happy about, but the humming seems louder than usual.

It must be being around so many youkai, Hakkai tells himself, since for so long being around youkai meant having an enemy to defeat. That is no longer true. Hakkai tries to quiet the humming, to enjoy the evening. As long as he can focus his energy on Gojyo he doesn't hear the humming as clearly, and so he does just that. Focusing on Gojyo is easy even with Dokugakuji sitting next to him at their table.

They order several rounds of alcohol and begin reminiscing about battles that didn't end in riffs between the groups. The music is loud around them, human and youkai women scantily dressed pass by, and amazingly, Gojyo hardly gives them a glance.

Hakkai feels fairly certain he can keep the humming, that persistent anger and temper of his, down to a dull roar. For now.

-----

Goku's fists are so tight at his sides he could break the skin if Sanzo didn't insist he keep his nails trim. He isn't watching where he is going. He is merely walking, head somewhat lowered, feet determined to continue on in whatever direction he is going, and his face is grim. He is so angry at Sanzo he thinks he might scream, and make everyone else on the streets stare at him in fear. Random screaming people aren't generally safe, after all. But Goku does not scream. He is also angry at himself. He knows how easily he could end this fight. One moment of truth. One quick explanation and it would be over.

Maybe over forever. And that's what is keeping Goku from turning around.

Sanzo loves him. Goku knows that. He loves Sanzo. Goku has never doubted that. But when Seiten Taisei gets thrown into the mix, things get complicated. When a past that only Goku remembers gets thrown in as well, things get dangerous. Goku could lose everything.

Maybe they wouldn't hate me, maybe they'd understand, Goku tries to tell himself. The part of him that really does hate secrets understands where Sanzo is coming from. But the fear in him is greater. He wishes it wasn't. He really does. And his anger for that fear is growing, making him displace it and believe he is angry at Sanzo more than anything.

A sign for a shabu-shabu restaurant blinks up above Goku and catches his eyes. Food is often the only thing that can stop his momentum. Usually, Goku hates to eat alone, but he has a little money with him, and he thinks better on a satisfied stomach anyway. He decides to go in and steps through the door to find the place only partially full. No worries about getting a table. The menu up front shows pretty reasonable prices too.

"Welcome." Comes a pleasant, rich voice from Goku's right. "Are you on your own tonight, young man?"

Goku turns to the hostess with the beginnings of a smile on his face, enjoying that she called him a young man instead of boy, since it is so rare, and also feeling a certain gravitation towards the sound of her voice. "Yeah, well…" He looks up and sees her, standing close beside him.

His eyes go wide.

-----

"Brat." Sanzo growls beneath his breath. "Ungrateful little shit." He has been doing this for sometime. Allowing so much personal time with Goku has made it more difficult for him to enjoy his brooding in complete silence. "Fuck." He finds other things can be just as therapeutic.

His robes are down around his waste, a cigarette—unlit—hangs from his mouth, taunting him, and as remains customary he is sitting in the window seat, staring at the clear night sky.

At least the damn sky is clear.

"I'll kill him. I'll ring his neck." Sanzo grumbles. "He lies. He keeps secrets. And now this running off shit. _Fuck_." His will-power is shot; he wants his lighter.

While fishing for it in his robes, Sanzo's eyes glance back into the room and catch sight of his lighter on the nightstand, on the other side of the bed, on the other side of the room. Angrily, Sanzo spits his cigarette out onto the ground. It isn't worth it.

If the situation was different maybe he could have waited longer for Goku to finally come clean about these memories. But now that the chimp has made it clear he has no intention of ever telling Sanzo, the monk has lost all patience entirely. It is risky enough to allow a relationship, to allow for something like love in his life, but if the lover he has chosen won't be honest with him then what choice does Sanzo have but to walk away first? He is risking more than enough, had been before Goku started acting this way. He can only be expected to offer so much.

"Brat knows that. Knows _me_. What the hell is he thinking?" Sanzo's words are muffled from the second cigarette he has placed between his lips. He doesn't plan to light this one either, but the presence of it in his mouth is soothing. "I swear I'll fucking kill him if he thinks—"

The door slams open.

Sanzo turns. He immediately turns back to the window.

"Sanzo!"

Sanzo ignores the voice he knows so well, wishing his cigarette was lit.

"Sanzo! Sanzo, look at me!"

If you've come to grovel then get to it, Sanzo thinks, but he will not give Goku the satisfaction of acknowledgement.

"Come on, Sanzo, don't be a dick! This is important!"

Firm hands grip Sanzo's shoulders. Sanzo shrugs them off.

"Sanzo, listen to me!"

No.

"It really is important!"

Who cares?

"Can't you forget our fight for one second!?"

Could you?

"Sanzo!"

Shut up, monkey. I'm not listening.

"Sanzo, damnit! I came here to tell you—"

I don't care.

"—that I saw—"

I don't _care_.

"—your mother!"

"…what?"

tbc...

A/N: Sorry for the shortness. I thought it was longer. I had another scene planned, but it doesn't work with the time frame to have it before the next chapter. Anyway, the lateness could not be helped. Besides the usual, I am now in the clutches of Death Note and have a new love. Saiyuki wins above all, always, but "L" is just so nummy. That isn't the ONLY reason I love it, of course. ;-) Hope this was enjoyable. Let me know if anyone expected Sanzo's mother or not. I'm curious. And yes it is her, not just Goku thinking someone looks like her. I have so much planned, and most of the entire fic is worked out, so don't worry. This is going to be so much fun. Thanks for sticking by me and don't forget to let me know who's out there.

Crim


	6. In the Shadows

In the Shadows

* * *

Sanzo plucks the unlit cigarette from his mouth and throws it to the floor next to the first. "You think this is funny?" he growls. He has never been so angry with Goku in his life. Fighting with the chimp is one thing, even sulking over one another is expected on occasion, but for Goku to sink this low, Sanzo almost reaches for his gun, for warning's sake. "My mother? What sick game are you playing?"

"I'm serious, Sanzo!" Goku asserts, his stance firm and unwavering, even when facing off against one of Sanzo's more menacing expression. The monk may tower over Goku, but recently those inches have been diminishing. If Goku is growing, the possibility of Sanzo's mother existing out in the real world is just as plausible. At least in Goku's mind.

Fearing nothing, Goku reaches out and grabs Sanzo's hand, turning immediately to begin leading Sanzo out of the hotel room. When the monk doesn't budge, Goku turns back with a huff.

"I mean it, Sanzo. Do you actually think I'd make this up to get over our fight?"

The stone-walled expression on the monk's face is answer enough.

"Bastard. I'd never do that."

"I once thought you would never lie to me, but you've already proven you can. Who's to say you're not lying now?"

Goku is aghast. "This is totally different!"

"There is no difference. When you break someone's trust it isn't easy to rebuild no matter how outlandish your claims."

"I'm not lying!" Goku cries, stomping his foot hard into the floor. He still has his grip on Sanzo's arm and he refuses to relinquish it. "I was mad so I wanted something to eat and when I went into the shabu-shabu place she was there! Really!" Goku is out of breath from his racing heart and his continued anger towards Sanzo. Why won't the monk listen to him?

In his mind's eye all Sanzo can think of is Seiten Taisei. _Lies. Lies to you._ Sanzo's blood is boiling like a natural hot spring, acidic and stinging hot. "How can I trust you if you refuse to tell me the truth?"

Goku's grip tightens on the monk's arm, squeezing enough to make Sanzo flinch. "This isn't about us right now, Sanzo. Hate me all you want. I. Saw. Your. Mother. The same Meiyuu from the dreamworld. You can believe me or not but it's the truth. I swear." It is rare that Goku speaks or even thinks with such definitive clarity.

The blood drains immediately from Sanzo's face.

His initial reaction had been shock, wondering if he heard the monkey correctly. Once he decided he had, it turned to disbelief. Since it is impossible for Meiyuu to exist in the real world Goku must be lying. Sanzo would never have come to a conclusion like that before tonight, but if the monkey can all out lie about other things then anything is possible.

The thing is Sanzo knows those eyes, wide and golden. He knows when they are keeping something from him. Sanzo had assumed the lie about Seiten Taisei was just a reflection of what Goku was keeping from him about his life in Heaven, but now he knows Goku was flat out lying about wanting to fuse his two halves together. He misinterpreted the lie but he wasn't wrong about it being there.

If Goku can look as serious as he does right now then the monkey couldn't possibly be lying about this. Goku isn't good enough at it.

Shit.

"Meiyuu. The same from the dreamworld. You're sure?"

"I saw her, Sanzo."

_Shit_. "Where?"

The grip on Sanzo's arm loosens, but Goku keeps his hold, dragging the monk from the room and out into the hallway. He will drag Sanzo all the way to Meiyuu's restaurant if he has to, just so long as Sanzo keeps up.

This is more important than their fight. Goku is going to prove what he saw.

-----

"Bro, he may be pretty, but he's still no woman. Try as you might, you'll never convince me there's no difference." Dokugakuji is laughing as he says this, nearly doubled over in his chair. The grip on his beer is slack enough that he spills some onto the floor as he teeters back into place. "A dude is not a chick."

"I'm not saying it's the same." Gojyo counters, just as drunk as his brother, if not more so. The pair finished off quite a few rounds in record time. "It just doesn't matter. He's pretty _and_ good in bed _and_ he's better than any wife. Trust me."

Hakkai, of course, has polished off significantly more than either of the Shas, and is eloquent and well-postured as ever. "Actually, between the two of us, I don't think you could call _me_ the wife." Hakkai says, smirking around his sake.

Dokugakuji chuckles into his beer, causing a bit of foam to spit up over the sides of his mug. "You know, that actually makes more sense." He laughs.

"Hey!"

"I can't help it if you enjoy being dominated, Gojyo." Hakkai smiles. "Perhaps it is your latent sexuality blossoming into its true form."

Gojyo's eyes have already gone a little crossed from the beer. At Hakkai's words his head drops onto the table and he rolls on his chin to glare at the healer properly. "Fuck you. I've done my fair share of topping."

"Mmm." Hakkai nods. "And when was the last time again?"

Gojyo is all but ready with a fast comeback but his mouth goes slack when he realizes he doesn't have one. "Shit. What have you been doing to me?"

"Well, if I got into all that, we'd make Doku-san uncomfortable."

"Ahahaha." Dokugakuji slaps a hand onto the table, his face red from the alcohol and how much fun he is having teasing his brother. "I give, I give!" he says. "Any more sex talk about my little bro and his husband and I'm gonna pass out on principle. You have my full blessing. I just don't need to hear the details."

"Awww, but that's the good part." Gojyo slurs, trying to wink with the eye half-pressed into the tabletop, and therefore causing more of an awkward squint. Suddenly, Gojyo springs upright again and points his empty mug at Hakkai. "You were calling me a girl." He accuses, as if just remembering the earlier part of the conversation.

Hakkai tips the last of his current carafe of sake down his throat. "Not at all, Gojyo. There is nothing subservient about women. Believe me. I used the term wife only so you would comprehend my meaning when I call you my bitch. Another round?" Pushing his chair back, Hakkai gathers up his and Gojyo's empty containers, and takes Dokugakuji's half-full mug as well.

For a moment the realization that Hakkai just swore in public, and in a very unlike Hakkai way makes Gojyo's head spin with alarms and other reasons he should be thinking more clearly right now. But when Dokugakuji starts asking Gojyo about his old pick-up lines, Hakkai's odd behavior is utterly forgotten.

"No, no. You gotta be smooth. Pick-up lines don't work on real women." Gojyo says. "Just tell 'em how beautiful they are and make it specific. Eyes. Hair. Lips. Something like that. Gets 'em every time if you pick the one they fuss over the most."

"Ain't that still a line?" Dokugakuji asks.

"No way. Lines are recycled. You tell, let's say…" Gojyo scans his hazy gaze over the bar and rests his eyes on that gorgeous youkai brunette who first caught his attention outside. "Yeah, that hot number over there. You tell her that her hair looks soft like warm velvet you could run your hands over all day, and she'll be putty. Probably spent an hour on it too. That's not the same as saying her hair is pretty or beautiful. It's in the details."

Dokugakuji snorts. "Smart looking girl like her? Would never work."

"What smart? She's busting out of her bra."

"Yeah, and she's got all the guys on that side of the room buying her drinks and fawning over her, but she don't look even a little tipsy. _Smart_. Trust me."

The gambler in Gojyo has been challenged. He pushes away from the table and wobbles up onto his feet. "Watch me." He grins. He doesn't see that Hakkai has returned with the drinks.

"Gojyo?" Hakkai questions, but the redhead cannot hear him over the crowd as he works his way over to the youkai woman's table.

Dokugakuji is too busy trying to catch a good view of the show to notice the harshness in how Hakkai sets the drinks on the tabletop, nearly spilling all three.

Hoping to still his temper, Hakkai sits, telling himself that Gojyo isn't so stupid as to be sauntering over there for the reason he is thinking. Gojyo doesn't have that big of a death wish. Right?

Flashing and glinting in the lights from above, Gojyo's eyes sparkle, and because Hakkai _knows_ that look he takes his newly filled carafe and downs half of it in one swig.

The youkai woman is just Gojyo's type. Tall, buxom, long legs, thick brown hair and large eyes with impossibly long lashes. She has a sharp nose that adds to her beauty whenever her face is alive with character, which it always is. She laughs and her teeth sparkle in perfect rows, her tongue pink and inviting and warm-looking so that Gojyo pulls up a seat next to her and can't take his eyes away.

Dokugakuji is laughing, having almost completely forgotten Hakkai. But when a few minutes of Gojyo's flawless flirting evolve into the redhead reaching over to pull the youkai woman onto his lap and whisper in her ear with that same look Hakkai _knows_, the claws come out.

More literally than Hakkai realizes.

No one can be sure how fast Hakkai moves. Dokugakuji would swear the brunette just appeared suddenly at Gojyo's side, and Gojyo would swear the same. Any other patrons are too speechless by the darkness surrounding the strange brunette to question anything.

The youkai woman scrambles out of Gojyo's lap before Hakkai even speaks. Only Gojyo seems immune to the dark aura pulsing from behind him.

"Hey, baby, what's the hurry?" Gojyo asks, reaching after her with hands that don't seem to mind grabbing places he really should know better than to grab while in a monogamous relationship.

A hand clamps down so hard on Gojyo's shoulder the redhead slumps forward and grits his teeth from the pain as he turns to look behind him. If it wasn't Hakkai standing there, Gojyo would swear he could feel something sharp biting into his skin.

"Shit, baby, I was just—"

"Calling someone else that endearment. I heard."

Something in the light catches Hakkai's eyes and Gojyo would swear the pupils are as slit as any youkai's. He feels suddenly very sober.

"I think perhaps you've had a bit too much to drink, Gojyo. It's time we headed back to the inn." For once, Hakkai's words do not at all imply Gojyo has a choice. As he says this, his grip hardens. His face is smiling all the while, but it is a dangerous expression, filled with frightening malice hidden within each crack of his smile.

"Uhhh…right. You're right." Gojyo looks over at the youkai woman and the other people at her table, who are too busy staring at Hakkai to pay Gojyo much mind when he says, "Time to hit the road. Pleasure meeting you ladies, of course."

Gojyo knows why _he_ feels the need to obey Hakkai right now. He knows Hakkai's darkness intimately, but he has rarely seen anyone else pick up on what lies behind that masked smile.

If Gojyo wasn't drunk, maybe he would recognize that the horror isn't so well-masked this time.

Hakkai leads Gojyo back to the table without another word, and without releasing the kappa's shoulder. By the time they return, Gojyo's jacket has small little tears on the shoulder that Hakkai will not be able to explain in the morning. The evidence that caused it is already gone. Hakkai places perfectly normal and human hands on the tabletop and informs Dokugakuji they are leaving.

Dokugakuji isn't entirely sure he understands what just happened, but he, like Gojyo, feels like refusing Hakkai right now would be a very bad idea. He passes one last look at the spooked table across the bar and then gets up to follow Gojyo and Hakkai out.

Gojyo and his brother are in too much of a daze to hear the whispered comments from the youkai woman's table, but Hakkai hears them perfectly.

"Never thought I'd wish for a youkai to keep his limiters on, but that was just scary."

There are claw marks left on the door after the three leave. No one dares question whether or not they were left by the one unlimited youkai or not.

-----

"Come on, Sanzo, hurry up!"

Sanzo has long since knocked Goku's hand away and walks behind his charge. It is much later now, dark, dimly lit, and though they pass a few people along their way, most of the townsfolk still out and about are crammed into the many bars and clubs.

Up ahead, Goku disappears around a corner, bounding with anticipation. Sanzo, on the other hand, has been purposely walking at his own pace, slowing with each step and fearing each bend in the road. Behind the next one or the next might be his mother's face.

Meiyuu's face, Sanzo corrects. Even if it is the woman there is no telling whether or not she is his mother. Nii might have just run across her once and used her image, that's all. Of course that doesn't explain why Sanzo felt such a strong familiarity with her in the dreamworld, but he isn't interested in logic just now.

"Urrg!" A startled cry from Goku speeds Sanzo's steps and he rejoins the monkey around the corner. Goku is standing in front of a small but well-kept restaurant that is now dark with a "CLOSED" sign flipped over the entrance door. "It was open when I left!" Goku says, kicking at the ground with his fists clenched at his sides. "Really! It just took so long getting back, and then bringing you here. But I swear it was her. She owns the place. It was definitely her."

"Enough, Goku. I believe you believe what you saw, but she is not here now. I'm going back to the inn." Sanzo abruptly turns.

"But Sanzo—!"

"Excuse me?"

Goku and Sanzo both freeze in place.

The voice alone is enough. Sanzo turns towards the building and from behind, probably coming from a back door after locking up, steps a woman with neatly tied brown hair, drooping brown eyes, and delicate features. She looks a little too thin for her own good but carries herself much taller and sturdier than she is.

"Can I help you boys? I'm sorry, but we closed a few minutes ago. It is rather late, you know. If you want something to eat there are a number of bars with late night kitchens. I can recommend some." Her smile is simple but very honest at its corners. She steps out of the shadows and comes to stand just in front of Goku, who she greets warmly once getting a better look of his face. "Ah, yes, I remember you. The one who dashed out before I could even tell you the specials. I hope my cooking didn't smell all that bad."

A blush rises in Goku's cheeks and he shakes his head. "N-No. I…well…I just wanted to go and get Sanzo coz it smelled so _good_. Yeah. But it took too long to get across town and back."

"Oh?" She tilts her head at Sanzo, who is positioned just right between streetlights that his face remains shadowed. "Sanzo, did you say? I thought someone mentioned the Genjou Sanzo party was moving its way through here. How wonderful." Her smile warms further and she steps closer to Sanzo, trying to make out his face more clearly. She fails at seeing more than an outline but doesn't scrutinize further. "Your party would be very welcome in my place." She says. "There aren't nearly enough youkai supporters in this town and we have so many who are trying to find their places again. I know we have you and your friends to thank for that. Tales travel fast in the West, you know. If you'd like, I would be honored to treat your party for lunch tomorrow."

"Really?" Goku's stomach helps him forget for a moment the real reason they are here.

One quick look at Sanzo and the monk's perfectly concealed face, and Goku can sense the discomfort, the walled-off tension that surrounds him. Sanzo can be easier to read than the monk thinks.

"Can we, Sanzo?" Goku says, treading carefully, but wanting to give Sanzo the opportunity to make his own choice in the matter.

Sanzo turns swiftly around, leaving Goku and the woman at his back. "I'll consider it. But it's late and I should be returning to my rooms." Without a glance back, Sanzo walks forward, turning the corner and disappearing quickly in his haste.

"Sanzo!" Goku calls, but the monk is already gone. He looks at Meiyuu helplessly. "Sorry, he's not really all that nice. I mean, he's been in a bad mood. We'll come tomorrow. I'll make sure. Your cooking really did smell good, Miss Meiyuu."

A look of pleasant surprise responds, as if Meiyuu is about to question how Goku knows her name. Goku then sees that it is displayed on the shabu-shabu sign, so really anyone could know, and he feels a little calmer.

"I haven't been called Miss in quite some time, young man." She finally says, still smiling. "At forty that means quite a bit to a woman."

Goku's blush rises to his ears. "Well, everyone always calls me kid or boy or brat or something, so thanks for the young man too." He says. "But I better go before Sanzo gets too far. Don't worry. He's just, uhh…he's just Sanzo. He doesn't mean to be rude."

"I'm sure not. Here." Meiyuu says, taking off the violet scarf she had been wearing and leaning over Goku to tie it securely. "I only live a block down. I don't need it. It might be cold walking all the way across town. Besides, you can give it back to me tomorrow. This way you can't forget or change your mind. I'd send the authorities after you if I didn't get this back."

"I don't wanna take something important." Goku protests, fingering the silk and tassels at the ends. The scarf is feminine but the warmth and smell of Meiyuu makes him care very little about how he looks in it.

"More important for you to come then." Meiyuu says. Her smile does something Sanzo's rarely does; it reaches her eyes, dark brown in the dim light but shaped so much like Sanzo's, Goku knows even without more proof that she must be Sanzo's mother. "Promise?" Meiyuu adds.

Goku's feet are aching to catch up to Sanzo. He can't worry too much about their fight now that Sanzo's mother has appeared, but because of that he wants even more to make sure Sanzo is alright. "I promise. And with the rest of our friends too. Thanks for the scarf." Goku dashes ahead and out of sight with a quick smile and a wave.

He has to catch up to Sanzo.

"Sanzo!" Goku yells, seeing the small form of Sanzo far down the street. It takes him little time to catch up, fast as he is, but he is still out of breath when he reaches the monk. His excitement steals it right out of his lungs. "Totally her, right? No denying it?" he says, falling in step beside the monk.

Sanzo walks on, staring forward. His face is expressionless, which always makes Goku worry.

"Sanzo?"

"Did I say I was talking to you yet?"

"But…but what about your mother and—"

"There's no evidence that woman is anything but a restaurant owner. I'm getting back and going to bed. You can find somewhere else to sleep."

Goku stumbles in his step. Sanzo is being so cold, like he used to be on rainy nights when a kiss from Goku or gentle touch was hardly enough to make him forget his pain. "Sanzo," Goku says softly, "I know you're still mad, and if you want me to get my own room I will. But don't put your feeling all into being mad. That was Meiyuu. Your mom. I bet once she gets a good look at you in the light she'll remember and—"

"Shut up. I'm sick of hearing your voice." Sanzo hisses. "I am not going back to that place, understand? You can do what you want. I don't care. I'm going to bed." He plows ahead, his pace sharp like his words, and he never once looks over at Goku or sees the violet shimmer of the boy's scarf.

Fingering the fabric, Goku thinks it looks a lot like Sanzo's eyes and feels soft like the monk's hair. Sanzo in a single object. He wishes the monk had noticed it.

Goku stops. Sanzo doesn't want his company. Sanzo wants to brood and be pissy. Goku wants to do something, but between having Sanzo already angry with him and now having to deal with a mother he hasn't seen his whole—

A fist clenches over part of the scarf. Goku feels so stupid. In the dreamworld Meiyuu searched and searched for Koryuu and found him at the temple. Why didn't that happen with this Meiyuu?

"Idiot." Goku curses, digging his boot into the dirt. The only way to solve the mess he's just made is to get to the bottom of this. And the only way he's going to do that is if he gets Sanzo to the restaurant tomorrow. This is going to require joint action.

Knowing Hakkai and Gojyo as he does, however, Goku takes off for the inn but decides to ask for their help in the morning.

-----

Considering Gojyo and Dokugakuji had managed to bring themselves through the many stages of drunkenness so quickly, it isn't all that disappointing to make an early night of things. It had been previously discussed that Dokugakuji is more than welcome to stay in their room, since they happened to get a room with two beds anyway and after all, the full youkai is the guest and should not have to pay for a place to stay.

Gojyo knows Hakkai is beyond pissed when such hospitalities are growing exponentially.

"I suppose we could offer to pay for a room all to yourself, Doku-san." Hakkai says. They are almost back to the inn now. Hakkai has remained in front of the group, allowing somewhat wobbly brothers to lean on each other.

Gojyo doesn't like it when he can't see Hakkai's face. "He don't need nothin' special. The extra bed's fine." Gojyo declines to add that he isn't entirely sure how safe he would feel rooming alone with Hakkai tonight. Gojyo is still hazy and several levels from reaching sober, but his brain is clear enough for him to recognize how stupid he was back in the bar.

He wasn't serious. Of course he wasn't. But from Hakkai's point of view, having a beautiful woman in his lap couldn't have looked good.

"I'll probably crash as soon as I hit something horizontal." Dokugakuji says, more upright than Gojyo but not much better off. He senses the tension between the lovers but doesn't think it's his place to interfere. "You won't even know I'm there. Nice of you to offer though." He adds.

Hakkai doesn't reply.

Hospitality up and response record down. Very bad sign.

"Hey, baby," Gojyo says, and instantly feels a knot in his stomach for calling Hakkai that after having used it on a stranger with the same tone, "Uhhh…you know I didn't mean anything back there, right? I was just proving to my big bro I could still pick up a chick if I wanted. Gotta keep the suave level up to par, ya know?"

"I suppose that would depend on what you are exercising your charms _for_, Gojyo."

"What do you mean?"

Dokugakuji feels very out of place and would move ahead and escape into the inn alone if he thought he could walk straight.

"What I mean, Gojyo," Hakkai says, "is that the only reason you have to keep _up to par_ is if you think you will need to use those charms again. I would simply like some warning before you decide to go back to your penny a night ways, if that isn't too much trouble."

"Uhh…maybe I should get that other room."

"Not at all, Doku-san." Hakkai says, spinning swift enough to cause both Shas to jump. They have reached the inn and Hakkai, frighteningly polite smile plastered firmly, holds the door open for his companions.

Dokugakuji averts his gaze, pretending he needs to watch his feet to avoid tripping over Gojyo, which isn't entirely untrue.

Gojyo, however, is bold and meets Hakkai's hardened gaze. In the shadows there is still the faint look of slit pupils to the healer's eyes. Gojyo wonders if he is hallucinating.

When they reach their room and Gojyo manages to disentangle from his brother, Dokugakuji does indeed pass out almost instantly upon being deposited on the second bed. Hakuryuu, having nearly been crushed since he was dozing on that bed already, flaps in indignation and flutters his way over to rest on Hakkai's shoulder. Gojyo always does inconsiderate things like this when he has been drinking, and Hakuryuu can plainly smell the alcohol.

The little dragon flaps his wings again, smelling alcohol on Hakkai as well. He cranes his neck to see his master's face. It is not uncommon for Hakkai to drink, but the healer is not holding himself in a manner at all normal. He is stiff, not relaxing to accommodate Hakuryuu or even acknowledging the dragon has perched on him. A darkness is seeping out of Hakkai, unknown and overpowering, and it is enough to make Hakuryuu feel strangely choked.

Flapping his way off of Hakkai's shoulder and over to the open window, Hakuryuu leaves the room and his master's off-putting aura behind.

Gojyo is not soothed by this situation. Dokugakuji has abandoned him for sleep and even the damn parrot doesn't want to be near Hakkai right now. This could be potentially very dangerous. Fatal even.

A sudden slam from next door tells them that Master Sanzo must have gone out as well and hadn't been far behind them. Gojyo wonders if their happy little world is starting to become a house of cards.

"Hakkai…"

"Time for bed, I'd say." Hakkai says, turning away from Gojyo and beginning to remove his outer clothing—headband, monocle, sash, tunic, shoes and socks. Every move is meticulous, slow and calculated to torture Gojyo with the unknown at the end of waiting.

Gojyo kicks off his boots, shrugs his jacket to the floor, and flings his tank off over his head, successfully catching and removing his headband in the process. "I wasn't thinking. I'm a fucking idiot, okay? Are you ever gonna look at me again?"

As if to make a point, Hakkai turns from his undressing to look at Gojyo directly. "Have I yet avoiding your stare, Gojyo."

"It's not the same. I know you're mad."

"Amazing deduction, Gojyo. Bravo."

"You freaked the hell out of half the bar and all you did was grab my shoulder."

"I have been told I can be surprisingly intimidating."

"Will you cut the elegant bullshit!?" Gojyo says fiercely, slamming his fist against the bed frame. He is still intoxicated for the most part and his steps are sloppy, but he moves across the floor to stand closer to Hakkai. "You're mad. _Be_ mad. It was stupid. I'm saying that. And I'm sorry. Hit me if you want but don't pull this passive-aggressive shit. We'll only end up going in circles." He reaches out to take Hakkai's hands, not allowing the brunette to pull away, though Hakkai does put up a mild disgruntled struggle. Gojyo looks into Hakkai's eyes and at least for the moment, there isn't anything out of the ordinary from the eyes he loves. "Hakkai, I don't want to fight over stupid things. We're s'posed to be good at forgiving each other, remember?"

Perhaps it is the gentleness in Gojyo, but whatever the catalyst, something reaches inside Hakkai and pulls off his darkness like a veil. Hakkai's eyes are liquid emerald. He shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Gojyo. You're right. You know how possessive I am."

"There's an understatement." Gojyo grins. He lets one of Hakkai's hands go so he can reach up and lift the healer's turned-down chin. Few things in this world are as beautiful to Gojyo as emerald. "Hey, I slipped up, but one look from you and I was back to my senses. I won't let pride get me in a situation like that again, okay? But you gotta trust me."

"It's not that I don't trust you, Gojyo. But as you said, one look from _me_ brought you back. What happens if I'm not with you and a pretty face catches your attention? Is there enough to keep you here or do you miss what you had? I know well how much you adore the company of women."

"You mean _did_. I have a much prettier face beside me now and a much sexier lover. I don't even notice women half the time anymore."

Hakkai raises an eyebrow in skepticism.

"Okay, once in a while, but only for aesthetic appreciation."

Hakkai tries to maintain his skeptic look but Gojyo is too cute with his boyish grin and puppy eyes that the healer is soon laughing. "Gojyo, I…I am sorry. I don't feel quite myself. I shouldn't be so distrustful or so easily angered. I know you love me."

"Damn straight I do. And hey, you can still hit me if you want. I was out of line." Gojyo's eye twinkles. "Or better yet…" He backs up towards their bed and haphazardly falls onto the mattress in an attempt at sensual wantonness. "Come and get me, seme-sama."

A chuckle rises in Hakkai's throat and he glances over at Dokugakuji asleep on the other bed. "Gojyo…"

"We really shouldn't, blah, blah, blah. Come on, what's the big—" But even as Gojyo is speaking, he suddenly finds himself firmly pinned to the mattress beneath him.

"I was going to say," Hakkai grins, regaining the dark part of him that seeks recreation over retribution, "that I am fine with your suggestion, just so long as I get to thoroughly punish you for such bold defiance."

"Do I get to be spanked?" Gojyo waggles an eyebrow.

"More along the lines of…it's a good thing we will more than likely be spending a few days here, because you, my friend, will not be able to walk straight in the morning." Hakkai attacks Gojyo's neck, sinking his teeth into smooth, salty flesh and biting hard.

It stings, but Gojyo, halfway between sober and perfectly buzzed, doesn't mind the pain. Hakkai would never really hurt him, and the threshold between pain and pleasure can be remarkably fun to test. "Being wife ain't so bad…" Gojyo grins, hissing as Hakkai depends his harsh kiss. Gojyo closes his eyes, forgetting all the worries over Hakkai's changing pupils, the presence of claws, and the darkness that is taking root more firmly everyday.

Why worry when the benefits of Hakkai's insatiability are this wonderful? Gojyo can't think of a single reason. Yet.

-----

Goku is surprised when Hakuryuu, looking rather indignant for a little dragon, flies up from the inn to join him on the roof. The monkey didn't feel like testing Sanzo's stance on sharing a room, and he didn't really care to spend his little money on getting one for himself. He is used to sleeping outdoors, and the night is warm, especially with Meiyuu's scarf over him like a blanket.

"You can sleep with me, Hakuryuu." Goku says to the dragon with a smile.

Having sniffed the monkey out and planned that already, Hakuryuu seeks a cozy spot on top of Goku's stomach and nestles in the folds of the scarf. He looks at Goku and "kyuu's" his appreciation and then stares at the scarf with another "kyuu".

"Long story," Goku says, "But I got it from Sanzo's mother."

"Kyuu?"

"You'll see tomorrow. If Sanzo's speaking to me by then. Either way I gotta get him to listen to me. Hakkai and Gojyo will help."

"Kyu." Hakuryuu coos shortly, laying his head with some finality between Goku's ribs.

"What? You mad at them coz they kicked you out?"

Hakuryuu tilts his long neck as if uncertain of the right answer to that.

"Something else? Hakkai's been smelling a little different lately. Is that it?"

"Kyuu!" Hakuryuu should have known the monkey's animal senses would be picking up on the same things as him. "Kyu, kyu?"

"I'm not too worried. It's Hakkai." Goku shrugs, staring up at the stars. The roof of the inn is fairly high, enough for him to lose sight of the other rooftops and feel right up there with the stars, like he's back in Heaven but Heaven is less boring than he knows it is in reality. "I didn't wanna say anything, mostly coz I was pretty mad before, but Seiten Taisei noticed Hakkai smelled weird too. Not…weird, I guess. Just more like that other part of him, ya know? Like that time when we were in the gourd thingy and he took off his limiters. Not like when we fought in Houtou Castle though. I don't know what it is. But I'm sure he'll be okay."

Hakuryuu isn't as sure. He snuggles in closer to Goku for the boy's warmth and closes his eyes. In little time he is snoring lightly like a kitten's purr.

Pleased to have the company, Goku doesn't mind that Hakuryuu is already asleep. Normally, he would fall asleep pretty quickly himself, but he has too much on his mind right now. He doesn't want to think about his own fears; there are more pressing things right now.

Meiyuu.

Somehow, some way he has to get Sanzo to Meiyuu's restaurant tomorrow. It won't be easy with the way Sanzo is acting, but Meiyuu is not the type to just abandon her son. Goku could tell that from two seconds with the woman. If that is what Sanzo is thinking then he is putting himself in a bad mood for nothing. Whatever happened to keep Meiyuu from finding Sanzo the way she did in the dreamworld must have been something she couldn't do anything about. Goku is sure of it.

Sometimes Goku's friends tell him he puts too much faith in people, but Goku has never seen that as a problem. People can be just as wonderful as Goku thinks they are, they just need to be convinced. Goku likes to think he has helped his friends see a little of their own wonderfulness from time to time. Sanzo is the toughest case, of course.

"Sanzo's gonna keep being mad about what I did, but he can't pretend he didn't see his mother tonight. If I get him there and get her to recognize who he is, I'm sure it'll work out. And maybe…it'll distract Sanzo long enough for me to figure out what to do about Seiten Taisei."

Goku slips one hand out from under the scarf to pet Hakuryuu goodnight, and then curls back under the makeshift blanket for sleep.

"I hope…"

tbc...

A/N: Yahoo! Look at me posting so soon. I can't believe it myself. I just couldn't get myself to do any school work this weekend, so...ta da! Hope you enjoyed. Hakkai is revealing more and more of his degrading control and Meiyuu is on the scene. What's a kappa and monkey to do? Hope to have more up soon. Thanks for all the support, everyone.

Crim


	7. If it could only get worse

If it could only get worse

* * *

This isn't the first time Hakkai and Gojyo's activities caused Hakuryuu to fly the coop. But the dragon's reasons for leaving hadn't actually been their activities this time. Hakuryuu left long before Hakkai and Gojyo made up. He left because something about Hakkai made the dragon think it would be safer elsewhere.

Hakkai never wants his friends, big or small, to fear him.

He has been outside the inn, whistling and softly calling for the dragon for sometime. Usually Hakuryuu would have come by now if he was nearby. Hakkai heads for the back of the inn, looking up to scan the rooftop as he goes.

"Hakuryuu!" He calls. His steps are sloppier than normal, causing dirt to kick up at the back of his khakis. The dirt is fitting, he thinks, for how wrong everything feels this morning. Hakkai feels refreshed, clearer in the head, and because of that, he can look back on his behavior the night before, look back on his behavior over the past few weeks, and know there is something very wrong.

Gojyo hasn't said anything, no one has, but his friends are used to his thinly veiled mood swings. Last night, however, for a moment in the bar Hakkai was not holding back. The strength and focus to his anger makes him feel strangely nauseous now as he remembers it. He had been the thinness of a thread's pull away from hurting Gojyo or any of those at the bar. The fact that Gojyo only got a sore shoulder in the end was pure luck, because Gojyo was smart enough to obey right away.

"I don't want a slave…" Hakkai whispers absently, his eyes cast down at the dirt by his feet, forgetting for a moment that he should be checking the skies. "No one should bow to me. No one should cower. What has come over me lately…?"

As if to dismiss Hakkai's concerns, a long singing "kyu" echoes above him and he looks heavenward to see the familiar sight of silvery wings approaching.

"Goodness, friend, I thought I would be calling into the afternoon." Hakkai smiles, holding out his arm in offering. Hakuryuu latches on and climbs carefully up until finding his usual perch on Hakkai's right shoulder. Hakkai strokes the dragon's head with the pad of his thumb. "I hope you aren't cross for having to sleep outside. Were you cold?"

Hakuryuu "kyus" dissent and cranes his neck up towards the roof.

Curious, Hakkai walks further around to the back until the slant of the roof reveals the still sleeping figure of Goku, covered haphazardly by a purple scarf, his limbs akimbo from shifting during the night.

The sight disturbs Hakkai much as it warms his heart. He calls out. "Goku! Breakfast time!" He learned long ago that "Get up!" is not nearly enough to rouse the monkey.

Goku stirs. "Food…?" he blinks, arching into a sitting position before rubbing his eyes to ready them for sunlight. "Hakkai?" Goku looks around, confused. "Oh yeah. Roof."

Hakkai chuckles to himself as Goku wraps the scarf around his neck and uses a nearby tree to climb down off the roof. Goku is awake but not entirely sentient until he has something in his stomach.

The feigned smile Goku attempts when he is on solid ground does not fool Hakkai in the least.

"Usually people end up sleeping on the couch. But then I suppose none of us are in anything like a normal relationship, are we?" Hakkai smiles, trying for lightening what must surely be a dark topic.

Goku's smile falls. He fingers the scarf, catching the tassels in the spaces between them. "Oh. Well, uhh…Sanzo and I kinda…he thought—I mean, _I_ thought it would be better to let him sleep alone last night, so I…" He looks up and sees that emerald is utterly skeptical.

"Goku, I doubt this is something you haven't heard recently already, but lying really doesn't become you."

Hakuryuu offers an affirming "kyuu".

Goku stares at his feet. "Sorry. Sanzo and I had a big fight over the Seiten Taisei thing. And then after I found—" Goku's head whips up, his eyes wide and frantic. "Meiyuu! You don't know! I found Meiyuu!" Goku cries.

The monkey continues to rant and Hakkai has to take Goku by the shoulders to calm him. "Please, Goku, slow down," Hakkai says, "I can't understand you if you talk as fast as all that. Now what's this about Meiyuu? Do you mean the Meiyuu from the dreamworld?"

"Yeah!" Goku bounces on the balls of his feet.

"Sanzo's mother?"

"Exactly!" Goku grips Hakkai's arms as they are gripping his shoulders. "After the fight I was hungry so I went to this shabu-shabu place and when I was waiting for the hostess—"

"Goku, _breathe_."

Goku takes a big breath as directed, but speaks just as quickly when he starts in again. "And then I saw her. Meiyuu. Not just a look-a-like. She's really her. The eyes, the smile, everything! I took Sanzo to see her but he's all mad for some reason and even though she said we could come for a free lunch he says he won't go. We gotta convince him to go!" With his unsurpassed strength, Goku shifts his hold on Hakkai's arm to one of the healer's wrists and starts leading Hakkai to the front of the inn.

"Goku, wait. You must calm down. This is a bit much this early in the morning." Hakkai stumbles over a collection of dirt as Goku tugs him along.

"We have to, Hakkai, we have to convince Sanzo to go."

"Goku."

Goku knows better than to disobey that tone. He stops, nearly to the door, and looks back to meet stern but compassionate emerald eyes.

Hakkai smiles, genuine now that Goku has heeded him. "We will do whatever you wish. _After_ we wake up Gojyo and Doku-san and you tell all of us exactly what happened."

It is a wonder the world doesn't fall apart when Hakkai is sleeping.

Forcing his pulse to still, Goku takes one, two, three large breaths and releases Hakkai's wrist. He nods agreement and starts to follow Hakkai into the inn as the healer now leads him.

Halfway to the rooms, Goku stops in the hallway. "Doku?"

-----

"The monk's mother? You're sure?"

"I said I was sure, didn't I?"

Gojyo can't help being skeptical. He finds it much easier to chalk up the whole dreamworld experience to a what-could-never-happen world, and is merely thankful the few things that could happen have. If things like Sanzo having a mother start coming true Gojyo wonders how soon it'll take Yaone to get pregnant.

"Didn't think Sanzo's the type who would ever have parents." Doku says, smug smile in place as he sits on the end of the bed he crashed on the night before. He is eternally grateful for once again being able to avoid getting a hangover. This one would have been a doozy.

Hakkai and Gojyo are sitting on their bed looking at Goku, who is rocking steadily on the balls of his feet, too anxious to stand still. "Goku," Hakkai says, "You know Sanzo better than any of us. What do you think can be done to get him to accept Meiyuu's invitation?"

"Me?" Goku stops rocking. "Nah uh. You're the one who knows him best Hakkai. You're like…Sanzo's best friend." Goku nods. He has always thought of Hakkai as covering the friend part, himself as covering the deeper companionship and romantic stuff, and Gojyo as covering…

Well, he'll figure out which part Gojyo covers some other time.

"You know Sanzo best," Goku says again, "And you're a better thinker than all of us, Hakkai. What's a good way to trick Sanzo into going? He won't just do it coz we ask. He's real upset, and not just about me. I think…I think he's worried she doesn't love him or something." Goku shrugs.

The twitch of a larger smile catches Hakkai's lips. "Goku, you really do understand Sanzo better than you think. I would say you're right. Sanzo is worried. Wouldn't anyone be? He saw one version of us mother in the dreamworld, a mother who risked everything, searched for years, and finally found him to raise him as her own. And now he has discovered the real thing, only she is far from Kinzan Temple, and he is left to wonder whether she looked for him at all. As far as he knows, she might have set him adrift on the river because she wanted to be rid of him, not out of any necessity. Think about that, Goku. Would you want to see her if that is what you believed?"

Goku had been thinking the same thing, but wasn't sure how to word it. Hakkai is always better at making things sound simple. "I know. I figured that too. But we still gotta make him go," Goku says, "We don't know whether she left him coz she wanted or coz she had to, and it's no fair to assume. Sanzo deserves to know for sure. We just got to get him there."

"You guys are hopeless."

Hakkai and Goku turn their attentions on Gojyo, each with their own brand of scowl.

Gojyo looks over at his brother and winks and then gives his attention to his anxious friends. "What gets a guy into motion faster than anything? Doesn't matter if he's a womanizer, an addict, or an asshole like our holiness next door. Every man would sooner stuff his own foot down his throat than bow down over a matter of pride." Gojyo leans forward on his knees. He can feel his brother's gaze and he knows Jien is with him on this. Jien used to get Gojyo to do all sorts of things using tricks like this. "All we gotta do is call the monk on being a pussy. If he thinks we think the only reason he ain't running over to mommy's is coz he's scared, he'll be the one dragging _us_. I'd put money on it."

There are times when Gojyo's supremely simple and base logic astounds Hakkai to no end. "Gojyo, that is sheer brilliance."

"Thanks, baby," Gojyo grins.

Goku jumps a clean foot off the ground, his hands in tight fists near his shoulders. "Let's go, let's go!"

Gojyo gets up from the bed and puts his hand on Goku's shoulder. "Just follow my lead, monkey," Gojyo says, "And we'll be having lunch at Meiyuu's before noon."

-----

Sanzo didn't sleep last night but he hasn't left his room all morning. He figures the monkey has told the fearsome duo by now and as soon as he steps out his door, they'll be all over him. Sometimes it sucks having friends. Sanzo is reminded of why he never wanted any.

But even the basest calls of humanity get to the monk sometimes, and when it gets close to eleven o'clock, his empty stomach starts complaining to him almost as loudly as Goku. He never ate dinner. He didn't eat breakfast. Better to get an early lunch and teach those fools a lesson before they can drag him off across town. As if they could.

Emerging from his room finally, Sanzo peers down both ends of the hallway, pleased to find not a single monkey, kappa, or mother-hen in sight. Maybe he can go about his own business in peace after all. Sanzo heads down the hallway, intending to eat at the inn's restaurant. His robes hang off his hips, his eyes hang heavy from lack of sleep, and the only thing keeping him from pulling out a morning cigarette is knowing he will be filling his mouth in only a few minutes time.

Sanzo doesn't forget that there was a time in the past when that wouldn't have mattered. He tries not to think about how much he has changed. He wouldn't want to give any of those idiots credit for anything. Sanzo is almost disappointed that he guessed wrong, and that none of them come barreling at him from around a corner to bombard him with reasons to go see his mother.

Che. Mother. Where the hell has she been for the past twenty-four years if she's really who she seems to be?

As soon as Sanzo turns the corner into the restaurant, he is no longer disappointed. The deviants themselves, plus one not entirely welcome youkai, sit at a table in the center of the room, laughing and sharing rounds of orange juice and water. Someone if not all of them must have lost their mind.

Sanzo ignores them, though the heated flick of their gazes does not go unnoticed. He doesn't see them. They aren't there. Sanzo sits at a table as far as he can get from theirs and waits for the waitress.

"Figures. Good call, monkey." Filters over Gojyo's voice, sounding smug.

"Yep. Thought so," the monkey says back, "Looks like you guys owe me some cash after all. I knew Sanzo's be too chicken to go."

The napkin Sanzo had been unwrapping from around his silverware falls to the floor. Sanzo hovers before bending down to retrieve it. Idiots. They made a bet?

"Guess so," Gojyo says, "You do know the monk best. I just figured he had more of a backbone than that. Proves _me_ wrong."

Sanzo's grip tightens so hard around the napkin after he grabs it that it's all but a crumpled useless mess by the time he throws it onto the table.

"I lost too," says Dokugakuji, "I don't know the monk as well as you guys, but I figured he had more balls than this. After facing so many youkai, one human woman is all it takes to prove how spineless he really is. Kinda sad really."

Sanzo reaches for his butter knife, if only to have something to grip that feels sturdy and solid in his hand.

"Now, now, that isn't very nice," mends the healer, "Sanzo can't be blamed for being a little skittish. He doesn't really know what to expect from her, after all. He has every right to be afraid."

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing," Sanzo spits in their direction, the butter knife held like a warning, with the "dangerous" end up. "So you keep your idiot mouths shut over there. It's not going to work."

Sanzo is most pleased to hear several minutes of silence from the other table as the waitress finally comes over to take his order. When she is gone, however, faint whispers begin to drift over to him.

"…really dumb…"

"Can't believe…such a spaz…"

"What…expect. It's Sanzo."

"…really freaked, I guess…"

"…can't blame him…being afraid…"

"…still think…a dumbass."

"Totally."

"And…thinks we don't know."

"Yeah."

"…so obvious."

"Way obvious."

"Definitely."

"Will you shut the hell up!"

The waitress jumps five feet, nearly losing Sanzo's tray of food on her way to his table.

Sanzo slams the butter knife down, the handle sweaty from how tightly he had been holding it, and stands, glaring in the direction of the others.

The waitress steadies herself but knows better than to move forward just yet.

"You want to test me? You want to see how far you can push me?" Sanzo seethes. "I knew the monkey wouldn't be able to keep his damn mouth shut. And I knew you idiots would act this way. If you really want to test me…I'm not responsible for what happens." Sanzo pushes back his chair so hard it flips. He dismisses the waitress with a wave of his hand. "Get off your asses. We're going."

Goku, Gojyo, Hakkai, and Dokugakuji are a little dumbfounded, and sit staring at Sanzo for almost a minute before an impatient stomp from the monk gets all of them out of their seats. Sanzo takes off for the door and they have to rush to keep up, Goku first in line, while the other three follow more closely together.

Gojyo can't help but smile, smugly and with all of the pride he just challenged in Sanzo. "Even easier than I thought," he says.

-----

Meiyuu's Shabu-Shabu, the finest eatery serving humans and youkai alike. If Meiyuu herself doesn't stop by your table at least once, the meal is on the house.

Goku and the others find the sign outside the restaurant reassuring. Sanzo does not.

It is the height of the lunch hour and Meiyuu's restaurant is all but packed, filled with a larger concentration of youkai than the group has seen anywhere outside of Houtou Castle. The humans in the restaurant, sometimes eating at the same tables as youkai, do not seem to mind this at all. In fact, they appear so at home that the atmosphere is friendly despite Sanzo's fowl aura trying to darker it.

"A table for five?" the young youkai woman at the front asks with a smile, showing fangs. She couldn't possibly be over eighteen and is therefore off Gojyo's map, to everyone's relief.

Hakkai steps forward to speak on the group's behalf. "Yes, please, if it isn't too much trouble. We can see how busy you are."

The girl bats pretty silver eyes in Hakkai's direction, swooning from his polite manner. "Not at all. We'll find you a table." A blush spread over her nose, but judging by the sweep of her eyes as she zips off to find said available table, the blush is coming from the combination of handsome men rather than just the healer. Hakkai decides to take it as a compliment to the group.

There is a good many people behind them by the time the girl comes back, but when she does she hands five menus to a young human waiter, and sends them off after him to a free table.

They are led, winding and dodging, through the restaurant, and almost lose sight of their waiter more than once. The place is small enough that they always find him again and when they reach their table set against the left wall, they look back behind them and wonder how such a short distance took so long. The wall to wall patrons might have something to do with it.

The waiter leaves the menus, smiles and bows politely, takes their drink orders, and hurries off. The room is so noisy it is easy for everyone to be distracted at first, and no one talks for a few minutes, busy looking over the menu of over their surroundings. The ceilings are high with find, old-fashioned moldings, and the walls, painted white with dark brown trim, make them feel as if they are in a welcome tavern rather than a restaurant. All of those at the table find comfort in this fact. A tavern suits them better anyway.

"Not much point in looking over the menu. You know we'll end up ordering at least one of everything, right, bouzu?" Gojyo leans Sanzo's direction. How the seating managed to put him next to Sanzo is beyond explanation. Goku is of course on Sanzo's other side, much as Sanzo is ignoring the monkey, then Dokugakuji, and Hakkai sits between the two brothers.

Sanzo scoffs at Gojyo's comment. "Get what you want. I don't care," he says.

"That's rather dangerous, Sanzo," Hakkai replies, "Knowing our companions."

Sanzo ignores this as he is ignoring everything else. He took the seat closest to the wall and in as much shadow as he could manage. It cannot possibly do the trick the darkness did last night, but he is certainly willing to try.

"There she is!" Goku calls, pointing none too discreetly across the restaurant.

Hakkai, Gojyo, and Dokugakuji look where he has indicated and get the chance to give Meiyuu the once over themselves. She is dressed in violet and lavender in a long-sleeved traditional dress that reaches down to her ankles. It hugs her slender frame but remains sophisticated despite her youthful figure. Her hair is done up neatly with wisps falling over her forward and a purple and gold comb is placed in the back.

Goku thinks she must have dressed that way to match the scarf, which he hid in his cape before Sanzo first found them in the inn's restaurant. She is beautiful like Sanzo, with the same drooping eyes in brown and with brown hair. The face is Sanzo's, if a little older and colored lightly with makeup. It makes Goku smile to think all those youkai and other goons were right. Sanzo is as pretty as a girl.

Gojyo whistles. "Talk about hot Momma. Whoa."

"Gojyo," Hakkai reprimands, for the kappa's own safety since Sanzo looks ready to reach for his gun on principle.

"I meant in the most innocent way, I swear. So she's hot. Can't I be honest?"

Gojyo really doesn't get it. "Gojyo," Hakkai says, and that single utterance is enough to shut the kappa up.

"I don't know that dreamworld as well as you four," says Dokugakuji, "But she sure looks like the monk, I'll admit that. Would have guessed at the relation even if you hadn't pointed it out, Goku. Guess there's no denying she's who we think. So the only problem—"

"There isn't a problem," Sanzo growls, "We eat and we leave. You fools leave me alone and the journey continues. The end."

Goku makes a face. "Sanzo," he says, "That's not the end. We gotta talk to her. We didn't just come for the food." Gojyo chuckles as if he might crack a joke at the monkey's expense, but Goku doesn't stop. "You have to talk to her. How else are you gonna find out what happened."

"I don't care what happened. I, unlike you, don't have to cling to other people to survive. Ow!" Sanzo's eyes dart in accusation across the table.

"Oh, my, did I do that?" Hakkai says sweetly, "I'm sorry, Sanzo, I think my right foot has a mind of its own."

Sanzo grumbles but turns away before any of the other idiots at the table can make the day worse.

The waiter comes back. "Ready to order?"

Sanzo grits his teeth as everything on the menu, two of page five, and extras from page 2 and three, are ordered. What does he care? The Goddess of Mercy deserves the bill anyway for making them take the long way back. It's her fault he's even in this situation. Bitch probably knew this would happen.

The Heaven's are silent, but Sanzo swears he can hear divine laughter mocking him from somewhere.

"Hey, she's coming our way," Goku says, bouncing in his seat like he had been bouncing all day. "She's really pretty, but she looks kinda older than the dreamworld, huh, Sanzo? Around the eyes?"

Sanzo turns his head to look at the wall. "Whatever."

Meiyuu is indeed moving closer to their table, and though she has a few places to stop at before reaching them, she decides on a more direct route once spotting Goku.

"I was wondering if you'd show up," she says, smiling warmly at Goku once reaching their table. She is carrying a carafe of sake and tops off each of their drinks, including Goku's though his had originally been water. "This meal's on me, remember. I thank the Sanzo-party personally for all my youkai patrons. It's about time we remembered how to be family again."

Meiyuu glances over the faces of everyone at the table, though she only gets the barest view of Sanzo's profile with how much he is staring at the cracks in the wall. She sees a sympathetic look staring at her from Goku and doesn't press the monk. Instead, she looks at Gojyo and Jien and puts one hand on her hip.

"Well, I'll be. Looks like we already have some family. You two must be brothers."

Jien just smiles but Gojyo is impressed. "How'd you know?" he says, looking over at Dokugakuji and down at his own body as if he might be able to spot the signs as obvious as painted letters.

"Oh, it's easier to tell than you might think." Meiyuu smiles, "More in the way you hold yourselves than your features, but it's there. I bet this past year or so has been especially hard on you two, hmm?"

Gojyo looks up from his brotherly perusal and laughs. "Lady, you have no idea."

"He caused more trouble than I did though," Dokugakuji puts in.

Gojyo gives an incredulous look but can't really disagree.

Meiyuu decides she likes these boys. She giggles to herself but doesn't hide it like most women might by putting her hand to her lips. She laughs openly. "I know not all the youkai lost themselves, but I sure am glad those that did are back to normal now. Too many people forgot how things used to be. Things were never perfect mind you, but in this town we never asked our youkai neighbors to wear limiters. We always did what we could to live the way Shangri La was intended to be. I like to think we can get back to that."

Hakkai, and all of his companions to be perfectly honest, were always of the belief that Shangri La fell short of paradise. Everyone said youkai and humans lived in harmony, but it wasn't really like that in most places. Youkai often got treated like second class citizens, made to suppress their natures with limiters, and sometimes even openly shunned. Hakkai for one is pleased to hear Meiyuu speak of how things could and really should be.

"I hope the rest of Shangri La will take your example, Miss Meiyuu," the healer says, "I'd like to live in that kind of paradise if it can be achieved. I think we all would."

The light glints off Hakkai's limiters and Meiyuu's smile stretches wider. She had wondered just how many of the men at this table were actually human. But she learned long ago not to question a youkai's choice to wear limiters, even if she would prefer they didn't feel the need to. She already knew the boy was youkai from his coronet, but now there is this man as well, their unlimited friend, and a hanyou too. Knowing that Genjou Sanzo is human makes her respect the man even more for his companion choices.

"Master Sanzo, sir, if I may say," she says, "It is more of an honor to meet your party than I first realized it would be. I can tell you understand what it is I hope to accomplish here, in my own little way, and that you are doing the same. Your choice of friends is enough to prove that. In the end, blood doesn't mean much at all."

Meiyuu does not see how Sanzo's hands are shaking beneath the table. "No," the monk says, his head still turned away but also lowered now, staring at where the wall and the table are connected, "blood doesn't mean much of anything. Does it?" And Sanzo turns, his chin lifting as he brings his burning violet eyes to stare into brown.

Meiyuu's carafe of sake falls to the floor and shatters.

Sanzo rises from the table. "Blood didn't mean anything then, why would it now?" he says, and though his voice is even it is low and dark, like his expression.

Hands reaching up to tighten into a single fist near her heart, Meiyuu stares in disbelief. The face, the coloring. She had heard Genjou Sanzo was not like other monks so she expected the hair. But those eyes. No one else could have those eyes.

"Hikaru…" she says, and it fills the air like a whispered prayer.

Sanzo's expression remains cold. "You can keep your hospitality," he says, ignoring her stunned whisper. And then he is walking towards the door before Meiyuu or his companions can say anything.

"Sanzo!" Goku calls anyway, and the others jump into action alongside him.

"Sanzo, wait!"

"Sanzo!"

"Yo, monk, get back here!"

But Sanzo doesn't stop. He is halfway to the door when the broken cry of, "Hikaru!" reaches him. Like in the dreamworld, like those first images of Meiyuu's face, Sanzo recognizes the name, if only faintly. Had a mother called him that, tenderly even, for that first year of his life?

It doesn't matter. The years after that did not belong to her.

Sanzo turns back, walking only enough towards the table so that the woman, pleading eyes and shocked expression, can hear him without him raising his voice. The tables nearest them have silenced, however, and Sanzo's words resonate after he speaks them.

"My name is Koryuu," Sanzo says, and the hesitation in saying the name he might have shown a year ago is not at all present, "The name the man who _raised me_ gave me." And Sanzo turns again, and despite the cries that follow him all the way out the door, he acknowledges none of them.

-----

When Meiyuu broke down in tears, sobbing out apologies and details Goku couldn't focus enough on yet to hear, Hakkai had looked to him, told the monkey to go, and Goku listened without another thought.

So now, running through the streets and knocking shoulders with several people he passes, Goku is chasing Sanzo, wildly looking down streets to see where the monk has gone. Goku finally finds Sanzo heading towards the inn, but using back alleys Goku had to search for to find. If not for Goku's faster pace, he wouldn't have caught the monk before Sanzo reached the inn and more than likely locked himself away for the next week.

"Sanzo, wait!" This is unfairly like déjà vu. "Stop! Sanzo, please!"

The difference is that this time Sanzo turns around and faces Goku, not at all like how he avoided the monkey the night before. "What do you want?" he says.

Goku will not let Sanzo's smoldering eyes get the better of him. "I only wanted you to talk to her. You didn't even let her say anything. She's your Mom, Sanzo. And she recognized you for sure back there. She even called you a name, your real—"

"Shut up."

Goku has never listened to Sanzo so quickly in his life. The words were like bullets.

Sanzo holds himself as a pillar, cold and solid. "I don't need to hear anything from her. She lives here. She lives for other causes. She doesn't live for a son. Why should I care if she is my mother when she already decided long ago she doesn't _have_ a son?"

"But…but Sanzo, you don't even know if—"

"_Shut_. _Up_."

Goku flinches. A bullet to his heart that time, clean through.

"Don't talk to me about family," Sanzo continues, his voice cold like ice, colder than his eyes, "What do you know of blood? What do you know about having a mother at all, let alone one that never wanted you? You were never someone's child. Be thankful someone never had enough claim on you to throw you away."

And as Sanzo turns and leaves Goku in the street, the monkey has to wonder, pale and trembling, if Sanzo is right. Does nothing have claim on him like family? Like love? The words wound deeper than bullets, as if by saying them Sanzo has relinquished the claim Goku gave the monk, and left Goku with nothing.

tbc...

A/N: Ouch. Sanzo, you're a dick. But the real test here is going to be Goku's. You'll see soon how he handles that. Hope this was okay, and sorry for the wait. I am now in the throngs of a Death Note fic as well, crazy as that sounds, if you want to check it out. As for this fic, it will continue, hopefully more quickly. Thanks again, everyone, for your readiness to accept where the boys get thrown. I'm not done tossing them around just yet. ;-)

Crim


	8. Truth in Painful Ways

Truth in Painful Ways

* * *

"I know there's no reason for you to believe me, but I swear it's the truth," Meiyuu says, clutching her embroidered handkerchief while downcast eyes stare at the purple stitching around its edges, "Please, please believe me."

Hakkai, Gojyo, and Dokugakuji had remained behind with Meiyuu when Goku chased Sanzo out of the restaurant. She had succumbed to tears quickly, and led the boys into the back and up the stairs to the apartment she lives in above her business. The help could deal with her influx of costumers. She had just seen her long lost son and been shunned.

"I never could have imagined he would be Genjou Sanzo. Famous. Part of your group that saved so many from a fate they didn't deserve. I should have known as soon as I heard of his coloring. But the violet eyes…I didn't believe it until I saw for myself. No one else could have such eyes."

The young men listen intently, seated around her—Hakkai and Dokugakuji on chairs they pulled over and Gojyo on a footstool—as Meiyuu sits at the edge of her bed, face damp and body trembling. She has told them her tale, rushed and heartfelt, and even Gojyo who would usually have to add his own two cents at intervals, remained silent throughout.

Now, as her words drift, Hakkai leans forward in his chair and places a hand on Meiyuu's knee. "Miss Meiyuu, I know this is difficult for you, but your sincerity…I don't think it's possible to doubt that. I knew some of your tale already, to be honest."

"You did?" Meiyuu looks up, meeting emerald with wide warm brown, "But how?"

"A long story in itself. But me, Gojyo, Goku, and Sanzo even had already speculated that your reasons for placing a young child in the river was because you had no choice. Even before the minus wave we all know there were youkai factions that raided human towns. That yours was attacked, your husband killed, I can understand why you would think setting the child adrift might be the only way to ensure his survival."

"And Hakkai's right that Sanzo would believe that part too," Gojyo adds, scooting to the end of the footstool, hands awkwardly on his knees that are too high with the short height of his seat, "It's just…well…it's the rest of the story he's not too keen on, even if he doesn't know it all. I mean, you're alive."

Meiyuu's shoulders slump, her body shriveling in and causing Hakkai's kind hand to drop form her knee. "I know. I…I should have found him sooner. If only I had found him sooner. He just looked so happy. He didn't know me anymore. How could I justify taking him from the temple when he had found a new family?"

Dokugakuji straightens in his chair and looks to the others as a silent exchange passes between them.

Hakkai braves the question. "Are you saying you did find Sanzo at Kinzan temple?" he asks. Meiyuu had only told of the loss of her son thus far. "You did search for him," Hakkai says, leaning back to sit up straighter. He looks at Meiyuu's face, hidden by the shadows of her bent head, and knows without finishing his words what the answers are. "You searched, but by the time you found where he had drifted, he had grown, maybe only a year or two, but it was enough that you felt it was in his best interest to leave him in Koumyou's care." None of Hakkai's words are questions.

Lifting her chin at the mention of Koumyou, Meiyuu's eyes glaze and dim as if she were back at Kinzan temple now, watching from afar the happy face of her young son. "Koumyou Sanzo," she says, "I know the name, but I never approached him. It was a monk along the road that first told me. I asked about a boy that might have been found at the river, and he knew of Hikaru." Her eyes dart up and then down again. "Hikaru. That was the name…I gave him. The monk knew of my son," she goes on, "And I followed the path to Kinzan temple, asking the monks as I traveled through. They pointed me in the right direction, but when I saw Master Sanzo playing with my little boy like a father, really like a father, chasing him and laughing, I…I knew Hikaru wasn't my child anymore. It had been almost two years. He didn't know me. I thought I was doing the right thing…" Tears well up fresh within her and begin to stream.

Hakkai renews the touch of his hand on her knee. "Miss Meiyuu," he says, "We would never judge you for that decision." Out of the corner of Hakkai's eye he sees Gojyo give a twitch and knows the kappa is holding his tongue. "And as for Sanzo, just give him some time. We'll talk to him and you can tell him yourself your reasons. Maybe he will understand, maybe he will not, but I think you owe it to each other to take the time to find out."

That much at least, neither Dokugakuji nor Gojyo disagrees with.

When Meiyuu lifts her head to gage their reactions to her, she meets only pained understanding. These young men, friends of her son, earnestly hope she can find common ground with the man that is now Genjou Sanzo.

"Thank you. I…I would like to see him," Meiyuu says, "But his reaction to me…I…I know it is what I deserve. I would never think I had the right to ask anything of him. I just wish…I wish I could know him, anything of him. I don't think it is possible for a mother to be more proud of her son's accomplishments, but he is so much more than Genjou Sanzo to me. I only wish…to tell him that and ask his forgiveness."

It was several minutes later that the three men finally left Meiyuu. They had agreed to see what they could do about getting Sanzo to at least meet with her, which is all they could really offer in promise. They would try.

Walking back towards the inn, they are silent for blocks, their footfalls louder than their breathing or occasional sighs. But before the street of their inn has come into view, Gojyo erupts.

"I just…I just don't get it," he blurts out, hands raising in frustration as if he had been holding this reaction in since they left Meiyuu, "She's his mom. You don't just leave your kid. You find him, you love him, you raise him. Period. How could she just…I mean, I know why, and I get that it was hard and she's sorry, but I just can't, I just don't get _how_, I…I don't know."

A brief pause is then followed by Dokugakuji's laughter. "Bro, don't take offense huh, but you always were a bit oblivious when it came to knowing about parents." Despite the laughter, his words are honest.

Gojyo does not respond.

"You got this ideal of what you wished Mom could be, but she wasn't. You figure other Moms would and should be the same, but it's not clean-cut like that. We don't know what it was like for Meiyuu being there, seeing her kid with a new parent like she never existed. She thought she was doing the right thing for him, hard as it was."

"Yes, and foolishly thought that leaving was the right thing for a young child. Much as I sympathize with her, I do agree with Gojyo. Such inane thinking really is hard to understand." Hakkai keeps his eyes on the path ahead as he speaks, but his words are cutting and it does not go unnoticed who they are really intended for.

Gojyo tries to get Hakkai's attention with his eyes, but Hakkai will not meet the stare.

Dokugakuji says nothing, to defend or otherwise. It is only when they reach the inn that he turns to Hakkai, coming around to block the green-eyed youkai's path by standing in front of the inn door.

"Look, I can tell you it's not easy leaving a kid behind, but people don't always think clearly. Sometimes, we're just thinking about what would be easier. I was a kid then too. Fourteen ain't no adult. Don't think your double-talk bypasses me, coz I'm not stupid. I messed up. Maybe that's what we have to say about her too. But you don't know what it feels like to be in that position. Do you?"

The more sensible half of Hakkai wonders how on earth he could have been so tactless and bold. He has trouble accepting Gojyo's brother on account of their past and how Jien left an eight-year-old alone, but the truth is Hakkai _doesn't_ know what it's like to be there. The only place he's been is one where getting to a loved one is all that mattered, not leaving them.

Gojyo wants to speak up, hating the stare between his brother and lover that won't disconnect. Neither says anything for so long, he fears they will turn to viscous blows if something doesn't break the tension.

And then Hakkai speaks. "You're right. I apologize. Though I will not deny that you baffle me, Doku-san. Finally you are saying the right words. But not to the right person." And though a small part of him thinks he should be kinder, Hakkai allows his tone to remain dark. He sidesteps past Dokugakuji and walks into the inn.

Gojyo and Dokugakuji remain outside, neither looking at the other. Thanks to his long time friend and newly acquired lover, Gojyo feels more awkward than ever around his brother. Hakkai just called Dokugakuji on something Gojyo had long ago decided to forgive and forget. It's just the way Gojyo is. He accepts that people are going to be who they are and do what's right by them, and as far as he is concerned, that is all he should expect from anyone.

His philosophy should make him more sympathetic to Meiyuu, he realizes, but right now his problems are bigger than dealing with Sanzo's messed up family. He has his own to worry about.

"He gets that way sometimes. Holier than thou and talking big. Feel free to ignore it," Gojyo says, speaking more to the door frame behind Dokugakuji than to the youkai himself.

Gojyo never was that good of a liar. "You think same as he does, way more than you let on. I'm not stupid, remember? And it's not like I don't know how awful it was for you, coz I do, I screwed up, and I…" Dokugakuji snaps his mouth shut. How does he say this?

Red eyes, red eyes he has always loved, are looking at him. Slowly they're focusing on him instead of the door, and he wants to be honest with them for a change.

"Gojyo," he says, "I'm sorry. I know we've danced around all this a million times since the last battle, but I am. I hated myself then. I could have tried to track you down and instead I found Kou. I didn't replace you with him, but somehow, I don't know, I thought I could make up for leaving you by being devoted to him. That isn't fair to you, I know, but…I know it wasn't right. And I am sorry."

This really isn't Gojyo's area of expertise. He's done all the tearful revelation shit with Hakkai, a little with Goku, and hell, maybe even a very little bit with Sanzo, but now his brother too? His life's become a regular soap opera. Or he's becoming a woman. He's not sure which. Best thing to do in situations like this are to act cool and brush it off.

After one, small thing.

"Never needed to hear it," Gojyo says, "Just needed to know it. And…I know. You don't have to ask forgiveness Jien, you've always had it." A hug would be too much. Definitely. So Gojyo just steps forward and squeezes his brother's shoulder tight, giving.

Dokugakuji grins. "Don't cry now, huh? You're an adult now."

"Hey. Who said anything about crying?" Gojyo pouts, "And I didn't cry back then either, asshole. I—"

"Save it for someone who believes it, runt."

Gojyo is about to retort yet again when Hakkai pushes back out of the inn and nearly runs headlong into Dokugakuji. His expression is grim.

"What is it?" Gojyo asks.

Hakkai's eyes dart around the area outside the inn before turning to Gojyo in answer. "Well, Sanzo's locked in his room, much as a surprise that is," he explains, "But we have another problem."

The nervous biting of Hakkai's lip is not a twitch the healer allows often. Gojyo doesn't like this. "What is it?" he says again.

"It's Goku. He's gone."

-----

"You sure it's okay, Ra-mama?"

"Yes, dear, it's lovely. It suits young Sanzo quite well, I think. May I ask what inspired it?"

Lirin looks down at the quilt covering her and her step-mother's lap. It is growing larger now with more filler patches along with the newest one for the Sanzo-ikkou. The others will come later, but Lirin wanted to start with her favorite "perch".

The square she has designed for the monk and that Rasetsunyo is currently stitching, is deep violet with gold around the edges. In one top corner is a version of the monk's gun, in the other top corner is a cigarette. Together they almost look like eyes, especially with how the monk's sutras is being displayed like a smiling mouth along the bottom of the patch. It's perfect.

"All the things that remind me of baldy but made like a smile, coz he's not so bad even with all the dangerous stuff. He just tries to make you think he is. And the colors are good. I like it!" She exclaims.

Rasetsunyo smiles, adding another stitch to the black bits of "lettering" on the sutra. "I'm glad, dear. You'll have to think hard about the other boys now too. Who should we move onto next?"

"Mmm…probably Goku. He should be next to Sanzo, since they're all couply and everything. Oh!" Lirin's eyes light up and Rasetsunyo has to hold down the quilt to keep the girl's movement from disrupting her current stitch. "Goku needs a meatbun on his. A bunch of 'em." She nods to herself, certain of her revelation.

Like any good and patient mother, Rasetsunyo knows to simply nod in kind. She resettles the quilt on her and Lirin's lap and hands Lirin an orange square to begin preparing for Goku's.

After a few minutes of silent work—something very rare with Lirin around—the young youkai speaks up. "Hey, Ra-mama?"

"Yes?"

"I don't want to tattle or nothing, but…sometimes when I walk by Nii-chan's room," she looks side to side, like checking for eavesdroppers, "I hear noises."

Rasetsunyo tries not to giggle. "Noises? What kind of noises, Lirin dear?" she asks knowingly.

Lirin isn't quite as easily deceived as one might think. She makes a face. "You know what kind, Ra-mama. All sorts of low breathy noises and little yips and stuff. And it's not just Nii-chan in there. I hear Yaone too. Don't think I don't know what they're up to in there. I'm almost sixteen you know."

"True. Though I hope you don't know what they're up to by personal experience just yet."

The quilt gives another little jump and Rasetsunyo nearly skewers her finger with the needle. "Course not," Lirin huffs, "I mean I've done stuff, just not _all_ that stuff."

Rasetsunyo raises an eyebrow and gives Lirin a sideways glance.

"Just kissing stuff." Lirin qualifies, feeling about ten years old and in trouble. Of course, she actually doesn't fear Rasetsunyo, not the way she feared her own mother. But reprimand out of love can be very scary when it wants to be. "Don't worry. Nii-chan always scares boys off anyway."

"Really?" Rasetsunyo considers this. She does another stitch before adding, "We'll have to do something about that."

Lirin grins to herself. It really is great having a real mother for a change.

-----

Another knock sounds at Sanzo's door. He has ignored the last ten, he can ignore this one too. The damn door is locked for a reason.

Yet another knock. Persistent bastard. Finally, a voice filters in too.

"Sanzo, I know you're in there, and though you refuse to acknowledge that I would like to speak with you, it really would be in your best interest to hear me out."

Sanzo does not reply. Hakkai can talk all he wants. Sanzo has no intention of leaving his spot in the window. Robe down around his waste and his second cigarette of the day lit and hanging from his mouth, proves that he is in a position he plans to stay in for as long as possible. He doesn't need lunch. He won't need dinner either. He's survived on less. He doesn't need anything.

"Sanzo, you can't do this. We've come so much farther than this. I know you're angry, and you have every right to be, but you didn't give her a chance to explain. She had her reasons. It wasn't abandonment in the way you're thinking, Sanzo, you must believe that."

It doesn't matter. Sanzo doesn't want to hear this. His mother is alive. She set him adrift and _lived_. She should have found him. Everything would have been different. Maybe Sanzo is glad things are not different, but that doesn't mean he can let her off the hook for leaving him.

Hakkai knocks again as he continues to speak. "Sanzo, I am not leaving this spot. I can break the lock you know, I am only respecting your choice so that it can be _your choice_ to let me in. I won't feel that way forever."

Sanzo takes his gun from out of the folds of his robe and points it at the door. "Come through that door and I shoot." He says.

Nothing. No response. Maybe Hakkai is actually thinking clearly for once.

The next moment Sanzo no longer thinks that, because Hakkai has carried through with his threat, and a concentrated bolt of chi bursts open the lock. Hakkai steps in and closes the door behind him again, his face blank and serious.

Sanzo does not pull the trigger.

"An empty threat. How surprising," Hakkai says, and his tone is not at all amused, "That you would resort to such a thing at all after the strides we have made, honestly, Sanzo. Are we not beyond this? Or does one small misstep in your reality revert you back to the weaker version of yourself that needs to aim bullets at friends?"

The gun fires. A bullet is now unhappily lodges in the wall just off the doorframe.

Hakkai has not flinched. "Dangerous ground, Sanzo. I've warned you before."

But Sanzo is not listening. He is not taking notice of the shift in Hakkai as he should. He lowers his gun, his glare hard but not really looking at Hakkai. "Get out. I'm not in the mood for your bullshit. I'm not interested in being convinced to better my soul and how I should be forgiving of that woman when I clearly meant nothing to her. Keep standing there and the next bullet won't miss."

Because Sanzo is not interested in Hakkai's words or presence, he turns back to the window, his gun limp in his lap, expecting that once ignored Hakkai will heed him.

The healer is not in a heeding mood.

Sanzo feels the pressure of a too firm grip on his shoulder without having sensed Hakkai's movement. He spins back to face the brunette, angry, ready to fight if he has to, but is still surprised when the grip increases and another to match it grabs his other shoulder and pushes his back against the window until he is held firm. It hurts, the grip, the feel of glass pressing into his back. He already feels the bruises that will be there tomorrow and looks up into strangely dark, jade-colored eyes.

"What the fuck," Sanzo growls. So much from shooting bullets at _friends_.

"You like things this way?" Hakkai asks, and his voice is lower than it should be, "You like being this selfish bastard who thinks to hell with others who might suffer when you shut down, when you shut everything out? What do we matter, right? What difference does it make if it hurts us that you do this every time. We're not your friends. We're convenient or inconvenient. You're such a petulant child," Hakkai scoffs, and the eye that is real quivers as if trying to find a different form, a thin slit to better suit its true nature, "Things are tough for you, you've been hurt, so why not hurt everyone else. Goku is gone. I don't know where. And your mother, who only wants to know you, has been abandoned in turn by you. Yes, that's adult, isn't it? And what of what I go through? I'm the one who has to deal with you. I'm the one who has to time and again strike you until you remember you are not alone. Sometimes I swear I could just…"

Hakkai never finishes the thought.

Backing away, his grip released from Sanzo's shoulders, Hakkai's darkness vanishes like a layer peeled away to drop and land on the ground. He stares, gaping at his own actions, and backs away from the still stunned Sanzo.

"I…I don't know what came over me, I…I apologize."

Sanzo only stares, feeling the burning in his shoulders from where Hakkai gripped so maliciously.

"I shouldn't have. I…I'm sorry. I…I'll leave you, if that is what you want."

Hakkai is nearly to the door when Sanzo finally reacts. He isn't in the mood for any of this. He isn't in the mood for Hakkai losing it. His own problems are enough. Whatever strain is on the others they can deal with it themselves.

Of course, that is exactly the kind of thinking that made Hakkai so angry, but although Sanzo recognizes that, he doesn't care enough to change that thinking. So he's selfish, so he wants to wallow for awhile. It's his right, damn it.

"Just go. Find the stupid monkey, he's not far. I'd know if he was. I'll come out when I'm damn well ready."

"Yes. Of course." The passivity in Hakkai is startling, but Sanzo is too eager to be alone again to care.

Hakkai is almost out the door when Sanzo adds, "And don't ever touch me like that again."

Hakkai has nothing to say. He leaves.

Sanzo, turning to stare back out the window and wishing away the ache in his shoulders, decides he is surrounded by idiots that are growing more idiotic by the day. Goku running off, Hakkai snapping, Gojyo making sense half the time. He shouldn't have to deal with this shit.

A mother is enough.

-----

Something within him is wrong. Something at the core where he no longer has control is being chipped away at piece by piece, small at first so that he has not noticed until now. How could he snap like that so easily? Sanzo is frustrating, the monk got him to slap him once before, but this is beyond that. He isn't himself. But if not, then what is he?

Hakkai leans back against the wall outside Sanzo's room. Gojyo and Dokugakuji went to search for Goku. There isn't anyone around. It's just him and his pounding heart. His head pounds with almost the same rhythm, throbbing from his temples. There was something so liberating in confronting Sanzo that way rather than reaching the issue underhandedly or with his usual passive-aggressiveness. And it scares Hakkai how much he enjoyed it.

Calling Dokugakuji on his past actions is one thing. Getting angry with Gojyo for shamelessly flirting is one thing. But physically attacking one of his companions with fierce intent is bordering on monstrous.

He is not the beast within him. He is not. His limiters are in place—he checks self-consciously and half expects them to be burning. They are cool and normal to the touch. It isn't the limiters. It's him.

"What is happening…?" he breathes.

Closing his eyes, he envisions something soothing, a forest of deep purples and greens with a river. His friends camped out beside it with a fire, and no threat around them to fear. That is the life he wants. That is what they have earned. Why is something else pushing through instead?

Hakkai resolves to fix this. He has to fix this. He is not the beast. He is not the beast.

Moving with quick, assured steps, Hakkai crosses the hall to his and Gojyo's room, enters, and closes the door. He goes to the bathroom and closes the door behind him there as well. Instinct reaches his hand for the faucet and he splashes cool water over his face, feeling it drip into the longer strands of his hair.

For a moment Hakkai is startled. His hair looks so long in the mirror. But then he reminds himself that he has been allowing it to grow since the first dreamworld encounter. It has grown longer on its own, shaggy and past his ears now and dipping down his neck. Not to his shoulders by any stretch, not past them like his full youkai form, but in this state the longer strands remind him only of viciousness.

He stares hard into his eyes, past the monocle to his false eye and compares it to the left. There is nothing slit or narrow. Except for the slightly duller color of his right, the eyes are identical. Behind the monocle even the color is hard to tell sometimes so that someone who didn't know the truth would assume both eyes are his. They are his. Not the beast's.

But what of a moment from now? What of Gojyo's next joke taken wrong or Sanzo's next regression? Little by little the horror in Hakkai is rising and he knows it, but a part of him believes firmly that it can only be his imagination. Anyone can lose their cool. He deals with rather unorthodox people; it isn't all that surprising that he would occasionally snap. And it's not as if he has hurt anyone.

"I'm being foolish. It's nothing," Hakkai tells the mirror, touching his face and watching the image copy him, "There is no reason for me to be feeling this way. I am wearing my limiters. He can't get out on his own. He isn't that strong. I'm stronger. I'm…strong." But even as he says it he isn't sure how much he believes it.

There's only one way to know. He has to feel the difference. To remind himself of the difference. He is human and in control. His limiters ensure that. Only when he removes them does he become the beast.

Beast. When did it stop being his other form and become what Seiten Taisei is no longer?

"I have to…see it. Feel it. I have to know." Hakkai reaches up to his left ear and grabs onto the limiters with anxious fingers. One tug. That's all.

As Hakkai plucks each limiter away and the clink of metal hitting the floor sounds in three separate chimes, he knows that he is being much more foolish right now. For a moment, even as his body transforms, he wonders about sabotage. How deeply is the beast inside his mind that he can convince himself it could ever be a good idea to remove the one thing holding the breadth of the monster at bay?

-----

He remembers the sound of her voice. The low tone, the gentle lifts and pauses, the smooth phrases that always flowed. He remembers her face, younger then, looking down at him with a longing and a sorrow he knows he has felt in his own life, and has seen on others, but that seemed a hundred fold more heartbreaking in her eyes. He remembers her touch. Her presence. Her love.

Sanzo scoffs. Love. What does that woman know of love if she can leave what she should cherish like unwanted laundry in the river to be swept away? And what does it matter if she has a story, a reason? She is alive, meaning that if she had ever looked for him she must have given up. A mother should never give up on her child. Koumyou, though deterred from time to time, never doubted Sanzo. Koumyou would not have left him for dead.

The whole story is not known to Sanzo but he has made up his mind not to care what the truth might be. She should have been there. Sanzo has been abandoned enough for one life. Meiyuu in the dreamworld was more of a reminder than he needed.

Sanzo shifts in the window and his cigarette falls and hits his ankle. His boots protect his skin but he still jumps and when the smoking stick hits the wood of the window seat and rolls, it snuffs itself out. Sanzo kicks it off the seat onto the floor with a sneer. That was his last one too, damn it.

Leaning back against the alcoved wall, Sanzo stares at the glass, not seeing anything. The sky is growing cloudy but he knows it won't rain. These clouds are rolling in softer and that only annoys him more.

As if there isn't enough to annoy him right now, what with this damn mess and Goku running off and Hakkai flipping out. Goku is supposed to be grown up. The inches he has been starting to make up for apparently aren't enough to get that across to him.

Sanzo at first found it disturbing when Goku looked him a little squarer in the eye than normal. He soon found it intriguing since the boy doesn't have to strain his neck quite as much, but now thinks of it as an unfortunate joke. The monkey is even more of a brat than ever.

If he had just told Sanzo what he wanted to hear yesterday than maybe today instead of sulking separately Goku would be in the room trying to console Sanzo. Perhaps then it is a blessing that they had their fight. Sanzo doesn't want consolation, he wants isolation. Locked doors aren't enough to guarantee that, however.

Seeing as how Hakkai broke the lock on his entrance, it isn't all that difficult for Goku to push open the door and come into the room. Which he does, slowly and cautiously, watching Sanzo like a hunter watching prey that could just as easily make prey out of him.

Sanzo knows Goku has come back, feels the presence of him enter. He doesn't look at the boy, but he says, "I've been bothered enough by you idiots. Leave me alone."

Goku finishes closing the door behind him, but doesn't speak at first. He stands, back against the door, eyes drifting up at Sanzo and back to the floor, and waits. "I know," he finally says, his voice dim, "I know that's what you want, but I think you need more."

More? This is much more than Sanzo at his most patient can handle, and today is not a patient day. "Just leave," he says again, turning fierce violet on gold and refusing to be moved by the dampness in them, "I don't want your convincing or your soothing or any of that shit. If you want to be useful and get me something I need, run out for a fresh pack. Don't spew self-righteous bullshit at me about how I should be forgiving. It's my mother. I can handle this however the fuck I want."

"I know. You wouldn't be Sanzo if you didn't feel that way."

Sanzo's eyes narrow. Something in Goku's voice is different, resolved but greatly saddened by it, and Sanzo doesn't think all of that has to do with the situation with his mother. "What's with you? Am I not living up to your expectations? Hmm? Finally realized I'm never going to be the kind, gentle, loving partner you hoped for? That's not me. If you want that then—"

"I don't want anything but you, Sanzo," Goku says, but even that is touched with pained resolution Sanzo doesn't understand.

"What then?" the monk says.

The golden eyes that have been lifting and falling, never lingering too long on Sanzo, finally take anchor and meet the blonde's gaze directly. Goku's feet shift, his arms twitching though his hands are tightly clenched into fists. He simply says, "I'm ready."

Sanzo doesn't understand. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm ready, Sanzo. If it can help, and I don't know if it can, but I'd rather risk it so you at least know the truth. And I'll tell you. I'll tell you the truth now."

The weight of Goku's resolve begins to dawn on Sanzo and he turns out of the window to face Goku fully. The monkey is serious.

"I'll tell you the truth," he says, "About everything."

tbc...

A/N: So sorry. No time for comments. But good cliffhangers all around in this one that are going to be so much fun. Hope this was okay and I'll try to be faster. Love you all!

Crim


	9. Blame it on the Beast

Blame it on the Beast

* * *

He is used to the change by now. The slight pain, the shifting of muscle and bone, the increased hunger for everything. Physically he knows himself in this form well. Gojyo has taught him to admire the extra definition, the longer hair, the vines like intricate tattoos, even the claws and fangs and glint to his single jade eye with its dangerous slit. Admiration, especially with the reflection of all that youkai beauty staring back at him in the mirror, has begun to turn into something far more powerful.

The beast is a remarkable thing.

Hakkai stretches one of his clawed hands towards his reflection and touches the glass, tracing his outline in the mirror. Beautiful, the word does not do justice to what he is. His hair seems longer than he could ever remember it, past his shoulders and down his back. The vines are blacker, his claws longer, his fangs sharper, his ears in points that look sharp themselves. He is the perfect specimen of a youkai, personified even more so than what he is used to in this form.

What had he meant to accomplish by removing his limiters just now? His hand falls away from the mirror though his eyes stay strained on the figure in the glass. The difference, wasn't it? He wanted to feel the difference and know that his human form and this perfect, truer form are connected but still safely separate.

But why would he want them to be separate? Without his limiters all parts of him are free to be the culmination of themselves. Is not this his true form?

Hakkai flexes his claws and feels the grin spreading across his face before he sees it in the mirror. His fangs glisten and he wants to sink them into something warm and pulsing with life. He is so hungry. Hungry in ways Goku could never understand. He needs to fulfill this hunger or go mad. He needs to release the energy surging within him, to use this power granted him as a curse and yet gifting him as if he were a god.

First setting aside his monocle, then removing his headband to free his long hair, and then with a single swipe the clasps of his tunic tear like threads. Still he does not feel free enough. Something is missing.

Knock. Knock.

"Hey, Hakkai, you in there?"

Gojyo. Warm and pulsing with life indeed.

Hakkai opens the bathroom door and reaches out with claws.

-----

"You've picked a fine time to be forthcoming."

The skin between Goku's eyes crinkles.

Sanzo huffs in annoyance. "A fine time to come clean, idiot, to tell me the truth. All I've asked of you since we reached this damn town was truth and you wouldn't give it. Not until now. Now, when I have enough to deal with."

The resolve in Goku shimmers as if it might escape him as easily as smoke. "You don't…want to know. Too late, right? Then I can just…" Goku gestures back to the door, indicating he could easily leave and would happily do so if Sanzo asked him to.

Stubborn as he is, Sanzo wants more than he would ever admit. To admit one's wants is a sign of weakness after all. It's other people's job to figure out what Sanzo wants so he never has to say so himself and feel that awful weakness. Goku should know that by now.

But because he does not, and only because he is Goku, Sanzo can allow for a little weakness now and again.

"Idiot." In his own way at least. "You're not going anywhere. Now get the hell over here and tell me what this is all about before I strangle you."

Goku has offered truth at last and Sanzo's tone betrays that he is not as upset as his harsh words imply. It makes Goku smile, if only the smallest crack, because this is the Sanzo he knows best, who insults and speaks gruffly but who does it all while still loving the boy dearly. Sanzo is the only person who could ever do that.

After a short nod, small steps carry Goku further into the room and he stops just in front of the window seat. Sanzo has his feet on the floor though he remains sitting, and there is space enough for Goku to sit next to him. Goku does not take that seat, because though he might be able to get away with it, he doesn't think he could bear to be so close to Sanzo while he tells him what he has been keeping secret.

"I know it's a weird time, but…I thought maybe if I told you now you wouldn't be as mad at your Mom. You can be mad at me, but…she just wants to see you, Sanzo."

A puff of frustrated air leaves Sanzo and Goku knows to leave talk of Sanzo's mother alone just now.

"Anyway," the monkey continues, staring at the space in front of Sanzo's feet rather than any part of the monk directly, "I, umm…I want you to know…the truth about Heaven. You deserve it, Sanzo, I know you do, even if you…"

Goku closes his eyes. He just has to say it. He has to tell Sanzo. Things may never be the same, but at least all this will be done. Besides, if Sanzo hates him then at least he won't have enough energy to scorn his mother.

Goku keeps his eyes shut, tightens his fists, and just speaks, willing away the knowledge of Sanzo's presence and the steady sound of the monk's breathing. "I…I never meant for anything to happen. I didn't choose to go to Heaven, I didn't even choose you. It all happened for us, and I'm glad coz I have you now, but I…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. If it weren't for me, everything would have been better for all of you. It was my fault. I…I made a friend I shouldn't have made, and everything went bad after that. This man, he…he wanted my friend to kill me and my friend wouldn't and the only thing he thought he could do to protect me was to hurt himself. And I just went crazy. My limiter, that was the first time it broke and all my control was gone. I just wanted to kill…everything. I killed gods. So many of them. And you and Kenren and Tenpou, you helped me, protected me even when Kanzeon had to stop me and all of you were so freaked out. I know you were freaked out. You stood by me, but it was all my fault. You shouldn't have helped me. You should have let them have me, because it didn't make any difference. They still caught us and because you were on my side…you got punished too. That's why you're here, Sanzo, why all of you are here. And why…all of you…all…of you…had to go through so much pain. Koumyou…taking Koumyou was punishment for you…because of me."

And Goku breathes, because he hasn't the whole time, but he still cannot open his eyes. As much as he could manage, Goku has finally said it. That the reason his friends have suffered in life is to pay for deeds _he_ committed.

"So…so that's why I didn't want to tell you because…because I knew you wouldn't want to be with me anymore. But I'm not what's important now. Hate me, Sanzo. If you want, you can put all your anger on me. Because really it's my fault your mother had to leave you, that Koumyou had to leave you too, not anyone else's. So don't blame…your mom." Goku's voice is small, like a child, like he is Goku-chan in Heaven and he never quite grew up. He takes a breath and adds, "Blame me, Sanzo. It was all because of me."

Goku doesn't think he can move so he doesn't try. He just stands, shaking now, eyes closed, waiting for the words he expects. Words that will retract forever those three perfect words he has had the pleasure of hearing more than once.

Waiting. Goku has spent so long waiting for Sanzo. And Sanzo has yet to disappoint.

"I have never heard anything so stupid."

Goku jerks as Sanzo grabs him by his collar and yanks the boy forward. Goku stumbles, spun by Sanzo's hold until he lands haphazardly in the window seat, half on Sanzo's legs.

"_That's_ your secret? Are you really that much of an idiot?" Sanzo yanks Goku's collar again until the chimp has to face him and his eyes are wide, startled open from the monk's actions.

Sanzo looks into gold, his gold, damn it, and maintains his stern disposition. He's earned it, after all.

"First, you should have told me this as soon as you remembered it. If you ever keep something from me again, I'm leaving your ass behind in the first town I can. Second," and to make sure Goku understands he is not being accommodating or compassionate—he's _Sanzo_—he shifts his grip to the boy's shoulders and shakes Goku for good measure, "Hate you? You think I'm going to hate you because some tight-ass gods thought it was fare to send us down here and put you in a cave? I don't care how it happened. I don't care if you took the damn limiter off yourself up there. It was the gods. Period. I don't give a shit about any of the details, you got that? So if you try and fill me with any more of this crap, I swear, I'll reinstate using my fan faster than you can—"

It is actually pretty easy to cut off a monk when one lunges forward and presses lips to lips with fierceness.

Sanzo is startled, but more so by the tears that hit his chin after a moment, and so he doesn't pull back but lets Goku kiss him. The monkey seems to need it more than Sanzo needs his sulking time. The release of it, of allowing Goku this, of allowing himself this, lifts part of the weight on Sanzo's heart. There is no more secret, and what has been revealed will never change Sanzo's view of the boy. Goku really does need to learn that.

"I…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry," Goku sobs, digging his face into the crook of Sanzo's neck after pulling from the kiss.

Their recent estrangement makes Sanzo tense but the warmth of Goku, the familiar feel of him in Sanzo's arms is so precious, Sanzo remembers in a rush the need for Goku above all else and he clings more tightly because of it. "Did you not hear me," he says, "I told you I don't want any of this. You didn't do anything wrong."

Goku shakes his head, sniffling deeper into Sanzo's neck. "No. No, Sanzo, I…I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I'm sorry for that. But I was just so…scared."

"Scared of what?"

"That you'd…leave." The word chokes out of Goku through the last of his sobs. He can hear Sanzo's response before it comes.

"Idiot."

Goku smiles around his remaining tears. Only Sanzo can use that word lovingly.

"I'm not leaving. Ever. But I maintain the right to get as angry with you as you deserve when you act this stupid. Understood?"

Violet is Goku's favorite color. Violet and gold. But not his own gold—only Sanzo's gold, haloing him every moment of the day and even into the night. His brilliant beautiful sun. Looking up into violet, his violet, Goku feels as stupid as he is being accused of. They really are a pair of fools. Fools together.

And you know what they say about that.

"Sanzo…if you're not too mad then…will you see Meiyuu?" Goku risks this request because he loves Sanzo and he wants to stop being a stupid monkey and start trusting in that love. "Please, I…I know you're mad but she just wants to see you."

Sanzo looks back at Goku, half holding the boy in his arms, but doesn't speak. His eyes are calm, not cold, but because they are so quiet Goku is not entirely sure what they are saying.

"Please," he says again, "Coz I'd be willing to bet, right now, she's feeling a lot like me. Like I _was_. You always give me another chance Sanzo, and I never give up on you, I won't ever again, I promise. Can't you give her just one chance?"

Silent eyes blink several times before Sanzo sighs, pulls Goku in against him hard and says, "Damn you…for having so much sway over me. One day I'll remember how to say no to you again, just you wait."

Goku laughs, even through the last of his tears. "Sure, Sanzo," he says, "I'll be waiting."

-----

The smell of Gojyo is intoxicating. It surrounds Hakkai and all he has hold of at first is the front of the hanyo's shirt. He tugs and his nose is in Gojyo's neck. A deep breath is all it takes to remind him of his hunger.

He growls deep. _Gojyo_.

"Whoa…okay…this is new." Gojyo's voice is halted and soft, hesitant to make any sudden movement or noise that might cause the youkai to do something unfortunate. He trusts Hakkai, but he knows best what the turned-youkai is capable of without his limiters. "So, uhh…any reason you decided to remove those pretty cuffs just now? Not the most convenient time, I gotta say, what with all the crazy going on."

Hakkai is still holding tight with one clawed hand to Gojyo's shirt, the other trailing up Gojyo's thigh. His nose digs deeper, up into Gojyo's hair now, and he breathes deep again.

"Hakkai…? Hey, you with me?"

"Mmm…" Hakkai pulls away, looks over the body before him, then trains one slit eye and one artificially normal one on Gojyo's red. His tongue darts out to lick at his lips as he says, "Take off your clothes."

A shiver jumps from Gojyo's neck to his pelvis. That tone is not one to be challenged and Gojyo knows already that he must tread carefully. "Hakkai…uhh…if you were planning a little frisky business here you could have given me a heads up, huh." And he starts to back away.

The claws in Gojyo's shirt tighten and the ones by his thigh travel to his hip and take hold. Another tug brings Gojyo back so that he is pressed tight against the full length of Hakkai's harder youkai body. "Heads…up?" Hakkai says, his lips curling back to reveal fangs, "Do not worry, Gojyo. I'll be happy to give you that now."

Gojyo feels the floor hit his back and gasps, never having felt the rush of air or Hakkai's assistance in bringing him to the ground. His head reels from the suddenness, winded from impact.

This could be very, very bad.

"Hakkai…wait…" he tries, his voice a struggling breath. The youkai on top of him doesn't seem to hear, intent now to get what he hungers for. "Hakkai…"

"Shhh…Gojyo," Hakkai says, straddling Gojyo now and holding the redhead's shoulders down with his claws, prickling at the skin there. Gojyo had long since left his jacket, leaving only the tank top, "Gojyo…don't you love me…when I'm this way? Don't you still…want me…when I am like this?"

"Of course I do," but Gojyo is thinking wildly for how he can escape, talk Hakkai back. This is all too sudden, too unexplainable. A few minutes ago he had left a perfectly normal, together Hakkai to take care of the monk while he and his brother tracked down the monkey. Now he's pinned with a very heated full youkai straddling his hips.

Normally, he might not mind this development, but since when is Hakkai this strangely spontaneous? At that thought Gojyo almost releases an amused huff aloud at his stupidity. Since when? Since _now_. Since the past few _weeks_. And then it dawns on Gojyo.

Since Houtou Castle.

"Yeah, baby, you know I love you however you are," Gojyo says, thinking quickly, "But this is just a bit sudden, is all. Don't we have a monk and monkey to help make up, not to mention a mother out there waiting to hear back from us?"

Hakkai answers with a roll of his hips and his neck arches back with the pleasure of it. "That can wait."

Gojyo looks briefly to the door. He had shut it behind him but it isn't locked. Should he yell? Jien should be out there somewhere. But this is Hakkai. He isn't doing anything to hurt Gojyo, he's just a little frisky. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, is it?

"Thinking of running away? From _me_?" Hakkai has easily noticed where Gojyo's attention has shifted to.

Thinking quickly, Gojyo has a decision to make and he has to make it now. He turns back to look at Hakkai, feeling his bodily betrayal as his lower region heats in response to contact with Hakkai. Would it be wrong to give in? The timing may be bad but that hasn't stopped them in the past. Besides, yelling for help would mean he doesn't trust Hakkai. Surely that would anger the youkai, and prove that Gojyo is a hypocrite. He has always been the one saying that Hakkai is the sum of his parts, with or without limiters, just like Goku is.

And if this is Hakkai, pure and simple, why not enjoy what is being offered?

To hell with it. "Not at all, baby," Gojyo says, "I'm not going anyway. My thoughts are right…here." Gojyo's arms are not free to reach up for Hakkai, so instead he lifts with his neck and captures that fanged mouth in a kiss. Maybe one day their libidos will slow down, but until that day comes, Gojyo doesn't see a problem with indulging whenever the spirit strikes.

Though he does still wonder…

"Gonna tell me…where this came from?" Gojyo asks, while Hakkai tears at his tank top and kisses him between words.

A loud ripping sound spells the end for Gojyo shirt. Hakkai licks at Gojyo's lips before saying, "Mmm…let's just say, I needed a reminder."

"A reminder of what?"

"Of…who is in control."

"…what's that mean?"

Rather than allow Gojyo to think too much just now, Hakkai latches his mouth onto the tender skin beneath Gojyo right ear, sucks and nips with his fangs awhile, and then whispers, "Nothing," with a smile stretching cryptically.

With their kiss soon renewed and Hakkai's body in such tight contact with his, Gojyo forgets to press the issue. It is only too easy to sway the kappa's mind in certain directions. This direction just happens to be his favorite.

Hakkai has removed Gojyo of his clothing entirely and tossed his tunic away when Jien's voice filters in to interrupt their fun.

"Yo, bro! You two in there or what!"

Gojyo tries not to laugh.

Hakkai growls menacingly at the door and starts to get up.

Instinct more than rational thought springs Gojyo's hands into action and he grasps Hakkai's arms to hold him in place. The youkai had looked strangely intent, though intent on what Gojyo doesn't want to know.

"In here and in need of private time!" he calls through the door, "Come back later!"

A disbelieving laugh replies, "You're kidding right!"

Hakkai turns his attention away from the door since Gojyo seems to be handling things, and decides to work his way downward to return his lover's attentions to where they belong.

Gojyo tries not to squeal when a wet tongue trails well below his waistline. He calls again, "Yeah, pretty sure I'm not kidding!" And his voice so didn't crack on the word 'not'. "Go find some fun for yourself, okay!" Because Gojyo is definitely having fun of his own with Hakkai's mouth taking him in so slowly. The occasional scrape of fangs makes Gojyo twitch and he feels a little masochistic for liking it.

Jien answers with laughter in his voice, though neither Gojyo nor Hakkai could say what had been said. A few moments later and Jien was gone, leaving them to their business, which is all either wanted anyway.

To fulfill a hunger.

"Shit…shit!" Gojyo's head falls back hard to strike the ground after straining to get a better look at Hakkai's expert work on his body. Feeling is as good as seeing. Better, because Gojyo almost loses himself in those first few minutes. He makes the difficult decision to grab Hakkai's shoulder and pull the youkai away. "Reprieve. Please," he says, "Man…what has gotten into you?"

That signature smile, changed slightly in his youkai form, curves up at Gojyo as Hakkai climbs his way back to Gojyo's lips. "Unfortunately, nothing has gotten into me…yet." The smile lengthens and clawed hands begin tugging away the last of the obstacles between them—Hakkai's pants.

"Oh fuck." Gojyo stares disbelievingly. Hakkai has been so dominating lately, the last thing Gojyo expected was for his _youkai_ self to turn submissive. "You…you want to go for a ride, baby, or are you just toying with me?"

"Can't it be both," Hakkai says, tossing his khakis away finally along with his boxer briefs.

Nervous as Gojyo had been at first, this isn't turning out so bad after all. "I didn't know such a sexy beast would be willing to give up control," Gojyo grins.

Hakkai sits so that he is on top of Gojyo's chest, upright, and giving Gojyo quite the view. His long hair is damp now and clinging to his shoulders and back, his good eye glazed with passion and his claws still wanting something to sink into. He says, "Oh, Gojyo, who ever said one has to be on top…" and pushes back to impale himself on Gojyo's length, "…to be in control."

The intensity of it sends a shock down Gojyo's groin that nearly has him come immediately if not for his straining willpower. He had not expected that. Several times of late Gojyo has been on the receiving end, and not at all unwanted. It has been awhile since he felt this and Hakkai seems warmer somehow, hotter and tight and overpowering.

It is clear to Gojyo that he has no control over this situation whatsoever. And he doesn't care at all.

"Oh fuck…_fuck_!"

Hakkai pushes back deeply and rises up only to push down even harder.

"Fuck! Hakkai…you…really have changed," Gojyo says around strangled moans.

This isn't the response Hakkai expected. He remains upright as he rides Gojyo, reminiscent of their tryst the night before heading to Houtou Castle. Gojyo is too immersed in sensation to focus his eyes on the view of Hakkai's exposed body so perfectly displayed to him, but all the better from Hakkai's point of view, because it only means Gojyo is that much more under his thrall.

Hakkai laughs as he thrusts upwards and down again, pulsing with an energy that fills him even more with hunger.

"Gojyo," he says, "I haven't changed. Oh no. This…is who I have always been. He tries to cage me…with those cuffs…but it isn't so easy…anymore."

Distantly, Gojyo wonders who Hakkai means by _he_.

"This is who I am…Gojyo. Isn't it wonderful…?"

"Yeah…" Gojyo is in another world by now, "You can keep those things off…forever…if it brings out _this_." And Gojyo ends his words with a cry when Hakkai presses down to pull Gojyo in deeper than before. They have had sex once besides now without Hakkai's limiters, but even then it wasn't like this. Gojyo's entire body is tingling with feelings he has never known.

And Hakkai smiles wider because he knows the effect he is having on his prize. "Oh believe me," he says, "I intend to keep them off indefinitely. Gojyo…you don't know…what I am capable of. Not entirely. Would you like to see…what I can really do?"

Gojyo's mind is too hazy for him to focus. He has not yet responded when he feels the first of it begin. Initially, it makes him jerk, like when he felt Hakkai's fangs so intimately. But then it climbs deeper and he can feel it as if it were inside of him, taking hold of everything.

Fascinated, Gojyo fights to focus and his eyes search the connected skin between them. He can see himself pulling in and out of Hakkai as Hakkai shifts above him, and as much as the sight sends a few new shocks to his lower regions, what he begins to see makes him shiver.

As if from inside of him, the vines so finely shaped on Hakkai's skin travel as they had in Houtou Castle, moving off of Hakkai's body onto Gojyo. Gojyo sees them first wrapping up in a coil around his cock and further up his hips and stomach. The vines wind and twist and Gojyo can feel them slithering over his skin but deeper than skin.

Gojyo stares at Hakkai, uncertain, and with a now more wicked smile Hakkai tells the vines to tighten. Gojyo knows it must be by Hakkai's power because when they do tighten, a sudden tug as if by tiny little fingers, and Gojyo gasps, Hakkai looks far too pleased with himself for it to be an accident.

It is as if the vines can touch his nerves directly. The sensation is pleasant at first but too heightened. Gojyo doesn't think he can handle too much of it without the feeling becoming closer to painful.

"You see now, Gojyo…what I can do. I am more powerful in every way compared to him. Don't you want it? Don't you want to be with me instead of him? With me it can be like this…always."

The vines have traveled up Gojyo's chest to coil over his arms and down his legs now as well. Gojyo is overrun with feeling and can no longer move in response to Hakkai's thrusts. He lays immoveable, shuddering in the wake of the vines coiling over every inch of him. Where do they come from? Because the ones on Hakkai do not uncoil, do not move in any way, they just expand, stretching out to take in whatever is desired.

"This," Hakkai says, "is me."

This…is very, very bad.

"Then who is him?" Gojyo says. His voice is choked and quiet, his mind clouded. He feels cold and overly sensitive to every movement of air, let alone the continued movements of Hakkai atop him. The vines are claiming him and he can't move.

"Who…is him?" Hakkai repeats, "Him, dear Gojyo, is the insignificant me who hides behind limiters and a smile no one trusts. I would hide nothing from you. I would bear everything open and honest before you. Isn't that what you want?"

Gojyo can barely speak, barely feel himself through the vines. When they tighten like a pulse he feels them amplified. That Hakkai is still riding him through all of this, he has forgotten, because that sensation pales in comparison. It could be pleasurable, at first Gojyo thought it was, but it is too much. Every nerve is throbbing.

The vines climb further and every inch of Gojyo is covered in mockery of Hakkai's own youkai appearance. Each leaf presses into his skin and the vines tighten again. Gojyo can't breathe.

"Hakkai…" he gasps. He cannot move, but he stares up into jade and pleads.

A flicker of anger passes over Hakkai's expression. He picks up the pace of his thrusting and the vines tighten further. "Hakkai? Always Hakkai. That is who you want, is it, but don't think I don't know that you have never wanted everything that comes with loving _Hakkai_. Hakkai isn't here just now, dear Gojyo. Perhaps you should try again later."

If not for the vines making him shiver with an unnatural cold, Gojyo would have shivered more fiercely after that. "What are you…saying? If not Hakkai…who else?"

The thrusting picks up even further, though Gojyo no longer feels it.

He is cocooned by the vines. As they pull and tighten he feels his breath stolen from him. Every inch of him feels detached and he can't _breathe_.

Hakkai growls, close to completion as he buries Gojyo deeper and deeper inside of him while stretching out and laying claim through the vines. His hunger is so great. He looks down at Gojyo and allows his claws to break the skin of Gojyo's arms as he clutches them.

Pulsing with life. Gojyo is that and so much more.

"Who…else?" he says, the rougher quality to his youkai voice rumbling over the words, "Why, Gojyo…who else is there…?" In an arch with his head, more like a vampire than a demon, Hakkai swoops down to Gojyo's neck and sinks his teeth deep into the flesh. Blood flows past Hakkai's lips and fangs and he allows some to fill him, drinking it down. The rest drips down his chin and onto Gojyo's chest.

Blood. Always, blood has been the only thing to fill the hunger in him. Gojyo fulfills all of his hungers and will continue to. Because Gojyo belongs to him. His claim is solid and unbreakable. His hunger for Gojyo surpasses all else, no matter how he must satiate that.

Hakkai lifts upright again and roars at the ceiling, so close to completion now he can feel the end, and he tightens the vines all the more, thrusting down on Gojyo with his hunger fueling him.

And for the first time, he hears a word he never expected from Gojyo.

"Stop…"

Hakkai is too stunned to even begin to heed at first.

"Hakkai…stop…please…I can't…take…anymore of this. I can't…breathe…"

Stop. Stop. Gojyo is telling him, asking, pleading with him to…stop.

Hakkai is still pressing down on Gojyo, seeking his end, as Gojyo gasps out these words. The words do not stop even when Hakkai comes with a growl, staining Gojyo's chest. In Gojyo's heightened state, he comes as well with the tightening of Hakkai's muscles, but the hanyou cannot feel the pleasure of it. He is shivering, cold and breathless and in pain indescribable. And he didn't want any of it.

"Hakkai…please…"

The vines retract too quickly, making Gojyo cringe and whimper with the pain of it. Hakkai pulls off of Gojyo too quickly too, making Gojyo cry out not at all from pleasure. Finally free of the vines and Hakkai, Gojyo can still barely breathe and can't yet move. His entire body is trembling. Only the claw marks and bite in his neck, all wounds leaking blood deeper red than Gojyo's hair or eyes, show the damage. The vines have left nothing. The white on Gojyo's stomach only intensifies the _shame_.

What has Hakkai done?

"Hakkai…I'm…_Hakkai_…" Hakkai says aloud, staring blindly at Gojyo lying almost motionless save his shivering.

Hakkai pulls himself in on himself, wrapping his arms around his legs. But curled up he can see the vines, the vines that did this to Gojyo. He doesn't want the vines. He doesn't want any of it anymore.

Why is this happening?

Dazed, not quite himself or the beast, Hakkai inches back closer to Gojyo. He reaches out a hand towards Gojyo's forehead and places it flat as if checking for a fever.

Gojyo blinks up at him, starting to come out of whatever trance the vines had claimed him with. "Hakkai…"

"I'm sorry," Hakkai says, and though his voice is still low and growling, it is timid now.

Gojyo shakes his head. "Hakkai…I…don't…"

"I'm sorry I have to do this to you, Gojyo."

The words Gojyo had been trying to form die on his lips. He looks up at Hakkai and before he can question what the youkai means, he sees the glowing green light beginning to form from the hand on his forehead. "What…what are you…doing…" he tries then, but the warmth and fuzziness overtaking him is already closing his eyes and fading out the room around him.

"I'm so sorry, Gojyo," Hakkai says again, but Gojyo has already fallen into a deep sleep, "Forget," Hakkai says, "Please forget."

Hakkai did this actively only once before when he meant to teach Sanzo a lesson. Chi applied directly to the head, to the brain, can be soothing, comforting, and very powerful. Hakkai pours as much of it as he can into Gojyo, not only to heal the bite and claw marks, but to haze over the memory of this so that Gojyo never has to know what happened.

Afraid to remain without his limiters much longer, Hakkai retrieves them and places them on his ear quickly. He dresses in his nightshirt, needing to mend the broken clasps later from his tunic. He cleans Gojyo with a warm cloth of the remnants of what happened, and dresses him as well, having to put an extra shirt on the hanyou since the tank top will need replacing. Gojyo will not stay unconscious for much longer, but when he wakes, Hakkai is ready with…

"A lie. Oh, gods, Gojyo, how did it come to this? I never wanted you to get caught up in this part of me. Why…why does he want everything I have only to claim with hunger instead of love? Why can't he just stay caged…?"

There are no answers Hakkai can offer himself. He tells himself that this is temporary. He will tell Gojyo the truth one day, when he has regained his control, but until then he will just have to maintain the lie and pray Gojyo doesn't remember on his own.

Hakkai fails to notice that even with his limiters on, his hair is longer than normal, his eye darker, and coiling out from his scar where he didn't look at closely enough to notice, the beginnings of the vines are showing through.

Soon, the limiters will no longer hold any of the beast at bay.

tbc...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Crim


	10. Beginnings of Truth

Beginnings of Truth

* * *

Kougaiji is not the only person who has noticed Yaone has been wearing a lot more dresses lately. He would notice in the past when she occasioned to wear one, usually when she knew she would be in the castle for an extended period of time and wanted to feel at home, but over the past year or so they have been so involved with all the fighting and insanity that she rarely wore anything other than her combat gear.

That has now changed.

When Kougaiji catches others besides him who are not of the fairer sex noticing Yaone's change in apparel, he puts back on his mantle of protective malice and usually scares the unsuspecting male away. When only Yaone is around, he wears his own natural smile with the knowledge that the hardest of times is far behind him and he is living happily with his mother, his sister, and the beautiful woman he plans to spend the rest of his life adoring.

Dresses. Hadn't he been thinking about dresses? Getting caught up in Yaone is such an easy thing for Kougaiji these days, that when he does focus on a single aspect of her he usually falls into a trance that only her gentle voice can break him from.

"Kougaiji-sama? Are you okay?"

Huh? Is the angelic being before him speaking?

Yaone giggles. "Lord Kougaiji, are you with me or somewhere far away, because the look on your face says you are not in this hallway right now."

The rest of the world refocuses and Kougaiji is no longer staring at a gorgeous apparition but at the very real, dress-clad figure of his apothecary. "Sorry. But I wasn't somewhere else," he says, "Just so focused on you I forget _here_ wasn't a daydream. I guess you're too good to be true to me sometimes." And he smiles, and because he didn't smile nearly enough over this past year, the simple act is enough to make Yaone blush.

"You are very sweet, My Lord," she replies.

Kougaiji reaches for Yaone's hand and takes it. They are alone in the corridor and something has been brought to Kougaiji's attention that he can no longer tolerate. "Yaone, haven't I told you several times now…you don't have to call me that anymore." He tugs on her hand and pulls her close enough to breathe in. The dress she is wearing today is deep purple, traditional but not as long as she usually wears. It hugs every part of her he loves, which is every inch possible, and with her long hair down and freed, she looks like the princess he already considers her. "When we are sharing the same bed, there is no room for titles," he says.

Yaone blushes again.

"You can call me anything, but don't call me Lord. I'd rather be your partner than your master."

"Oh," Yaone struggles to find words that express the flutter in her chest, "I…I am so sorry, My Lord," she says, and catching her slip she stomps her delicate foot, "Damn it."

Small hands, including the one captured by Kougaiji, fly up to Yaone's mouth after that utterance and her blush overtakes her face in embarrassment.

But Kougaiji isn't offended.

He reclaims the hand she pulled back, takes both of them to remove them from her face, and says, "Actually…from you it's kind of sexy."

Before Yaone can redden any further, Kougaiji tugs on her hands and kisses her swift. He wants to remind her everyday, every moment, that anything she could ever do he will only find wonderful. And she believes him without having to hear a word.

Giggles that are not Yaone's interrupt the intimate moment, and Kougaiji pulls away first, knowing that giggle and its particular tone better than anyone. He and Yaone turn simultaneously towards the sound and see that they are no longer alone in the hallway.

Lirin is stifling her giggling behind her hand, the other gripped tight by Rasetsunyo. "Just passing through, dear," the elder youkai woman says, smiling all-knowingly at Kougaiji and Yaone both. While they continue on past the pair to head down the hall, Kougaiji and Yaone say nothing, frozen and feeling a little caught.

Kougaiji's mother has not been back in his life for very long and already she has picked up again her habit for _perfect_ timing.

Lirin does not cease her giggling till they are several yards away. Rasetsunyo, still wearing her same smile, shakes her head and says to the girl beside her, "You know dear, with all the help Yaone has been around here, I really do worry about those boys traveling east. I don't know how they manage without a woman."

-----

Waiting for Gojyo and Hakkai to finish their frisky business could take much longer than Jien's patience will allow, but without much else to do at the moment, Jien finds his feet heading back towards their room anyway. He came to this town to spend time with Gojyo, after all. He can always head back to Houtou Castle, but he would like at least one last night for sibling fun. If all goes well, the little monkey will convince Sanzo to talk with his mother, leaving the rest of them free for fun.

Jien almost feels selfish for that line of thought, but he did travel a long way. The least the monk can do is be a good son so Jien can have the opportunity to be a good brother. It's a fair trade if one thinks about it.

"Yo! You two finished in there or what!?" Jien calls, pounding on the door with a sideways grin. If he interrupts, oh well. "Hey! There are other people in your lives, ya know, you crazy lovebirds!" A few more knocks and suddenly, in mid-pound, the door opens, nearly sending Jien, full of momentum, into the figure of his brother.

"Do you have any respect for privacy, bro?" Gojyo says with a tired smile, shirtless and out of breath. "We could have been in the thralls of passion, if you don't mind."

The humor of the situation is not lost on Jien. He folds his arms and raises an eyebrow. "Thralls of passion? You'd take a romp with your man, who you've been on the road with everyday for almost two years, not to mention the three years living together before that, over spending time with the brother you haven't spent more than a few hours with in over a decade."

Gojyo graciously takes the five seconds he needs to think of a response. "Yeah. Pretty much."

"You're despicable," Jien laughs, "And if I wasn't sure I'd do the same thing myself, I'd be offended."

Joining together in laughter comes easily, but Gojyo's fatigue makes his chuckles fade out sooner than usual. He rubs his eyes, feeling like he must have zonked out for a couple hours after his time with Hakkai, though he knows it hasn't been all that long.

Jien is about to ask if Gojyo is alright when a frazzled Hakkai opens the door wider and steps up next to the redhead. He also appears fatigued, dressed in his nightshirt though it is only afternoon.

It would never change his orientation, but Jien has to wonder what exactly the pair did in that room to wear themselves out so thoroughly. He wouldn't mind that kind of exhaustion one bit if there was a worthy partner to share the experience with.

"Alright, spill. I can't bear the suspense," Jien grins.

As if startled, Hakkai clutches the door frame to steady himself. "Excuse me?" he says.

"Your secret. Don't think I don't know you have one."

Fatigued as he may be, Hakkai looks much more awake now. He almost looks a little spooked.

Jien can't imagine why. "Sheesh, man, I was just joking around. If you don't want to share your sex secrets I'll just have to lie in wonder. The way you two can go at it, you must have an extra store of stamina stashed away somewhere."

A relieved laugh escapes Hakkai and his grip on the doorframe lessens. Gojyo and Jien fail to notice the marks left in the wood.

Gojyo laughs more heartily and pats Hakkai on the back hard enough that if the hanyou wasn't so tired could have sent Hakkai flying into the hallway. "Well it's not like either of us are completely human, ya know. Extra stamina's exactly what we got. Though I'll be the first to admit, bro, I could use a nap after that romp. You look like that might be true for you too, baby," Gojyo touches Hakkai's shoulder and although it is not noticeable to Jien, Gojyo feels his lover jump. "Hey…you okay?" he asks.

In a heartbeat Hakkai's famous 'everything's peaches and cherry blossoms' smile shines up in reply. "Of course," he says, "What would be wrong?"

A lie. Gojyo can see it as if the word were written in the green of Hakkai's good eye. Hakkai knows he can't swindle Gojyo, and yet here he is, like so many times before, attempting just that. Though about what, Gojyo has no idea.

"Hakkai…"

"Hey, guys!"

Interrupted, Gojyo and the others turn to see that a very hearty and appeased Sanzo and Goku are approaching from down the hall. Goku bounds ahead of the monk, looking triumphant, which the others understand completely because, after all, Sanzo is actually out of his room and not trying to kill any of them.

Jumping up and down on the balls of his feet, Goku reaches his three other companions long before Sanzo and grabs onto Gojyo's wrist. "We're gonna go see Meiyuu!" he says, and the grin on his face stretches wide between each monkey ear. "Ain't it great! Sanzo says we can!"

"That's wonderful, kiddo. Now ya mind not dislocating my elbow." With a good yank, Gojyo gets his arm back into his own possession and using his now freed hand ruffles Goku's hair. The monkey needs to learn to calm down once in a while.

Sauntering up slowly to join the others, Sanzo comes to a stop, not projecting any particular mindset or emotional state, which is his favorite expression after all, and crosses his arms tightly in front of his chest.

He says nothing.

The others know not to press the issue, much as a few rounds of 'I told you so' would feel so remarkably justified. Goku really can work miracles, and when it comes to Sanzo, that is often what it takes to get anything to happen besides a gunshot at one's head.

"Ya guys ready, huh? Can we go? Get your clothes on, Gojyo!" Goku cries, ducking out of the way of another attempt of Gojyo's to ruffle his hair. "We gotta go now!" Taking a moment to catch his breath finally, Goku takes note of the amused looks being given him and tries to at least somewhat still his bouncing. He so rarely gets the better of Sanzo that when it happens he can't help but float for the next hour. Still, he hates it when he makes himself seem like the kid they all think he is.

Except for maybe Sanzo. Though Goku's pretty sure the only reason Sanzo doesn't call him a kid anymore is because they're sleeping together.

As if having read Goku's thoughts and finding himself far too cornered by the situation anyway, Sanzo excuses himself to wait for the others in the lobby.

Jien and Gojyo share a few chuckles before Gojyo goes to find a shirt and Jien heads to the lobby as well. Goku is still trying to calm himself down and so doesn't yet move, though he finds it odd that Hakkai, looking a little displaced, does not move back into the room to join Gojyo. The brunette is wearing his nightshirt, Goku has noticed, which is not 'suitable attire for going out'. It doesn't make sense that Hakkai would go against his own words.

Goku steps closer to his friend, about to comment, and now that his adrenaline has subdued, he is more aware of his surroundings and the subtle changes in the air. Even without the extra strength he feels from being more connected with Seiten Taisei, Goku would easily be able to pick up on the difference in his friend.

"Hakkai…" he says, and leaning into the turned-youkai he takes two strong sniffs before crinkling his nose in confusion, "You smell funny."

For the briefest moment Hakkai appears startled, though he dismisses the comment quickly and feigns his usual smile. "That isn't very nice, Goku. Gojyo and I were…previously engaged and therefore had to discard our other clothing. I'm sure that's all it is."

Hakkai's fancy words are tempting to listen to, but if what the healer is trying to say is that Goku is smelling…_that_, well, then Goku knows Hakkai isn't being honest because he definitely knows _that_ smell. "Nah, Hakkai, I don't think so. I smell some a that too but this is different. Kinda like what I've been noticing before, but…like it's stronger now."

"Like…you've been noticing before?" Hakkai questions, carefully stating the words as if to test Goku's allegiance to them.

"Yeah," Goku says, a little caught but not about to try and lie about things now, "I've been noticing lately that you don't smell the same. I mean, you smell like you and all just…a bit more like when you don't wear your limiters, ya know?" Goku doesn't hesitate to tell Hakkai the truth, but his words do drag since he is pretty sure Hakkai won't like to hear this. "Hakuryuu's been noticing too. That's why he's been weird. Is everything okay, Hakkai? You can't be smelling different for nothing, right?"

For one moment Hakkai looks panicked but by the next his posture is steady and his eyes burn with a challenge that warns Goku to listen closely. "Now, Goku, I don't know what you think is different about me, but I assure you, whatever your nose is picking up, it must be mistaken."

"I don't think so." Goku says, and just to be sure he takes another few whiffs of his friend. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure, Hakkai. You just don't smell right."

A sudden pound of Hakkai's foot into the floor alerts Goku to the healer's current state of mind. Though it is his tone that makes Goku jump. "_Goku_," he says, and Goku nearly back peddles.

Hakkai's voice is growing louder and there is venom in it Goku has never heard directed at him before. The healer's frightening expression brings with it a surge of the smell that reminds Goku again of Hakkai without his limiters. The strangeness in Hakkai's eyes, the longer length to his hair, it all makes Goku feel suddenly very nervous.

"You are mistaken," Hakkai says more severely, filling up the doorway as if suddenly taller, "Do not mention it again."

"But…but it's true," Goku stresses, though as soon as he speaks he regrets countering Hakkai yet again.

Struggling to keep his voice from alerting Gojyo, Hakkai maintains a certain amount of control, but it is a definite yell that escapes him because Goku feels it down to his toes when the healer says again, "Goku," loud and timorous, "You are mistaken. Do not speak of it again. Do you understand me?"

"Hey, Hakkai, where the hell'd my shirt go!?"

Goku's head twitches at the sound of Gojyo calling from inside the room. He feels the helpless need to call out for his friend, but then feels so foolish for that too. For what purpose would he call? To ask for help? Against Hakkai?

"Y-yeah…I got it, Hakkai," Goku gives in, "I'm…gonna go wait with Sanzo, okay?" And because he is almost ready to break into tears and cannot bear another moment under that look, _that look_ directed at him, Goku immediately bolts for the entryway.

Brushing the walls several times, he stumbles finally into the lobby where Sanzo and Jien are waiting. He doesn't stop running until he feels Sanzo's robes in his hands as he clutches the monk's sleeve. "Sanzo…can I talk to you?" he says, knowing how out of breath and panicked he must sound and not meaning to exclude Jien but having a very dire need for Sanzo all to himself on this matter.

Jien gets the picture and excuses himself to wait outside.

Goku, still tightly clutching Sanzo's sleeve, takes a few breaths but doesn't know where to begin. He suddenly wishes he could curl up in the skirt of the robe like he did when he was younger, but he doubts Sanzo would enjoy that right now.

"What's going on?" the monk presses, vying for the boy's attention around Goku's wild looks and moving but silent mouth. "Get a grip, monkey, what the hell is it? And when I say grip, that is not an invitation for you to curl my sleeve up into your fists. You're wrinkling it." Though Sanzo says this, he does not attempt to pry his robe free.

Still fidgeting and clearly worried, Goku looks up at Sanzo with wide eyes and says, "Hakkai's never yelled at me before."

Sanzo blinks. That's it. That's all the monkey has to say. "So?" he replies.

"So? So he just did. Yelled at me. For the first time ever!" Goku thinks on that and tilts his head to one side. "Okay, maybe he yelled at me once before, but that was in the gourd thing and he was yelling to get me to calm down, not to be mean. Right now he just yelled in a…in a…_you_ kind of way."

Sanzo doesn't particularly like the reference, but he does understand Goku's meaning rather quickly because of the example. "Unlike you, I have had Hakkai yell at me quite a few times," he says, "But he snapped at me today too. I thought it was strange but…I was a little preoccupied."

It isn't often that Sanzo sounds remorseful about being ignorant to a friends needs, and if there wasn't a small crisis on their hands right now Goku would find Sanzo's words comforting.

Unfortunately, having been yelled at and knowing that whatever it is he smells different in Hakkai _is_ there and could very well be a problem, has Goku fairly certain this is indeed a crisis.

"You want me to be honest, right? Always?"

Sanzo looks at Goku, hearing the somber tone of the boy's voice, and how when he speaks in earnest he doesn't really sound like a boy anymore. Nodding in reply to Goku's question, Sanzo waits for an answer and knows it will be the truth. All he has ever asked of the boy is honesty.

"Sanzo," Goku says, "I don't know what it is or what we have to do about it, but…something's wrong with Hakkai and I don't think it's gonna go away on its own. He wouldn't…look at me like that. He wouldn't yell. And I haven't seen Hakuryuu all day and I think…I think maybe even he doesn't wanna be around Hakkai right now. That can't be good, right?"

Sanzo does not have to state his agreement. That part is obvious. He has been noticing changes in the healer too, but he assumed, foolishly perhaps, that any danger of having to kill one of his companions because they lose control is over now. Maybe that isn't as true as he had hoped.

"We can't deal with this now. I have enough on my mind, damn it, just to add one more thing…" Sanzo rakes his fingers through his hair and grits his teeth. Even on their way east it seems fate is toying with them, and never with only one thing at a time. Of course not. That would make things far too easy. "Look," Sanzo says, "The most we can do is watch him. Try to talk with him, fine, but this _could_ be nothing."

The lines of Goku's brow grow cutely prominent. "My nose doesn't get things wrong, Sanzo. You know that. Hakkai smells different. And I smelled something else too. It wasn't all that strong but…in Hakkai and Gojyo's room…" Goku's eyes swell and Sanzo sees tears coming only Goku's stubbornness is keeping at bay. "Sanzo," he says, "I smelled blood."

-----

When Gojyo and Hakkai finally join them, everything appears unnaturally normal, save that Hakkai is still in his night shirt and Gojyo is wearing a blue button down shirt they didn't even know he had packed. Hakkai doesn't once snap, doesn't look at anyone strangely or seem out of character. Much as Goku twitches as the group walks back through town to Meiyuu's restaurant, Sanzo just shakes his head. It isn't the right time, he seems to say. And though Goku listens he feels the need in him to confront Hakkai grow.

Reaching Meiyuu's restaurant, the others take a table, since they didn't quite get to food before and understand that Sanzo needs to do this alone. This leaves the monk to walk upstairs to Meiyuu's apartment by himself. The young hostess that met them at the front had said Meiyuu had not yet come down from being up there before.

That certainly doesn't make Sanzo's tread up the stairs any easier.

Coming to the top now, Sanzo is understandably hesitant. He had agreed to come here earlier, had hurriedly dismissed the woman, and felt justified in that decision. But after speaking with Goku he feels some of the sympathy that was already in him. She has an explanation. There had to have been a reason for it all. And tense as he is to do this, Sanzo wants those answers.

It takes a few moments for Meiyuu's soft footsteps to be heard after he knocks, and when she answers the door, she is startled to find him standing there.

"Hikaru…" she says, her face red and eyes damp with tears she might have only moments ago wiped away. She bows her head. "Excuse me. Lord Sanzo," she corrects.

Sanzo always hates being dealt with formally, but coming from his mother makes it all the worse. "Don't…bother with all that. Sanzo is fine." He isn't quite big enough to tell her she is welcome to continue calling him 'Hikaru'.

A small smile interrupts the sorrow on Meiyuu's face. She steps aside, opening the door wide to invite Sanzo in.

A few moments later they are seated at Meiyuu's kitchen table having tea, though neither is really drinking and they haven't yet said another word. It is Meiyuu who speaks again first.

"You…have grown up so handsome," she says, looking at Sanzo as if he might evaporate if she blinks for too long, "And to think you are one of the five Sanzo priests."

Sanzo shifts uncomfortably. As far as he knows, he is the only Sanzo left, if any survived having their scriptures taken.

"I'm sorry," Meiyuu says suddenly, shaking her head, "There aren't five anymore, are there? I heard of Koumyou's death, but it was years after you had left the temple. And I never could have been sure you were actually Genjou Sanzo until I saw you myself. If I had known sooner…" Meiyuu shakes her head again, "You must hate me. And you have every right. What mother leaves her child behind?"

Sanzo says nothing. To counter her would be a lie; those very thoughts are in him. But her sincerity is enough to keep his ears open when she begins the tale she told his companions. He assumed most of it, that she must have seen him with Koumyou, and though a part of him understands, he still feels the resentment he first felt when he saw her face.

"I know things can never be what they might have been between us. Your father was Koumyou Sanzo as far as you knew, and you never had a mother. I did not ask to see you to make you forget all that. I only wish for you to understand the truth."

Difficult as this is, Sanzo offers his mother a nod at that. She was so young when the youkai attacked her village and killed her husband. She thought she was saving her son, and when she survived and managed to track him down so long after the fact, she couldn't bring herself to take him from the family he knew as his own.

If she had claimed him from the temple, how different would the world be today? Would he have still heard Goku's voice? Would Nii have gotten the sutras sooner, or never at all? There is no way to know. He can only accept that he has a mother, and that all resentment aside, his life is where it was meant to be, with or without her.

"My name…" Sanzo prompts, his fingers fiddling with the handle of the teacup in front of him, "You call me Hikaru. That's what you named me?"

"Yes," Meiyuu smiles, dimly but with deep fondness, "It was my idea. Because of your hair. So much like light. Like—"

"The sun," Sanzo finishes. He didn't mean to say it, but the convention slipped out of him anyway. He feels a little self-indulgent afterwards and stares down at the remains of his tea.

Meiyuu is still smiling. "Yes. Like the sun," she says.

"And…what about my father? Before the attack. What was he…like?" The words push out of Sanzo as if forced. He has never liked sounding in need, even if all he is in need of is a few simple, honest words.

A haze covers Meiyuu's expression, clouding her eyes and slipping the smile from her face. Her chin lowers and Sanzo imagines there is either something very interesting at the bottom of Meiyuu's teacup or she has something in her eye. "He…was a good man. Nothing extraordinary to most people, but to me he was…everything." She sighs. "He was a tailor. I worked in the shop as well. We didn't have much but we were still young. He was so…happy when you were born. His son. You have his coloring. Oh, except for the eyes. We never could explain where those eyes came from. We always said it must be a gift from the gods that you were so beautiful." A smile forms subtly on her face, but quickly fades again, still staring down into her teacup. "You were barely a year old when the youkai attacked. Your father would have done anything to protect us. He went out to help in the fight. But they broke through the lines so easily. I saw it happen. I had you in my arms, and though I was hiding I could see through the window what they…did to him. It could have been so easy for me to hate youkai after what happened, but your father wouldn't have wanted that. Some of our neighbors were youkai, and good friends. They fought and lost their lives alongside the humans of the town. It was only the youkai that attacked us that I hated, and it angers me to this day that people can be ignorant enough to hate an entire people for a few individuals' actions. In the recent calamity the actions of the youkai were not even their fault, and yet so many people looked down on them like they were monsters."

Meiyuu's hands clench around her teacup, making it clatter on the tabletop with her trembling. Her eyes dart up, and once more she looks at Sanzo, really looks, and though he can remember so little of her, he knows she is seeing him as her child, only a small child, wrapped up in her arms all over again.

"Knowing who you are, that your friends themselves are youkai despite what has happened to you, knowing that you championed to stop the threat that made the youkai stray, I…could not be more proud of you. If that means little, I understand, but your father would be proud too. Eruhi..." Meiyuu breathes the name as her eyes look to the right where a few old pictures rest on a shelf.

Sanzo noticed these pictures when they sat at the table, but feared looking too closely at them. His eyes fall there now and perhaps without complete control of his limbs he rises from the table to stand before the pictures and see them better.

In the dreamworld, the pictures he imagined on the walls of his and Goku's home were just vague possibilities. Sanzo sees no version of those pictures now. Instead, he sees his mother, young and beautiful, standing beside a strong, tall figure with shaggy blonde hair much like Sanzo's own though the man wears a large smile. Meiyuu's lips are thinner, her smile more subtle though still lovely. Though Sanzo noticed when he first saw Meiyuu in the dreamworld, he sees now how much he really does resemble her. What he sees of himself in his father, however, is more than just the color of his hair. The protective arm around Meiyuu's waist, the countenance of utter loyalty and yet self-sufficiency as well, is very much how Sanzo hopes he is.

There is another photograph of his parents with his own child self held in Meiyuu's arms. Another with just his father holding him, and finally, a simple shot of just him, a month old bundle of chubby cheeks, golden hair, and large violet-blue eyes, not quite changed from birth. If there had been any doubt…

"I remember…your face. At least I think I do." Sanzo speaks still staring at the pictures, with Meiyuu behind him at the table watching. "You were so…sad…looking down at me. And your voice. I remember it singing. Often…singing…"

Emotions like these Sanzo has seldom allowed himself to feel. They are the closest to what he felt for Koumyou that he has ever known. The danger of it jolts him. But he has already opened his heart. And the memories, the real memories of his mother are with him, pulling at him to turn around and see the woman she is now.

He knew listening to Goku was a mistake.

"Hikaru…"

"I won't tell you…that I wish you had taken me from the temple. I won't say that."

Meiyuu remains silent.

"Everything that has happened to me…is what needed to happen. This is who I am."

"Genjou Sanzo?" Meiyuu asks quietly.

Sanzo is shaking his head before she even finishes the title. "My name…is Koryuu. _That_ is who I am. But…" Sanzo turns and finds that Meiyuu is standing at the table, looking at him with complete understanding, acceptance, and, though it almost pains him, love as well. "But," he says, "Your son did not die in the river. Not all of him."

Sanzo had to have received his reflexes from somewhere, he realizes, because Meiyuu has surprisingly strong arms wrapped around his waist before his words have barely finished. The side of her face presses into his chest and shoulder, and the slight shaking of her body tells him her face cannot possibly be dry.

Sanzo stands there a good minute or more with his own arms unable to do anything. The warmth of her, the honest affection from her is more soothing than he feels he deserves. He craved it so desperately those years without Koumyou when he was still a child. Grown now he has found his mother and can have again some of what Koumyou gave him. To accept it, however, is where he is not quite ready.

And gaining the strength to move his arms to wrap around her in return is one of the most difficult things he has ever done.

"Koryuu," Meiyuu says, and Sanzo is pleased that she speaks it with the same fondness she said Hikaru, "I waited so long, but never think there was ever a time I didn't love you."

Before any signs can be seen, Sanzo can feel his body's need to release. He can allow his eyes to swell, but to cry, to allow tears to really fall, has grown beyond him. He gave the last of his tears to his master, and with him they will remain.

Meiyuu holds onto him a little longer before pulling back enough to look up at him and ask, "You won't be staying long, will you?"

"No," Sanzo admits, "We aren't in as much of a rush as before, but there is still dissent. Not all towns are going to be as accepting of the youkai after what happened. We have to travel back east. There are…a lot of things left for us to do."

"I understand. But…at least another night. You and your friends are welcome for dinner. Not in the restaurant, but here, in my home. I…don't want to lose you so soon after finding you. I would like it, even after you have gone, if we could…remain in contact. A letter now and then to know you're alright. Anything."

Sanzo has never experienced this. He doesn't know how to respond. The only people he would care to write to are constantly with him. And really, the thought of ever writing to any of those idiots churns Sanzo's stomach.

Looking down into Meiyuu's eyes, soft brown but his shape, his expression, he is surprised to find that all he wants is to keep the softness there. She did what she thought best and mourned him for years. She should not have to mourn him again.

"I think I can manage that," he says, "As long as I tell the monkey it's what you want, he won't let me forget it."

Meiyuu's brow furrows. "Monkey?"

Her story was one thing, but their reunion isn't over with just that. "I think it may be better if we sat down again. I have a lot of things to tell you too."

Neither minds that the party of three in the restaurant below will be waiting there for quite some time.

-----

One thing Gojyo is sure of is that he definitely feels fuzzy. Another thing is that he has strong suspicions that somehow, someway, it has something to do with why Hakkai is acting so strange today.

"Hey, baby?" he whispers, leaning towards Hakkai's ear and speaking as low as he can since he knows how far Goku's hearing can stretch, "You sure everything's okay?"

They have had their food for several minutes, and although Goku and Gojyo initially began their usual food bickering, neither fought with much fervor. It is clear to Gojyo that the reason for that also seems to be because of Hakkai, even on Goku's end. If the monkey senses something is wrong, then there's no way Hakkai is being completely honest.

"I'm a little hazy on the details of out afternoon fun," Gojyo continues, "but as far as I'm concerned that only means it was one hell of a ride. I'm sore in all kinds of fun places. It's been awhile since you let me top. Must have been in a generous mood, huh?"

"Gojyo, please," Hakkai whispers back, nudging Gojyo away while eyeing their thankfully oblivious companions as Goku and Jien ravenously devour their courses, "This isn't exactly an appropriate conversation for the dinner table. And I assure you," he adds, turning his gaze briefly on Gojyo to show haunted green eyes that do not at all portray the same feeling as Hakkai's words, "I am fine. You needn't worry so much. I'm merely…fatigued. You can understand." Hakkai tries to smile coyly, but Gojyo isn't buying it.

Usually the healer is at least somewhat believable in his swindling of Gojyo, even though Gojyo can always see through it. But today Hakkai's attempts are almost laughable.

It doesn't help that Goku, between large bites, continuously tosses Hakkai nervous flicks of his eyes. The combination has Gojyo on edge and makes him wonder if he missed something somewhere. If he really thinks about, their afternoon is more than just fuzzy. They had to have had sex, but the details are a mystery. Gojyo should at least remember something.

"_I'm so sorry, Gojyo…"_

Gojyo nearly knocks over his beer, half reaching for it when the distant sound of Hakkai's pained voice floods through his senses. What the hell was that?

Looking to Hakkai, Gojyo watches the meticulous, controlled and proper bites Hakkai takes of his food, and feels suspicion rising up inside of him. Why doesn't he remember? Why is Hakkai acting so detached? There has to be something Hakkai isn't telling him.

The group finishes their meal and there still is no sign of Sanzo and Meiyuu. They decide that there is no reason for them to babysit; if Sanzo is still up there then their job of moral support has fulfilled its usefulness.

"I don't suppose I could steal my brother for the afternoon," Jien says once they have resurfaced from the restaurant into the sunlit streets, "I need to get back to the castle soon in case anything comes. It would be nice to have you to myself for a change," he smiles at Gojyo.

Gojyo is still antsy about the situation with Hakkai, but the part of him that trusts Hakkai explicitly wants to believe it isn't anything serious. He grins in reply to his brother's request. "I think Hakkai and Goku can amuse themselves without us. You guys mind?" he asks, turning to his friends.

Goku shakes his head. "If I had a brother, I'd want some playtime alone. Go ahead."

Jien and Gojyo laugh at the idea of their time together being called playtime.

Looking appeasing and still somewhat disjointed, Hakkai smiles with an awkward force to the expression, but nods in agreement with Goku. "By all means. I doubt Sanzo will worry about us. I was thinking of heading back to the inn myself. I don't think we have anything to fear should we separate."

"We'll meet ya back there," Gojyo says, and he moves into Hakkai's body for a quick kiss. Before pulling away he whispers, "I still think something's wrong, baby. Maybe by the time we get back you'll be ready to tell me."

Hakkai says nothing as Gojyo and Jien head off. He only gazes after them and then turns, resolutely, to head back to the inn.

Realizing he is either being ignored or has been entirely forgotten, Goku runs ahead to catch up with Hakkai. "Hey, wait! I'll walk back with you. Don't got nothing else to do."

An absent nod replies to this, though Hakkai remains silent.

Overhead, Goku catches a flash of white and looks up. High above them he sees Hakuryuu stretching his wings in the sunlight. The dragon catches sight of Goku too and starts to swoop down, but once nearing Hakkai he falters. Instead of coming down, Hakuryuu flies on ahead of them to the inn and disappears.

Goku is certain now. The small physical signs are one thing, barely noticeable in some respects, like Hakkai's hair, since it has been growing longer anyway. But it is the feeling Goku gets from his friend, the strange behavior, and that distinctive smell of imminent danger from a youkai, as if at any moment Goku might face an attack. He has never felt something like this from Hakkai before. And whatever it is, it's growing.

"Hakkai…" Goku says, timid but certain of what he must say.

As if finally reached by Goku's presence, Hakkai starts a bit, but then turns to look at Goku with a soft smile. "Yes, Goku, what is it?"

There have been times when Goku could never have believed Hakkai was capable of harming anything. He has seen the healer in action enough to know how foolish a thought that is, but he has never feared Hakkai for his own sake. Seeing that tender smile now almost makes Goku reconsider. But the danger is still in the air, and Goku cannot afford to dismiss it.

He stops in the street and Hakkai stops with him. There is questioning on his friend's face now, and Goku has to wonder if Hakkai even remembers how he acted towards Goku before.

"Hakkai," he says, bolstered but still unfairly afraid, "Something is wrong with you. I don't know what it is. But if you really are our friend, if you're really you, then you have to tell us what it is. Hakkai," Goku taker a breath, and prays that the emerald eyes looking back at him remain the shade Goku trusts, "Are you still Hakkai?"

tbc...

A/N: I exist! Yes, yes, how bad I have been , but I was in Georgia with my sister and her boys, including new baby Korbin. Yes, Korbin, after Corbin Dallas of The Fifth Element. I love my family. Anyway, new chapter, and the plot continues to twist. Better for Sanzo and Goku, not so good for the other two. Jien will be leaving us and they will all be leaving the town soon. I also plan to have another dreamworld chapter for your delights in the near future. Still fun ahead, so let me know you haven't forgotten me. Love you all and your support.

Also, I have finally, thank you, finished volume six. I had some trouble tracking down one. Anyway, for anyone interested, NO, Hazel will never appear. The story began before the reload manga arc and will never cross paths with Hazel. HE DOES NOT EXIST. I am very interested to read the next volume (having already cheated with scans from Japan) and I can tell you, it is going to be fun. Hazel has grown on me in the manga since Minekura-sama is changing everything, but damn did I hate nearly the entirely of Gunlock. Anyway, no more ranting, but NO, there will never be a Hazel. There will, however, be the reappearance of an old villain. That is all I will tell you. hehehe...

Crim


	11. Complete and Utter Truth

Complete and Utter Truth

* * *

"Am I still Hakkai? Goku," Hakkai says, pained deeper than he can admit, "Of course I am. What would make you think I am not?"

Goku shrinks before Hakkai, remembering their incident a few hours prior. "You…yelled at me," he says.

The pitying expression on Goku's face, the smallness of the boy when he has grown so tall, aged so much during their most recent adventures, reminds Hakkai of his own actions—actions that have done this to Goku, though Hakkai never wanted it.

He hasn't wanted any of this. The feelings hot within him, intense and frightening even to himself. He has not forgotten what he did to Gojyo and how he angrily confronted Goku when the boy called him on his strange behavior, but it feels as though an entirely different person committed those crimes. It is not Hakkai.

The healer feels like himself now, but he can also feel the heat of what lies waiting inside of him, just below the surface, ready at any moment to prove he is more powerful than mere limiters anymore. The mere thought of that quakes Hakkai with fear. If his limiters no longer protect against the beast, what can he do to guard his friends against it?

"I apologize, Goku, I did not mean to yell at you before," Hakkai says, turning more fully towards Goku and stepping in closer to keep their conversation intimate. The town roads are not overcrowded, but there is the usual bustle around them, "Please, Goku, I have not changed. I was upset with myself earlier and took it out on you, but I can assure you, I am fine. You really needn't worry."

Hakkai had to lie. He needs time to figure this out before he goes to his friends for help. What would they think of him if they knew how strong the beast is? His own youkai self is not like Goku's. He could not be appeased with limiter practice as Gojyo thought or integrated into Hakkai's personality as Goku is doing with Seiten Taisei. Hakkai's beast is a punishment. It was not meant to roam free.

Goku, quicker than he once was at knowing when he is only being pacified, crinkles his brow at Hakkai and frowns. The knowledge that what has been said is not the whole truth passes between them, but Hakkai does not know what else to say.

"You don't smell like you," Goku says assuredly, "You don't even smell like a youkai. You smell like your body can't decide what it is at all. It's scary. It's scary, Hakkai, and you won't even tell us the truth."

Lowering his head shamefully, Hakkai knows he has been caught, but he still will not admit defeat, "Please, Goku, give me time. You are right to question me, but I do not understand what is happening myself. I only wish to discover the truth before asking your aide. Can you please allow me that?"

Whether or not Goku is simply startled that Hakkai has finally come clean or just because he is Goku and his faith in his friends is boundless, the boy does not counter Hakkai, much as part of him may want to. "Don't take too long then, okay? I don't like worrying about you. You're the one who takes care of us."

Goku tries to smile, hoping Hakkai will smile back. The healer does his best but the expression never quite gets there. As much as Hakkai would like to soothe Goku, he doesn't have any soothing words. He accepts that his role in the group is that of mother, he cherishes it more than he would ever let on, and the last thing he would ever want is to let his friends down.

"And Hakkai," Goku says, looking worried again, "Find Hakuryuu when we get back, will ya? I think he's the most worried and he can't even talk to ya about it."

"Alright, Goku. I'll do that."

And although nothing is truly resolved, the pair continues their trek back to the inn with little other conversation. Hakkai stays much in his own mind, while Goku is likewise buried in his. Each have their beasts to battle but under vastly varied circumstances. Goku almost finds it funny that his own beast has turned out to be more his limited self than Seiten Taisei. He only hopes that whatever part of the beast Hakkai is facing, the healer finds a solution soon.

Very soon.

-----

"You saw him then, the great Gyumaoh himself? And yet you were able to stop the resurrection against such horrendous odds. I almost wish I had been there to see it, though I almost feel I _was_ there after having listened to the tale."

"Believe me you wouldn't have wanted to be there. It was close to touch and go at the end. For the millionth time in my life I thought I'd lost someone…I love. Serves me right, I guess. The little brat actually saved _me_ in the end. In a number of ways."

Meiyuu smiles, holding onto her teacup with gentle hands. She has finished off several cups now, Sanzo as well, but it couldn't not be poured while the monk told the tale of the journey West and of all his harrowing adventures. His mother had jumped several times, but laughed many more.

The story is nearly ended now, leaving very little left to say, save the things he very purposely left out. The dreamworld would have been far too complicated.

"You really shouldn't call young Goku a brat. I found him to be very charming. He seems very devoted to you," Meiyuu says, smiling around another sip of her tea. They are seated on Meiyuu's couch now, each at one end though turned slightly to lean against the arms of the sofa and talk, "You consider him a loved one. I suppose it's easy to see why having met him, and after all that time on the road and…six years before that, was it?"

"Six excruciatingly long years," Sanzo replies with a slight sneer, though the twinkle in his eyes proves how much he really means it, "But we managed. Each with more baggage than should be right. He looks young but he's older than you might think."

Meiyuu gives a slow nod and something like a smirk forms at the corners of her lips. "Young, but I'd guess over eighteen by the looks of him, like his last growth spurt is kicking in finally. At least, I certainly hope he is over eighteen considering you're sleeping with him."

A mouthful of tea very inelegantly spews from Sanzo's mouth, thankfully arcing towards the floor instead of on the sofa or Meiyuu's face.

Sanzo looks up at his grinning mother. He had been alluding, but he hadn't told her that little detail quite yet.

"How…?"

"How did I know? Oh come now, dear, I'm your mother. And simply as a woman I think I know what certain looks from young men mean. The way that boy looks at you tells me just about everything I need to know. Your own reluctance to come out and say it just means you're afraid I'll somehow look down on you." Meiyuu leans towards Sanzo at the other end of the couch. "I would hope after our talks today you know I'm a bigger person than that."

The blush that had flushed to Sanzo's cheeks softens somewhat, though he is still uncomfortable sitting across from his mother when she now knows everything about him, especially something so intimate. "He's…on his way to being twenty. I'm only robbing the cradle on a minor scale, no pun intended. And he started it."

Meiyuu represses a laugh. "I'm sure. He does seem the aggressive type. As long as you make each other happy, then I'm happy for you. Love is a precious thing, Koryuu. Hang onto it. It stings to lose it, but while it is in your grasp it is truly amazing how little everything else matters."

"I know…exactly what you mean," Sanzo replies.

"So, you'll call your friends over for dinner then?" Meiyuu asks as she rises, finished with her tea and sick of it entirely for the time being, "I'd love just a little more time, if I can have it. It has been so…enjoyable talking with you, dear. You've accomplished so much and found so much in yourself. It's the kind of things most mothers can only dream about for their children. Not every woman down at the market can say their son saved the world."

Sanzo scoffs at that. "I'm no hero. I was just doing a job."

The soft clatter of Meiyuu's teacup on the kitchen table echoes in reply. She looks back at Sanzo and their eyes meet. Smiling, Meiyuu nods, understanding why Sanzo thinks that way. "Sounds like a topic not worth arguing with you over, hmm?"

"I'm no hero," Sanzo says again, holding his own teacup perhaps a little too tightly, "I did what I had to. Things ended differently than I thought they would, a helluva lot differently, and now it's done. I'd be back east already if I wasn't sent to make sure humans and youkai are adjusting. I get the feeling your little haven here is the only place that's going to be this hospitable."

Meiyuu knows she cannot deny that. "But it is still admirable you are heading east to make sure people are getting along, even if it is a job. It's admirable that you understand why it is _important_ we all get along. Because we are all just people, and that's all that really matters. You don't have to call yourself a hero, Koryuu, but if others want to, let them. Please. We don't have nearly enough these days." A sad glance at the pictures of her husband on the wall tells Sanzo who she is really thinking of.

Even Sanzo can't deny that heroes are a dying breed. People today are selfish and angry. No one wants to risk their neck for someone else. Sanzo felt the same way not too long ago. It still amazes him how quickly that changed.

While Meiyuu cleans up their teatime, Sanzo goes to the phone on the wall to call the inn. He doesn't even hesitate. He realizes that he doesn't want to leave his mother any more than she wants him to go, because he isn't so much angry with her as he is with fate. A part of him almost wishes he didn't have to go east at all, but there is some truth to Meiyuu's words that Sanzo would never admit.

Even if it wasn't a job, Sanzo would still make this journey. Because he is needed. And for the first time in his life he doesn't mind that feeling.

"I should warn you," he says while dialing the inn's number and glancing back at his mother by the kitchen sink, "with the way Goku eats, you'll need to make enough food for a small village. No exaggeration."

Something in the sound of Meiyuu's laughter as Sanzo makes the call eases the day even more. Hearing it, Sanzo remembers a feeling he had forgotten, but missed so much more than he could ever say.

-----

After shooting the breeze for near an hour while walking through town, Gojyo and Jien finally stop at a small shop for something cool to drink. They grab a table in the back where prying ears won't be able to overhear.

There are a few things they still need to discuss.

"We've had more than enough time to get around to this, Gojyo, and we're still avoiding the subject."

"You've said your apologies. I don't need any more than that."

"I think you do," Jien says, feeling older than he is and like the weight on his heart is two tons heavier today for how much it wants release, "I think you deserve to know a few things you might not otherwise think to ask about. You were just a brat then, but you had to have guessed a few things."

Gojyo doesn't say anything. He uses the arrival of the waitress with their drinks as a distraction and takes his time staring at the swirling liquid in his glass. Lemonade of all things. Right about now he's wishing he ordered a beer. "I knew enough," he says, still staring at the way the ice is dancing so he won't have to meet Jien's eyes, "Knew enough not to ask or push you. Definitely knew not to bring anything up with Mom. Shit. That would have gotten me killed a lot sooner," Gojyo says with a laugh.

Jien doesn't find it funny.

Grabbing hold of Gojyo hands so the redhead will actually look at him, Jien stares into startled red but he isn't seeing an almost twenty-three-year-old. For Jien there is only the little boy he left behind.

"No one abandoned you, Gojyo. No one but me."

Gojyo doesn't understand what Jien means at first, but he allows his brother to speak, knowing how hard it is and how these words have been aching to come out for far too long.

"Our father had a bit of a wandering eye, that's no lie," he says, releasing Gojyo's hands now that he has the attention he sought, "but he didn't run off with some woman and leave you behind. Mom made me swear I'd never talk about it, even to you, but…I remember our father. I remember…the day he brought you home."

A swallow of bile goes down Gojyo's throat. Jien is right; Gojyo never would have thought to ask for this, but he certainly isn't about to ask his brother to stop.

"Looked a lot like me, I guess. With longer hair," he says, trying to smile in reference to Gojyo's own long locks, "Black hair, blue eyes, my markings exactly. Guess that just added to why Mom…got the way she did. It wasn't that they weren't happy. He just…found this human woman one day and…fell in love with her too. That's what he told me, anyway. She lived a few towns away and Dad tried to be part of two lives for a while. But when the other woman got pregnant…that town, it…it didn't look all that kindly on hanyou births. From what I could figure out, bunch of people attacked right after you were born…and killed her. So, in case you were wondering, you ain't gonna find no mother in some town somewhere like the monk. Okay?"

Gojyo doesn't really think about nodding, but he must have, because Jien goes on.

"Dad got pretty hurt trying to get you away from them all. They chased him for a long time, but when they finally gave up, he was…there wasn't anything we could do. He was as strong as you could believe, but it's different fighting when you're protecting something. When he got to our doorstep, he only had about enough life in him to explain who you were before he died."

Jien takes a breath, and a haze washes over his eyes as if he is seeing the events of that night clearly in his mind. He shakes his head to banish them before continuing.

"Mom was really great with you at first, ya know," he says, "She had to protect you for him, she said. But…it wore on her fast. It drove her crazy when she thought of him being with that other woman and of him leaving her alone, and she was always thinking about it. By the time you were walking…she couldn't stand the sight of you. Me…I did what I could. But I guess I messed up too, huh? It couldn't have helped…the things I…did for her…to make her forgot Dad was gone. I know I did a lot of stupid things. So…never think you owe me anything, okay? Because you don't. Some things…just can't be fixed."

It is because of these words that Gojyo finally wakes up. His eyes focus on his brother sharply, and more than anything he wants to take his brother's shoulders and shake. He would never ask anything of Jien. As far as he is concerned, Jien doesn't owe him anything either.

Soiled goods indeed.

"Guess we'll both be blaming ourselves till the end of time, eh, bro?" Gojyo says, grinning as much as he can manage and leaning back in his chair, "But I do think you're wrong about things being fixed. Some things…fix themselves over time, and nothing needs to be done about it. Because ya see, some things…don't need to be forgiven."

A huff leaves Jien's lips but he knows not to disagree. He thinks he really is more like his brother than he might have once thought. "I'll take your word on that then. And…guess I must be taking my leave too. Wouldn't want to get back to the castle too late tonight and wake everybody up." Jien is already standing as he says this, not having taken a single drink of his own lemonade.

"Now? You're taking off?" Gojyo says, standing too, and not even bothering to make his words sound offhand. He's liked having Jien around; he doesn't mind if his brother knows that.

"Can't bog you boys down when you've got your problems stewing and a mission left to complete on top of it all," Jien says, "We'll cross paths soon again, I'm sure. Isn't hard to find you four, ya know."

Gojyo has to grin at that. They do have a tendency to leave a certain trail behind them. Though hopefully youkai bodies won't be part of that this time. "Yeah…soon, huh? Maybe when this is all said and done, there won't be a need for parting at all."

"Yeah…maybe," Jien smiles. He bops Gojyo on the head then before pulling his brother in for a half-hug. "And you behave yourself. If I hear you're causing trouble, I can be wherever you're at in a heartbeat, and I can and will kick the shit out of you if I have to."

The grin on Gojyo's face widens. "Right back at ya."

"Say goodbye to the others for me, will ya?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I will."

They start to walk for the door, but Jien turns back before heading down the path that leads to where he parked his dragon. "And Gojyo?"

Gojyo looks up expectantly.

"Keep an eye on that boyfriend of yours. He's a good catch," Jien says, leaning in close to whisper the end of the phrase, "But scary as all hell sometimes."

Gojyo is still laughing even after Jien has disappeared. He starts heading back to the inn to find his scary-as-all-hell lover, but the closer he gets to the front doors, the more he wonders if Jien had a point back there.

Hakkai has been acting a little bit stranger than usual lately. And earlier that afternoon something happened. They had a quick romp, but…Gojyo barely remembers it. He still feels a little sore in places, though not as sore as he his to not remember why. He tries to wrack his brain about it, but whenever he does he gets the strangest flashes.

Hakkai on top of him. Hakkai wild. Hakkai completely surrounding every inch of him.

Normally Gojyo would find such reminiscent flashes erotic, but not when they are accompanied by a feeling of suffocating, like there is no air to breath, no air at all, no air anywhere.

The whole thing makes Gojyo shudder and makes his feet move that much faster to carry him back to the inn.

-----

Goku is pacing in the hallway. There was a message at the front desk that Sanzo wants them all to come over to Meiyuu's for dinner, which nearly made Goku jump out of his skin for joy. But he can't focus on that when his thoughts are still raging over Hakkai. Try as he might, Goku can't shake the feeling that something is very, very wrong.

It is during the height of his pacing, back and forth between the two doors, one of which Hakkai escaped into long before, that Goku catches first smell then sight of his good friend Gojyo.

"Finally!" Goku calls, running up to Gojyo practically out of breath, though the sprint was only a few feet, "Where's Doku? Did he go?"

"Yeah, said to say goodbye to you lot, too. Now would you mind not clinging to me, monkey-boy," Gojyo replies, attempting to shake Goku off the sleeve of his button-down shirt. The shirt. What had happened to his other clothing?

"But Gojyo, I gotta talk to you about something!"

Gojyo had been wearing his usual clothing that morning. Did something happen to it when he was with Hakkai? Why can't he remember?

"Gojyo!"

"What?!" Gojyo nearly yells, returning his mind to the problem of the monkey on his arm, "If you need to tell me something then spill it. I'm in the mood for a nap, not a yelling match."

Goku, looking cowed, releases Gojyo's sleeve but does not move out of the kappa's personal space. "It's Hakkai. I already talked with him, but…I don't know, I don't think he's really listening to me, ya know? He thinks he can handle it but I got this feeling…"

"Whoa, hang on a sec," Gojyo breaks in, holding up his hands to slow the monkey down a bit, "What's this about Hakkai?"

"Hakkai. He's been acting all weird and he smells different. I know you're not full youkai, Gojyo, but you had to have noticed too. It's getting so strong I can smell it from out here."

"What are you talking about, smells different?" Gojyo had certainly noticed Hakkai acting strange, but sniffing his friend hadn't yet crossed his mind. Then again, this is Goku he is dealing with, and Goku does everything in a food related manner.

"Come on, Gojyo, you've noticed, haven't you?" Goku presses, knowing to lower his voice since it had started to raise quite a bit and Hakkai really isn't all that far from them, "Hakkai hasn't been like himself for awhile now. Even Hakuryuu's noticed. And what was with the blood I smelled from your room earlier? That was just weird. Coz I mean if you two wanna—"

"Blood?" Gojyo says the word softly, but in a chilling enough way that Goku cuts off immediately, "What…blood?"

It dawns on Goku then that Gojyo might be more in the dark than he is. And that scares the monkey even more. "Gojyo…I smelled blood from your room before we went to Meiyuu's. You have to know about it. You were in there. And…it…well…it smelled like you."

At this mention the blood currently in Gojyo's body runs cold. He should remember if Goku is so certain, but he doesn't. How could he not remember his own blood being spilt?

"Gojyo…you okay?"

"Yeah, I just…I need to think about this. Is Hakkai in the room?"

Goku nods. "Should be."

"Okay. You…you just forget this stuff for now, alright?" Gojyo explains, still feeling chilled but looking down into Goku's eyes with complete seriousness, "I'll handle Hakkai. If something really is wrong then…ganging up on him won't solve anything."

Much as Goku may agree with that, he doesn't like the idea of leaving things to chance, not when Hakkai has been acting so strange. "But…but, Gojyo—"

"I'll handle it," Gojyo says again, "It's Hakkai. He always finds his way through things like this."

"Yeah, but…what about Meiyuu?"

Gojyo starts. "What about her?"

"Sanzo left a message that we're s'pposed to go over there for dinner."

Great. The last things Gojyo wants to do right now is drag Hakkai off into public to continue faking he's okay. "You go. Tell them Hakkai's not feeling well and I stayed back to help him. Sanzo won't buy that but at least Meiyuu won't think we ditched."

"Well…okay."

When Goku has finally conceded to head for Meiyuu's, Gojyo falls back against the wall of the hallway and releases a large sigh. And the day had begun so promising too.

It takes several minutes before Gojyo works up the nerve to go inside the room, which he is surprised to find locked. Good thing he actually bothered with the extra key for a change. Entering, Gojyo decides it might be best to lock the door behind him again but at the last minute he changes his mind. He doesn't like to think this way, but a quick get away is always a nice option to have.

Again to Gojyo's surprise he finds Hakkai asleep on the bed, curled up in the blankets with his monocle set on the nightstand. An easy transition, Gojyo supposes, since Hakkai had technically already been in his bedclothes.

Gojyo is forced yet again to think of their clothing. It shouldn't be strange, but it is. He can't remember why he is no longer wearing his usual clothing or why Hakkai chose to wear his bedshirt. They removed their clothing to fool around, fine, but what happened to it that it couldn't be worn again?

Glancing around the room Gojyo tries to see if he can spot the clothing anywhere but comes up empty. The room is spotless. Either Hakkai has the clothing in the laundry or he tucked it away somewhere. Either way makes Gojyo suspicious. If things got rough enough or wild enough to ruin clothes, Gojyo really should remember.

Slowly, Gojyo approaches the bed. Hakkai is facing the window, away from Gojyo, but the healer is indeed sleeping if the even rising and falling of his back are any indication. Something has sure worn Hakkai out.

Gojyo is actually pretty proud of his ability to be stealthy, until an unexpected blur of white scales flashes in front of his face and he nearly screams aloud. "Hakuryuu!" he whispers harshly at the flapping dragon, "What the hell are you doing?"

The little creature appears to have only been startled by Gojyo, much as Gojyo was startled in return, and settles quickly onto the kappa's shoulder, kyuuing apologies.

"Yeah, you better be sorry. What's with hiding beside the bed like that? You trying to keep an eye on him too?" Gojyo strokes the dragon's head as he says this and nods down at Hakkai's sleeping form.

Hakuryuu kyuus in affirmation.

"Can't be nothing then if _you're_ worried. The monkey said Hakkai don't smell right. That true for you too?"

Hakuryuu kyuus again.

"Great. Just great," Gojyo grumbles, moving to the window to sit on the window seat and think about all this a while. Hakuryuu stays with him, perched on his shoulder, and settles in to get comfortable, "So what does smelling different mean anyway? He smell more like a youkai?" Gojyo asks.

Hakuryuu tilts his head but does not reply.

"I'm guessing he doesn't smell more human."

Again nothing.

"So what the hell is it?" Gojyo says, perhaps a little too loudly. He looks over to be sure Hakkai is still asleep. Seeing as how the healer has barely moved, he figures he is safe, but still, he lowers his voice again as he continues talking to the dragon, "What is it? What's happening? He's not a normal youkai. Maybe he wouldn't ever really smell like one. Maybe it's…that he's smelling more like…the curse, whatever the hell that means."

A very solemn kyuu responds to this, but Gojyo isn't sure if it means he guessed right or if Hakuryuu is simply as worried as he is.

"Doesn't leave us much choice then does it? Means we gotta figure out why he's wigging out, and fast. Coz Goku's one thing. But if Hakkai's other side takes over…I…I don't know what that means. Goku's just looking for a balance, but Hakkai…I push him but I'm starting to get it that without his limiters he isn't himself at all. No wonder he ain't saying nothing. He must be scared out of his mind. Shit…" Gojyo runs an anxious hand through his hair, wishing for a second that he had his headband to pull it at least a little from his face, or that he had a pair of scissors to just cut it all off again.

Best to not do anything too drastic when tensions are high, Gojyo knows that. He'd probably regret losing his locks in the morning. But the thing is, he wouldn't even know how to think using logic like that if Hakkai wasn't in his life. Hakkai is his grounding point. Hell, he knows he's the same in return. But as much as Gojyo is trying to put more belief in himself these days, he's never believed he was very good at the job.

"Admonishment's not what he needs anymore. I know that. He needs me in all these new ways and I just don't know what to do. You know what that feels like, Hakuryuu?"

A small chirp replies and Hakuryuu digs his nose into Gojyo's neck affectionately.

Gojyo chuckles a little. "Don't get too mushy on me now. I'm not into guys you know."

"Kyuu?"

"Not into girls no more either. Only into _him_." And Gojyo smiles over at Hakkai, though the expression turns a little sour after awhile because Gojyo doesn't quite know how to keep it.

Sighing—the worst of times always make a person sigh more—Gojyo turns to look outside. The street lights are starting to come on as the sun goes down. Goku will have made it to Meiyuu's by now, knowing the way the monkey runs when food is a prospect. Gojyo pets Hakuryuu absently as he watches people pass by, and behind him, the gentle breaths from Hakkai soothe Gojyo, if only to hear his friend sound peaceful.

Turning back, Gojyo looks hard at Hakkai on the bed. Yes, the healer's hair is growing longer and his nails could use a good clipping but that doesn't mean he's going to outgrow his limiters and go on some killing spree. This is Hakkai. And Gojyo has always trusted Hakkai, even without the limiters on, even when he probably shouldn't trust the beast but can't help himself.

But then it isn't just the hair and nails. Hakkai's eyes lately. Even Hakkai's ears have started to develop a slight point at the tips. And…

Gojyo holds back a gasp. Hakkai has rolled over in his sleep and the sheets fall away. His nightshirt has ridden up, leaving the slightest bit of skin from just below Hakkai's bellybutton to the start of his pants. And peaking only slightly from under the shirt is the curve of a faint black leaf.

Hakuryuu gives a squawk when Gojyo rises abruptly, fluttering off of the kappa's shoulder to resettled in the window seat alone. Gojyo pays no mind. He is too entranced. He walks, slowly, over to the bed, and with a careful hand tugs at Hakkai's nightshirt to bring it up further, up to the brunette's ribcage.

Gojyo can see all of it now. Spiraling out from Hakkai's scar is some of the demon markings. There are a handful only, part of the vines with a few coiling offshoots, each with several little leaves. They stop suddenly, as if not allowed to grow further, as if stopped only by some vaguely remaining power.

The limiters. Or what is left of them.

The sight brings disbelief into Gojyo's throat and he chokes on it, not wanting to know, not wanting to remember as swift visions of the truth rush back to the front of his mind.

The vines. Hakkai without his limiters. The pain, so much pain. Begging Hakkai to stop. Pleading. Stop. Stop it. I can't take anymore! I can't breathe! I can't…fucking…breathe!

Gojyo stumbles back, leaving Hakkai exposed. He is trembling as he remembers, seeing again how Hakkai looked, wild atop him, riding him ruthlessly, and how the vines encircled every part of, pulling and sinking into his skin until he could hardly move or think let alone feel anything but pain as Hakkai took his pleasure, for _his_ amusement.

No, not Hakkai. It wasn't Hakkai. Hakkai had no control then, not any at all. A name was never said, but Gojyo knows, Gojyo understands now the real beast Hakkai keeps at bay, because the bastard should be dead but is somehow still clinging.

Gojyo has often said he never wants to be another Kanan for Hakkai. But he doesn't want Hakkai to be _Gonou_ for him either.

A sickening feeling climbs into Gojyo's stomach and he almost gets sick right on the room floor. He crumbles in his trembling and is suddenly on his knees, eyes blankly staring at Hakkai, at those vines. It's like repressing a rape only to have it all surge back again. Gojyo would never call the act rape aloud, but how can he think otherwise. That hadn't been what he wanted. He asked Hakkai to stop. He could have fucking died like that.

Blood. Goku smelled blood.

Gojyo jumps, feeling something wet on his hand. He looks down and sees Hakuryuu beside him, licking him gently in consolation. The poor dragon doesn't even know why Gojyo is acting so strangely, but he offers comfort anyway.

"Hakuryuu…we…I…oh, _fuck_. He…he made me forget it. Hakkai made me forget so I wouldn't…so I wouldn't remember what that damn monster did to me. Oh…_fuck_."

There is nothing Gojyo can do. He could go retch in the bathroom, find something to punch, find a corner to cry or scream in, anything, but he can't even bring himself to move. It isn't just that the beast did something so awful but that Hakkai, knowingly, willingly, covered it up.

"What the hell is happening to him…?"

"Nngg…Gojyo…?"

Gojyo's eyes dart back up to the bed where Hakkai is stirring. The healer blinks several times at Gojyo, trying to wake fully, but he is confused to find his friend in such a stressful state, trembling on the floor with Hakuryuu beside him.

"Gojyo? What is it? What happened?" Hakkai starts to get up, but as he does, his shirt falls down again and feeling it he knows it had been pulled up a moment before. Hakkai reaches down and lifts it, finding just what he expected, the evidence that far more than a minor meltdown is haunting him just now.

Green eyes look again at Gojyo and find that the hanyou has not yet moved. Crimson stares into green expressionless, haunted as well, and Hakkai does not have to ask to know that his rushed ki spell has worn off.

Hastily, Hakkai tries to explain, "Gojyo, please forgive me. I never intended for that to happen. I…lost myself. And when I realized what I was doing to you, what I had done, I was so horrified, I…I didn't want you to remember it and look at me…the way you are looking at me now. Gods, please…please don't look at me like that, Gojyo. I had to. I had—"

"Had to lie to me?" Gojyo finishes, biting yet quiet in its disbelief. He begins to stand. "I would have forgiven you anything and you couldn't even trust me enough to tell me the truth. Did you think I couldn't handle it? That I'd hate you? _He_ did that to me. But it was _you_ who decided not to trust me."

Risen fully now, Gojyo, still slightly shaking with clenched fists at his sides, turns away from Hakkai and starts to head for the door.

Frantically, Hakkai gets out of bed.

"Where are you going?"

Gojyo does not look back. "Out."

"Out where?"

"Out!" Gojyo says again, harsher and with a very chilling look as he turns back just before leaving the room. He is glad he left it unlocked, because he does indeed make a quick getaway, slamming the door shut behind him.

Hakkai stands at a loss, defeated. What he feared most has happened and Gojyo does not understand.

How can Hakkai blame him really? He should have been honest. He should have trusted Gojyo. If they cannot trust one another then what foundation does their love have to stand on? If Hakkai could go back to the moment he decided to wipe Gojyo's memory, he would do everything in his power to…

To what? What would the point have been to do things differently? Gojyo just doesn't get it, that's the problem. He was only doing what he thought was right. If Gojyo trusted him, then he would know that Hakkai made his choice entirely with Gojyo in mind. The act was selfless; it isn't worth stalking out like a child.

But Gojyo looked so hurt, so broken. To make him feel that way twists Hakkai's gut. He should chase after Gojyo and apologize.

That's silly though. Gojyo's the one overreacting. So a few vines are showing through. Hakkai is still in control. He was able to find his way back.

Although not until after Gojyo was so badly injured from the vines and bleeding in more than one place. The mere image of that…of…Gojyo…like that…

Makes Hakkai want more of it.

"Gods! What…what is happening to me…?" Hakkai cries, taking both palms and pressing them into his eyes as if the action might banish the deceitful thoughts mixing in with his own. He doesn't want to hurt Gojyo. He doesn't want to hurt anyone.

"Kyuu…?"

Hakkai turns, surprised to find Hakuryuu hovering just above him. And then the little dragon lands very tentatively on his shoulder. Slowly, Hakuryuu climbs, foot by foot, to reach his usual perch.

"Kyuu?" he says again.

"Hakuryuu…you…you too…are afraid of me?" Hakkai asks.

The dragon cannot answer, because he does not want to have to say yes.

"You know…" Hakkai says, reaching up to stroke Hakuryuu's neck, "…perhaps you should be," and his stroke becomes harsh as he grips the narrow neck and throws the small dragon from his shoulder.

Hakuryuu squawks, clawing the air as he flaps away. The window is open, and he is thankful for it, because the strong color of jade in Hakkai's eyes is not to be trusted. Much as it pains him, Hakuryuu, like Gojyo, escapes the room, leaving whatever is becoming of Hakkai behind.

tbc...

A/N: I know I suck. Not because this sucks, but because I have two fics and a world of others things and the boys aren't getting nearly enough attention. I hope this makes up for your suffering, my dear, loving fans, who cannot possibly know how much they are appreciated. I will do my best to keep posting for you even as life becomes more and more complicated. Thank you all for your continued support.

Crim


	12. Breaking and Bonding

Breaking and Bonding

* * *

Gojyo can't remember the last time he was this mad at one of his friends. Especially at Hakkai. He's never mad at Hakkai. It's Hakkai. He gets a little frustrated with him from time to time, but actual anger is pretty hard to come by when the healer is just so damn nice all the time. Sanzo, to this day, appears to be the only one immune.

Therefore, Gojyo is even more put out that he is as mad as he has found himself. Mad doesn't even describe it right. He is thoroughly incensed. He could just…he doesn't know what he could do. And that alone frightens him.

Which is exactly why he has wandered his way to the closest bar and ordered a heavy drink. No beer tonight. The strongest liquor, please, and don't skimp by handing out the cheap stuff.

After knocking back a good many shots, Gojyo sits nursing something bitter that burns a little on the way down but feels good once it settled warm in his stomach. He doesn't even know what it is. The bartender just gave him a wink and set it down. For Gojyo that isn't suspicious; it's damn good service.

"Idiot," he grumbles to himself, not exactly sure who the word is meant for. The bottom of his drink is getting closer and he stares at the liquid inside to find his marred reflection. His own red head wavers back at him.

What was Hakkai thinking? Sure, what happened was terrifying, but Gojyo would have been able to separate the incident between beast and Hakkai just like Sanzo did when Seiten Taisei pulled that stunt. Gojyo could have forgiven Hakkai. But Hakkai had to go and do a worse wrong and make everything horrible. Gojyo never thought he would doubt his friend. Maybe he shouldn't ever trust Hakkai but he has always prided himself on being one of the few people who can. Now he isn't so sure.

"Nother one a those, man, okay?" Gojyo tells the bartender, passing his now empty glass down the counter. Gojyo's eyes are getting heavy and his words are a bit slurred, but as far as he is concerned, he isn't even close to done. Not if it still hurts this much.

The bartender complies, though a bit more hesitant now, and says, "You sure, man? You're getting pretty far gone. Must be one helluva broad you're pining over."

Gojyo chokes back a laugh and tosses a swig of his drink down his throat. "Man," he says, "You have no idea."

Drink after drink and Gojyo still can't get the returned memories out of his mind. Never mind how scary Hakkai had looked, how frozen Gojyo had felt when he realized it wasn't really Hakkai at all, and how he'd said fucking 'stop' and the monster still kept going. What played over in Gojyo's mind was the words that came after, when he was forced into sleep.

"_I'm sorry, Gojyo. I'm so sorry…"_

"Asshole. If you were sorry you'd be sittin' next to me," Gojyo hisses into his drink.

"Mind if I sit next to you instead?"

Looking up, half surprised and half not entirely sure he has heard correctly or is just imagining things, Gojyo finds a rather buxom youkai brunette on the stool beside him. He remembers her. She's the one who got him in trouble the last time. And looking just as drop dead gorgeous as she did the first time he saw her.

Shit.

"Don't see your friend tonight," she says, batting too long to be natural eyelashes while making a point to cross her legs away from Gojyo to better show off the slit in her dress. A very high slit. Near up to her hip.

Shit.

Gojyo shakes his head, "No, you won't see him tonight, honey, believe me." He does his best to return to his drink, but the brunette holds her ground.

"Shame," she says, "Seemed like you two were close. Or am I mistaken?"

Gojyo is no stranger to that kind of grin and the way she's leaning up on the counter in a way that pushes her amble chest together and has the ladies waving Gojyo one fine hello. He also gets it real clear how she is steering around the subject of Hakkai. If Hakkai had been a woman, this scenario would play out just the same.

Still, Gojyo does all he can do when this drunk. He tells the truth.

"You know…I may have been mistaken about a few things myself," he says.

The woman's grin stretches to show off perfect white teeth and those pretty fangs. Gojyo had nearly forgotten how attractive a youkai woman can be when she's not trying to rip him a new one. "Really now," she says, "Seems to me then that you might be wanting some company tonight. Handsome thing like you really shouldn't be alone, after all."

Gojyo has to laugh, because this woman really is something else. She flirts just like he does, scoping out a challenge, and makes it clear what she wants. Gojyo has to respect that. "No, don't suppose a handsome thing like me should be alone," he says, and he sets aside his drink, half finished already and turns to better take in the woman beside him.

Drink in his system and fire in his veins, Gojyo's blood burns against his will and she really is looking finer than anything.

Long legs, short skirt, that damn near illegal slit, the low-cut top, the long brown hair and even green eyes behind those lashes. And just to be exotic and that much sweeter in Gojyo's mind, there's the pointed ears, the fangs, the nails like claws, painted red. Then it strikes Gojyo that she doesn't have any visible demon markings, and before he can start imagining where she might be hiding some, his ignorant fun takes a dive.

Suddenly, she has quite a few markings. Everywhere. Black coiling vines that stretch and capture and burn into whatever they touch.

Gojyo almost screams shaking his head to clear out that image. When he looks again at the woman she is just as beautiful as she should be, but he is sobered enough to know she isn't what he wants.

He doesn't want anything familiar. If she had been human, if she had been blonde, anything, maybe Gojyo would have faltered. But she had to look like _him_.

"Sorry, honey, but handsome or not, and wrong or not, I think I _will_ be spending tonight alone," Gojyo says, standing up and tossing what little cash he has on the bar, "I think I need to walk off this buzz before I do something I'd regret."

"Oh? Like what?" A pout plays on the girls lips and she leans further forward onto the bar, practically spilling out of her shirt to keep Gojyo interested.

And damn it if Gojyo's isn't very, very interested, but plastered or not, his mind can't leave Hakkai. "You'd almost be worth it," he tells her honestly, meeting her eyes and just wishing this could be easier so he could have a good fuck and forget today the way he used to, "But as stupid as I am sometimes, even I'm not _that_ stupid."

-----

Meiyuu had to admit, Sanzo certainly wasn't exaggerating when he mentioned how much Goku can eat. The boy has been happily devouring everything she sets in front of him for the past hour and shows no signs of being satisfied.

Naturally, Meiyuu finds the whole thing terribly adorable, and has to remind herself several times that Goku is nineteen, almost twenty, and not the little boy he can sometimes appear to be. He is growing, after all, and to Meiyuu, he is quite the handsome display of a young man immersed in his final growth spurt. Only when his eyes twinkle at her or he gulps down yet another bite of food does he display his more youthful side.

Sanzo, for his part, is pretending Goku is _not_ making an obscene display, even with Goku's additions to the conversation coming through bites of food.

When the monkey finally shows signs of stopping and looks up at Meiyuu for the hundredth time to say thank you for the delicious meal, he then sits back with a sigh and cannot stop himself before saying, "Wow…you look so much like him. I mean…err…he looks like you, I guess. Sanzo does," Goku explains, "Always knew he had to get all that pretty from somewhere."

A bright smile floods Meiyuu's face, much as one is already there due to the very welcome company tonight, but Sanzo is far from amused.

"Shut up, idiot," he says reflexively. Although, to be honest, even he is beginning to recognize that his tone does not hold any of the malice it once did. The expression is entirely endearing.

And Meiyuu is quick to notice. "My, you two must know each other so well with all the time you've been together. So many years living so close. I almost feel I'd learn more about Koryuu from you, Goku, than from him."

Sanzo shifts a little uncomfortably; he can't help it if he isn't the chattiest or most open of people. He has made a number of strides today, with his mother as well as with Goku. Only so much can be expected of him at a time.

Goku just smiles and offers a shrug. "Don't know about that. I'm just getting to know Koryuu myself. But I can tell ya loads about Sanzo. Mostly involving a paper fan and the heel of his shoe," Goku giggles.

There are still many times when Sanzo contemplates pulling the fan out again or kicking the monkey hard like he used to, but generally speaking, a light bop on the head is as much as he dares anymore. He does so, making sure Goku gets the point that he isn't particularly fond of being talked about as if he isn't in the room.

As much as Goku does understand what the bop to his skull meant it does nothing to stop him from asking what he asks next.

"Hey, Meiyuu, I've always wondered. What was baby Sanzo like anyway? Was he a big grump like he is now?" Of course, even as he is saying this, Goku is smiling, because he loves his grumpy spoil sport of a monk.

While Sanzo is busy rethinking his decision to not bring out the fan, Meiyuu sits back and a look of peaceful nostalgia crosses her face. "Goodness, how many years it's been since then," she says, "But no, grumpy is hardly how I'd describe him. For a first child he was surprisingly well behaved. He laughed at everything. Was giggling months before he should have been. So smiley. But my was he a stubborn one. Things always had to be just so, and he was so picky about noise. He wouldn't eat, sleep, or tolerate anything if it was too noisy."

Goku is in a fit of giggles. "That is so Sanzo!" he says, "He is always yelling at me and Gojyo to shut up, and we're never even all that loud."

"Hn," Sanzo scoffs, "Your definition of loud and quiet is separated by a very thin line. I've looked for your volume control and it doesn't exist."

Really, it is terribly inappropriate, but Goku just can't help himself when he is having such a good time, and with Sanzo behaving so well. "Really? Maybe you haven't looked in all the right places yet," he says with a wink.

Everything in Sanzo tells him to attack the boy, but the most he can muster is a very red face and shaking fists.

Meiyuu laughs. "Oh my, you two are quite the pair, aren't you? It's hard to believe you've only been a couple for such a short time."

"You should see the other two," Sanzo grumbles. His arms are tightly crossed, and part of him is contemplating all the wonderful ways to torture Goku later, but that line of thinking always leads in the same direction these days. No longer does it go to the use of the fan, or starving the kid. Oh no. But inevitably to the bedroom.

And damn it if Sanzo doesn't care that his mind strays there. Their recent argument has left both of them with feelings unresolved that can only be dealt with in heated passion. Sanzo is sure there's a rulebook on that somewhere in the world.

None of this, of course, is spoken aloud, and Sanzo does his best to ignore Goku and Meiyuu's laughter.

Quickly though, Meiyuu continues. "He was a wonderful baby," she says, "Really. I would love to say, Koryuu, that if I could go back and make the decision to send you down the river again, I wouldn't do it. Or maybe that I would still send you but take you from the temple when I found you. But seeing you now…I don't think I can say any of that. How could I ever wish to change the man you are? It is this man before me that Goku loves. I hope it isn't awful of me to imply that I am glad things turned out as they did, but I am, if only to see that you are so strong now, and happy. I would wish for nothing more of you."

All thoughts of Goku-torture and self-loathing are cast aside. This same sentiment is all Koumyou wished for Sanzo as well, and to hear it from his mother melts Sanzo a little further, so much so that he almost smiles. Almost.

Meiyuu returns the almost smile with a full one of her own and gets up from the table to begin clearing the dishes. "Dessert?" she asks, which is always the wrong thing to say to Goku, at least from Sanzo's perspective.

The monkey's face lights up completely. "Really?"

"Of course."

"Great," Sanzo grumbles.

It's not that he isn't enjoying spending time with his mother but that this feels so much like introducing one's spouse to their in-laws that Sanzo can't help feeling anxiety over the whole scene. He knows he will have to say goodbye to his mother tonight, and for who knows how long, but he looks forward to being done with all this and going back to a sense of normal. Preferably a sense of normal in which he and Goku are living amorously whenever the sun goes down.

There was a time Sanzo never would have even contemplated lying with his charge and now he thinks of it so eagerly and often that he wonders if he is developing a problem. It must be because of their fight, Sanzo decides. It had been so brutal. So final. Sanzo had been fully prepared to deny Goku his love forever. Maybe. A thought like that reminds him—as if he needs such reminders—of how short a time they may have together.

Perhaps dessert doesn't sound so bad after all.

"Hey, Meiyuu, you don't have any extra baby Sanzo pictures lying around, do ya?"

Then again…

-----

Gojyo's head is throbbing. He knows better than this. He knows exactly how much alcohol will cause him to be sick instead of blissfully numb, and he passed that number long before his encounter with the youkai woman. Which is why it has taken him a good hour to return to the inn despite the fact that it took him only fifteen minutes to get from point A to point B while sober.

He nods at the young man at the front desk and stumbles into the hallway where his and the others' rooms are. His drinking and reflection have granted him nothing but the ill feeling in his stomach, his headache, misplaced steps, and a great desire to hold Hakkai as tight as possible for as long as possible so neither of them ever again forgets that they can get through anything. As long as they do it together. They've been through enough hell already to know that.

The problem is, even as Gojyo is thinking this way, he is also still doubting. Drunk or not, he remembers everything. It isn't even what youkai Hakkai did to him that bothers him but that Hakkai, fully sane and clear-thinking Hakkai, chose to lie.

How can they do anything, be anything, if there is not trust first?

Nevertheless, as Gojyo opens the door all he can think is that he doesn't care about any of it so long as he can tell Hakkai it'll all be alright and hear the same words said back to him.

He could be satisfied enough by that perhaps if the first thing he sees upon entering their room wasn't Hakkai's back as the brunette lays very still on the bed Gojyo found him on earlier, as if he had simply returned there when Gojyo left and never moved. It crushes Gojyo to see it. Hakkai has the covers pulled up tight, as if to burry himself, and he is so far to the edge of the bed, it seems clear he wants only to separate himself from everything. Even the window is closed, closed off, just like Hakkai. Gojyo does not notice that Hakuryuu is gone.

Shit, Gojyo thinks. He had to go and storm out, didn't he? He had to get drunk, agonizing and mulling over everything, and he didn't even think how Hakkai must be feeling. Maybe Hakkai acted in the wrong, but if the turned youkai can't control what is happening to him, it is no wonder he is terrified. Gojyo should know better.

He tries to understand, tries to think from Hakkai's point of view for a moment. Hakkai was scared. Hakkai did the only thing he could think of to make things easier on Gojyo. Well, it backfired, but Hakkai's intentions weren't based around the lie, they were based around concern. Around love. For Gojyo.

Hakkai is terrified to lose love again. And Gojyo walked out on him.

Sobered a little now, Gojyo is able to walk over to Hakkai's bed and sit on the edge. He had at first thought Hakkai wasn't moving, but now that he is closer he can see the small tremors, consistently shivering through Hakkai's body. Barely audible, Gojyo can hear the small sobs as well. He feels like such a fool.

"Hakkai…" he says, and he reaches a hand to touch the blanket covered shoulder.

Gojyo almost expects a flinch, he would understand if that was Hakkai's initial response, and therefore he is disturbed when Hakkai does not move at all.

"Hakkai," he says again, moving onto the bed so that he is lying down behind Hakkai with his hand squeezing the shoulder tightly, "I'm sorry…I'm sorry I left like that. I was just so…mad. I never thought I would have to worry about you, of all people, not trusting me. But I was too harsh, okay, I get that. I wasn't thinking about what you're feelin'. So don't go doing this to yourself, alright, I'm here. I'll always be here, you know that. I just needed some time to cool off but now—"

"Gojyo." The voice is so soft and low Gojyo would find it dark if he didn't think he was talking to Hakkai just now.

"Yeah, baby?" he says.

When Hakkai responds, despite the shivering and the sounds of light sobbing, there is no sign of tears in Hakkai's voice when he speaks. "Don't touch me," he says, and there is finality in the words, cold and commanding. Hakkai does not move but his body seems to pull inwards, away from Gojyo to leave the hanyou very much alone in the room.

Gojyo wants to question this, to challenge it, but Hakkai's tone, the way the words are made of steel sharpened and hard make him think better of it. A part of Gojyo still wants to wrap his arms around Hakkai as tight as he can until everything is okay again, but he gets the distinct impression that if he doesn't remove his hand and his presence quickly he might end up worse off than being hung over.

Something has broken. Gojyo isn't sure what it is and Hakkai isn't sharing. For now all he can think to do is listen to Hakkai and remove himself from the bed. He walks over to the other one, empty and still made, and falls on top of it, not bothering to get under the covers or change out of his smoky clothes from the bar. The only thing that will get Gojyo to sleep tonight is the alcohol in his system, and even with that he imagines he will lie awake for sometime, staring over at the shivering form of Hakkai that won't tell him what to do.

Gojyo doesn't know what to do. And he fears that when he finally figures it out, it will be too late.

-----

"Too much drama," Sanzo grumbles, pushing Goku down the hallway to get them to their room all the more quickly.

Goku heartily allows a giggle. "Ah, you just say that coz I got to see you naked."

Sanzo decides against commenting that Goku has actually seen him naked on many occasions, but in this instance it was just…different.

"You were all squirmy with Meiyuu looking over our shoulders too. S'not like she hasn't seen it before. Besides, I thought you were cute. Your little white butt."

"Enough. Do you want me to smack you upside the head?"

Turning to walk backwards the last few paces to their door, Goku leers his response, "Depends on which one you're talking about, Kory," he says.

"I'll pretend you didn't say that."

Sanzo pulls out their key and nudges Goku roughly out of the way in order to unlock their door. His patience has been entirely shot with all the embarrassment of the evening. Goku is one thing, but with the brat and his mother ganging up on him it was practically unbearable. The fact that he has no desire to murder the woman must be a sign he actually has some affection for her, though he is not quick to admit it. The hug he gave her before he and Goku left was merely for her benefit. He is almost certain of it.

Once the door has been opened Sanzo means to step immediately inside, but finds that Goku is dawdling down the hall a few paces, staring at the door closest to theirs. Gojyo and Hakkai's door.

"Naked baby photos aside, and it better be put aside or I'll shove my fan somewhere you won't find a pleasant place to get papercuts," Sanzo warns, "I _had_ all intention of bringing you to bed. Of course, if you'd rather listen in at our neighbors' door…"

Goku sways on his feet, wanting to heed Sanzo and turn around but pulled by extreme concern for his friends to check on them first. "But…but Sanzo…I told you about Hakkai and…and it's so quiet around here."

"Consider it a good sign and come to bed."

Goku looks back at Sanzo but his expression is dismayed. "But _Sanzo_…"

No. Sanzo will not allow that annoying whine in Goku's voice to change his mind. There is a time to let friends' needs come before one's own—Sanzo assumes as much and is trying to believe it, though he would rather not find out for sure any time soon—but now is not one of those times.

Grabbing the monkey by the front of his shirt, Sanzo tugs and drags until both he and Goku are inside their room, the door is shut and locked, and he has Goku pressed so tightly against the shut and locked door that Sanzo might as well graft their bodies together. Sanzo kisses the monkey soundly and assures himself that Goku is firmly in place and rather nonverbal after all this spontaneity before he decides it is time to speak.

"Goku," he says, or rather, growls, "I am so sick of dealing with problems. I have enough of my own, thank you, I don't want to hear about anyone else's. Tonight…I only want to think about you. Now, does that sound like a good enough reason to leave those idiots to themselves for now so I can fuck. You. Into the mattress."

Goku's face flushes with immediate color. Sanzo is rarely the amorous one between them, especially like this. Pressed to the door with every wonderful inch of Sanzo that Goku could ever imagine being in contact with this tightly, there really only is one answer to Sanzo's question. "Works for me."

Freeing his arms enough from Sanzo's hold, Goku throws them up around the priest's neck and pulls the taller man down into another kiss, melding tongues eagerly. He can feel such amazing heat from Sanzo, he wonders if the monk had been resisting arousal for much of the evening, or at least for the walk back to the inn. Judging by how far along Sanzo feels in the aroused area, Goku imagines the monk has been rather happy to be home for several minutes.

It only fuels Goku's passions further, and his own heated and hard erection presses against the inside of his pants, desperate to meet the heat within Sanzo's. As always, the only thing they take care with while removing is the sutra, laid gently aside, but after that the robe is tossed away, uncaring to the many things that tumble out of its sleeves. Sanzo nearly trips over it when Goku begins pushing them back towards the bed. His legs hit it quickly, but he does not allow himself to fall. He keeps them upright as he pulls off Goku's affects and strips the boy of his shirt and pants. Goku kicks his shoes aside while slipping his hands down Sanzo's jeans to pull up on the tucked in leather and peel it slowly from Sanzo's skin. By the time that is off, Goku is ready to push Sanzo back for real this time, but Sanzo sees it coming and grabs Goku's wrist before the monkey can act.

Goku is concerned but Sanzo shakes his head, his thin mouth curving up almost sinisterly. Goku decides to obey, and reaches instead for the clasp of Sanzo's jeans. They are off quickly and Sanzo's shorts with them, fitted so snug.

And then their bodies snap together like opposing currents, their mouths kissing deeply and hands roaming over whatever can be reached. Goku loves the contours of Sanzo's chest, around his hips, and back up to brush over small but very sensitive nipples that make Sanzo shiver. For Sanzo's part, he has snaked an arm lower, his fingers coiling tenderly at first around Goku's larger length.

He recognized that Goku is bigger than him their first time together, but it has never bothered him. He has no reason to feel shame for his own size, after all. Goku being exceptional is not hard to believe. The boy is practically a god; it didn't come as a surprise. And Sanzo's fingers are long and can take it in hand just perfectly, tugging and finding the forming wetness at Goku's tip to spread it up and over the whole length of him. Goku shudders just as Sanzo did and they can barely stay on their feet.

Ah, but Sanzo wants just that, for as long as they can sustain it. He wants to wait until their legs truly melt before giving it to the firm surface of the bed. He has been so worked up since he and Goku resolved their issues, now that he has the boy he wants him with fierce abandon. Even he never imagined he could feel this much carnal want.

After a few minutes of gentle fondling, Sanzo grabs Goku's hips and pulls their bodies together, grinding their erections with swaying hips above their unsteady feet. Goku's head falls back with a whimper, leaving it exposed, and Sanzo takes the offering, biting hard at the tempting sinew before licking a trail to Goku's ear and happily tonguing it.

Goku is all but a puddle, barely able to remember to move his hips with Sanzo's, working them into a fervor, but not enough for them to find release. It is torture. And Goku loves it. He just never expected this from Sanzo.

"Shit, Sanzo…what's gotten into you?" he manages, arching his neck further to give Sanzo more access to his ear and throat, "Not that I'm complaining, but…weren't you still pissed at me this morning? And now…now you're ready to…to…"

"Fuck you senseless," Sanzo finishes.

Goku moans at the sound of that phrase coming from his master. "Y-yeah. I mean…I just…don't get why."

Stilling their hips and pulling away from the work he had been accomplishing on Goku's earlobe, Sanzo keeps them tightly met but looks into Goku's eyes with complete seriousness. He says, "Are you ever going to lie to me again?"

"What?" This came out of nowhere, Goku thinks. "No, of course not."

"Really? Are you sure about that?"

"Well…I…I don't…"

"You don't know. You think you won't but there is no way to know if your idiot mind will come up with another reason one day to lie to me about stupid things. Are you ever going to leave me?" Sanzo asks then, just as abruptly as the first question.

Goku is feeling much more disturbed and not nearly as comfortable in Sanzo's arms. "Sanzo…what is all this…?" he says.

"Just answer me. Are you ever going to leave me?"

"I…I don't want to."

"But you will. Some day one of us is going to die, and chances are it won't be at the same time. One day…one of us will leave. And we don't know when, we don't know how. We don't know anything because we're just stuck on this shithole til it chucks us back at the gods and says good riddance." Sanzo's words are harsh but his voice is soft. Driving, yes, but gentle. "And if there is so damn much we don't know," he says, pulling his face in close enough to smell the last traces of dessert on Goku's breath, "then why the hell would I want to waste a single moment? I've wasted more than my share these past couple of decades. But not with you. Not anymore. Tonight I want full indulgence in you. Do you have a problem with that?"

It isn't often that Goku understands Sanzo completely, but this time he thinks he is about as close as he could ever hope to get. It has taken far too long for Sanzo to realize that people have to cherish what they love for as long as they can in spite of knowing they might one day lose what they cherish. Giving up and deciding it would be better to just not love at all rather than love and lose is not the road to happiness. The real road is dangerous and frightening, but it is the only way to truly live.

Having a place to call home.

"Sanzo?"

"What?"

"I love you."

"Hn. Stupid monkey. You know I love you too."

Yeah, Goku thinks, but he still likes hearing it.

Reconnecting quickly, tongues entwine and hips strain against one another, feeling the strength in their legs give out under the build-up that can only find release in more engaging activities.

Goku remembers well that Sanzo has more than once expressed his desire to be on top tonight, and having no problem with this, Goku decides to have a little fun. Pulling away from Sanzo, difficult as it is to escape the warmth and intensity of being so close together, Goku keeps his eyes trained on Sanzo's violet, all the while moving around the monk to reach the bed. He climbs like a prowling cat onto the mattress and lies back come-hither, spreading his legs with a smile.

Sanzo needs no such invitation, but he is damn happy to be given one.

Likewise crawling onto the mattress, Sanzo gives Goku's ankles a good tug to better align their bodies and runs his hands up Goku's calves until reaching soft inner thigh. Goku squirms and Sanzo wonders just how many places the boy might be ticklish. Having already decided he wants tonight to be long and relished, Sanzo sees no need to find their special little tube just yet. There are so many other things after all.

Climbing up Goku's body, Sanzo finds again the tender spots in and around Goku's ear before biting hard on the boy's neck and sucking with vigor. Small gasps escape Goku at this torture, spurning Sanzo on because he knows those sounds well.

Sanzo moves down slowly, nipping very lightly with his teeth at Goku's collarbone and chest, along a nipple, at Goku's bellybutton, at the crease where leg meets hip, on those inner thighs, and by then Goku is writhing and covered in a light sheen of sweat. Sanzo teases the boy with a swipe of his tongue along the tip of Goku's cock but does no more than that. He moves then instead to nibble at the other inner thigh and begin a trail back up the same way he came down. Once he has reached the opposing ear, he steals a deep kiss before going immediately down between the boys legs again where he takes a tender sack into his mouth and sucks.

Gasping, Goku bucks and whimpers at this and their eyes meet across the plains of the boy's body. Goku's gold pleads, and out of the goodness of his heart, Sanzo decides to give the boy what he wants.

Another swipe of Sanzo's tongue has Goku reeling, but when Sanzo begins to bob, taking Goku deeply into his mouth, the boy can merely mewl.

The night is long ahead of them, and when Sanzo is certain Goku can take no more or burst, he obligingly pulls away and climbs once again up the boy's body to claim a kiss.

"You're evil," Goku says, out of breath and grinning.

"Are you complaining?"

Goku's head presses back into the pillow.

"I didn't think so." Sanzo swoops down for another kiss after saying this, and decides that all of his teasing has amounted in no more than his own heightened arousal. Perhaps their special little tube would be a good thing to find.

"Top drawer," Goku says, pointing to the nightstand beside the bed.

Sanzo looks at Goku, wondering for a moment how the boy knew exactly what he was thinking, but decides against commenting on that. It really isn't all that surprising, just annoying. Except, perhaps, in this case.

Sanzo retrieves the tube and fills his hands, rubbing them together to spread the wetness evenly before applying it to his very hard and eager length, weeping at the possibility to be inside Goku again. Feathering moistened fingers along Goku's entrance, Sanzo looks at the boy for a response.

Goku shakes his head. No prep. He's strong enough, after all, and just now he can't imagine how crazy it would drive him to feel Sanzo's fingers when what he really wants is to be filled.

Understanding, Sanzo nods, but uses his fingers anyway to better guide him in, to ease things at least a little more than they might be if he just pressed.

After the first inch it is easy, so easy, because they have been here before, many times now, and the ease startles them with wonder. Before their first time, they could have never imagined being like together this would ever be easy.

Once Sanzo is in he wastes no time before pulling back and beginning a rhythm. That too is easy, because they know each others' bodies so well now. Goku, below him, knows how to twist and raise his hips to meet Sanzo's thrusts, and it presses Sanzo in deeper with every movement, making Sanzo shiver and Goku moan blissfully on the bed.

When they are like this Sanzo cannot think about the boy Goku was when he fist found him, pitiful and not even a teenager. No, he can only think of the Goku that managed to claim him, to tame him and prove to him he could love. The Goku that grew up when Sanzo wasn't looking and is now this beautiful and amazing man. Sanzo pretends he didn't notice that when they were standing with their naked bodies so wonderfully locked, the top of Goku's head isn't all that far from his own anymore.

When did everything change? Was it the dreamworld, that first time when they were shown easier lives? Or had it begun before then? Sanzo doesn't know the answer and doesn't care because they have changed, and for a better he could never have imagined if not for a stupid monkey's persistence.

"I love you," Sanzo whispers, still moving but desperate to get close to Goku and kiss him again, "I love you," he says again, and he cannot believe how much he wants to say it. Only Goku could do this for him, only Goku could make it so Sanzo not only loved but loved loving. Only Goku.

And for Goku it is even easier, "I love you too, Sanzo," he says, enthralled by passion but by that purer emotion as well. The road here was never easy, but loving each other has finally found a way to become just that.

The knowledge of that brings them both to their heights amidst empowered movement, and while Sanzo grunts and Goku gives a small cry, the sheets may stain but they are clean. There is no past argument, no tension. Now they are only them, together and happy for it.

And while they are still glowing, still sticky and panting, with Sanzo still sheathed, Goku gives his keeper a terribly mischievous grin and reaches up a hand to his limiter.

"What are you doing?" Sanzo questions, his first instinct understandably being one of blind panic.

Goku grins wider. "Sharing."

And the limiter is off before Sanzo can protest. It lands on the pillow like a tossed garter and for a moment Sanzo stares at it, not believing, until the change in Goku steals back his attention. For the first time Sanzo can physically feel Goku's change, still inside the boy. He couldn't say what it is that changes besides the appearance Sanzo knows well, but he feels it nonetheless.

A moment later and Goku is the beast, long hair, slit eyes, claws and fangs and an impossibly brilliant grin. The grin is what halts Sanzo's fears. He knows now of course that Seiten Taisei will no longer try to hurt him, but that doesn't mean the imp has complete control. At least, that's what Sanzo would have thought. But the grin, it isn't the teasing grin of the eternal child he would be used to from the beast. Brilliant or not, it is still Goku's, older, and yes, controlled.

"Goku…?"

"Mmm…almost. Sanzo," the beast says, his voice already the purr Sanzo has come to recognize, "You smell…like me," he says, grinning all the more, "Like me. All over."

In a second Sanzo finds himself flipped, back on the bed, pulled out of Goku, and with the boy atop him straddling his hips in wait of another round. Sanzo certainly wasn't expecting this tonight. But then the beast has wanted this for a long time. The question is whether or not Sanzo will live through it.

For a moment Sanzo is distracted from his anxieties, however. With the beast above, Sanzo is getting quite the view, seeing Seiten Taisei naked for the first time. For the most part there is little difference, but what stands out is the symbol tattooed to the beast's stomach. It almost looks painted, thick and wildly written. Sanzo tries to look closely and read what it says, but his attention returns to Seiten Taisei's eyes after a frustrated growl.

"Hey," Sanzo warns, "If you're really almost Goku then you can calm the hell down. Let me breathe. You can't expect me to roll over and beg for it."

Seiten Taisei purrs.

"Not after what you pulled last time."

And then deflates. "I was still angry. Still confused," the beast pouts, "I would never hurt you now, Sanzo. Goku and I are nearly one. He has made a big step by trusting me with you."

"Yeah, well he could have asked my permission first," Sanzo says. Then it dawns on him, "And since when do your speech patterns make sense?"

The beast grins wide enough to show off fangs and leans down to kiss Sanzo softly. "It is a big step to accept and trust each other. The next time the band is removed…we will be one."

"But…you don't sound more like Goku. Just…more articulate."

"When we are one we are…different than either of us is apart."

"What?" Sanzo feels a sudden cold chill like water poured down the back of his neck. This has never been said before. Different? Sanzo has always expected Goku at the end of this. A stronger, wiser Goku maybe, but Goku. He has to know. "Just how different?" he asks.

Seiten Taisei growls again, impatient, and rolls his hips in an attempt to return the subject to a more desirable one, and he is pleased when Sanzo's lower regions react accordingly, even if the monk is still talking.

"Answer the question," Sanzo says, sucking in air through his teeth to avoid the tremor he feels building in the pit of his stomach, "Or there'll be no sharing tonight."

Another growl builds but is swallowed, rumbling at the base of Seiten Taisei's throat. He crosses his arms, displeased, "What does it matter? When we are one we will be our true form again. This is what we have wanted. Goku understands this. I understand. Why do you not?"

"Just answer the damn question!" Sanzo is too tense to be patient.

Seiten Taisei lowers his eyes slightly, cowed, but still upset. "We are of the earth," he says, "Human, youkai, and god together. Before the gods brought the gold band, we lived eternally. Perfect. We brought balance. We were meant as a guide to keep the balance here. We did not have to be told this. We knew. It is in us because we are made of all things. We had to make a place of balance so the people would be happy."

"A place of balance…?" Sanzo repeats. The truth of it cannot be so simple, can it? But it makes more sense than Sanzo would ever have dared believe. "You…created Shangri La. Didn't you?"

The beast nods as if it is the most common thing in the world that Goku created paradise when the world was still young, back when it really was a paradise. Which also means…

"If the idiot gods hadn't ripped you from the earth and split your powers, Shangri La would never have gone to shit. Humans and youkai would still live in harmony. Those stupid fucks!" The burst of anger in Sanzo is stilled only because he has yet to learn what he seeks. He stares hard into the slitted gold eyes above him. "You still haven't answered me. How will you be different?"

Seiten Taisei sighs. He wants Sanzo and he wants the monk now, damn it. He will answer, but he clamps his hands down on the monk's forearms first to prove that he is in no mood to talk further. "Goku will still be Goku," he says, "You will not lose us. But we will be more. You have not seen our full power. I can show you some now though," he finishes, leering the last phrase and swiping his tongue over sharp teeth.

A small part of Sanzo's distress is banished, but he is not completely quieted with this information. He has always assumed Goku would just be Goku without a limiter; he didn't think about how their minds would meld and something new might be born as well. But he takes some comfort in Seiten Taisei's words and focuses on that.

Goku will still be Goku. That's all he could ever ask for, right?

"I did this…?" the beast says, touching the pad of his finger to Sanzo's eyebrow, careful not to scratch with his claw. But it is not the eyebrow he means to touch, but the part where there is no eyebrow, only scarred skin, thin and small, but noticeable enough when the person looking is the one who dealt the blow that created it. "I am sorry, Sanzo," he says, "I was angry. I wanted you to yield but you wouldn't. I'm glad though. Because now it can be better."

"Better…?" Soothing as that sounds, Sanzo is not soothed. Seiten Taisei wants to bed him, but Seiten Taisei has claws, and fangs, and uncanny strength. Goku does as well, but…it's different.

Seiten Taisei purrs loudly and rolls his hips again, throbbing for round two and clearly wanting to remain on top this time.

Sanzo begins to panic. "Wait. You need—"

"I know what I need," the beast dismisses, reaching for the tube still beside them. His claws make it difficult to hold, but he grins and hands the tube to Sanzo, "Unless you want me to do it," he says, and he holds up his claws to prove his point.

At least the beast is thinking rationally. Had he attacked without preparation, Sanzo would have been in trouble, but not as much trouble as he would have been in had Seiten Taisei actually attempted preparation himself. Sanzo shivers at the thought.

He decides it would be best to go along with things since there is no immediate danger. But the very small rational part of his mind screams at him when he pours lubricant into his hands for the second time, only now he is coating the beast's length and has begun to stretch himself. That small part of him screams that this is foolish. Dangerous. But the larger part of Sanzo, damn it, yes, that part finds the beast sexy as hell, and is very up for round two.

So Sanzo does on himself what he did not need to do for Goku, stretching with long fingers as best he can without being able to see. But he can feel. And when the beast looks about ready to pounce him, watching those fingers eagerly, and Sanzo knows he is ready and can barely stand to wait any longer himself, he pulls his hand away, catches Seiten Taisei's eyes, and braces himself.

Sanzo gasps at the suddenness of entry, much as he should have been prepared. It is not painful, but intense pressure, unexpected, and he cringes. The beast is rough and quick, like a rutting animal at first, unable to take the time to bring pleasure more slowly. It is not as brutal as Sanzo would have expected if Seiten Taisei got his way that time before, but it is still enough to lift him from the mattress several times.

"Goku," Sanzo gasps, teeth tight and eyes clenched through the rough rhythm, "This isn't…a meal. Learn…to fucking…savor a moment. Damn it!" He is off the bed again, his prostate struck like a nail by a hammer, and his lower body goes practically numb for a moment in recovery.

It is a struggle for Seiten Taisei to slow and enjoy the sensation without seeking a quick and dirty end, but he immediately tapers off, bringing the thrusts curved and deep, but slow. Almost too slow after the fierceness from before.

This slow rhythm lasts long enough for Sanzo to be trembling head to toe before Seiten Taisei finally picks up again. Only this time he is more precise, more attentive to Sanzo's needs along with his own. It is remarkable. The beast is selfish by nature, but whatever Goku really is, the boy was not originally selfish at all. Like the Goku that Sanzo knows, the true form of this being is something divine. And Sanzo snickers to think that Goku's halo is starting to show. The demon is on the way out.

"Goku…" Sanzo breathes, and he says it only to say it, because it has to leave him.

"Sanzo…" Seiten Taisei says in turn, grinning still, the rhythm quick but more tender, and he bends down to steal a deep kiss, bending Sanzo in half in the process, though the priest barely notices.

It is an easy end after that. Soon, the beast, childlike but not so childlike anymore, curls up in Sanzo's arms, purring. Sanzo, exhausted and sore in places he forgets exist inside his body, lays limp with the boy beside him, but has enough energy to hold the beast close. The purrs turn into little snores and Sanzo doesn't see the need to put the limiter back on just now. The beast is satiated and asleep, and Sanzo is soon to join him.

Pulling them both up onto the pillow, Sanzo sets the limiter on the end table, and lies back. Really, all he can do tonight is laugh at what a single day has brought him. A continued fight that ended well, an outburst that resulted in a mother, and a bout of sex with his lover that didn't want to end. All in all, he doesn't think he has any right to complain. As far as his life goes, the present is becoming blissfully easy.

-----

Gojyo is asleep now. Even that frightens Hakkai. If he should fall asleep as well, would Gonou wake in his stead and do something, something awful to Gojyo like he tried before? Hakkai doesn't know. He knows, has always known, that the real beast is Gonou, not any youkai blood or his own youkai anger. Gonou is his monster. And if Hakkai loses control to Gonou, then everyone will be in danger.

If Hakkai keeps them at a distance, perhaps he can solve this more easily on his own without having to worry that one of his friends will get hurt. He already tried to hurt Hakuryuu.

Hakuryuu, his long time friend and treasured pet. He would never hurt the poor creature. He loves the dragon like a child. How could he have done such a thing?

Voices, impulses, and thoughts that are not his rise up in Hakkai between each thought of his own. He struggles to still them, to ignore them, but his limiters are burning, and soon they may not be enough to retain any of Hakkai at all. He feels it. He knows it. But what more can he do? He is tainted. He has lied and betrayed his dearest love, and for nothing. He could have told Gojyo the truth before, but he didn't. There is no coming back from that.

Oh, Gojyo would forgive him, tried just now even, but Hakkai is not yet ready, and he is too afraid of himself to trust himself with Gojyo. He has to think. He has to be stronger. He has to distance himself if he is to protect those he loves until he can fix this. He should not be this weak. Goku has triumphed over his beast, surely Hakkai can do the same. He will. He must. Or it will not be the loss of his friends that repeat the past for him, but his own brutal tendencies that lead to a massacre.

Gods help him.

tbc...

A/N: OMG! How long have I been away? Well, I have excuses. I'm engaged! I'm a senior in college with two majors and final projects for them both! I'm directing a One Act! But I have still let you all down and I apologize. I love you all, and hope you will stay with me even after that hiatus. Here is the 39 so many have been waiting for, but Hakkai is on the downward slope. What will tomorrow bring, eh? Also, I would like to return to Sanzo's musing over the marking on Seiten Taisei's stomach. However, it is hard to read in all its pictures and hard to research. Does anyone know what kanji it is? Otherwise, PLEASE REVIEW and remind me you are all out there, and I will do my best to post sooner.

Crim


	13. Goodbye to Many Things

Goodbye to many things

* * *

Gojyo and Hakkai do not speak the next morning. They awake around the same time, but Hakkai dresses in silence, always turned away from Gojyo, and Gojyo cannot think of anything to say that wouldn't spurn his lover to anger. Both of them are too deep in thought to think of anything constructive, so they do not speak at all, not even when each has their bag and Gojyo holds the door open for Hakkai as they leave.

Sanzo and Goku are waiting for them when they step outside. Sanzo looks annoyed, but Goku is full of energy, dancing about after Hakuryuu as if playing tag with the creature. For once, Hakuryuu does not seem to mind this form of play and even manages to tug at Goku's cape on occasion before being playfully swatted at in return.

The annoyed grimace from Sanzo is not being directed at Goku, though. He is looking at the sluggish duo walking towards him. He crosses his arms, a lit cigarette in his mouth to start the day. "Took long enough," he says, "You knew I wanted to be out of here early. We've spent too much time in one place. Or did you forget we have a mission back East?"

"Can it, blondie," Gojyo sneers, and habitually gets out a morning cigarette of his own upon seeing Sanzo with one, "So eager to be rid of Mommy, huh? And I thought you had such a good time."

A glare is exchanged immediately; today is not a good day.

Goku stops his playing with Hakuryuu, catching the dragon in his hands and gently stroking Hakuryuu's neck to show the game is over. He stares at his friends. Sanzo, who had been rather congenial this morning—even bought Goku some early breakfast—appears as pissy as ever just from looking at Gojyo and Hakkai. He and Gojyo haven't been fighting as much, so it upsets Goku that they would so easily fall back into it, and not in a fun way like usual, but actually looking mad.

What's worse is that Hakkai isn't even giving his, "Now, now," speech. In fact, Hakkai isn't doing much of anything other than stand there with his things, staring at nothing. It isn't right, not after how well things have been going. Their time in this town was supposed to be a good thing. When did all of that change?

For the silliest of moments, Goku wishes that Meiyuu was there to see them off. She won't be. Goku knows that. The kind woman understands Sanzo's needs for a certain amount of space, and agreed to keep their goodbyes limited to last night. Still, for some reason the idea of having a mother figure right now would be very welcome.

"Ummm…Hakuryuu's ready. Should we go?" Goku tries, gently tossing Hakurryuu into the air to allow the dragon to transform. Hakuryuu does so and 'kyuu's' to state his agreement that they can be on their way.

Sanzo says nothing, but he nods, still staring at Gojyo. Something seems to pass between them that has nothing to do with anger, and Sanzo turns his head to cast a look at the very quiet Hakkai. A second later Sanzo is in the jeep waiting to be joined. The strange thing is he isn't sitting in the back, but in his old place next to the driver's seat.

Gojyo says nothing against this and simply takes his old seat as well.

For a second, Goku looks as if he is about to protest. Why should Sanzo not want to sit by him? They had a good night. A great night. He even let Seiten Taisei out without a fuss and was fine getting the limiter back on after he woke up this morning.

Angry, Goku opens his mouth to spout disagreement, but he doesn't have anything to say after seeing Sanzo's expression. This has nothing to do with Goku. The monkey understands that all too well suddenly, as if Sanzo did more than look at him, as if Sanzo explained the problem in detail.

Goku gets into the back of the jeep next to Gojyo.

"Let's go," Sanzo says, puffing out a long breath of smoke.

The tension is tangible as stone, but Hakkai gives no sign of caring. He tosses his things into the back and takes his usual seat, saying nothing and wearing an expression of similar apathy. But when Hakkai takes the wheel in one hand and tries to start the ignition with the other, Hakuryuu shows no signs of starting. Not even a sputter. Hakkai tries again, but the dragon turned jeep acts dead, despite being fully capable a moment ago.

A shadow crosses Hakkai's face, breaking the placid façade he had been trying to maintain. He shakes his head hard to bring the apathy back, but his anxiety over Hakuryuu refusing to start gets to him quickly. After the forth unsuccessful try Hakkai, furious, slams his hand into the steering wheel.

"Problem?" Sanzo asks, seemingly cool and all-knowing. Hakkai freezes, silent, but Sanzo knows this cannot be left alone. "Someone once told me," Sanzo says, "that if animals are not treated with respect and kindness they won't take to a master. Those animals become wild and disloyal. Now, I may think that's a load of shit most of the time, but in this case, it would seem you have a dragon scorned on your hands."

Gojyo snorts from the backseat.

Goku, afraid to ask, keeps quiet.

Hakkai, starting to shake and unwilling to look at his companions or explain himself, raises his hand to strike the wheel again.

Sanzo catches that hand and holds it mid-air. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't see how what you're doing fits your usual logic, Hakkai."

Hakkai continues to shake, staring at the wheel he had intended to strike. Slowly, he turns his head to look at Sanzo and his good eye glows jade and dangerous.

"I'm driving," Sanzo says. He releases Hakkai's hand and gets out of the jeep, walking around quickly to Hakkai's door. "Move over. Or get out."

It is a battle of wills between a bad student and a determined teacher, with the whole class watching anxiously, afraid to see the outcome but knowing there is nothing they can do to help either of the quarrelling parties.

Several minutes pass with Sanzo standing there, waiting, and Hakkai simply sitting and staring at the steering wheel again. Eventually, Hakkai moves over.

-----

"The idiots are asleep. Couple hours on the road and they're already passed out on each others' shoulders. Must be all this peaceful shit. 'Bout damn time they learned to shut up."

Little else has been said in the jeep since Sanzo managed to get Hakuryuu to start and took off out of town. He has not improved terribly as a driver, but is adequate enough, and they are on the road now, headed for the next town eastward.

As Sanzo has said, Goku and Gojyo fell asleep a few minutes prior, both softly snoring. Hakkai sits stiffly next to Sanzo, staring ahead at the desert path. He makes no move to respond to Sanzo's observation.

"This is going to get old real fast. Keep it up and I may just have to shoot you. Seems not too many of this group will mind right now if I do, either." Sanzo pats the steering wheel with the hand holding his cigarette. He is on his second. And he had been doing so well too. "You idiot," he says, looking at Hakkai's un-reaction and glaring, "You know you and Goku are not the same. Before Houtou Castle you were practicing removing your limiter too, weren't you?"

Still, Hakkai says nothing.

"Damn you!" Sanzo growls, "don't you get it? Goku is what he is; you are cursed. Your youkai half has no control button. We use it as our trump card, fine, once or twice over long periods of time, when there is no other option, but I told you before that taking your limiters off at all should be avoided at all costs. Houtou Castle lasted too long. With your practices, if you've been taking them off more frequently, then we might have a real problem here."

There is a long pause while Sanzo grows more and more impatient with Hakkai's silence. But finally, Hakkai closes his eyes, takes a breath to keep himself calm and says, "Pay no mind to it, Sanzo. I have it under control."

"Do you now? Then how come the dragon wouldn't even start for you and your lover boy back there can't even look you in the face."

Hakkai's movements are fast but Sanzo is ready for him. When Hakkai moves to lash out, Sanzo has his gun in his left hand, cocked and ready, and pointed at Hakkai's head.

"A lot has changed between us," Sanzo says, "I had thought for the better, but it looks like maybe not. Still, there is one thing that will never change." Hakkai has collected himself again, but Sanzo keeps his gun in place. "If you lose it," he says, "I will kill you."

No further words leave Sanzo, and nothing leaves Hakkai in reply. The gun is put away. Tempers are momentarily stilled, but both young men stare forward, contemplating the other as if sizing up a great enemy who is preparing for attack.

Hakkai hears again and again the words Sanzo spoke, "I will kill you," and as much as it pains him, all he can think in response is…unless I kill you first.

-----

It is several more hours before a town is reached. Sanzo almost thinks to drive through it, push further into the evening, but tensions are high enough and Hakkai needs to be dealt with. When they left, Sanzo did not realize just how bad the healer had gotten. Having driven with him all these hours, despite the persistent silence, he knows now that things are already out of hand.

It is after supper when they stop at that next town, a town much smaller than Meiyuu's but with several inns and bars. Sanzo chooses an inn that seems clean but inconspicuous and parks Hakuryuu out front.

Gojyo and Goku wake at the feel of the jeep's engine stopping. When they begin to unload their things and are sizing up their surroundings, they notice immediately that this town has an even larger population of youkai than they saw before. Most of the town is youkai, actually, with only a handful of visible humans. Again, like before, no one seems to mind the mixed species. It is as if the minus wave never happened.

"Hey, maybe it'll all work out on its own," Goku says, swinging his pack over his shoulder with a smile at the passersbys, "Maybe Kanzeon just wanted to give us a hard time and this won't be a real mission after all."

A second after finishing his phrase, Goku trips forward. He looks back with a grimace to find Gojyo lighting up another cigarette. "Idiot," the redhead says, "Jinx us why doncha."

But there can be no humor found today. None of them are up for it. None of them know how to feign it like they might have in the past to force things back to a sense of normal. Bickering just doesn't do what it used to.

Goku sighs and turns towards the inn.

Sanzo is standing by the door, waiting for the others.

Gojyo doesn't move. He turns back and sees Hakkai still sitting in the passenger seat. "You coming?" he asks, but as he expected he doesn't receive a reply. Gojyo has had it with this. If the pissed off priest can't convince Hakkai to knock this off then the job is up to him.

Throwing his own bag to the ground, Gojyo stomps over to the passenger door, throws it open, grabs Hakkai by the front of his shirt and hauls him out of the jeep into the dirt.

"Asshole!" Gojyo seethes, "You think we're just going to take it? You think we're just gonna sit hear while you turn into a fucking zombie? Well fuck you, coz I don't give up that easy."

Hakkai stares up at Gojyo with glazed eyes, unmoved. He picks himself up from the ground, dusts off his clothing, and looks at Gojyo with as much nothingness as he can muster. Even his words are dead when he speaks. "Oh? You certainly seemed content enough to give up this morning, Gojyo, or was it my imagination that you allowed my silence then?"

All of the anger in Gojyo's expression melts into pain and accusations. He doesn't understand why Hakkai is acting this way. "I try to apologize and you push me away. I give you some space and you tell me I'm letting you go? I just want to understand what's going on with you."

"I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, Gojyo," Hakkai answers.

Gojyo's pained and accusing stare remains. "The point of being together is supposed to mean we take care of each other," he says, his voice small now, beaten, pleading.

"Sort this out yourselves!" Sanzo calls from the inn door, "I'm sick of hearing about other peoples' problems. You can get your own rooms." And Sanzo exits into the inn, not even bothering to see if Goku is on his tail. He is too upset that saving the world has not been enough to rid them of all this trouble. Again and again, they only seem to acquire more. It isn't fair.

Sanzo would kick himself for ever asking for fairness in life—it doesn't exist—if he wasn't so damn pissed that he can barely see straight.

Goku does follow after Sanzo, much as he is worried to leave his other companions alone. But much like his own arguments with Sanzo, Goku understands that sometimes they have to work things out just between them.

"So, you gonna talk to me or what?" Gojyo presses, still staring Hakkai down beside the jeep, "For crying out loud, you've got everyone thinking you've lost it. Maybe you have, but you know that doesn't matter to me. I'm not gonna be gotten rid of so easily. I love you. Damn it!" Gojyo growls suddenly, because Hakkai has turned from him and started for the small street beside the inn. "Get back here!" Gojyo calls, rushing to catch up. He grabs Hakkai's arm just inside the alleyway and spins him to slam back against the inn's wall.

Still, Hakkai looks impassive, unemotional, cut-off. "I would like some time alone, Gojyo," he says.

Gojyo has both hands gripping tight to the fabric of Hakkai's tunic. He cannot stand this impassiveness. Hakkai can be equilibrium but never emptiness. "You walk away from me when I say I love you," Gojyo says, still disbelieving that it happened, "Why? Why won't you let me apologize? I shouldn't have left last night. I should have stayed, worked things out, I know that. Maybe then you wouldn't be acting like such a—"

"What?" Hakkai finishes, "Like a zombie? Hmm? Like a monster?"

"Like an idiot. Hakkai…all you have to do is tell me. Whatever it is I'll listen and we'll work through it. We could have skipped all this shit if you'd have just let me talk to you last night. If I had just stayed with you from the beginning, and—"

"And if you had, I might have hurt you too." Hakkai speaks this quickly and looks into Gojyo's eyes with surprise the moment the words leave him, not having realized he said them until it was too late to take them back.

"Hurt me…?" Gojyo questions.

As if by some divinity, a long "kyuu" from Hakuryuu sounds, and the dragon, transformed back, flies up towards the roof of the inn instead of seeking out the perch he once loved on Hakkai's shoulder.

Gojyo understands immediately, because Hakkai's eyes have lost their surprise but gained regret. "That's why he wouldn't start. You got mad and hit him or something, huh? For the gods' sake, Hakkai, shouldn't that be enough to tell you that you need help with this? It's Hakuryuu. Jeep! You'd be as likely to hurt a kid as—"

"But I have hurt children, Gojyo. I killed many that night. Demon children. Human children from the village. My own students." As Hakkai speaks his eyes are drawn downward until he is staring at his hands, like he used to so often.

"Stop that," Gojyo growls, swatting Hakkai's hands out of sight, "You don't do this anymore. You're over it. You're Cho Hakkai now, friend and love of Sha Gojyo. Happily ever fucking after! What has happened to you that you're forgetting that?"

Hakkai is shaking again, staring at Gojyo without the apathy or nothingness, but with watery eyes and lips that tremble.

Moved, concerned, Gojyo reaches out to touch a hand to the pale, beautiful face he has known and loved so long. But Hakkai slaps it away in a sudden fit, watery eyes still ready with tears but wild now.

"What do you know about me?" he says, "What do you know about what I am!" His voice is low and gravelly, and he pushes Gojyo hard enough to slam the kappa's back against the wall of the opposite building. He walks forward until he has Gojyo pinned. "You think you understand. How could you? You didn't know me then. You didn't know the monster that killed all those people. I killed all of them, Gojyo. More than that perfect thousand. Much more. My entire village. You didn't know the man whose hands gripped small necks, whose dagger pieced the flesh of young women as they cried for their lives. Young women, Gojyo. And neighbors. And _friends_."

Gojyo presses himself back into the wall as much as he is being pressed. He cannot believe the darkness surrounding his companion; he cannot believe the dark jade eyes, the strange touch of youkai to Hakkai's entire appearance. No, it isn't Hakkai. It can't be.

Whoever it is, he has no remorse for his words. His hands reach up as if to grab Gojyo by the neck. "Tell me, Gojyo," he says, "do you really think it would be so hard for me to do it again?"

Red eyes close tight. It isn't real. He must be sleeping. This has to be a nightmare. Hakkai is good. Hakkai is loving. Hakkai is not a killer.

But someone is.

"I love you, Hakkai," Gojyo whispers, and in an instant the ghost of hands on his throat disappears. Gojyo opens his eyes. Hakkai is shaking again, staring at his hands again, and it is Hakkai, even if it hadn't been a moment earlier.

The words were all Gojyo could think of. He didn't say them to save himself; he said them because he had to. It was the most prominent thought on his mind. He loves _Hakkai_. The imposter who keeps wearing his skin needs to be stopped.

"Hakkai…"

"Stay…stay away from me, Gojyo," Hakkai says, looking everywhere but at his friend and backing his way further down the alley.

"Hakkai, wait!" Gojyo calls, "Talk to me! Tell me what's going on!"

No, Hakkai thinks. It's too risky even being around Gojyo, being around any of them. He has to get away. He has to stay away from them. If he doesn't stop this soon, he'll lose himself completely.

Thinking only of Gojyo, of protecting Gojyo as he once failed to protect the one he loved, Hakkai turns down the alley and runs.

-----

"I'm worried."

"You're always worried."

"I mean it, Sanzo, this is bad."

Sitting in a large chair in their room, Sanzo has the paper in his lap, his reading glasses on, and his third cigarette for the day in his mouth. He plucks it from his lips and glares at the thing like it must be somehow responsible. "I know," he says, and snubs the cigarette out, "Hakkai's limiters are failing."

"What?" Goku is at Sanzo's side in a moment's time. "Failing? How long have you figured that?"

Sanzo folds his paper and sets it on the table next to him. "I couldn't have been sure until today. All you have to do is look at him. Forget the way he's been acting. He's ears are practically pointed. His nails like claws. His eyes…he isn't human much at all anymore. If he loses it any further, his limiters will mean nothing. And if that happened…we'll have to put him down."

Goku recoils back, his eyes wide with disbelief. How can Sanzo say it so calmly? Goku used to understand, especially where it pertained to him, but now, after everything they have been through, the idea of any of them going berserk shouldn't be an issue.

"You know I would kill him, Goku. I've said it enough times."

"Yeah, and you said it enough times about me too, but you still always managed to find another way."

Casting his eyes down, Sanzo removes his glasses and sets them aside on top of the newspaper. "Maybe this time there won't be another way."

There is nothing Goku can say to that. They have always been willing to be each others' executioners if need be; they know it would be what each of them would want rather than living with having hurt someone they care about. But this is too much.

Goku crumbles to the floor at Sanzo's feet.

"How could this have happened so fast?" he says.

"Hn," Sanzo huffs, "Who says it did? The signs could have been there since we left Houtou Castle. We just didn't see them until now. I'm surprised he's made it this long."

A silence falls between them. The window of the room they took for themselves is open to allow a gentle breeze, and even Hakuryuu is silent when he swoops his way inside and lands in Goku's lap.

Goku would like to take Hakuryuu's appearance as a good omen, but he can only see it as a bad one. Hakuryuu should be with Hakkai. If he isn't then it means the little creature is still afraid of his master.

"Give him and Gojyo more time. It hasn't even been an hour," Sanzo offers, reaching forward out of his seat to tousle Goku's hair. There was a time he never would have so cavalierly offered comfort. These days he almost enjoys it. "Let's talk about something else. I can think of things I'm much more interested in. Things we actually have answers to."

"Like what?" Goku asks, stroking Hakuryuu and looking up at Sanzo with a look so innocent, Sanzo could almost forget the seemingly cute picture before him consists of a young man who is slowly gaining on him in height.

"Like you. Like the things your other half talked about last night," Sanzo says.

Goku shifts in his seat on the floor. "It's nothing important. He told you pretty much the gist of things."

"Yeah. I was kind of hoping for a more detailed answer."

As much as Goku is trying to be accepting of Seiten Taisei, especially now that they will soon be one, he still finds it uncomfortable to discuss what he used to be. It is strange remembering being something that is so removed from what he is now.

"The mark," Sanzo prompts, catching Goku's eyes and holding them with authority, "The symbol on your stomach when he's out. Equal to the gods. Is that what you are? Something more than a god?"

Goku doesn't respond at first. Part of him would rather never talk about this. Part of him would rather things go on being as they have always been, just without the fear of going berserk. There is also a part of him that remembers how much freer he was when nothing tethered him. The limiter is unnatural. He should want to be without it. And, after all, there is nothing to be ashamed of concerning his original form.

"Tell me, Goku," Sanzo says, leaning further forward in his chair so that their faces are very close and he can hear Hakuryuu's purring, "I want to know. I want to know everything. If you're going to change on me…I need to know."

"Change?" Goku repeats, and then he remembers what was discussed the night before. "Oh, Sanzo," he says, "I'm not going to change. I won't stop being me. I'll just…be stronger. I'll have all my powers again. I'll be everything I used to be, but that doesn't take away who I am. I am Goku because of you. You gave me this name. You made me me. I would never change." With a strong tug, Goku pulls Sanzo onto the floor with him and kisses the priest to prove his point.

Sanzo allows all of it, and when the kiss breaks he stays on the floor with his back against the chair he had been in before. "Okay," he says, "I believe you. So tell me about these powers then. Your speed, I've seen. Agilty. Strength. Fortitude, certainly. But I get the feeling you mean more than just being a physical superpower."

If Sanzo didn't know better, he would swear Goku blushes. "Well…yeah, there's a bit more to it than that. But, I mean, it's gonna happen soon so…so…why doncha just wait til I got 'em and then I can show ya."

"I might allow that, but you're going to have to give me something. I want to know." Sanzo leans back further against the chair and looks up at the table, contemplating another cigarette. No, he tells himself. He doesn't need one. "Okay, Goku," he says, "Save the powers. Tell me…tell me about Shangri La. You said—I still can't believe it—you said you created it."

"Actually, you said I did. I just didn't deny it," Goku grins.

A good punch to the arm gets rid of that. "Smartass," Sanzo says, trying not to grin back, and failing.

"Okay, sheesh. It was because of the people."

"The people?"

"The human and youkai people," Goku explains, "There were so many of them, Sanzo, everywhere, and I didn't like it when they fought. If there was someone bad, sure, I'd do what I could to help and stop him, but…these people were fighting and both sides were good. The demons fought the humans just coz they were different, and the same the other way around. I didn't like that. After all, I had both in me. Demon. Human."

"God."

Goku blushes a bit again. At least the boy is humble. "Yeah. That too," he says, "So, I was a little bit of everything on Earth and off it. The people, when they'd see me, they knew it, they knew what I was, and they'd…listen. If I said they should stop fighting, they'd stop. They saw that I was something different. I was something…perfect. Yeah, me, perfect. Right."

"You can say it," Sanzo says, and Goku beams to hear the allowance. Then, "I can see how they made that mistake."

It's a good thing Goku knows when Sanzo is channeling his inner dick. "Thanks. Anyway, I wasn't like a halfbreed like Gojyo. I was a combination of everything and that made me…special. So they listened. They stopped fighting. And I told them that halfbreeds weren't bad either, coz they were just two good things in one, like me, and for awhile they listened to that too. Shangri La was easy. It just happened. It got the name later, after I was long gone. It was hard for them to keep it going without me to show them that things could be happy for everyone together. I mean, look how they treat people like Gojyo now. But…it was nice while it lasted. And everyone was kind. And there was always food for me. And the weather was beautiful. Soon, I didn't have to fight anyone. There were no more bad guys to fight. That's what I liked best. When it was just…peaceful. I don't know why, when we got split, the other me was so angry and violent. Maybe he kept seeing bad guys everywhere and thought it was all a game. Like we were still one, in a weird way, but we didn't know what we were doing. I don't know. I guess, real soon now, everything will be like it was before. And hey, maybe we can even get a little of the real Shangri La back while we're headed east. I know I wouldn't mind that."

Taking in Goku's story, Sanzo can at first only stare. He had assumed much of it from what Seiten Taisei said and his own assumptions, but to hear it makes a lot of difference. Goku is something alright. Part of Sanzo knows there is still quite a bit of this tale left to be told, but he leaves things here. Goku will tell him in time.

For now, Sanzo pulls Goku in closer to him and they sit there on the floor together, leaning into each other's bodies, with Hakuryuu asleep in Goku's lap.

"You're not…really immortal, are you?" Sanzo asks after some time has passed, sitting in silence.

"You mean aging?"

"Yeah."

"I can age if I want to. I started for the first time when you found me in the cave. I figure I'll keep doing it, you know, so I can keep you company. No matter where you go."

Sanzo pauses a moment before asking, "Even if you'll die?"

With the slightest, coyest grin, Goku pulls away from Sanzo enough to meet their gazes and says, quite pleased with himself, "Don't ask stupid questions."

A bop on the head later and everything feels close enough to normal to be okay.

-----

Everything is not okay.

Everywhere Gojyo looks is another dead end. Hakkai is gone. He is somewhere in this town, but either Gojyo keeps missing him or Hakkai is hanging around close enough to stay out of detection. Either way Gojyo is beside himself with worry, confusion, and a whole lot of anger.

It shouldn't have to be like this. The monk and monkey get to have fun playing master and pet and he gets stuck with chasing down the love of his life like a monster. He once thought Sanzo had it bad, but Goku was able to tame his beast. What about Hakkai's? But Hakkai's isn't Hakkai. It isn't like Goku, a whole unfairly split. Hakkai and his unlimited self are two separate lives.

Gojyo liked Gonou from the second he met him. But he fell in love with Hakkai.

It isn't any use. Half the faces Gojyo sees along the streets are youkai, and he doubts Hakkai would be willing to remove his limiters right now. Thank goodness too, because that might be all it takes for this to end. One more removal. One more…practice.

Gojyo kicks at the ground. Practice. He had been the one to push, to ask for it. Hakkai was afraid, unwilling, but Gojyo wouldn't let up. They should have included the others. They should have let Sanzo know. Then maybe the priest would have warned them sooner.

No, it isn't Sanzo's fault. It's their own. Gojyo shouldn't have pushed the issue. And Hakkai…he should have known. He should have been able to sense what was happening. But if the blame is on both of them, then fixing the problem should be up to both of them too. Why doesn't Hakkai understand that's how a relationship works? For crying out loud, Hakkai is the one who's actually had a relationship. Gojyo's only had the occasional chick.

Well, there have been a few steadies over the years, but nothing like Hakkai. That is, unless he wants to count those years with…

"Gojyo?"

Gojyo stops in the street. No way. That voice…it couldn't be.

"Gojyo, dude, is that you?"

Turning slowly towards the side of the street, Gojyo seeks the owner of the voice and finds a very familiar face. "Holy shit," he says, looking over the youkai man standing beside a tavern doorway, "Banri…?"

It goes without saying that within ten minutes the pair is inside the tavern sharing a drink.

Some might see this as a mistake on Gojyo's part, seeing as how Gojyo has been betrayed more than once by the same man, but he sticks to his original idea on the subject. People don't change, so don't expect them to. All you can do is take them as they are.

"Geez, man, where you been since that time, anyway? It's been, what, three years?"

"'Bout four now," Gojyo says with a half smile, drinking another gulp of his beer.

He and Banri are sitting at the bar. It's a small place, practically empty besides the two of them. They have finished off a couple pitchers, several shots, and are pleased as all hell to be having more. Up until now, as always when they get together, they've been spending most of their time reminiscing.

"Me," Gojyo says, "I been all over the place. Don't s'ppose you've heard of the Sanzo party?"

"No shit, man, really? You the redhead they talk about?"

"Don't believe too much a the stories. Only the good ones are ever true anyway, right?"

Banri gives a great laugh, slapping Gojyo on the back, which causes Gojyo's most recent gulp to go down the wrong pipe. Coughing and laughing through it all, neither of them really minds a little spilled beer.

"You got a girl then?" Banri asks, taking a cigarette from Gojyo's offered pack, "Bet the girls just throw themselves at ya. Not that they didn't before, right?"

For a moment, Gojyo tries to laugh the comment off, but he's been drinking, and drinking always makes the worst of liars fess up the truth. "You might have a hard time…b'lieving me."

Taking a good puff on his new cigarette, Banri winks, lowering for a moment one of his half-shaved eyebrows, and says, "Try me."

"Well," Gojyo starts, staring into the bottom of his now empty glass with eyes that can't quite focus, "r'member that guy I was living with?"

"The well-bred type who hated youkai?"

"That'd be the one."

"Shit, Gojyo, you really did switch teams on me," Banri laughs, calling the bartender over to top off both of their drinks. Again, he slaps Gojyo on the back, this time almost crushing Gojyo's teeth into the rim of his mug. "Guess I shouldn't be too s'prised. He had one pretty face, I can remember that. And you always were up for a little experimenting…if the night was right. Remember?" Banri winks again, and Gojyo does indeed remember how things used to be a lot more interesting between them.

"Let's forget that, huh?" he says, glad to have his drink refilled, even if he can't quite get the mug to his lips, "Don't wanna…talk about it."

Banri takes a good swig before turning in his seat to face Gojyo better. "Don't wanna talk? The guy break your heart, pal, coz I can beat him up for ya. Know some muscle 'round here and—"

"No," Gojyo breaks in, sober enough not to go thinking that stupid. He still can't quite see straight, but he manages to set his beer down, deciding maybe he better stop now and quit while he's…marginally almost entirely behind. "Don' wanna hurt him. Just wanna know why he's…so bent on hurting me."

The bar gets real quiet for awhile with Gojyo not drinking, and Banri sipping slow. They're the only ones in there now besides the bartender, who's half asleep anyway. Finally, hating a sorrowful mood on principle, Banri slips his arm around Gojyo's shoulders, tender this time instead of a hard smack. He says, "You remember when we met, huh? Remember, Gojyo?"

A small smile breaks onto Gojyo's face. "Yeah, man, I remember. Dark night. Alleyway. Buncha thugs trying to get the better of me but failing. You asked how much I was."

Banri laughs, "Right, right. And you got all defensive thinking I meant your body for fun instead of work. Hehe. Course, if I recall right, time goes by and I find out the reason you got all pissy that time is coz you actually did that shit once, right? Half-breed body for sale to keep any girl or guy warm for the night? A few bad nights of our own go by, no winnings, no good jobs, and no women, and you and me don't sound so bad. Remember? We weren't so bad at all." Voice soft now with nostalgia, Banri leans in close to say the final words beside Gojyo's ear. Then, with Gojyo lulled by memories, he turns the redhead by the chin and leans in further for a kiss.

"Hey," Gojyo pulls back, "I'm drunk, dude, not that drunk."

Banri's not quite there eyebrows furrow. "You kidding right? You fucking or being fucked, whatever, by this dandy asshole and you won't even offer old Banri a kiss?"

"Look," Gojyo says, and though he allows Banri's closeness, and a few of his words are halted or slurred, he tells the truth as clearly as he can, "It's a fight. Not an end. I don't…want it to be. Me and Hakkai, we'll work it out. I already said no to the sexiest broad around in the last town. What makes you think I'd do something stupid for a dude? One I wasn't already sleeping with?"

A slow grin spreads across Banri's thin face. "Easy. Coz it's me. And though it's been awhile, I used to fall under that category quite a bit." Banri leans in again.

Gojyo holds him back. "I love him," he says.

Banri huffs, "He love you?"

There isn't an easy answer to that just now. All Gojyo can think to say is, "Maybe too much."

"Damn it, Gojyo," And Banri is on his feet beside Gojyo's stool, putting out the cigarette that had been burning down in his hand, "Don't you wish things could be simpler? Just for a night? Guys like you and me, it's never about love or commitment, just about the best time at the right time. And I think you gotta admit, old friend," he says, spinning Gojyo in his stool, spreading Gojyo's legs and placing himself in between them to better reach a kiss, "There couldn't be a better time…than right…now."

The kiss isn't something Gojyo can stop. At least, that's what he tells himself while Banri's digging fierce holds into his jacket and cloying for Gojyo's tongue.

Gojyo's mind is fuzzy, and tonight Banri feels familiar. Banri is familiar. Banri is, was, like a brother. A brother he sometimes fooled around with if there weren't any good female prospects, but someone he could always trust. Maybe not trust with his life, his money, or his word, but someone he could always trust to stay the same.

Gojyo can't say that about Hakkai anymore. Hakkai has changed and is refusing the help that might bring the old Hakkai back. It isn't fair.

And what is even more unfair is that Hakkai, having followed Gojyo as Gojyo searched for him, knowing it would be the only way to stay off the kappa's radar, has been watching the whole development since Gojyo first saw Banri in the street.

When Hakkai's first impulse was to attack, he managed to squelch it. When Banri and Gojyo made up so easily and entered the bar, Hakkai was able to contain his feelings of betrayal. When hours passed and the pair kept getting cozier from the drink and laughing about everything, Hakkai was able to stay calm.

But when Banri kissed Gojyo and Gojyo did nothing to push him away, Hakkai was beyond keeping any of the final shreds of himself from losing control.

Oh, he tried to keep himself together, tried so hard because he knew how bad this would be if he lost the battle, but it wasn't enough.

Staring at the infuriating scene, when Hakkai reaches up to touch his limiters and be sure they are still where they belong, all three perfect cuffs melt in his fingers.

-----

Goku jumps to his feet long before Sanzo can sense the building chi.

"What is it?" the priest asks. They had been kissing languidly on the floor, where they had not moved from for hours.

The only thing Goku can do is shake his head, before his hand reaches up to his limiter and he tosses it to the ground. "I told you it was bad," he says, in his own voice.

Sanzo doesn't have to know what is happening. He simply grabs his gun and asks Goku to lead the way.

-----

Gojyo pulls out of the kiss, much as he hates to admit he had been enjoying it. He turns back towards the bar and stars at his mug. "Sorry, dude," he says, "but…I…I don't think I can—" Gojyo turns his head to address Banri directly, but cuts off, surprised to find that Banri isn't there. "Banri? Dude, what the hell are you—" He spins further on the stool, all the way around to see if Banri slipped behind him or something, and discovers a very close, very dark jade eye.

"Hello, dear," Hakkai says, and suddenly very long and sharp claws are pressing into Gojyo's neck, lifting him from his stool. Gojyo can't breathe, but he doesn't have time to question much, other than noticing that Banri is tucked under Hakkai's other arm, before he hears, "My, my, haven't you been naughty," and everything goes black.

tbc...

A/N: It's 2am. I love you. Please review.


	14. Humanity Forfeit

Humanity Forfeit

* * *

_Away. He just wants to get away. Away anywhere. He can't bare another second in that place. The place she died. It makes him so angry. Angry enough that he wishes there were more of Hyakugen Maou's children for him to slaughter. The last of them, the one that made him what he has become, the one that fills him with such rage, was not enough to quench the thirst that rises up in him now._

_Looking at his hands as he runs, he can see his new claws and the blood that still stains him even as the rain pours down, pounding all around him. And he can see the vines, vines he doesn't understand. He has not seen his reflection, but he can feel the change, the primal instincts, the enhanced senses. Running still, he reaches up and feels the pointed ears, the fangs in his mouth, and he knows, he knows he has become one of those monsters._

_No. He can't be. He only wanted to save her, he never wanted this. He never wanted to hurt anyone. He just wanted her back but they, everyone, they stood in his way. They took her from him, made it so that he has to live without her, and as a monster. A monster she despised enough to rather kill herself with the child of one of them growing inside her than breathe free air ever again._

_Rage fills him, yes, but not only rage for the youkai, or even for himself, but for…her._

_A shock in his chest halts him in his run and he falls along the path, clutching at his heart, not knowing what the pain is. It pulses and he cries out against it, but the pain does not stop. It moves, from his chest and up his arms like a living thing, into his neck, his face, up in his head as if it will explode, and then to his left ear where the pain is so intense he can feel the world fading. As he begins to lose consciousness he is haunted by the sound of the pounding rain that follows him faithfully into the darkness._

-----

A sharp intake of breath wakes Gojyo. His head pounds, sobered too quickly, and his neck is sore from newly added bruises. It takes him a moment of blinking hard at the high ceiling above him before he remembers everything. Before he remembers that the bruises are from the hand of someone he loves.

Gojyo sits up too quickly and the room spins. He isn't completely sober; it hasn't been that long since he passed out. Not good. If Hakkai has lost it then Gojyo is going to need to be as alert as possible. How can he handle this with stumbling steps and blurred vision?

No time. All Gojyo can hope for is that he sobers enough to be effective. It isn't as if he wants to fight Hakkai—that is the last things he wants—but he would rather be more coherent than he feels.

"Shit," he curses to himself, holding his head, and trying to look around the room.

He isn't in the bar anymore. He doesn't know where he is. A basement, it would seem, a cellar, with very little to be notable save the few dim lights above. At least it is enough light for Gojyo to see by, and he is surprised to find Banri lying a few feet from him in a crumpled heap.

"Banri!" Gojyo calls, scrambling across the floor to his fallen friend. He would feel bad about it, but he cannot help thinking more of Hakkai than Banri when he reaches down and checks for the youkai's pulse. Gojyo sighs in relief to find a slow rhythm. "Thank god," Gojyo breaths aloud, "I don't wanna think…what this would do to him."

"You mean what _I_ would do to him…Gojyo?"

Gojyo's head snaps behind him, but there is nothing. He searches every corner he can see with his eyes, but cannot see the owner of that low voice. Hakkai is playing with him.

This can't be happening.

"No," Gojyo says, yelling despite knowing Hakkai would be able to hear him even if he whispered, "No…I meant you. If you do this, Hakkai…it'll change you. Do you think you want to kill Banri because of that kiss? You'd never forgive yourself if you did."

It is not words but laughter that responds now, dark, haunting. Gojyo feels the hairs on his body stand on end, feels his antennae twitch. Hakkai sounds as if he is everywhere and nowhere, as if he will attack at any moment. Gojyo has to act quickly.

"Listen to me, Hakkai," he says, on his knees beside Banri's body and keeping vigil of his surroundings, "It was just a stupid kiss. I tried to stop him, he wouldn't listen, but I still—"

"Pulled away," Hakkai's voice finishes, "Yes, Gojyo. I know that. I was in the room. I saw you."

Hakkai's voice sounds louder. Closer. Gojyo lowers his own voice then, knowing how useless it is to wear it out, and says, "Then why are you doing this?"

The impact steals Gojyo's voice as well as his breath. He gasps, unable at first to focus on the weight atop him. He has been knocked onto his back, his hands pinned beside him to the floor, and holding him down is…not Hakkai. It can't be Hakkai. It doesn't even look like him anymore.

The youkai's artificial eye is dead and stale as always, but the other glows like true jade, dark and shimmering. The vines are more than tattoos, they almost look embedded, engraved into Hakkai's skin. His ears are more sharply pointed, his claws more deadly, and his grin, filled with fangs, has no sentience left.

It isn't Hakkai.

"Why am I doing this?" the youkai says, almost tenderly, but like a mockery of the word, "Because I do not care about him. Only you. I realized, you see, where I have gone wrong." He removes one of his hands from holding down Gojyo's arm and drags claws down Gojyo's face hard enough to trickle blood.

Gojyo can only stare, disbelieving.

"Gojyo, Gojyo…killing all those youkai did nothing to make Kanan stay with me. Why would killing anyone else be enough to keep you?"

There would almost be a kind of sense to that, even a comforting sense, but Gojyo does not think things are so simple.

Grinning with his many fangs, the youkai releases Gojyo and rises, stepping aside to pace very slowly around Gojyo's fallen form. Gojyo does not dare rise just yet, but sits up enough to follow the creature's movements. It is then that he sees how much longer Hakkai's—can he even say Hakkai's—hair has become. It is as long as Seiten Taisei's now, down the youkai's back and wild.

"I understand my nature now, Gojyo," Hakkai (for what else can Gojyo call him) says, "It was in me long before I had such strength. Can you imagine the man I was that I was able to kill so many? Can you fathom it? Becoming this is simply my inner self made manifest. The true form…of a killer."

"No." Hakkai doesn't know what he's saying. The real Hakkai is still in there, Gojyo tells himself, he has to be. "You are not a killer, Hakkai. You don't need to kill anyone. What do you think you'll get from it, huh? What?" Knowing the risk he takes, Gojyo gets to his feet, slowly. Hakkai stops his pacing and they stare, mere feet apart. "Do you think killing _me_…will give all this meaning?"

Hakkai's smile twitches and he walks, slow step by slow step, until his nose is close enough to touch Gojyo's. "Gojyo," he says "did I give you permission to stand?"

Gojyo blinks, not sure how to take that, but a second later he is screaming. To think a single kick from an empowered youkai could cause such a swift, clean break.

On the ground and blind from the pain, Gojyo wants to grab his leg but knows it would only cause it to hurt more. He is thankful when it begins to go numb, but knows that if it is losing feeling so quickly, the break must be almost a complete sever of the bone. Gojyo doesn't want to look at it and see whether or not the skin has been broken.

"Meaning. You think I have done all this for some sense of meaning? No, Gojyo, life lost meaning long ago." Hakkai kneels beside Gojyo and wrenches his head up with a clawed grip in crimson hair. "What your _death_ can bring me, however, is loss. Enough loss for your darling _Hakkai_ to be nothing but a shell. A shell is all he ever was, anyway."

Cruelty upon cruelty, Hakkai crashes Gojyo's lips to his. The kiss is nothing but gums and fangs and anger, and Gojyo struggles to pull out of it. He will not give this monster the satisfaction of thinking he can turn him against Hakkai. "What…a crock of…shit," Gojyo manages. His mouth is bleeding now, but his leg is a welcome nothing of numbness, "A shell? What, you think you're something special? You think you're…Gonou? Gonou is dead. No matter what you try to tell yourself to make this easier, _you_ are Hakkai."

"Shut up!" Hakkai growls, yanking Gojyo more harshly by the hair until Gojyo is sitting. Hakkai's jade eye glows more brightly, making his expression wild and frightening. "Why? Why would you want me to be Hakkai? Do you want Hakkai to be the one doing this to you? Do you?"

Throwing Gojyo back to the ground, Hakkai straddles him, low on Gojyo's hips, and with his right hand he plunges his claws through the soft skin of Gojyo's middle, deep enough to touch the floor.

Tears well up in Gojyo's eyes against the pain but he tries not to scream. Not again. No matter what happens, he cannot lose hope that Hakkai is still in there somewhere wanting to be freed. He can't lose Hakkai. He won't. Not even if he has to lose himself instead.

"H-Hakkai…you…you're not…a killer," Gojyo says, reaching up a hand to touch Hakkai's face and run his fingers over the indented etching of the vines, "I know you're…not. I…love you. I'll love you…know matter what happens."

Hakkai had been leaning down over Gojyo, and as these words are spoken his face becomes ashen. Jade eye wide and luminescent, Hakkai leans further yet and whispers beside Gojyo's ear, "Dear Gojyo…don't you know…what happens to those who love me?"

At first it is almost pleasant, a caress, a tender numbing. But Gojyo remembers this feeling from the other night when Hakkai, unlimited and not quite Hakkai, covered him in vines. The vines are not crawling over Gojyo's skin this time. They are in him, coiling over every part of him like a black virus. His nerves tingle as the vines pass over them but Gojyo can already feel the sensation increasing.

Gojyo closes his eyes to will it away. He tries to speak to Hakkai from a place within him that is separate from the growing pain. It is the only way he can speak.

"H-Hakkai…you don't…want to do this. This…isn't you."

"She hated me. Did you know that?" Hakkai says, as if not having heard Gojyo's words. Hakkai is close to Gojyo, his face down low, with his hand still dug in deep and spreading its vines. "She had to have hated me, Gojyo. If not, she would have, once she found out about the things I did. How could we have returned home after that? I killed all of our friends." There is an almost laugh to the words, and then, "No, she hated me," he says, his voice falling to a whisper, "and that was why…I formed my limiters that very night."

Gojyo's eyes widen. The vines are still spreading within him, but he is focused on Hakkai. He has to stay focused.

Limiters. Limiters are crafted, summoned, or granted, and always by beings somewhat divine. Gojyo would hate to admit there is something divine about his holiness Sanzo, but he would be hard pressed to think of anyone else who can summon a limiter out of nothing.

"Oh, I don't know how I did it," Hakkai explains, almost nonchalant, as if Gojyo isn't bleeding all over his shirt and pants, and Hakkai's vines aren't preparing some awful torture, "But, what I do remember, is that they came from deep inside me. From the hatred I had for myself. For how miserable I was for letting her down and becoming something far worse than what took her from me." Hakkai grins and the knife-like fangs glisten. "And no, I don't mean _this_ monster, Gojyo. I mean the one I was before I had claws. Within me resides that man still, filling me with a lust for killing that was never satisfied. Even as I formed the limiters that night I could feel how much I wanted to kill everyone. I would have surely killed you, Gojyo, had you found me before the cuffs appeared. Oh, yes, a halfbreed I would have killed gladly. But the limiters kept him in, kept the bloodlust from me. Since then I have only removed my limiters when in dire need. Only then would I let out the beast that killed a thousand demons, and countless humans. And why? Why did all those people die? For the sake of a woman who never would have touched me again?"

The vines twinge with the rising anger in Hakkai's voice and Gojyo's breathing begins to quicken. It is a heightened, frightening thing, but not yet as painful as Gojyo knows it could become.

He has to find the will to speak. He has to stop Hakkai before it's too late.

But Hakkai speaks on. "Do you know, Gojyo, that sometimes…I hate _her_. Are you surprised? Sometimes it is easy to hate her. I hate her for giving up. I hate her for thinking we couldn't get through it together. I hate her for killing the child we could have raised as our own. She was selfish!"

The vines twinge again and Gojyo's vision fades out a moment from the slow loss of blood and buzzing within him. All it would take is a single squeeze and every nerve in Gojyo's body would be on fire.

"She…she was selfish," Hakkai says again, his voice furious but soft, "Because she couldn't bear it, she murdered herself and our baby. In front of me. Inches from me. How could I not hate her for that? And do you know what else, Gojyo," he asks, bending low enough to place a small kiss on Gojyo's cheek. He pulls up again and smiles, though Gojyo cannot fully focus on him. "Sometimes, Gojyo…I hate _you_. I hate you for reminding me of that night…of that child, the child that would have looked…so much like you." And then Hakkai looks up, at nothing but seeing something anyway, something very far away. "But always, _always_ do I hate myself, because none of it would have happened if I had been there to protect her from the beginning. I wouldn't be here now, like this, a creature worse than the worst we have faced. And I wouldn't even consider doing…" Hakkai's eyes flick down at Gojyo, "…what I am going to do to you."

The vines tighten around the places they have discovered in Gojyo's body and Gojyo feels every part of him convulse. He lifts off the floor with the intensity of it, forcing Hakkai to the side. But it does not deter Hakkai to be bucked away. No. Hakkai is still close, tightly next to Gojyo, and his claws are still imbedded deep. Amidst the pain, though, Gojyo feels more dismay when Hakkai places tender kiss after tender kiss to Gojyo's face and neck.

Gojyo realizes he is crying. He had not noticed, unable to feel the wetness falling, but when Hakkai wipes at a tear and licks it from his free claws, Gojyo knows. His pain, his blood, his tears, it does not matter. Those things are not enough to make Hakkai understand.

There must be another way.

"H-H-Hakkai…"

"Shhh…behave…and I might make this go quicker for you."

Gojyo closes his eyes and opens them again to blurred vision, knowing at least part of that is from the tears. "P-Please…listen…"

"No, no, Gojyo," Hakkai whispers, and with his soft voice it seems surreal that the vines tighten further. Already Gojyo is having trouble breathing, and everything is so much more unbearable with the vines below the skin. "No, Gojyo," Hakkai says again, "We're done talking."

"Y-Yeah…I know." Gojyo relaxes his body as best he can, lying as still as he can, and just looks into the eye so jade, but that he knows deep down is emerald somewhere. "I know. I…j-just…wanna say…I'm sorry."

Hakkai's head tilts at this and his eyebrows knit. "What…what are you talking about?"

Hard as it is to manage a smile beyond the pain, and hard as it is to look at Hakkai and speak despite his trouble finding breath, Gojyo forces all he can. This is the only chance he is going to get, so he speaks, he smiles, because Hakkai needs to see it. "I know…wh-what…you went through. Now…I can f-f-finally…feel…what you felt that night. B-Because I…failed too. I…failed…to save _you_."

Whatever air is in the room it vanishes and Hakkai cannot find breath either.

"For that…Hakkai…I am so sorry," Gojyo says, eyelids drooping and voice almost too soft to hear, "I'm sorry. All I c-could…do…was love you. And I'm…s-sorry…that wasn't enough. I…love you…just as much today…as I did the night we met. I…always will. So please…please forgive me…"

"Stop it…" Hakkai says, a harsher whisper now, desperate, "Stop…saying that. Stop saying you're sorry."

"Why? Isn't it what you always wished _you_ could say?"

You could hear a pin drop.

And suddenly the tears are not only Gojyo's. The blood from Gojyo's wound is being joined by salt from both green and crimson eyes. Oh, it stings, but it reminds Gojyo that he is still alive, and he clings on all the harder because this is not yet the end.

The vines have stopped pulsing, but they are still in Gojyo, and it is difficult for him to move. He manages anyway, and reaches the hand he had used before to touch Hakkai's now wet cheek. "Sorry again. You…kn-know…I always manage…to make things difficult."

A sob breaks from Hakkai at this, built up inside of him and right there beneath the surface. His youkai features have not changed, but something in his tears makes his real eye look a far more agreeable color. "Gojyo…" he manages, looking at Gojyo as if recognizing the hanyou for the first time since all this began, "Gods…what have I…done to you?"

It is a welcome thing when Hakkai lunges at Gojyo only to cling out of desperate devotion. But the act is more than Gojyo can handle in his current state. One of Hakkai's hands is still lodged in Gojyo's stomach, and the lunge pulled at it, making all of the vines tighten.

Gojyo coughs and spasms, turning his head to the side to spit the blood from his mouth. It reminds Hakkai of the true damage as Gojyo starts to convulse, rhythmically and constant. He is having a seizure. His body is rebelling against the vines, but it isn't winning.

"Gojyo! No…" Hakkai is as sane as he can manage. He knows he is always only a hair away from being the beast again, but he must remain clear. Gojyo managed that for him; he can certainly return the favor.

There is no time to think or question. Hakkai's hand is still inside Gojyo, and he can use this to his advantage. Using the vines as he slowly retracts them, Hakkai sends small bursts of chi through every nerve, healing the damage he has done even as he is pulling the weapon free. He would not normally have the stamina for such massive healing, but his youkai form grants him much more than speed.

It is a gradual process to remove the vines without hurting Gojyo further, but once they are back where they belong and harmless, Hakkai builds as much chi as he can, which is great, and sends it into Gojyo, healing and soothing the hanyou until there is nothing but a scar. It is not large, but shaped—cruelly—like Hakkai's own. It will not be removed, despite Hakkai's best efforts, as if to say there must be something to remember this act by. It is unfair, and yet Hakkai feels he deserves the pain the sight of it causes him. That pain should put Gojyo's pain to shame, because Hakkai deserves it. He is more a monster than anything they have ever faced.

"I'm sorry, Gojyo…I'm so sorry…"

Gojyo is dizzy from the heavy healing, his leg still broken and needing to be set, but the rest of him is whole again. He feels strangely blissful, knowing it is a side effect from so much chi flowing through him, but he also worries. The expression on Hakkai's face is not one of forgive and forget. It is one of…resolve.

"You must understand," Hakkai says, his voice still gravelly but with a tenderness Gojyo has not heard in days, "I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I…he…I thought I could…kill the good part of me and then it wouldn't matter anymore. I could finally die as the monster I am. But it never ends easily. He always wants more from me, more than I am willing to give. No, Gojyo…this has to end a different way. I can't risk…hurting someone. Not you…not again…never again…"

Gojyo knows what Hakkai is saying but he doesn't believe it. After all the times they have had to listen to Sanzo's damn speech about it, Hakkai is actually thinking of…

"No, Gojyo…I couldn't do it. I am not strong enough to kill the monster myself. I've tried. But someone…someone has to kill me."

The sound of a cocking gun echoes through the basement. "Did we arrive at a bad time?"

-----

_He is barely conscious, his ear still throbbing, but the pain begins to subside. There is a change in him, something almost warm that makes his mind haze over further. He tries to lift his hands and focus on them in front of his face, but he can only just make out their outline. What he does notice is that there is not even a shadow of claws, or the dark coil of vines. His hands look human._

_Reaching up to touch his still humming left ear, Hakkai expects heat and is surprised to find cool metal instead. He fingers three small cuffs, and cannot fathom how he managed to form them. He knows what they are, what they must be. He has known some youkai in his life and many wore such things as these. Limiters. Something to keep the beast and all his power caged. Did he form them because he feared himself, because his hatred was too great, or so he can die, finally and peacefully, as the man he was?_

_Someone kill me…_

-----

Someone kill me…

"Hn. So…" Sanzo says, poised at the bottom of the basement stairs with his gun held close, "Is this the day you've chosen to die?"

Hakkai's skin is washed in white save the black vines covering him, but as he looks at Sanzo, at Sanzo's gun, a grin begins to spread over his face. He stands, leaving Gojyo on the ground to recover alone, and greets Sanzo with the slightest bow of his head.

Gojyo isn't stupid. He knows what is going on. His head is still a little hazy from the chi, but he feels fine, better than fine because he no longer has a still half-drunken hangover. Chi really can do amazing things.

But this is all wrong. Hakkai's grin is wrong. It reminds Gojyo of Hakkai's frequent and very fake smiles. The ones that always mean something more than what they appear to. Hakkai may be grinning, but inside he is still falling apart. Gojyo's only fear is if Sanzo can't see it, if Sanzo can't understand. Because if Gojyo knows Hakkai, and he does better than anyone, then Hakkai is about to do something very stupid.

"Goku!" Sanzo yells, even before he sees that Hakkai is about to leap forward.

Hakkai freezes, having forgotten the monkey. He shouldn't have, even without seeing Goku, because, after all, Sanzo did say "we" when he first entered the room. Alert now, Hakkai listens carefully to his surroundings. Goku has to be somewhere close.

There is laughter, Goku's laughter, but with an element of something else, something known only to a different beast. The combination makes it sound remarkably eerie.

"It isn't very nice of you to hurt Gojyo, Hakkai," calls Goku's voice. The sound seems to come from everywhere and Hakkai cannot pin down the source even with youkai senses. "I don't mind if you wanna play, but I don't like it when people hurt my friends. Even if it _is_ you."

Gojyo tries to sit up, to say something before Goku strikes, but by the time he manages a sitting position Hakkai has already been slammed into the far wall. "No!" Gojyo calls, finally catching sight of Goku as he moves in for another hit. It disturbs Gojyo to see what he knows as Seiten Taisei using Goku's voice but fighting just as brutally. He doesn't have time to question what is going on, but he can't risk either of his friends hurting each other. "Goku, don't! It's Hakkai!"

With a brief look over his shoulder, Goku flashes Gojyo a toothy grin. The look is entirely that of the monkey, carefree and kind, but something is different. "Don't worry, Gojyo," Goku says.

Hakkai recovers from his meeting with the wall and lunges, but Goku disappears before Hakkai can strike. Hakkai stumbles through the spot Goku had been, disoriented. It is then that Goku, reappeared, aims a leaping kick at Hakkai's head and sends him to the floor.

The two continue their fight, Goku always getting the upper hand, seemingly faster and prepared for every hit Hakkai means to throw. They do not speak, and it is because of this that Gojyo worries. If they do not talk they will not understand that what they are doing is wrong.

Sanzo, gun still at the ready, rushes from the stairs to where Gojyo is on the floor, managing to dash past the fighting beasts. He crouches beside Gojyo and looks at the hanyou's mangled leg, destroyed tank top, and prominent new scar. "I still can't tell if our timing is good or bad," he says with a snort. He tries to reach for Gojyo and lift the redhead to his feet, but Gojyo throws him off.

"No! I'm not going anywhere! Sanzo, you have to listen to me!"

"I don't have to listen to anyone, you half-bred bastard," Sanzo snarls, hating most touch on principle, but especially when it comes with dismissal, "Do you want my help or not?"

Gojyo tries to watch the fight between Goku and Hakkai, but the pair moves too fast. Hakkai is fairing better, but still meeting more punches and kicks than giving them. Gojyo knows he shouldn't root for Hakkai to win, but he can't bring himself to root for Goku either. Not when he wants to see both of them whole when it's over.

"Idiot, just come here," Sanzo says, grabbing Gojyo anyway and lifting him from the ground to rest on his good leg, "You're all hopeless."

"Yeah, and Goku's so much better," Gojyo grumbles.

"Did I say he was? He took of his limiter to find you fools and…he's been like that ever since. It's his voice, his thoughts, but…"

"Seiten Taisei's viciousness," Gojyo finishes, watching Goku deliver a particularly brutal slash to Hakkai's midsection. Gojyo flinches upon seeing it and longs to run in and help, but he knows he would fall the minute he tried.

Sanzo doesn't respond to Gojyo's previous comment. The monk hasn't had time yet to digest this new Goku. It was forced upon them all sooner than expected, and now they have to live with it. At least that's what Sanzo keeps telling himself.

"Listen to me," Gojyo tries, looking at Sanzo directly, "I'm fine. Hakkai did a number on me, but he healed it."

Sanzo glances at Gojyo's leg.

"Okay, so he didn't have time for everything, but he's sorry for what happened. He's not the same monster that did all this."

Wandering his gaze about the rest of the room, Sanzo's focuses finally on Banri's unmoving body. He is understandably skeptical.

Gojyo sees this, sees what Sanzo thinks he is seeing, and holds onto Sanzo tighter to keep the priest's attention on him. "No, Banri's okay. Hakkai didn't kill anyone. He's back to himself, he just…he just thinks there's no way out. He…wants one of you to kill him."

An instinctive huff escapes Sanzo at that. He catches sight of the fight again, having to pull Gojyo aside to avoid being knocked over as they zip past in a fury of equally met blows. "Yeah. Sure fucking seems like it."

"I'm serious, Sanzo, I think he's trying to trick you into killing him."

"Hn. You think I'd let the bastard get off that easily. Why do you think I told Goku to keep him occupied…and not dead?"

Gojyo's expression is blank for all of a second, and then he can only smile. Of course. Sanzo has an answer for everything.

"Goku!" the monk shouts, "Enough playing."

The fighting immediately slows, and when Goku strikes, it happens so quickly, Hakkai stands no feasible chance. Maybe he never did. "Heh," Goku grins, "Just when it was gettin' fun too."

The monkey stops, standing by one of the walls closer to Sanzo and Gojyo. Hakkai rushes him and all Goku has to do is grab. One single grab for air and Goku has Hakkai by the neck, pressed back into the wall.

Hakkai understandably struggles, but to no avail. So he wills the vines to travel from his body onto Goku's and they begin to climb their way up Goku's menacing arm.

Another laugh escapes Goku and he squeezes Hakkai's neck tighter, cutting off what little air he had been allowing his friend. The vines begin to retreat. "I don't think so," Goku says.

"Stop it!" cries Gojyo, hopping on his good leg and dragging Sanzo forward because of it. It is too much to see Hakkai struggling for life by Goku's hand. "Goku, stop! You'll kill him!"

Again, a laugh, and though it sounds like Goku, it doesn't. It sounds like Seiten Taisei with intelligence, and that isn't Goku. "You'd be surprised," he says, "how hard it is to kill someone…who doesn't really want to die." Goku smiles at Sanzo and Gojyo before turning the expression to Hakkai as well. And then he simply lets go.

Hakkai drops to the floor, gasping for breath. It is not long before those winded gasps turn to sobbing and Hakkai sits shaking on the floor, crying and chanting, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," over and over.

Sanzo stares at Goku, much more concerned for his monkey's odd behavior than Hakkai's breakdown. Goku meets that stare and just keeps smiling. Everything about the look says, "I'm still Goku," but Sanzo doubts. The monkey is too calculating. Too intelligent even. Sanzo just wants the other two idiots to get through this mess so he can get Goku alone.

Closer to the wall after half-lugging Sanzo with him, Gojyo pushes finally from Sanzo's hold. He doesn't care that he immediately stumbles and falls to the floor with a hiss of pain. Nothing is as important as reaching Hakkai. Not even the faint sounds of Banri finally stirring a few yards away.

Gojyo crawls over to Hakkai, dragging his broken leg. There is no second guessing this time; Gojyo loves and trusts Hakkai and damn it if this youkai before him isn't that man. All Gojyo can do is reach out, pull Hakkai in against him and hold a sobbing Hakkai's head in his lap. He speaks as soothing as he can, but this fight is Hakkai's, and the final decisions can only be his. All Gojyo can do is hope.

"It's okay," Gojyo says, "This last thing you think you failed at, I'm glad you failed. I don't want you die. Not because you're afraid. Not because you think you're not worth having around. All that's bullshit, Hakkai. Because no matter how hard you try to be a monster, you can never really do it. You always find your way back. Always."

Goku, Sanzo, the waking Banri, none of them exist. Hakkai can only hear Gojyo's voice.

"You," Gojyo says, "It's just you, Hakkai. You're _Hakkai_. No one else. You understand?"

"Hakkai…?" Hakkai repeats, as if not sure he can believe Gojyo. His head is buried in Gojyo's lap, his body curled in and wrapped around whatever part of Gojyo is safe to hang onto, and he continues to sob. Because he knows Gojyo is right. "All I ever wanted…was to erase it. Make it…not true," Hakkai whimpers, "But…I…can't. It's my fault…she died. She took her life but I should have been there. And I'm…so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Gojyo. I never wanted you to see what she didn't have to. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Everything will be okay. You're a load of trouble, Hakkai. But you're _Hakkai_. Maybe I'm stubborn, but I still love Hakkai more than anything. You got that?"

Hakkai nods into Gojyo's thighs. He feels strange. He feels dazed. Turning his head to look up at Gojyo, he can tell his vision is heavy and blurred. "Gojyo…I'm…Hakkai," he manages, but his voice is dimming too.

He doesn't know why, but the world begins to fade around him, and he finds it strangely peaceful. He has Gojyo with him, and he knows his friends are also near. He can sleep now. He can rest. He does not know what waking will bring, but if he wakes as something other than a monster, it will be enough.

"I'm…Hakkai. I'm Hakkai…"

-----

_He just wants to die. He has no life to go home to, why should life continue. The rain is pounding. He is cold and angry and so sorry for everything. He turns himself over in the mud and tries to crawl, tries to bring himself off the path so he will not be found. He doesn't want to be rescued. He just wants peace. _

_A few steps more and he can barely move. His wound is bleeding again, more so now that he is human again. He collapses fully into the mud and longs to drown._

"_Hey, you alive down there," comes a voice. _

_He feels something poke him. Senses someone close to him. And when he finds his head lifted he just looks with what remains of the life behind his eyes. _

_It must be a joke, a cruel irony, because the man before him is awash in blood. He is everywhere red, red hair, red eyes. And then it makes sense. A hanyou. A child born half human and half youkai. Like the child she…_

_No. Like _he_ is now. Not quite either, but both. A monster, but not. He thinks he smiles to imagine he has been saved by this halfbreed who seems so concerned for a stranger. He did not want to be saved at all, but he has been, and by the very thing he was running from. _

_Funny, isn't it? He never saw it coming. And it surprises him that he does feel peaceful as he slips into unconsciousness. He feels more peace than he ever knew when he was human._

tbc...

A/N: Yeah. Well. Hakkai may or may not be okay, but worry starts to point at Goku. I'll let you all feel a little better about things and tell you that Goku is not going to go crazy in any way. He's just adjusting. Things between the guys will start to improve all around. I promise. Hakkai just had some final issues to release. Thanks so much for everything. I don't mean for this to sound final in any way, but I am graduating on Sunday, and who knows where life will send me after that. I WILL finish this story, but things may go slow, so bear with me. Who knows, maybe I'll have tones of free time and you'll never even notice I'm no longer a student. :-) Love you all! And a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my roommate who this chapter is dedicated to.

Crim_  
_


	15. Recovery

RECOVERY

* * *

Hakkai wakes with a start, as if roused from some horrible nightmare. His mind is a haze at first and his head pounds liberally. Did he go out drinking with Gojyo and finally find the right combination to get himself drunk? He would almost think that had to be the case if not for the slowly growing dread in him that what really happened was far mirthless.

Banri. Gojyo bleeding and broken. Seiten Taisei. Sanzo's gun. The pain. So much pain. Oh, gods, forgive me!

Hakkai's hand flies up to his left ear as the memories rush back. Limiters. All three, perfect and cool to the touch. Had it been a dream after all? He can only pray it was.

Returning to himself little by little, Hakkai takes in his surroundings. A bedroom. An inn, like many they have stayed in. Does he remember this one? He isn't so sure. But what is immediately familiar when he looks down at himself in bed is the tan limbs beside him.

"Gojyo!" Hakkai cries, deliriously happy to find the hanyou well, peacefully asleep with healthy, even breaths. Hakkai glances at the little bit of light peaking in through the curtains of the window. It is only just morning. The horrors Hakkai remembers so clearly, they must have been a dream after all. They must have been.

"Hakkai…?"

Alerted by Gojyo's groggy voice, Hakkai looks down again at his dearest friend, curled up next to him under the covers as if everything is fine and always has been. As if there had been no disruption of cruel power and misconceptions. Oh, let it be a dream, Hakkai thinks, but as Gojyo looks at him, adoringly and full of amused love, Hakkai cannot bring himself to ask.

"What?" Gojyo says, his usual crooked smile dangling from his lips, "Geez, Hakkai, you gonna eat me or fuck me? Coz that look of yours could go either way."

It was. It was a dream. How could Gojyo look at him like this if it was real? "I'm sorry, Gojyo, I just…didn't have the kindest slumber last night."

A shadow crosses Gojyo's face briefly then disappears into another grin. "Well you know what the good part about that is?"

Hakkai merely stares, curious about Gojyo's answer.

The redhead's grin widens. "Bad night or not, I can promise you a very good morning." And insistent on that promise, Gojyo leans towards Hakkai with his grin leading him all the way into a kiss. He steals Hakkai's lips hungrily, because to be honest, they have belonged to him for a very long time.

Hakkai kisses back with equal passion. More than equal. He grabs the back of Gojyo's neck and deepens the kiss as much as he has ever dared before.

Gojyo. All Hakkai's mind can think of now is Gojyo, his Gojyo, here beside him, well, radiant, and in love with him. A love, Hakkai can finally admit, he would never trade for Kanan's. There are separate places in his heart for both of them, but if Hakkai could go back and change it all, he knows now that he would not. He will always be sorry for letting Kanan down, but he will never regret what those events led to. Because they led him to Gojyo, and Gojyo is his very breath, the heart that manages to beat despite its small size, and the soul that keeps it all in check. Gojyo is everything. And Hakkai will never hurt him. Never. He swears his life on it and all the years he may have left. He will never hurt Gojyo as the monster in his dreams did.

"Geez, man, let a guy breathe," Gojyo laughs, having to push Hakkai away to get out of the kiss, "You're acting like you haven't seen me in weeks or something. I haven't gone anywhere."

"I know. I just…want to make use of our time together, that's all," Hakkai say, "Every second I can. I love you so much, Gojyo. I never want to imagine…life without you."

The same shadow crosses Gojyo's face, and Hakkai feels his heart clench. No, it was a dream. It was all a dream. Gojyo is right here. Gojyo is fine. The limiters are safely in place and all is well. He's worrying Gojyo, that's all. And he doesn't want that.

"Forgive me, Gojyo, I'm fine, I am. I just…" Hakkai caresses Gojyo's cheek with the back of his fingers, loving the roughness of Gojyo's stubble that says the hanyou needs to shave today. "You know how much I love you, don't you?"

Again, the shadow. Gojyo is truly worried, and unable to hide it. "I know. I love you too, you freaky bastard. So knock it off already. There's nothing you need to say or prove to me," he says, and he reaches up and takes the hand trailing over his face, kissing its fingers, "A simple I love you tells me all I need. One look from you tells me. What? You need more proof from my end?"

"No, Gojyo, don't be silly," Hakkai says quickly, squeezing the hand that has hold of his, "You don't need to prove anything either. I know you love me. I know. I just…I just want to feel you close to me, Gojyo. Please…" Hakkai feels weak just to say it that way, though it is at least a little manlier than "Hold me."

Gojyo smiles, all shadows and darkness gone from him, and complies immediately, pulling Hakkai in against him until they can feel the curves of each others bodies.

Hakkai realizes then that he is not entirely naked. He still wears his shorts, which is odd, because he would usually wear pants and nightshirt or nothing at all. It's as if someone, probably Gojyo, simply stripped him of his day clothes but left him his modesty. Gojyo is dressed the same, Hakkai can feel it, the fabric against his fabric and lightly brushing his thighs.

Wanting to coil together every part of them, Hakkai reaches out with his legs and relishes at the feel of skin there, Gojyo's skin, covered in soft red hair and—

Hakkai's heart stops. And. _And_. And something rough like plaster. Like…a cast.

"No…"

It was a dream. It had to have been a dream. It was a dream!

"No, no…" Hakkai chants, chilled and stiff now as he pulls from Gojyo's tender hold.

Gojyo tenses too. He knows what is wrong, knows what Hakkai has discovered but had been fooling himself into believing wasn't real. Hakkai pulls away, eyes wide with horror, and Gojyo moves in towards him to close the gap even as it is being formed. "Hakkai, it's okay. It's—"

"No!" Hakkai cries, face sheet white and body trembling. "Oh, Gojyo, what did I do?"

"Nothing! You did nothing."

Hakkai grips the sheets and throws them aside, revealing the cast on Gojyo's leg. Green. The cast is green, chosen no doubt by Gojyo's strange sense of sentiment, but it only makes Hakkai feel more ashamed to so see that color. "I…I broke your leg. I tried to…kill you. I took Banri and would have killed him too. I…I…" Hakkai is shaking so hard his words stutter together, incoherent.

"Hakkai!" Grabbing Hakkai tightly by the shoulders, Gojyo shakes his friend hard and forces the emerald eyes he loves so much to look at him and not the damage, not the scar now visible on his stomach that matches Hakkai's so eerily. "Yeah, it happened. You did this, but it wasn't really you, and you know it. I am not going to have this talk with you again, you hear me? Not again. You lost it and you did some terrible things, but you found your way back just like always. It's okay now. Everything's okay and it's going to stay that way. You didn't do anything wrong. Not you. You beat it. You really beat it this time. It's okay. It's okay."

Any other time, many others actually, Hakkai would have dissented for some time, shaking his head and crying on about how sorry he is and what a terrible monster he is. But not this time. He has to believe Gojyo or go mad, because if it were to ever happen again, he knew he wouldn't be this lucky.

Gojyo is alive. It will be okay. It will be _okay_. But Hakkai still has to ask.

"What happens, Gojyo…if I lose myself again?"

Any number of reactions could have been possible, but Hakkai did not expect the cryptic smile his lover gives him. "I don't think you have to worry about that."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I don't know how you did it, but…looks like you added some extra precautions," Gojyo says, and gestures up at Hakkai's _right_ ear.

Hakkai reaches up, hesitant, and when he closes his fingers over the ear he finds three small cuffs. Confused at first Hakkai reaches to his left, where the limiters should be, but the cuffs are there as well, just as he felt when he first woke up. Three on each ear.

Extra precautions indeed.

"I…formed them myself?"

"Yeah. Saw you do it too. You passed out and boom, almost right away your ears started glowing. When the glow went away there were six limiters and you were you again. Sanzo said he doesn't even want to think what it means, just figures it can't be bad if it helps keep you _you_."

"And…and Banri-san?"

"He's fine. Scared shitless, but barely even bruised. Bad bump on the head though. He didn't stick around."

"Then…I've been out for several days."

Gojyo shakes his head. "Not even one. It's still the same night. We took care of my leg, Banri split, brought you back here, and…that's about it. Monk and Monkey went off to talk. That is, if Mister Stick-up-his-ass can keep up. Looked like fang-boy wanted to romp."

"Fang…" Hakkai doesn't quite understand, his mind still hazy about the night's events. But then he remembers all too clearly. Seiten Taisei with Goku's voice. "They're…one now, aren't they?"

"Seems so," Gojyo admits. His eyebrows knit and the grin that had been hanging faithfully on his lips falls. "Freaks me out, to tell ya the truth. He just…doesn't seem like Goku anymore. I don't know what it is."

"It could just be the transition," Hakkai says hopefully, glad to have something else to focus on besides his own troubles and regrets, but honestly worried for Goku as well, "Has Sanzo said anything?"

Gojyo scowls. "Barely two words, the prick. Wants to fix it all himself, like he's Goku's—"

"Keeper?" Hakkai finishes with a smile. They have often called Sanzo as much.

Gojyo's scowl deepens. "Yeah. But he's not the only person who cares for Goku. What's his problem, thinking he can fix Goku all on his own?"

The replies on Hakkai's tongue fall away as he chuckles, looking at the sorry pair they make with Gojyo's cast and his six limiters.

"Yeah, yeah, I know I'm being a hypocrite," Gojyo grumbles in reply to that damn teasing chuckle, "And proudly too. Doesn't mean I'm not pissed at blondie. You I'm not worried about. I know you're going to be fine. And a leg can heal. But Goku…this is uncharted territory."

"Indeed," Hakkai agrees, "When they return, then we can pester to be of more help. Until then, I think we have some of our own things to attend to."

Gojyo takes Hakkai's words to mean something very agreeable. He grins, shifting his body closer to the healer. "Do we now, coz you know this leg of mine—"

"Will only get in the way," Hakkai interrupts, "Sit up."

As Hakkai kneels on the bed and rubs his hands together to warm them, Gojyo realizes he is going to be healed, not ravaged as he had hoped. What better way to get over a rough time than even rougher sex? But apparently Hakkai doesn't understand that point.

Gojyo sits up as told, but shifts uneasily when Hakkai leans down to begin his work.

"Hakkai, it'll heal fine on its own. You don't have to."

"Yes, I do. Besides, it'll take a couple weeks to heal on its own at least, even with your youkai blood. Now, hold still." Holding a small spark of chi at the tip of his pointer finger, Hakkai slices down the cast, cutting it as if with a saw.

Gojyo watches, always fascinated with the many ways Hakkai discovers to use his powers. The vines Gojyo can do without, he thinks, but the chi is quite a wonder. There has to be some way to make use of it in a more pleasurable sense, Gojyo is almost sure of it. Getting Hakkai to use his abilities that way, however, will surely prove difficult.

"I feel so foolish about it all, " Hakkai says, parting the cast carefully so as not to aggravate Gojyo's tender leg while removing it, "I broke down the barrier myself. Removing my limiters so often, and for so long like that…it gave Gonou new life. We never should have practiced. But don't think I blame you for that, Gojyo. Part of me…almost thinks this needed to happen for me to finally overcome him."

Gojyo doesn't reply, allowing Hakkai to speak. He hisses a little when Hakkai lifts his leg to better pull the cast away, but Hakkai sets it down again so gently that Gojyo almost thinks it is already healed. He knows better when he tries to shift it a little himself. A scolding look from Hakkai and his own yelp tell him not to do that again.

Hakkai returns to work, filling both hands this time with healing chi instead of offensive power. "This isn't Gonou's life anymore," Hakkai continues, "It's mine. And I am Cho Hakkai. You will never have to remind me of that again, my friend. I promise."

Hakkai pauses to look at Gojyo and again Gojyo knows there is nothing he needs to say.

"Gonou is angry, but I'm not anymore. What he cannot accept, I can. He didn't exactly lie to you," Hakkai says this with some hesitation, but continues quickly, "Yes, a part of me has hated Kanan for what she did. And...yes, a very small part thought I hated you for a time as well. Cho Gonou was capable of horrible things. I mourn them. I regret them. But I do not have to be haunted by them anymore. Kanan will always hold a part of Gonou's heart, but Hakkai's is yours."

Gojyo stares, his leg feeling as if it is floating as Hakkai pour in chi. Hakkai is trying not to look at him, eyes heavy with tears he doesn't want to let fall. So Gojyo reaches out, grabs Hakkai's chin, and makes those beautiful eyes look at him. Those words are all he wanted to hear, but he wants Hakkai to look at him as he says it.

"Hakkai is yours," Hakkai says again, as if he heard Gojyo's request aloud and answered it. "Gojyo, if I were to lose you as I lost her I would not seek such awful vengeance as I did then. Not again."

Gojyo almost laughs, but doesn't want to spoil the tender moment. "Can you really promise that?" he says instead, allowing the smallest of grins.

Hakkai returns the grin with the same mischievousness. "No," he says, "But it's a nice thought."

Both smiles widen, and without having to think or gauge each other, they lean in for a kiss. It is open and sweet as they nibble at each others lips. It doesn't need to be deeper, but it lasts a long time. When they pull apart, the tears that had threatened to fall now stain Hakkai's cheeks.

"Back to work now," Hakkai says, as if this is just a normal morning after a meager fight where Gojyo received a few scratches. Hakkai doesn't really think about how much easier the chi healing comes to him. This is extensive healing, repairing a freshly broken bone, and usually it would take him several treatments, but this morning, after all of his trials, it comes easily to heal Gojyo completely. Soon, Hakkai is deeply massaging the leg with chi in his fingertips and Gojyo is in a half-lull of bliss.

Hakkai dares not think that things are easier now, especially with what has happened to Goku. But it is nice to hope.

-----

Every sense in Sanzo tingles, as if he can feel the electricity of a coming storm in the hairs on his arms and in his veins. He has been walking for hours now, after getting Gojyo to a doctor and Hakkai back to the inn. Goku led him, asked Sanzo to follow him, and Sanzo did, if only to learn more of the beast made whole.

Goku allowed Sanzo to sleep, which Sanzo found very difficult, but then roused Sanzo abruptly at the crack of dawn to continue on.

Sanzo hates this. It isn't even as if they are walking together. Goku always remains ahead of him, dashing forward and up into the trees. Sanzo tried to enjoy it at first, the grace with which Goku can move, the speed, the sheer magnificence of it, but it only makes the whole thing more surreal. As if Goku isn't real at all anymore. As if he isn't Goku.

Sanzo clenches his fists as his sides. He won't stand for it. He can't. The monkey told him he would be the same, and damn the fool if he was lying or wrong! Sanzo won't lose someone again, and NOT Goku, even if he has to kill the damn beast. Sanzo of course realizes the flaws in his logic, but chooses not to think about it too much.

Finally, Goku starts to slow ahead of Sanzo, stops, turns to look back with a wicked grin, and leaps through the brush. Sanzo hurries ahead to catch him, afraid he has been left or is about to be tricked, but when he reaches the brush and parts his way through it, he steps into a clearing. Goku stands in the middle of it by the edge of a stream. Trees line the sides of the clearing, keeping it completely enclosed and there is a waterfall at one end. Many birds chirp and flutter about in the morning air, making the scene picturesque and rather reminiscent of a painting.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Goku says, not looking at Sanzo but with his head tilted back, arms wide and eyes closed to better feel the clearing in a way Sanzo is certain he could never understand.

"It's…very beautiful," Sanzo says, ever watchful of the beast. Of Goku. Of this strange combination. Everything about the look of him is Seiten Taisei, but somewhere in his eyes is Goku's light, and his voice is Goku entirely, without the strange articulation Sanzo had feared he would have once this happened. Speaking like that just wouldn't be Goku at all.

Of course, Sanzo isn't sure this is really Goku anyway.

"How did you know this place was here?" Sanzo asks, walking up next to Goku with deliberate steps.

Goku opens his eyes and looks at Sanzo, grinning toothily. "I've been here tons of times. There wasn't a town out here then. Just the nature. Things sure have changed in the world since then, but you can always count on some things to stay the same."

"I hope so." Sanzo says quietly, more to himself than as a response, but of course Goku hears it. He can hear the worms in the earth and an eagle crying miles away.

Sanzo is staring at the waterfall, thinking, when Goku comes up close to him and takes his hand. It startles Sanzo and a part of him almost wants to flinch away. He looks down at Goku, and those eyes, those eyes are the eyes he loves even if they are slit. He knows it. And there is concern there, concern for Sanzo and the troubled expression he wears.

For a moment Sanzo forgets all of his doubts completely. How can those eyes, looking at him with nothing but love, belong to anyone other than Goku? His Goku, who he has known for over seven years, and who has known him for hundreds.

"I've done this all wrong, huh?" Goku says, squeezing Sanzo's hand, but careful not to catch any skin with his claws. "That's why I wanted to bring you here. So you could see how beautiful the world is to me. For me, everywhere's like this. There isn't a place on earth I couldn't make home. As long as you're there, Sanzo. I guess I just got carried away. I didn't mean to scare you."

As Goku says this, his image quivers, and in barely a moment's time, he is Goku, truly Goku, without the long ears, or fangs, or hair down his back. The only difference from the Goku Sanzo has known for so long is that he doesn't have the limiter.

Sanzo just stares, awed, and he feels Goku grip his hand tighter now that there are no longer claws to get in the way.

"How…how did you do that?" Sanzo says.

Goku smiles and gives a shrug. "I'm just as human as I am youkai, right? It's easy. I don't have to look like that if you don't like it."

"It's that I—"

"I know. But you like this better."

Sanzo can't argue. For him Goku will always be the boy he found with wide eyes, short messy hair, and little hands that wield more power than anyone could ever guess. As much as he prefers Goku the _man_ these days, most of those things haven't changed. "So, you brought me here to make me feel better?" Sanzo asks, feeling a little indignant about anyone thinking he needs to be coddled.

"That, and I figured Gojyo and Hakkai needed some time. And…well…" Goku's grin widens again and he backs up, releasing Sanzo's hand. "I did promise to show you my powers, right?" he says.

Almost immediately, clouds begin to form overhead, dark and menacing. Sanzo feels a new grip of panic and wonders for the briefest moment if this was all some kind of elaborate trap. But then he feels very foolish, because if he just remains calm and listens very carefully, he can still hear Goku's voice as clearly as ever. And there is only love and excitement in the boy. There is more to Goku now, but Goku remains, and that is all Sanzo would ask for.

As the clouds gather, too quickly to be a natural formation, Goku steps further back from Sanzo and transforms again into his youkai appearance. He raises his hands to the sky and the storm flickers with lightening and calls out to him with thunder. The storm roars with wind and fills every corner of the sky. It is far too remarkable to be the work of any ordinary being, but Sanzo has never claimed Goku is any such thing.

Suddenly, Goku summons a bolt of lightening to hit the ground between them, and Sanzo jumps back. He bests his shock quickly and gives Goku a warning look, crossing his arms authoritatively. Powerful as Goku may be, such an expression from Sanzo still cows him immediately. The clouds dissipate, the wind stills, the thunder rolls away, and in no time the sun is shining again.

Goku smiles sheepishly, "Sorry," he says, "Just a little more?"

Sanzo isn't too sure he can handle any more displays of power, but his curiosity wins out. Goku is surely more powerful than he ever imagined.

And Goku proves it. Kneeling down in the dirt, Goku slams his hand into the ground and closes his eyes. As if drawing the very essence of earth from the dirt at his fingertips, a translucent light begins to fill Goku, like chi but thicker and clearly more powerful. After a moment, Goku opens his eyes and they seem to glow. Goku stands, turns towards one of the larger trees and hurls a ball of energy at its trunk. The tree quite nearly explodes, leaving behind splinters and shambles of its former remains.

Sanzo is preparing another nasty scowl when Goku holds up his hands, already reading Sanzo perfectly. "Wait," he says, and kneels down again. As before, he draws out energy from the earth.

This time, when he stands and sends a burst of energy at the tree, it does not destroy. No. To Sanzo's complete awe, it heals as if the tree had never been damaged. The tree is made whole again by the power of the earth, directed by Goku's own hands.

"I'm a child of the earth. I _am_ wild magic. I can use it to do…anything." Goku says, walking calmly back to Sanzo and changing more into his human form with each step. "With a little help from Hakkai, I could probably heal people even better than he does," he says with a proud smile. But then the smile falters a little and Goku looks at the ground. "I mean…I'm not really a god, Sanzo. I just have a little god in me. I couldn't…bring someone back from the dead or anything."

Sanzo doesn't have to ask why Goku feels the need to add that.

"But…I can make things better just as much as I can make them worse. I can be destructive but helpful too. I have more direction and purpose now than I ever did before the limiter. And that's because of you. No regrets for me, Sanzo. Not anymore. I'm me. Finally, really me again. But when I need to do something, I can. I'll age. I'll…die. Because I want to. I'm free, but that doesn't mean anything without you. I could keep living and then wait after you die for you to get reincarnated or something. But what if you're not? I'd rather go with you, even if we both end up having to come back down here again. Coz if that happened, I'd find you. Well, you'd probably find me, but…we'd be together. I know that. We have to be. You can't get rid of me, Sanzo."

There is desperation in Goku, and as much as Sanzo wants to soothe it, he is also pleased to find it. It banishes whatever remaining doubts Sanzo may have had. _I'll age. I'll die._ Goku could live forever if he wanted, a perfect, amazing being, but he can choose to live as a human, and he will to be with Sanzo.

The small, more rational part of Sanzo tells him not to be so selfish, to rebuke Goku and tell the boy to live on and help as many people as he can. But since when did Sanzo care about other people and being benevolent? Let people live there lives and let him live his. And his life means nothing without Goku.

"Can't get rid of you, huh?" Sanzo says, holding back a small smile, "Do you promise?"

Goku beams, and the radiance of it is stronger than ever. "Yeah. I promise, Sanzo."

"Good. Now get the hell over here and kiss me, you idiot, before I have to strangle you."

Goku just laughs and walks forward to give Sanzo what he asked for. Easy. The kiss, they both agree, is the easiest thing they have done all week.

-----

"Dealer takes one."

"Two for me."

"Alright. Call. What do you have?"

"Flush," Dokugakuji says with a grin, laying down his spades, "King high."

Kougaiji's look is serious and completely unreadable, as it has been all game, until of course he lays down his cards. Hearts, and in a nice line too, just like Doku's. "Ace high," Kougaiji says with smirk. "I do believe that beats you, friend."

"Damn!" Dokugakuji pushes his worthless cards towards the middle of the table. "Whose been teaching you, anyway? Coz it sure hasn't been my brother."

"Let's just say, "Kougaiji says, gathering the cards to shuffle for another round, "Yaone and Hakkai have more in common than you might think."

Dokugakuji gapes. Never in the many years he has known Yaone has she ever mentioned or implied she even knows how to play poker, let alone that she's a shark. He wonders what other interesting things about the apothecary Kougaiji has found out since the two became intimate. He opens his mouth to ask.

"If it isn't decent, you're not going to hear about it," Kougaiji replies, before he has even been asked the question. Friends often have a tendency to know each other better than anyone else.

Dokugakuji keeps his questions to himself. "I wasn't going to say anything," he says, "Really."

Dealing out the cards again, Kougaiji glances sharply into his friend's eyes. "I'm sure."

For a few minutes the pair sits in silence other than their poker calls and requests for cards. As the round nears its end, Kougaiji looks up and allows a bit of his poker mask to fall. "Doku?"

"Mm?"

"You really think there's nothing going on with those guys we need to worry about?"

Dokugakuji smiles and shakes his head, thinking about how tense things had gotten on occasion while he was visiting his brother and their now mutual friends. "Nah. They tend to figure things out on their own pretty well."

"No denying that," Kougaiji agrees, "One," he adds, taking a card from the deck and discarding one from his hand, "Best if we check up on things from time to time, though."

"Definitely," Dokugakuji agrees, "Call," he says, putting down his cards, "Four of a kind. Tens." This time Dokugakuji is certain he has the best of the redhead.

Kougaiji's expression remains placid. Until he puts down his cards, that is. "Jacks," he says, smirking even more prominently than before.

"Damn it!"

-----

A few corridors down from the card playing youkai, the three women of the house—at least the three females who seem to run things and have the most power in the castle—are finishing up the last few stitches on an impressive quilt.

It is finished save the gold edging Rasetsunyo decided upon. A patch for each member of the "family". A few adjustments to Lirin's initial requests had been made over time to make the quilt more suited together, but in the end there were nine patches surrounded by patches of ivory and teal.

The center was for Rasetsunyo, a dark purple, above her was a burgundy square for Kougaiji, a dark blue one to Rasetsunyo's right for Dokugakuji, pink for Yaone on Rasetsunyo's left, and a soft green for Lirin below. Between Kougaiji and Dokugakuji was an orange one for Goku, by Lirin and Dokugakuji was a red one for Gojyo, violet for Sanzo between Lirin and Yaone, and dark green for Hakkai between Yaone and Kougaiji. Lirin decided the ivory border patches could also represent the ikkou's dragon, since she didn't want him to be left out. The teal, she said, was simply pretty.

Rasetsunyo hadn't argued.

Some things had been adjusted though, like a few of the placements for the colors to go better next to each other, and a few suggestions for symbolism. Rasetsunyo just couldn't bring herself to embroider meatbuns, so instead Goku's patch sports his staff and the symbol for power. Hakkai's is bordered by green tendrils like his chi with a monocle and gentle healing hand in the center. And finally, Gojyo—although Lirin had suggested something rather unseemly that Rasetsunyo refuses to repeat—displays a youkai and human hand clasped together with hearts in each corner. Rasetsunyo said such a union had to have been built on love to bring about such a passionate young man, and the hands matched Dokugakuji's somewhat with his older hand holding that of someone younger and in need.

All in all, the quilt is perfect, all three women agreed. Yaone is pleased to have been asked to help with the final stitching.

"Looks like that does it," Rasetsunyo says with a grand smile, slipping her needle into its pin cushion and waiting for Yaone to do the same. Once the quilt was free of loose threads, the older youkai woman shook the quilt out and laid it on the floor to be perused more carefully.

Not a stitch out of place.

"Awesome!" Lirin cries happily, running her hands over the many patches, "We made a whole blanket."

In actuality, Lirin had only done a few stitches herself, still learning, but her ideas made way for much of the quilt, and the older women were happy to give Lirin the satisfaction she so desired.

"Yes, my dear, you did wonderful," Rasetsunyo says, "I'm sure all of the boys will be most impressed."

Lirin beams. She can't wait to show Sanzo and the others what they made.

"I believe Kougaiji and Doku-san are still playing poker," Yaone says, standing upright again, "But I'm sure some snacks will rouse them for a few minutes so we can show them our work. Shall I make something, Lirin?"

There is never much need to ask Lirin so silly a question, same as Goku, but seeing the girl jump up in delight always gives Yaone a sense of accomplishment. "Can we have meatbuns!?" Lirin pleads, "Ya know, since they didn't make it onto the quilt?"

Yaone giggles behind her hand. "I'll make plenty. I've been so hungry myself lately. Can't imagine why," she adds with a shrug, and then smiles warmly at the other women before leaving the room to whip up the snack.

After Yaone has gone, Lirin notices that Rasetsunyo is chuckling to herself. Not one to be left out of a joke, or anything for that matter, Lirin puts on a pout and bounces over to her step-mother. "What's so funny, Ra-mama?" she says.

"Oh…nothing, dear." And Rasetsunyo's tone is filled with the usual presence of "You don't need to know" that Lirin has grown so accustomed to. On occasion, Lirin can coax the real truth from her brother, and more easily Yaone, but Rasetsunyo has proven to be an honest steal trap. It really gets on Lirin's nerves.

And really, what could possibly be funny about being hungry?

-----

Boring. All of the excitement of the journey lately had been poured into the night before, and now things are simply boring. Kanzeon would admit readily that she has a short attention span and needs constant excitement, which is why the Sanzo-ikkou is always such a joy to spy on. Now, though, things are going well again. Perfectly well. Little to no drama. They make up quicker than they used to and don't pout and sulk and brood nearly at all, even when things go horribly wrong. It's as if the boys are finally growing up.

500 years later.

Kanzeon laughs to herself, flipping through an earth magazine someone brought back from the world below. It doesn't have a single article about sex though. And it calls itself cutting edge. Really.

Sex. That's another thing Kanzeon misses. But she is certain the boys will get back to that soon enough. Oh, what Konzen would think if he knew how much she really was keeping her eyes on them. He'd turn over in his grave. If he wasn't currently setting up shop in a sharp-tongued monk. If she ever got the chance to speak to _Konzen_ again, she'd have to tell him how much she preferred him as a monk. He did look so much better in black, after all.

Flipping through the magazine a bit more, Kanzeon nearly falls asleep, sensing that Kenren and Tenpou's reincarnations have opted for dozing in each others arms rather than a morning quickie, and Konzen and the little heretic made whole are walking blissfully back into town with nothing in their hearts or on their minds but bliss.

Entirely boring. Not that Kanzeon isn't…happy for them. But since she knows everything, she knows that this bliss is not destined to last for very long, at least not without some interruptions along the way. It is still quite a distance to the East and the dastardly group has several surprised ahead of them.

Including one that immediately prompts Kanzeon's nose out of her magazine.

"My lady?" Jiroshin begins, walking up beside his mistress's throne and bowing low.

"Not now, Jiroshin," Kanzeon says with a dismissive hand. She closes her eyes, and doesn't have to turn her head to know who is approaching her throne room. With a grin, she opens her eyes again and returns to the pages of her magazine.

Jiroshin, never finding himself in a position to actually understand his mistress, stares at her in confusion. Granted, he doesn't have anything really important to report, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to be prudent about doing his—

Jiroshin's thoughts stop mid-rant as he lifts his eyes from Kanzeon's throne. He certainly didn't expect to look up and see _him_ walking towards them. Not now. Not ever. He didn't think the day would ever come, but suddenly there he was. Moving. Walking. Awake.

"Sleep well, dear?" Kanzeon asks, without looking up from the pages of her magazine. She flips idly to another page as the approaching figure reaches her.

"Yes. It's enough now."

Kanzeon nods, still staring at superfluous words and images. "I thought last night might finally be enough to rouse you. He's even more whole than when you knew him now."

"I know. I have to see him."

"You have my permission to leave Heaven. But do be careful."

Jiroshin can only stare as the figure nods and Kanzeon just keeps sitting their reading. A moment later the figure is moving again, right past him and Kanzeon to leave the palace, leave Heaven, and enter the world below for the first time in centuries.

As always, he cannot even begin to guess what Kanzeon is thinking.

Flipping the page yet again, Kanzeon smiles to herself and calls nonchalantly after the figure as he leaves her quarters. "Have a good time," she says, "Nataku."

tbc...

A/N: This time there is really nothing I can say but that LIFE once again got in the way. What with planning a wedding, finding a job (which I love) and an apartment (which I also love), and just dealing with all the things happening during a summer that is not the summers of old where you don't have to think about being an adult, well...I honestly didn't have the time. When I did have time, I devoted it to my screenplay which now has an AGENT and may actually be ready for selling. Pray for me my friends that you may see my work on the big screen, with a big budget, and yaoi in the storyline. Brokeback Mountain paved the way for us and we must not let the fangirls down.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed and that you are still out there. This story has quite a bit left and I plan to continue it until the end. Til then, my dears.

Crim


	16. Enter the Rival

Enter the Rival

* * *

It is later in the morning, late enough that Hakkai feels a little guilty for dozing. He starts to stir, arching his back to stretch, and rolls over closer to Gojyo's side of the bed.

Gojyo. If it really is Gojyo's side then the hanyou should be there.

Hakkai sits up in a panic. Gojyo. Gojyo is gone. Hands fly to Hakkai's ears, seeking his limiters. He finds them all, cool and safely in place, but his panic does not subside. He is still disoriented from recent events and doesn't know whether or not he can trust his memories. The very thought that all of the horrors happened but not the joy, the joy that Gojyo is alive and well and still very much in love with him, is more than Hakkai could bear.

Trying to calm himself, Hakkai takes a few deep breaths and throws the covers aside to get out of bed. Just as his feet hit the floor the door opens. Panic rises in Hakkai again, but the welcome sight of Gojyo banishes all remaining reservations. Gojyo. Gojyo more than alive and well but completely healed and walking on two legs. Hakkai can handle the horrors being real as long as the good things are real too.

Hakkai smiles at Gojyo and stands, ready to embrace his companion, but the somber expression on Gojyo's face stops him in his tracks. "Gojyo…what is it?" Hakkai says.

Hovering by the door, Gojyo casts his eyes down. His voice is soft and filled with remorse Hakkai does not want to hear. "I can't find him," Gojyo says, "I'm sorry, Hakkai. I've looked everywhere."

It takes several silent moments before Hakkai understands what Gojyo is talking about. A hand reaches to clutch at his chest. "Hakuryuu."

-----

Nearing town, Sanzo and Goku have returned to one of the welcome forest paths instead of parting and sidestepping brush. Sanzo is thankful for this, and for the presence of Goku beside him. He prefers the monkey to be with him, not bounding ahead of him like some true monkey dancing through the trees. Now that they have talked and put aside their fears and doubts, Goku knows better how to act and so does Sanzo.

Nothing has to change. Goku is powerful. Sanzo is as well. The only difference now is that Sanzo never has to wonder if his power and Goku's will be put to a test against each other. That change is a welcome one.

The town can be seen in the distance and Sanzo is eager to be back. Of course, he isn't worried about those other idiots. He just wants to make sure he won't have to kill either of them in the near future. It is an entirely selfish concern, and if anyone questions him on it he'll shoot them. Yes, Sanzo may call Gojyo and Hakkai friends, but he has to hang on to a little of his bastardly nature.

"Damn."

Sanzo looks down at Goku, wondering what the monkey is grumbling about. "What's with you?" he says.

Goku is staring down at the cuffs of his cut-off jeans, jeans that now only just cover his knees. They were always short, but now they look plain ridiculous. "I need new pants. New clothes," Goku says, and he pulls at his shirt as if to say it too is becoming tight lately.

"It's your fault for growing," Sanzo says with a snort. There is no doubt Goku speaks the truth. His outfit, one that had seemed so fitting when they purchased new clothing after the battle with Homura, is far too small for him now.

Goku tugs a little more at his shirt before giving Sanzo a glare. "Yeah, gonna blame me for aging too, or would you rather sleep with someone who looks like a kid for the next fifty years."

The instinct in Sanzo is too laugh, or at least bop the boy on the head for being so cheeky. But when Sanzo takes the time to think about what Goku just said it makes his steps falter. In fact, he stops completely.

Goku stops a few steps later and turns to look back, questioning.

"Fifty years," Sanzo repeats. It is impossible to tell whether or not Sanzo likes the sound of that or finds it terrifying. Finally, the monk scoffs and continues walking right on past his faithful companion. "Don't make it sound like we're married, monkey," He says over his shoulder.

Some people might take this jibe as a bad sign, but Goku knows Sanzo too well to be fooled. He can hear the monk as well as Sanzo can hear him after all, and Sanzo is far from scared. Just…a little anxious about actually having things work out for a change.

So Goku knows better than to take Sanzo's words at face value.

"Whatever, Sanzo," he says.

And because Goku has read Sanzo perfectly, and replied with an equally ambivalent jibe, Sanzo reaches over to rustle the boy's hair in his usual form of open affection. "We'll get Hakkai to go shopping later today. He'll probably welcome the distraction. Besides, I think we could all use some new clothes."

Goku gives Sanzo a look as if to say, "Even you?"

Of course, Sanzo hears those words as if they had indeed been spoken aloud. "Why not me? I won't be wearing these robes forever. And I certainly don't want to have to borrow Hakkai or Gojyo's clothing like I did before the fight with Kami-sama. I'll need…normal clothing. What?"

Goku is grinning up at Sanzo. "Nothing, just imagining you in leather pants and a cropped tank top. Mmm…" Goku's grin turns predatory and he gives Sanzo a wink.

"Knock it off," Sanzo growls, bopping Goku on the head with a little more force than usual, "You're creeping me out."

The only reply Goku can think of is to laugh, so he does, heartily and without reservation. He knows Sanzo will understand and hopefully not bop him like that again. Invulnerable monkey that he is, Sanzo's whacks still pack a punch.

Sanzo does allow the laugh, but walks a little faster, making Goku scramble to keep up while laughing. Goku has almost gotten in step with Sanzo again when he suddenly stops.

The cease of laughter and feeling that Goku is no longer right behind him alerts Sanzo immediately. He turns back. Goku is stopped dead, looking down the path they came from like an alerted animal. "What is it?" Sanzo says.

Goku remains still for some time, looking intently, but finally turns back with a shrug. "I…I don't know. I guess it's nothing," he says, "I'm sure it's nothing."

"Not keeping secrets again," Sanzo prompts, eyes quickly narrowed and watching Goku closely as the monkey steps back in line with him.

"No," Goku says honestly, and he casts another glance down the path, "I just…thought I saw something."

-----

"Hakuryuu!" Hakkai calls again. How many times has he called now? He doubts he could keep track if he tried.

He and Gojyo have long since split up to cover more ground and find the little dragon, but Hakkai is not having any luck. He knows deep down that Gojyo isn't faring any better either. If Hakuryuu doesn't want to be found, he won't be.

"Hakuryuu! Hakuryuu!" Hakkai's voice is sore from yelling. He is in an alleyway, one that had looked so promising with trash bins of food, the cool temperature and cover from the sun. It doesn't seem so promising anymore. Hakkai goes to a crate against the wall and sits down.

Fresh tears rise in his eyes—they have been coming so easily lately. Hakkai once thought he had cried all the tears he would ever shed when Kanan died, but he has been proven wrong again and again. There are new reasons to cry, new attachments in his life that have opened him up to emotions he once sought to close off. It is easy to summon tears over Hakuryuu, even if Hakkai does manage rather valiantly to keep them from truly falling.

"I understand, my friend," Hakkai says, staring down at the narrow, dirty path of the alleyway, "Why would you stay with a master who treats you horribly. I struck out at you, my constant and true companion. Why should I expect you to forgive me as Gojyo does? I do not even deserve it from him…"

"You think sulking and spouting bullshit's gonna make him come back?"

Hakkai starts. He feels instantly ashamed as he looks at Gojyo, who has come from around the corner with arms tightly crossed and red eyes blazing. "Gojyo, I…I was just…"

"Yeah," Gojyo says stiffly.

How can Hakkai blame him? Here they are again, where they seem to end up so often, with Hakkai hating himself over things he had little to no control over, and Gojyo standing their beyond frustrated because the love of his life just will not accept how wonderful he is in Gojyo's eyes.

It is a story many lovers live again and again, and in the worst cases it can tear those lovers apart. They cannot allow such a travesty to happen. Hakkai will not allow it.

"I'm sorry, Gojyo." Hakkai says, and he knows that too is something Gojyo does not want to hear because he has had to hear it so many times. Hakkai gives a great sigh, even angrier with himself now. "Forgiving myself will never come easily," he says.

Gojyo knows he could hold out and continue being aloof, but that would be far too much like something Sanzo would do. Instead, Gojyo drops his arms and his defensiveness. He pulls over another crate and sits next to Hakkai. "I know. I know this will never be easy. But you have to trust that sometimes life will give you what you deserve. And you deserve to be happy. We both do." Gojyo brushes his fingers along Hakkai's right ear, feeling the new limiters lovingly. "I know you're getting yourself down again because of Jiipu. But he'll turn up. He knows we need him."

A small part of Hakkai wants to shrug away from Gojyo's affection since it is being directed at something Hakkai hates about himself—the need to be limited—but he knows to see it as Gojyo means it. Lovingly. "Perhaps," Hakkai says. He wants to be hopeful, but at this rate, he doubts he will ever see his dragon friend again.

"Perhaps?"

This time it is Hakkai and Gojyo both who look down the alley and see that they have been discovered. A certain pissy monk and jubilant monkey seem to have found them.

Gojyo bets that Goku sniffed them out or something, which he might in some ways consider a good thing but in other ways considers scary as hell. It is while thinking this that Gojyo really looks at Goku beside Sanzo and notices the change.

Goku. It's Goku, unlimited but…human-looking. Feeling Hakkai unconsciously grip his hand tightly tells Gojyo that his lover just noticed this too.

"I am not walking back to Chang'an," Sanzo says with authority, "We're finding the parrot."

Sanzo's determination is welcome, but Hakkai is not as optimistic. He finds his voice despite needing time to digest this new Goku. "I…I don't know how we can," he says.

Gojyo guesses what the monkey is going to say before Goku even speaks.

"I can."

-----

Walking back into the surrounding forests, Sanzo and the others are reminded of their fight in Houtou Castle when Goku followed his nose to the sutras. The only thing keeping Gojyo from making cracks about this is Hakkai's worried expression. Hakuryuu means far more to the healer than just a pet or vehicle. Hakuryuu means more to all of them than just that.

The good thing so far is that Hakkai and Gojyo know they no longer have to worry about Goku, the awakened being. He seems entirely himself, if a little more focused and talented in his beastly ways. The lack of a limiter only makes his human form seem all the more fitting and right.

But the search for Hakuryuu has their spirits low even if Goku's talented nose manages to track the dragon down. There is no guarantee Hakuryuu will agree to return to them if they find him.

"I was out here with Sanzo before," Goku says, leading the way through the trees, "Should have sensed him right away, but I wasn't thinking about it. I feel bad we forgot about him."

"I think he'll forgive us since we were bringing his master back to his senses," Sanzo grumbles. In his mind there is no refusing to come back for Hakuryuu. They need transportation and Jiipu is it, whether he likes it or not.

Hakkai's steps slow and he falls behind the others. "How can he call me master after this? After how I treated him."

"Hakkai…" Gojyo has no more words than that. He has said his piece. Many times. The only thing left is for Hakkai to come to his senses and realize that he can forgive himself. Of course, if Hakuryuu refuses to return to them, Gojyo doubts Hakkai will be doing that any time soon.

"There!" Goku shouts, pointing up into one of the nearby trees, "Hakuryuu!" Goku runs ahead, shouting joyfully. At first the others cannot see any signs that the dragon is indeed nesting somewhere in the branches of that tree, but soon there is a flutter of white they know well. Hakuryuu swoops out of the tree and down to Goku, apparently very pleased to see the monkey.

The others hang back, not wanting to spook Hakuryuu or disrupt this pleasant exchange. At least Hakuryuu didn't make a run for it when he saw them.

Hakuryuu perches on Goku's shoulder as he so often perched on Hakkai and the two seem to talk for some time. Up until now, there has been no signs that anyone other than Hakkai in some strange sense can understand the dragon. Goku speaks with full confidence that everything said between them will be perfectly understood.

At one point Goku gestures over to Hakkai and his extra limiters, having explained the whole ordeal of getting Hakkai back. "Yeah, I know, pretty crazy, huh?" he says, and Hakuryuu nods his long neck in reply.

"Since when do you speak parrot?" Sanzo says, quite annoyed with the whole thing.

Goku just shrugs.

"Hakuryuu…?"

Hakkai is hesitant and takes cautious steps closer to the two animals of their group. Hakuryuu is equally hesitant and timid in regards to Hakkai despite hearing Goku's story. This only sinks Hakkai's heart lower into the pit of his stomach. He thinks he might be sick. Tears sting the corners of his eyes and it is a wonder they don't fall.

"Hakuryuu, my friend," he says, "I can never earn your forgiveness. I attacked everyone I care about, willingly and knowing what I was doing, even if the others will say it wasn't really me. With you I am most regretful, because I acted out against you when you could not possibly defend yourself as the others could. Please, I…I'm so…sorry."

Hakkai cannot even bring himself to look at his pet, so he does not notice when the dragon leaves Goku's shoulders and flies over to him. Hakuryuu does not touch down at first but remains hovering above Hakkai, carefully sniffing and testing the air. Whatever it is he finds in his instinctive ways, he gives a sudden kyuu of delight and finally floats himself down to Hakkai's shoulder.

It is Hakuryuu's call that alerts Hakkai first, but when he feels those familiar talons gently perching on his scarf, two tears that had been threatening to fall stream down his face in release. Hakuryuu nuzzles Hakkai's neck and Hakkai reaches up to pet the dragon on the head. It is too easy, Hakkai thinks, because he does not deserve such ready forgiveness. But then he thinks of his friends, of all of them, and the many things they have had to forgive each other for, and he thinks perhaps he understands why he can get up in the morning and still look himself in the mirror.

Regret, remorse, anger and hatred at oneself, it means so very little when you are loved.

"Thank you, my friend," Hakkai says, stroking Hakuryuu's neck, "Will you continue to carry us on our journey?"

Hakuryuu kyuus a clear yes in response and everyone sighs relief. Entertaining ideas of other ways for them to travel is not something Sanzo wants to repeat.

Hakkai casts Sanzo a knowing smile, as if the healer just read the monk's mind.

"About time things were going our way," Sanzo scoffs.

One by one the group begins to head back the way they had come, allowing Hakkai to linger and speak with Hakuryuu a bit more. Hakkai follows soon behind them though, for they are all eager to leave this town and continue on the journey. They can only hope things will be easier from here. They know that is more than they can ask for, because surely the more towns they come to the more likely there will be unrest in one of them concerning the return of the youkai. They will need to be ready for that.

Following the same paths they have traveled before, Goku feels even more reminiscent of these woods. H can remember frolicking here when he was younger, a free spirit of the earth meant only to live and inspire others to live better. Now he can go beyond that—live, inspire, and be inspired too. Sanzo has made sure of that.

Although he had been distracted by his straying thoughts, Goku still feels it, whatever it is. He stops. His friends pass him, not realizing he has been alerted to something. Even Hakkai walks past him with little thought, still chattering away to Hakuryuu about how well the dragon will be treated from now on, though he will not be spoiled of course, because that never helps anyone.

Realizing he will be left if he doesn't pick up the pace, Goku continues after his friends, but he cannot seem to shake the feel that something is wrong. He senses a presence, of that he is sure, but he cannot pinpoint it or be certain it is anything more threatening to them than a bear. Goku is more attuned to things like that now, but he needs to re-hone his skills. He would hate to call to his friends and make them worry only to have the presence be a flock of bunnies.

"I'm just saying," Goku hears from Gojyo as he catches up to them, "You know we love you, Jiipu, you're just not comfortable. If only you could turn into a mattress…"

"Gojyo, don't get any ideas," Hakkai reprimands. Hakuryuu kyuus in angry agreement. He doesn't like being called uncomfortable.

Goku chuckles to himself, thinking how funny it is that the great dragon king of the west wants to be thought as comfortable.

"Oi, Hakkai."

"Yes, Sanzo?"

"Mind stopping in town before we leave? Goku's about to bust out of his jeans these days." Sanzo turns to Gojyo quickly, "Shut up,"

"I didn't say anything," Gojyo says with far too much innocence. Sanzo is certain he hears a mumbled, "I'll bet he's busting out of his pants," afterwards though. He really wishes shooting a few rounds at the kappa was still acceptable.

"I don't mind doing a little shopping, Sanzo," says Hakkai, returned almost fully to his usual self now with extra limiters secure and Hakuryuu on his shoulder, "It's about time for all of us, I suppose. Even you." Hakkai looks over at Sanzo with a warm grin.

Damn Hakkai's near perfect mind reading. "Yeah. Even me," Sanzo grumbles, "Why is that so fascinating to everyone?"

Gojyo and Hakkai share a laugh. They can't help it. The idea of Sanzo trying to live as something other than a monk is too funny to imagine. The first thought in Gojyo's mind is Sanzo in an apron at some restaurant like mother Meiyuu. Hakkai, however, imagines Sanzo as an elementary school teacher like in the dreamworld. Both ideas are beyond humorous.

When two of the four are laughing like idiots, it is reasonable to assume that the third idiot will join in. Sanzo turns back to look at Goku with a scowl, sure he will find Goku in stitches. He is surprised when he finds nothing of the sort. Goku is keeping in step with them, but is clearly in his own mind, walking blindly with constant looks behind them.

"Goku…"

"Finally!" Gojyo exclaims, "Last clearing until town. Damn that was a walk you put us through, Jiipu. You couldn't have been in that nice alleyway we found?"

Hakuryuu kyuus in disdain as if the very thought of him choosing an alleyway over Mother Nature is deplorable. Sometimes the dragon really does seem to have some sort of superiority complex, at least as far as Gojyo is concerned.

The group steps into the clearing, Hakkai and Gojyo leading the way now with Sanzo lingering back with Goku.

Much as he proclaims the opposite, Sanzo does not like a silent monkey. "Goku, what is it? And don't say nothing because I know better."

Goku looks up, having just recently looked behind them again. His brow knits and it is clear he does not know how to answer Sanzo. "But it is nothing. That's what I don't get. It's like it's moving too fast, or…I don't know. Has a shield or something. Or maybe it's just some wild dog or a mountain lion for all I know. I can't…I can't figure it out."

Goku is rarely this perplexed. His nose is foolproof and his otherworldly sense is even better. If Goku senses something then something is there.

Sanzo looks ahead at the others who have now also stopped, looking back at them in concern. "Come on," Sanzo says, pushing forward until he has all three of his companions at his back, "We're leaving. We're getting out of here and back on the road. Period. I swear to the gods, _nothing_ is going to keep us from—"

"Sanzo, look out!" Goku's calls, and almost too late. It is a wonder Sanzo's reflexes are as good as they are. The monk jumps back, missing the impact of a blade by inches.

The others take defensive stances instantly, summoning weapons and readying chi. Goku's nyoibou glows with power now, as if Hakkai infused it with his abilities too. But this power is entirely Goku's, burrowed straight from the earth.

Sanzo jumps back again, again missing the blade that strikes too fast for any of them to see who wields it.

"What the hell is it!?" Gojyo calls, sending out his shakujou to strike the last spot he saw the sword come from, already knowing it will strike nothing.

"It's a god!" Goku calls, sure at first, but then his face contorts and he shakes his head, "Or…something like a god."

"Goku!" Sanzo shouts, finally finding good footing again and taking out his Smith and Wesson. Oh how he has missed using it with real intention.

"I'm sorry, Sanzo!" Goku calls back, "I don't…I don't know. It feels…familiar…"

Sanzo does not like the sound of that. What if it's the god that first took Goku to Heaven, the one that placed the limiter on his head, and now the bastard wants to do it again? If that is the case, then he'll have to go through Sanzo, because Sanzo is not giving Goku up again.

"There!" Hakkai yells, shooting a blast of chi into the branches of tree on the edge of the clearing. It shatters the bark but does not bring down any signs of a god.

"No, there!" says Gojyo, sending shakujou towards a different tree and coming up equally empty.

In turn, Sanzo shoots at the other end of the clearing entirely. None of them hit anything. They are out of practice in fighting gods. They are out of practice in having a real enemy.

Watching as his friends shoot and release their weapons in seemingly haphazard patters, Goku alone stays still. He holds his empowered nyoibou close, standing in the very center of the clearing. He closes his eyes, thinking calm and clear as he calls upon the very nuances of feeling in the Earth. Even speed cannot lie to the Earth; she always knows who treads upon her.

"There," Goku says, too quietly for any of his companions to hear. He swings nyoibou around, calls on it to extend, and slams it into the invisible enemy's chest.

The god, or almost-god, stumbles but does not fall. He is not so invisible anymore, but he does not try to run or return to his previous speed. He readies himself before the group, eyeing them all with disdain as they gather before him. Only to Goku does he cast a kind eye, and even in that the kindness is sharp.

Goku understands now why he couldn't zero in on the presence following them. His mind had been trained to forget everything about this…half-god…for hundreds of years. Now, however, Goku remembers everything.

"Nataku…"

"You will go no further…Goku," Nataku says.

Goku starts. He had only just told Nataku his name the day…the day everything ended. He has never heard his once-friend say it before.

The others can only stare. They do not remember Nataku. They are not allowed to remember. They do not realize, as Goku does, how Nataku, though healed from the last wounds he bore, looks just as he did all those years ago. While Goku has aged and become a man, Nataku still looks like a young teenager. Now, tt is Goku who stands taller.

"You do not have Heaven's permission to give up your immortality, Seiten Taisei Son Goku," Nataku says, reciting Goku's full name and title now, "I cannot allow it."

Goku starts again. It was easy to become mortal. He had been mortal all those years he lived with Sanzo and aged along their journey. Becoming whole again gave him his immortality, but he gave it back. Goku does not want to lose his friends again.

"Like hell you can't allow it," comes a growl. Goku does not have to take his eyes from Nataku to know Sanzo has spoken on his behalf.

Nataku looks at Sanzo, his disdain renewed, and repeats, "I cannot allow it. It is wrong for him to live as a mortal." Nataku gives Goku a warning glance before raising his sword. "Even if I have to kill these former gods to prove it."

As fast as he had moved before, Nataku charges forward…at Sanzo.

tbc...

A/N: Sorry this is short. I'm tired. Goodnight. Next gets even more interesting, I can assure you. What does Nataku really want? You may not guess right.

Crim


	17. How Quickly the Tides Turn

How Quickly the Tides Turn

* * *

Sanzo is not fast enough, not to match the great speed of a being so like a god when the monk has not even battled untrained youkai in weeks. He cannot possibly raise his gun in time to defend himself, but there is no need. Before he can even begin to counter, there is the blur of brown and orange in front of him as Goku, transformer instantly in the form of Seiten Taisei, steps between Sanzo and Nataku to defend his lover from an old friend.

"You will touch none of them," Goku says, and in his voice is some of what Sanzo heard from the more intellectual Seiten Taisei who Sanzo once believed could never be Goku, "What do you want, Nataku? Why are you doing this?"

At first Nataku seems transfixed by the change in Goku, how swiftly it came and how complete the transformation is. Goku as Seiten Taisei is magnificent. But Nataku blinks and he is back to his senses. "Why? You ask why? You are awakened. You are free and remember everything of yourself and your life before this one. And not once did you think…to come for me." There is something of a petulant child in those words, but true pain and betrayal as well.

Goku's wild eyes and fanged mouth twist into the form of sympathy. "Nataku…I thought you were dead," he explains, "I didn't think there was anything in Heaven to go back for. Konzen and the others are here. I didn't know to come for you."

This admission gives Nataku pause, and he almost seems about to lower his sword when he suddenly steadies it again. "Perhaps. But that doesn't change where we stand now. You cannot give up your immortality. Heaven forbids it. I forbid it. I will leave these men be only if you swear to retain your immortality…and come with me."

Sanzo feels a growl building at the back of his throat. Like hell is Goku going to agree to any of that. "Listen, you little brat—" he starts, moving to come around Goku and face Nataku head on.

But Goku holds him back, and the gesture is so finite that Sanzo knows it would be dangerous to disobey Goku's silent command.

Watching this strange scene unfold, Hakkai and Gojyo can think of nothing more to do than stand on either end of the group, weapons ready, yes, but with no real idea how they could use them to help the situation. It seems there are still many things Goku has yet to explain to them fully.

"Nataku," Goku says, "I will not return to Heaven. Ever. This is my home now. And I will age, and I will die, because I would rather end up in the human Heaven with my human friends than live forever without them. That doesn't mean I don't still…care for you."

The feeling behind the word 'care' is stronger than Sanzo would like it, but he says nothing.

"Wait, what about you?" Goku says suddenly, finding an excitement in his voice that is much more like the Goku that Sanzo understands, "Aren't you like Homura? Half god? You'll die someday too. Why not…why not stay here with us, on Earth. Then when our times come they come, and we can—"

"No, Goku," Nataku cuts in, angry and bitter sounding despite his apparent young age. The grip on his sword tightens so much that his pale skin grows bone white around his hands, "I am not like Homura, who came after me. He was born from a god lying with a human. But I am a different sin. My father…_made_ me. And I will be immortal always. Would you condemn me to that _alone_?"

This is a lover's quarrel Sanzo does not want to hear. Oh, he knows that couldn't really be the case. Goku was a child when Sanzo found him, and that would have been his form in Heaven too—a child. Likewise, this Nataku looks fifteen at most.

Strong emotion lies behind the boy's words, however, and Sanzo understands that these are not idle threats. It is Goku who, while remaining tense and alert, does not seem to see the danger this Nataku may pose. Goku is too preoccupied with what Nataku is saying to worry over possible outcomes.

"Li Touten…_made_ you?" Goku questions. It is a conversation Goku's friends cannot possibly follow, because they do not remember these names or situations, but still, they know to worry and wonder.

At last, Nataku lowers his sword, but the threat he poses remains like a current ebbing from his body. "An experiment. A doll, a toy. A _tool_," Nataku says, and as he speaks he begins to undo his robes until they fall from his shoulders and hang about his waist as Sanzo so often wears his.

It is surreal. Nataku's face, so like a real boy's, could not betray the truth presented before the Sanzo party. Beneath Nataku's robes is not the body of a boy, but indeed a doll, put together piece by piece with the joints visible at Nataku's elbows, shoulders, neck, and torso. They can only imagine that the same is true for his lower half.

A living, breathing doll made to be a god.

"You see, Goku," Nataku says, spreading his arms to be sure Goku sees and understands, his sword hanging for the moment unthreateningly in one hand, "There is no human Heaven for me, and there never can be. I don't belong anywhere, not really in Heaven either, but more there than here, because at least Heaven is where I was made. The closest thing to home I could ever have. And don't you see, Goku? You, something not quite human, or demon, or god, you don't belong anywhere either. That's why it has to be us. That's why you have to come with me. I've been waiting for you for so long. In Heaven, together, we can—"

"No," Goku says, and again the severity is striking, older than Goku usually seems, but fitting for how old the earth child really is, "Maybe we have more in common than I ever could have guessed, and you know how sorry I am that your father used you for so long, even to get to me. But I don't want to have to choose between you and my life here. I hate that you're making me. Because I'm sorry, Nataku, but if you want me to make a choice…" Goku pauses just long enough to look at each of his other friends, lingering understandably on Sanzo the longest, "My choice will always be them."

Darkness crosses Nataku's face instantly and his sword is once again raised and at the ready. "I was your friend. What were they? In Heaven they were nothing but arrogant gods, your keepers. If you think you can choose them over me then…then you leave me with only one option." Nataku gives a nod of his head, as if to challenge Goku to fight head on.

Goku takes it as just that and in turn readies his staff, which retains that unearthly glow.

But something is wrong, Sanzo can feel it. Something in the air, in that god-child's chi, something. He can't be sure what, but he knows it will be a mistake if Goku and this Nataku fight.

"Goku…" Sanzo begins in warning, but he is already too late. These are not humans or simple youkai waging battle, these are beings unlike any others alive. They move so quickly it is as if they blink out of existence and are suddenly met. They strike, Nataku with his sword and Goku with his staff, and the force as the weapons hit each other in timing so perfect it seems planned is awesome, giving way to a burst of bright light.

Instinctively, Sanzo shields his eyes, and can see not too far from him on either side that Hakkai and Gojyo have been forced to do the same. The three of them gradually lower their arms and look to the spot where Nataku and Goku had met. Goku is standing there looking strangely confused, his nyoibou dismissed. And Nataku is there as well, but there is no confusion on his face. Only triumph.

A panic grips Sanzo as he stares at Goku in all his full glory, but with the look of a very frightened and lost…child.

"What…happened?" Goku says, and his voice too sounds younger than it should. Goku looks up at Nataku and his head tilts to the side in wonder. "Nataku? You're here? You're…okay?" There is excitement in Goku's voice then, as honest and pure as he could ever sound. He runs forward with all his preternatural speed and hugs Nataku tight.

Sanzo and the others gape. What is happening? What changed in that flash that could leave Goku as if he were another person? As if he were…a younger version of himself, one that remembers Nataku as if he saw him and was his friend only yesterday.

"Nataku, I'm so glad you're okay," Goku says, still with his arms around Nataku even as he pulls back to look his friend in the face. He gives a start then because he has to look just slightly down to meet Nataku's eyes. "Why are you so short?"

"Nevermind, Goku. It's okay," says Nataku, sounding calm. Too calm. "Everything's okay now."

"Like hell it is!" Sanzo bellows. He may not know what is going on, but he is not about to let it continue. He aims his gun right between Nataku's eyes and stalks forward, not caring that there is a good chance his bullets would only fade into the rippled force field of the gods. "What did you do to him?" he demands.

Goku turns back to look at Sanzo first and his slit gold eyes widen in curious wonder. But before the heretic can speak, Nataku steps forward, blocking Goku from Sanzo's path should the monk try and pull Goku away from him. "I don't know what you mean," Nataku says, in a way that admits he is lying openly but can still fool the simple mind of a young Goku, "Goku was confused. He's better now."

"Better?" comes an angry bark, this time from Gojyo, who also keeps his weapon ready to be flung in Nataku's direction, "You better be joking, kid, or this better be a prank. What did you do to our monkey?"

"Konzen? Kenren?" a small voice sounds amongst the angry tension and yells. Those same slit gold eyes blink innocently at all gathered. Goku finds Hakkai in the crowd as well, and says with the same wonder, "Tenpou? Why do you all look so strange?"

Goku had stepped forward, closer to Sanzo and the others, but again Nataku comes around to stand in front, keeping Goku guarded behind him. "They don't look strange. They're trying to trick you," he says, "But trust me, Goku, these men are not the ones you know in Heaven."

"By the gods," Hakkai says in a breathless, angry whisper, "He's taken Goku's mind back to the time he was in Heaven. He…" Hakkai glances briefly, painfully at Gojyo and Sanzo, "He doesn't know us. Goku…" Hakkai tries to move forward, beseeching, but Goku is even more confused now with the men before him looking so much but not quite like the men he knows as friends. And there is Nataku's warning too.

Goku shakes his head. "They're trying…to trick me?" he says, looking to Nataku for confirmation.

Nataku smiles, "Yes, Goku. Don't believe them. They want to keep me from taking you home to Heaven. Don't you want to go back…so we can play again?"

"No!" It is Sanzo who calls out because this is going so horribly wrong and he feels the weight of it. Goku is so close and yet still out of reach. If only he could get to him. "Goku, look at me. It's me. _Me_. You know me. Konzen or the man I am now, we're the same. I know you know it. You feel it. You can't go with him."

Panic races across Goku's face and his eyes quiver. It is surreal to see the form of Seiten Taisei looking so childlike and afraid. "But…Konzen…Heaven is where we live."

"No. No, Goku, this is our home," Says Hakkai, trying to smile in his customary comforting way. He reaches out a hand towards Goku, the only of the three without an obvious weapon. "He's the one who is confusing you. He did something to you to make you forget, but your life is here, with us. Just look at your hands," he adds, pointing to the great claws of Seiten Taisei, "You're no longer bound by your limiter. How can that be?"

Goku stares down at his hands, surprised to find claws, and is tentative as he reaches up with them and finds no crown upon his head.

"Yeah, this crazy brat's the one doing the tricking, Goku," Gojyo joins in, "You know us. Don't listen to this twerp."

The confusion is so great now that Goku begins to back away from Nataku as well. "I…I don't understand…"

"No, Goku, listen," says Nataku, reaching out quickly to grab Goku by the wrist and keep him still, "They're lying. You know why your limiter is gone. It broke when you saw me stab myself, remember? I'm sorry, Goku. I'm sorry I made you worry, but I was scared and I didn't know what to do, I just knew I couldn't let myself hurt you as my father wanted. But look, I'm okay now. I'm healed. And you're free. We can go home to Heaven now and everything will be okay."

"No!" Sanzo cries again, feeling more trigger happy than he ever has. But he is smarter than his anger. He knows that if he uses the gun on Nataku without proving it is necessary to Goku first, he might lose Goku completely. That young mind wouldn't understand. "He's the one lying, Goku. You have to believe us."

"You can trust us, Goku," Hakkai adds.

"Yeah, monkey," Gojyo says, "It's us. We may look a little weird to you, but it's _us_."

Goku looks terrified. Who does he trust? The friend before him who seems to make more sense or the group of friends that appeals to his senses. "You…look like Konzen and the others, but…but why would Nataku lie to me?"

"I wouldn't. They're lying, Goku. Just ask them," Nataku says, looking again with that triumphant smile at Sanzo and the others before him, "They're not Konzen Douji, or Kenren Taisho, or Tenpou Gensui. Ask them. Ask them anything. Ask Konzen what kind of flowers he keeps on the end of his desk that you picked for him. I remember when you told me about them, Goku. Does he?"

Flowers? Sanzo remembers Goku doing something like that for him and his desk in Chang'an, but it would be almost impossible for the flowers to be the same as some in Heaven. A wrong guess would be even worse than saying nothing.

"Konzen…?"

Wouldn't it?

"Konzen…"

"And what kind of cigarettes does the Marshall smoke?" Nataku presses, "Ask him, Goku. He should be able to tell you, shouldn't he?"

"Tenpou…?"

Hakkai looks to Gojyo a moment, but doubts his other persona would smoke High Lites, or even Sanzo's Marlboros.

"You see," Nataku says, still so very sure of his victory, "They're not the men you know. They're simply using familiar faces to trick you into staying here forever. But you want to come with me…don't you?" Nataku turns kind eyes on Goku, pleading eyes, and by the terror in Goku and confusion muddling his thoughts he looks very ready to put his trust in the wrong person.

"Goku…" Sanzo says, his voice no longer carrying any venom because he knows now he has to be tender. He has to remind Goku of what they have made for themselves here. "Goku," he says again, once he has those golden eyes locked on his violet, "You can't leave. I need you here. I need you with me. I…love you."

As soon as those words leave Sanzo's lips, Goku's eyes widen as large as Sanzo has ever seen them, and then…then Goku is taking Nataku's hand and backing the both of them away from Sanzo and the others.

Sanzo feels the panic returning and starts to move forward. "Goku…"

"Come on, Nataku," Goku says, still frightened but certain for the first time since he became his childlike self, "Let's go home."

No. No, Sanzo thinks, not understanding what he did wrong, how they failed to convince Goku of the truth. White light begins to envelop both boys in a glow to carry them away and Sanzo doesn't know what to do. What did he do?

And then he hears his answer, and he has never hated the man he once was more.

"Konzen would never say that."

The light dims, and with it Nataku and Goku are gone.

-----

"Urrrrg!" Sanzo screams and falls to the ground, pounding at it with a heavy fist. He can't fix this. How does he fix this? He has to fix this! His head swims with pulsing emotion and anger at his foolish past, and he screams again.

Goku…is gone.

Hakkai and Gojyo have no words to speak. What can they say? Nothing they could possibly say or do could reach into Heaven and pluck Goku out again. They have fought gods, but always on earth. How can their mortal forms have any hope of finding Goku when they cannot even step their feet on the soil of the gods' Heaven?

"Sanzo…" Hakkai starts, but his voice falls away. There is a mournful 'kyuu' from Hakkai's shoulders, and he instinctually reaches up to stroke his pet's neck. He had almost forgotten Hakuryuu was there since the dragon had been so still and quiet while Nataku met with them.

Next to Hakkai, Gojyo lets go of his weapon and it vanishes just before hitting the ground. He cannot bear the weight. He is weighted down enough. What are they going to do? "Oi, bouzu?" he says, since Hakkai doesn't seem capable of pressing Sanzo any further.

Sanzo is practically on his hands and knees, but he has stopped pounding the dirt. It looks as if he is trembling, and really, his companions cannot blame him. Sanzo risked everything the moment he allowed himself to love Goku fully. He risked this very thing—losing Goku—but for it to come so soon and so unfairly, Sanzo cannot bear it.

While Hakkai and Gojyo struggle for more words to say, Sanzo looks up from the ground, violet eyes as wild as Seiten Taisei's could ever be, and suddenly he knows exactly what he must do. He does not look back at his companions; he looks only forward, settling himself into a calmer kneeling position and beginning to remove the scriptures from his robes. All five of them.

He places each around him at different points, forming something of a star, and careful to set the right sutra in the right place.

"Sanzo?" comes Hakkai's questioning voice. He and Gojyo move in closer to Sanzo, not understanding the monk's hasty actions.

"There's no way…we can reach Heaven," Sanzo says.

"Yes, but…maybe…maybe the Goddess of Mercy—"

"She won't help us. But someone else might."

"Someone else?" Gojyo jumps in, staring at the five sutras laid out around Sanzo's knelt form as the blonde closes his eyes and tries to find a center in himself where he is not panicking, "Who?"

Sanzo's eyes open again, briefly, but he does not look up at either of his friends. "Another god…could bring us to Heaven. It's the only way. We can't risk waiting and letting that brat turn Goku even more against us. Summoning a god is difficult enough, and this one isn't in Heaven anymore, not the Heaven of the gods."

Hakkai's eyes flick to Gojyo and because they know each other so well, Gojyo feels the need to meet gazes. Hakkai understands, somehow Hakkai knows already who Sanzo means, and Gojyo's eyes widen as the truth begins to dawn on him too.

"He's half a bet," Sanzo continues, "but the only one we've got, and with all five sutras…it just might work." Sanzo starts to chant then, low and driven. It is as if on instinct that Hakkai and Gojyo take a step back, away from the circle and Sanzo at its center.

This magic is powerful, perhaps more powerful than Sanzo should attempt, but neither hanyou nor limited youkai dare speak against it. In Sanzo's place there would be nothing strong enough to stop either of them if their lover had been taken.

At first Sanzo's voice is a rhythm as he chants, but then his words begin to rise, "I beseech your aid," he says, "I call upon you, former god, a once great god of _war_…for help." Sanzo's voice is a rumble of power, calling directly to the god he has begun to form a link to, "Come," he says, his eyes wide but unseeing as he spreads his arms outward and the sutras glow a brilliant blue and gold, "Come before me…Homura."

-----

"Is that understood?"

"Yes, Lord Kougaiji!"

"Good. You can go. But do not forget that we are no longer the enemies of humans, and that is the way it is going to stay." With a wave of his hand, Kougaiji dismisses the gathered youkai soldiers in front of him. He is in the hall that once housed his mother's sleeping form, preferring to reign from a place he thinks of fondly rather than the throne his evil step-mother commanded from.

While Kougaiji's mother is the true leader and queen of the Western youkai, Kougaiji is the voice, known well by his men and trusted beyond any other. Recently, it has been decided between himself, his mother, and his most faithful followers that emissaries from their kingdom need to make contact with neighboring lands and therefore be apart of the changing world. Kougaiji can only hope that Sanzo and the others are being fruitful in their mission and leaving them a trail to follow that will not meet them with human resistance.

With his men now gone, Kougaiji turns for a different exit, intending to return to other duties. He barely reaches the door, however, before the unstoppable force of his sister bounds in from nowhere and launches herself into his arms.

"Nii-chan!"

"Ouff!" Kougaiji grunts, catching his sister clumsily and attempting to return her to balance, "Lirin, you can't go doing that anymore. You're not a child. You'll break a rib…" he mumbles in afterthought, "Most likely mine."

"But, Nii-chan! Nii-chan!" Lirin continues calling, bouncing up and down in front of her brother now.

Kougaiji grimaces. He loves his sister, but sometimes she is far too much of a headache. "What is it?"

It is then that Kougaiji realizes Lirin's usually undaunted face looks rather crestfallen. "It's Yaone," she says, her voice suddenly small, "I think she's sick. She's been in the bathroom all morning, and when I ask her what's wrong, she just gets all flustered and red in the face, and runs back to the bathroom again. I'm worried."

That's strange. Yaone hadn't mentioned anything. "If she was ill why wouldn't she tell me?" Kougaiji says.

Since the increase in his and Yaone's intimacy, they have become remarkably open with each other. He doubts there is anyone who knows him better, save perhaps Dokugakuji or his mother, and the same is true in reverse. Certainly Yaone wouldn't keep anything from him.

Lirin is still bouncing with worry and Kougaiji is still mulling over this strange development when the gentle laughter of his mother begins to filter into the room.

Kougaiji looks to the main entrance and indeed there stands the youkai queen Rasetsunyo, laughing politely but openly behind her hand. "Mother? Do you know what's going on?" Kougaiji asks. After all, his mother does have a tendency to know everything that goes on in the castle. Her presence lingers in every corridor, as if she can be everywhere at once and see in every direction.

"Oh," Rasetsunyo giggles, "Nothing to worry over, dear. It'll pass before she knows it, I'm sure. And as for her telling you—or rather, not telling you—that you will have to take up with her." Rasetsunyo makes to turn and retreat then, something she often does after giving Kougaiji rather cryptic information, but is stopped by the sudden arrival of Dokugakuji from down the corridor.

"My lady," the tall youkai says out of practiced courtesy, giving the queen a small bow. He seems to have little time for formalities, however, because he immediately turns to Kougaiji, "Kou," he says, "You're never gonna believe this. You know how I've been using some of the men to gather up Nii's old things and check the castle?"

Kougaiji is the one who gave Dokugakuji that task, so of course he remembers. He gives a short nod and waits for his friend to continue.

"Well, it finally paid off, and not in a good way. We found a hidden lab behind Gyokumen Koushu's throne room. I think the Sanzo party are gonna wanna see who's in there."

Perfect. Just perfect. They were just beginning their new campaign, Yaone is mysteriously ill, and now Nii has to leave behind one more present.

Kougaiji begins to walk forward, intent on following Dokugakuji to this hidden lab and deal with other things later, when he suddenly stops very short. Wait. He couldn't have heard correctly.

"Did you say…_who_?"

-----

Hakkai and Gojyo shield there eyes just as they had when Nataku disappeared with Goku into Heaven. But this light is different, differently shaded and a portal to a very different Heaven. The light consumes Sanzo and the sutras, originating just in front of the knelt priest. When the light finally fades and Hakkai and Gojyo can look again, they see the outline of a man standing at the center-point of light. When the light is fully gone, only then is the man fully whole. But it is not a man. No, it is a half-god they themselves saw die.

"Oh, shit…" Gojyo grumbles, instantly summoning shakujou into his hands again, "The monk finally lost his mind." Gojyo takes a step forward, but a strong grip on his shoulder holds him back.

"No, Gojyo," Hakkai says, "Wait. Sanzo might actually know exactly what he is doing."

There is a smug look on the former god's face as he takes a step closer to Sanzo. He appears just as he did when they knew him before, only his clothing is simpler, white pants and a white shirt—linen that never seems to wrinkle. "My, my, a bold thing to do, Genjou Sanzo," Homura says, smiling widely, "It is usually frowned upon by the gods to summon back a soul from the dead. But then…special circumstances I assume for you to call on _me_." Homura looks from Sanzo to the sutras, five sutras he once had in his own possession.

Sanzo stands, his eyes never leaving the figure of his former enemy. "Something like this could only work under special circumstances," he says, "You being half god, and me…having the means to summon you and in need of your help."

There is a twitch at the corner of Homura's mouth. "You need my help?" he says, "And you admit it so readily."

There is no time for this, Sanzo thinks. Already he could be losing Goku forever. "Do you know what's going on?" he asks, ignoring Homura's attempts to rile him.

Homura's smile loses its smugness, if only a little, as he comes to realize the urgency in the man before him. "I know you four have accomplished your great mission," he says, "but I'm afraid I do not spend all of my time in the afterlife keeping tabs on the men who killed me. Though…you do seem to be one important monkey short," he adds, passing his gaze over the area in front of him and finding only a monk, a kappa, and dragon-toting healer. He gives Sanzo a grin. "I don't suppose this has to do with our dear Son Goku, does it?"

"Goku has been taken to Heaven," Sanzo says, admitting it openly because there is no time for pride or vengeance, "He's been…brainwashed or…something by this teenage looking brat called Nataku."

"Nataku?" Homura repeats, serious, but still as insufferable in Sanzo's eyes as always with his ever-present smirk and superiority, "My predecessor," Homura adds fondly, "Powerful. And he has interest in Goku? Not that I blame him." And again, there is that smug smile and a twinkle Sanzo catches in the half-god's single gold eye that speaks of far lewder things than Sanzo ever wants Homura thinking about Goku.

"Are you going to help us or not?" Sanzo demands. He steps over the sutras just in front of him and stands toe to toe with Homura, uncaring to his disadvantage in height. "I had enough of your bullshit the first time so you can stop that right now. A yes or no is all I want from you."

Maybe it is a trick of the light, but Sanzo would almost swear Homura looks even more pleased than before. "So adamant. I'll answer…if you answer something for me," he says.

More games, Sanzo thinks in irritation, but he isn't in the mood to argue. He nods.

"Tell me," Homura says, "Have you finally realized how much the boy means to you?"

Heh. If Homura thinks this subject is a trap for Sanzo than he is a bigger fool than Sanzo imagined. Knowing that, and knowing how easily he can give his answer, Sanzo finds a small smirk of his own. "I love him. And he knows I love him because I have told him. Many times. Is that good enough for you, war god? Or would you like some details from our sex life as well?"

There is a twitch at the corner of Homura's mouth again, forming it even more into a smirk. But a pleased smirk, Sanzo realizes. He isn't sure he wants to know why. All he cares about is an answer.

Homura summons his sword and the answer is clear.

"We'll need to move quickly," he says, all business now, which Sanzo is supremely grateful for, "I won't be any more of a welcome sight in Heaven than the three of you. Goku is in danger as well." He narrows his eyes at Sanzo. "They're in need of a new war god, in case you've forgotten, and with Nataku being uncooperative what better way to control the great Sage Seiten Taisei Son Goku than to leash him with a duty."

Sanzo's eyes widen. He hadn't thought of that.

"Are you prepared?" Homura asks then, looking first to Sanzo but then to Hakkai and Gojyo as well, who are if anything dumbstruck by this turn of events, but not at all in the mood for being left out.

They give their nods and Sanzo gives his. Time is too short to contemplate the dangers or the oddity of Homura helping them in their crusade. They must go now.

It is Gojyo who looks around finally, perplexed, and speaks.

"So…how exactly do we—"

The rush is so sudden that the members of the Sanzo ikkou feel it like being punched in the gut while falling. One moment they are standing in the clearing of a heavily wooded area on earth, and then in the space of a second they vanish as they remember Homura and his fellow gods vanishing, and then they are somewhere else entirely.

-----

The first thing Hakkai notices is that he is coughing. Then he notices the dust, most likely the reason he is coughing, and holds his hand to his face to keep from breathing in any more.

To Hakkai's right, where Gojyo had been standing, is still the kappa, only he too is coughing and clutching at his head. The trip has made them all a little dizzy.

Sanzo feels it too, but he is not coughing, much as he notices the dust in the air and on all of the things in the room they have suddenly found themselves in. It is certainly not the kind of room that makes Sanzo think of Heaven. An office? Perhaps military, judging by some of the decoration. There is a desk, where much of the dust seems to be settled and had been disrupted when they whooshed in, as well as an old globe showing a very old idea of earth, some chairs, and a bookcase.

"Where the hell are we?" Gojyo manages between final hacks of dust, "This can't be Heaven."

"Hmph. What did you expect? Buildings made of gold and stardust?" taunts Homura's superior sounding voice. Gojyo never had anything against the guy personally, but he is starting to understand why Sanzo would rather kill him than deal with him. In any other situation, that is.

"But this _is_ Heaven?" Sanzo questions, dusting off some of the, well, dust from his robes.

Homura, who seems immune to the aged dust and the perils of that kind of travel, leans ever so coolly against the wall and nods. "Heaven. And the safest place I could think of for us to make our entrance. I apologize for the state of things, but it can't be helped."

Beginning to collect himself as Gojyo and Sanzo have, Hakkai squints down at the table and with a practiced finger gives a good swipe at the collection of dust. "Goodness. It looks as though this place hasn't been used in centuries."

"Five, actually," Homura supplies.

That strikes a cord with Sanzo. Five hundred years. That would be the right amount of time. He gives Homura a quick glance, not sure how to ask his question aloud.

Homura chuckles slightly, but shakes his head. "Not your office, Konzen, or the Marshall's or General's. You weren't expected to ever return. I'm sure your offices have been given over to other gods for use that couldn't possible be as exciting as what you put them through. No, this office belongs to someone who was one day expected to come back for it."

"Hakuryuu?" Hakkai calls suddenly, realizing with quite a bit of alarm that his pet is no longer perched on his shoulder and doesn't seem to be anywhere in the room either, "Oh, dear," Hakkai says, looking expectantly to Homura, "He wasn't left behind, was he?"

"Not at all," answers a voice, very deep, but not Homura's.

Hakkai turns towards the sound of this voice, discovering a closet near one corner of the office he hadn't noticed when he first took stock of the room. From out of it steps…a man? He is fastening the last few clasps of a silver tunic as if he has only just gotten dressed.

"You'll forgive an old dragon his modesty, but I didn't want to stand here naked any longer than I had to," smiles the…dragon?

Dragon. Hakkai would not believe it if he wasn't seeing it with his own eyes, but there is no denying the similarities. The silver hair and white skin, the red eyes, the sharpened eye-teeth, and of course, the aura. Hakkai would know it anywhere. "Hakuryuu…" he breaths, and by the gasps from his companions he is surely the only one who knew immediately.

"Goujun, actually," says Homura, turning his eyes to the dragon-man with a slight bow of his head, "The Dragon King of the Western Seas. I am pleased to be the one to return you, sir. You have served them well."

"And will continue to," counters Goujun. He has moved closer to the others, leaving his closet behind now that he is dressed. His hair hangs long and free past his waist and he gathers it quickly, pulling it back where he begins to hastily braid it to better keep it out of his way, as he once wore it so often. "I have no intention of staying. It is…nice to be myself again. But the journey isn't over. I highly doubt Sanzo would forgive me if I made him walk all the way home."

There is the barest hint of a grin and flash of fangs. While Homura may take some surprise in such an attitude from the Dragon King, it seems very fitting as something coming from Hakuryuu.

"And you may call me what you wish," he adds, warming his smile as he turns to look at Hakkai, "I am fond of the name. It doesn't offend me. Nor does being treated like a pet. My mentality is different in that form."

"I'm sorry, can I say something?" Gojyo cuts in, raising his hand as if he were back in school and in great need of more explanation. "The parrot has legs and a voice? Since when, coz I don't remember you being a god. Hakkai found you in the woods."

Goujun smiles more slyly and approaches Gojyo, having finished his hair and tied it back with a band he had in the pocket of his slacks. "Or perhaps it was I who found him," he says, before turning once more to face Hakkai, "You understand, old friend, why I chose you to be my keeper and not one of the others." He gives Gojyo a mocking once over. "Surely my poor dragon form would have died long ago in the care of one of them."

Gojyo scowls, remembering why the damn parrot had always gotten on his nerves. Now that Hakuryuu can speak it is significantly worse.

Hakkai of course merely chuckles, rather enjoying seeing his faithful pet as something like a man. He is so very beautiful, as beautiful as Hakkai thinks of him when he is but a small white dragon on his shoulder. And though he speaks formally, and says his mentality is different when he is Hakuryuu, this Goujun seems to very much enjoy how being a mischievous little dragon has changed him.

"Enough of this. We're wasting time," growls Sanzo from across the room. He is itching to leave and begin their search and his irritation at the humor passing between his companions is tangible. "Good for you, Hakuryuu, or Goujun, or whoever, for finally getting your real body back," he says with a good amount of sarcasm, "I always knew there was more to you than met the eye with how intelligent you seemed to be, and once you and Goku started having conversations. But we can hear your story another time. Right now all I care about is that we have one more god on our side, and we need to go."

"You're quite right," Goujun agrees, offering Sanzo an acknowledging nod of his head, "I will lead the way. The sight of me will hardly be a shock to most gods we might pass. Time is different for them and I doubt most would even remember I am supposed to still be on earth, by my own volition I may add despite the restrictions placed upon me."

As Goujun moves across the room towards Sanzo, Homura pushes himself from the wall and goes to join them as well. Hakkai and Gojyo take the hint, and soon they are all gathered in front of the door.

Goujun reaches for the doorknob, turns it, and with a quick glance back says, "Shall we?"

tbc...

A/N: I'm a horrible, horrible person, but I am still here. Blame "Supernatural" and life. Must be off, but I hope I haven't lost you, my dears.

Crim


	18. Ending

ENDING

* * *

Walking as casually as possible through the hallways around the outer courtyards, Goujun leads the others along the most direct route to Nataku's quarters. Hakkai follows close behind him, speaking quietly and asking questions of his friend, whom he has never been able to truly speak with before. Gojyo is not far behind the pair, but wears a prominent pout at being basically ignored in favor of what he considers to be an oversized parrot stealing the affections of his love—as always.

"So we weren't really friends before?" Hakkai is asking, his eyes glued tightly to the white hair and haunting eyes of the dragon king.

"More acquaintances really. Though we always respected one another, even if I did often question your choice of companions," Goujun answers with a smile.

Gojyo decides to pretend he didn't hear that.

"I may not have agreed with your methods, but I agreed with your mission," Goujun continues, "I thought it only right to put a little of Heaven on your side since so much of it was against you all. I hope you are not cross that I had to keep so much of the truth from you, but I was not allowed to take my true form in your presence."

"Not at all," Hakkai smiles."

A small glance from Goujun towards Hakkai passes something between them that is entirely intimate, as if they are speaking without words, and Gojyo isn't permitted to hear the message.

Now, he can't possibly allow that.

"So…there a dragon queen, or what?" Gojyo asks irritably, elbowing his way in step with Goujun and Hakkai.

For a moment Goujun's eyes seem to glare in a way much more reminiscent of the dragon king's old demeanor, though of course Gojyo cannot remember why the expression looks so familiar. "No," Goujun says shortly, "I never took a queen. As they say so often," he adds, glancing not at all discreetly at Hakkai, "All the good mates seemed to be…taken."

A blush spreads over Hakkai's cheeks instantly and the healer looks away. Gojyo would take this as a good sign, if Hakkai wasn't also smiling ever so subtly.

While Hakkai stares at the path as they continue along it, Gojyo makes a point to meet eyes with Goujun and makes it quite clear purely with his eyes just how much he does not approve of the dragon's behavior. There is a clear 'he's mine' in the expression, but Goujun simply smiles. It irritates Gojyo so much he has to stop himself from reaching up and yanking on the stupid, pretty-faced dragon's white braid as hard as he can.

The kappa always knew there was a good reason the parrot got on his nerves so often.

A few steps behind the three at the front walk Sanzo and Homura. Sanzo is understandably restless, his eyes darting fervently over every surface, as if Goku might appear out of the woodwork at any moment, and he has to be ready. As Goujun predicted, none of the lesser gods they pass pay the group any real mind, but Sanzo feels a dread within him nonetheless. This could all go so horribly wrong. It makes him angry that this has happened at all, and he can't help placing most of the blame on the very gods they are passing.

"They're so mindless," Sanzo snarls, glaring hard at a particularly useless looking god with a tightly bound hairstyle and several papers in his hands as he hurries along. "They all look like…like…"

"Like the living dead," Homura supplies, "I know. Ironic, seeing as how they're gods. And you wonder why I preferred my time on Earth."

Sanzo huffs. He supposes he can't really blame the half-god for wanting escape.

"Tell me, Sanzo," Homura speaks on, his voice surprisingly gentle and low as he uses Sanzo's accustomed title rather than his old name as a god. Because of this, Sanzo looks up to meet Homura's dual-colored eyes, and since he does not feel any threat or challenge from the other man, he listens intently, "Tell me," Homura says again, "You and Goku. Being together…romantically. Does it make you happy?"

The question gives Sanzo a slight start. He wonders if perhaps he has missed the presence of a challenge after all.

"I mean no ill will by asking that," Homura amends quickly, understanding the skeptical look on Sanzo's face, "I ask it honestly. I just want to know. You're very worried about him and you're not trying to hide it. I've never seen you like that before. Therefore, I assume he must make you very happy for you to be so miserable now." And there is Homura's smile, but it is actually almost sweet looking so that Sanzo doesn't question whether the half-god is speaking the truth.

It is not that Sanzo needs to think about the question—he knows the answer—but he pauses anyway, looking ahead again as they take yet another turn alongside the regal buildings. "I…didn't think I could ever feel like this again. It's…different. Very different from what I felt for my…master. I hate to think sometimes how much…stronger it feels. But when Goku's with me, and I'm not letting myself be…well…too much like _me_…then, yes, I am happy. I'm so fucking happy with Goku I don't…think…I can do this without him."

"This?" Homura prompts quietly.

Sanzo shrugs. "Life," he says. He knows now that if he ever lost Goku, his gun would finally have the pleasure of living out its original intention.

"So tell me," Homura says, without stopping to question Sanzo's words, "What do you plan to do to win Son Goku back? You say he's been…brainwashed against you?"

"He thinks he is still the Goku that lived here, when he was just a…child." Sanzo says, his brow furrowing with distaste. He has often called Goku a child, but he has not thought of the boy as being one for a long time now. It unnerves him almost more than anything else about this mess to think of Goku as a little boy again.

"Hmm," Homura hums, almost to himself, "A shame. That'll put quite a damper on your love life, I'd think."

Sanzo turns a sharp glare on Homura immediately upon hearing that. He should have known better than to think the other man was actually going to continue the kind ear routine. Just as Sanzo was about to open his mouth to say something biting, however, he decided against it.

"What?" Homura presses, grinning with his more common expression, "If you mean to say something, _Sanzo_, I would prefer you said it."

A growl builds in Sanzo's throat, but he chooses words instead. "I swear, if you have agreed to help us only to…try something."

"Something?"

"Goku does not belong to me or that Nataku," Sanzo says pointedly, "He doesn't belong to anyone. You hear me?"

"And you think I wish to take him for myself?" Homura asks, a great mocking hand on his heart as if he couldn't imagine a more ridiculous idea.

Sanzo just looks at him, not buying Homura's righteous act for anything.

Again there is Homura's smile, customary at first in its teasing nature, but then it changes, softens, and Sanzo knows to listen more carefully again. "Konzen…Sanzo, I do not deny the allure of our dear Goku," he says, pushing on ahead quickly so as to avoid Sanzo's wrath at the phrase 'our Goku', "But…I can promise you most readily…I am quite content with what I have." And with these words Homura lifts his left hand, displaying a simple gold band on his ring finger that Sanzo had not noticed before.

Images of the woman he saw Homura with so long ago in the dreamworld flood back to Sanzo, and he remembers how happy Homura looked while he was with her.

"The human Heaven is much more interesting than this one," Homura says, lowering his hand again.

"Rinrei," Sanzo replies, almost in a whisper, "That was her name."

"It is her name," Homura corrects, "You see, even when we lose something for centuries, we can always reclaim it eventually. You waited as long as I did the first time. Those 500 years."

500 years. The mere thought of it turns Sanzo's stomach, to imagine Goku alone in that cave for that long, unable even to feel hunger. He would kill every god in this damn Heaven if he could for giving Goku that undeserved punishment. "Believe me," he says, "I don't plan to wait that long again."

Upon these words, Sanzo turns forward and finds that he was almost about to run into Gojyo's back, since the kappa has stopped in front of him. Sanzo readies an angry protest and accompanying obscenity when he realizes that Hakkai and Goujun have stopped as well.

Before them now is a less spectacular door than Sanzo imagined they would find, but he knows it must be Nataku's quarters. A handmaiden stands in front of it like a guard, smiling numbly.

"May I help you?" she says to Goujun, since he has stepped forward and made to open the door without her consent.

"I highly doubt it, my dear," Goujun says with an equally false expression, "We have need to speak with the master of this place. He has been asleep for so long, I'm sure now that he has awakened he has the time to entertain some old friends." Goujun reaches out to grasp the door's handle, but the maiden steps just in front of it to block him.

"I am afraid Lord Nataku does not wish to see any visitors at this time. Perhaps you could return tomorrow."

On either side of Goujun, Gojyo and Hakkai give each other quick warning looks before taking the slightest of steps back. Goujun's aura changed so rapidly as the maiden said that, they both felt it tangibly.

There was danger in the dragon like they had never dared believe their little pet could possess.

"Step aside," Goujun commands, with all the authority his title suggests.

"I am sorry to say I cannot do that, my lord," the maiden says with a small, almost mocking bow.

"It would be in your best interest to listen to me, child."

"And it would be in your best interest…to leave."

Homura snorts from the back of the group, shaking his head in pity for the girl who obviously does not recognize with whom she is talking to. He leans closer to Sanzo and whispers, "This ought to be good."

Hakkai and Gojyo do not need to be told that it would be in _their_ best interest to take a few more steps back, and they do so just in time.

Suddenly, Goujun seems to expand, his body growing large and menacing though not as large as they all imagine he could grow if he took his most true and complete dragon form. Nonetheless, wings break free from his back and he towers over the girl with every part of him larger and more threatening. His voice rumbles low with power as he speaks, and even before words can leave him, it is clear the girl wishes she had chosen her battles more carefully.

"You will leave this place now or face the wrath of the Dragon King, who has commanded these Western armies in many battles and crushed every opposition facing him time and time again. Do you understand me, girl, or must I prove to you just how true my power is?"

Offering his own snort, Gojyo is pretty sure the girl started running long before the last of those words were spoken. Goujun shrinks back to his human-like size, and since Gojyo _does_ know better when to pick his battles, he approaches the dragon-man and gives him a hard, friendly smack on the back. "Nice," he says, and leaves it at that. Hakuryuu has certainly never been that impressive in a fight before.

Goujun nods in gratitude at Gojyo's simple comment, and then turns completely to face the whole of their group. "The more quickly we handle this, the better. Alerting other gods to Nataku's awakening, or Goku's and are own arrival will be very bad for us all."

Gojyo snorts again. "You'd think gods would already know, our little maiden there not withstanding."

"Some may," Goujun explains severely, "One other than that maiden…I am sure knows for certain. But gods use word of mouth just as mortals do, and we may still pull this off before things get out of hand. Forgive me, friends," he adds, a small almost pitying smile on his white face as he looks to Hakkai, Gojyo, and Sanzo in turn, "but you failed to fight your way free once before. I hardly think things will be different now that you are human and youkai instead of gods."

Deciding it would be better not to question the dragon king on the details of that failed escape, Sanzo steps forward, right beside Goujun in front of the door. He says nothing, but his violet eyes burn for their own sake, and for Goku's so unfairly unknowing.

There is nothing to question. They will be quick and they will be successful. No other option is acceptable.

As casually as he had opened his own office door to lead the group out into the courtyards, Goujun reaches for the door to Nataku's quarters and pulls the handle, swinging it wide to admit them.

There is nothing remarkable about the rooms they find themselves in once they enter, the door slowly closing behind them with a menacing click. The first thing they notice, Sanzo especially, is that there is no sign of Nataku or Goku anywhere. Soon, however, they begin to hear the distant, haunting sound of children's laughter. But it is not just any children.

"Goku…" Sanzo whispers before he can help himself. It is a beautiful and yet eerie thing—children's laughter. Sanzo feels himself shiver to hear Goku's voice in such a way, because he knows before they even begin to see the pair that there is dark mischief in the sound.

At first there is only a flash. A flash of white. A flash of orange. A flash of pure speed and power. The laughter follows every flash like the knob of a radio turned suddenly up and then down again. It echoes all around them and the flashes grow more frequent.

The little bastards are toying with them. _Playing_.

After a particularly close flash zips past Gojyo, he jolts forward as if pushed, a surprised grunt leaving him before he turns angry eyes on the room. Before Gojyo can voice any protests, the same happens to Hakkai, forcing them closer to Sanzo, Homura, and Goujun who are huddled closer together. It is as if Nataku and Goku are trying to herd them into a tighter circle. To make it easier to attack.

It may seem like fun and games at first, but one of the flashes slows enough as it passes for Sanzo to see Goku, still adult and in the form of Seiten Taisei despite his childish mindset. Sanzo sees Goku raise one of his clawed hands at Hakkai, and though Sanzo calls out, it is not quick enough to beat the strike from gouging slashes in Hakkai's arm.

Another flash slows behind Sanzo and feels a sharp pain in his back. The flash is gone when Sanzo turns and he cringes at the pain. Reaching back, he soon brings his hand forward to stare at bright trickles of blood on his fingertips. Nataku's sword. Meaning, Nataku understands the seriousness of what the pair is doing, but Goku more than likely does not. Goku would never harm someone intentionally, but if the brat thinks this is some way of playing…

"Goku!" Sanzo calls, but the flashes do not cease.

Practically snarling at the cruelty and unfairness of the situation, Goujun, dragon eyes blazing, reaches out of the circle the group has formed, and plucks Nataku right out of one of his whirlwind flashes, holding him suspended above the floor. The quickly moving form of Goku starts to slow immediately, enough that it is much easier for Sanzo to grab_him_, holding him firmly, but not nearly as menacing as Goujun is holding Nataku.

"Do you think this is funny?! A game?!" Sanzo screams in Goku's face, holding his free arm that is still sticky with blood in front of Goku's eyes, "Is bloodshed a game to you? Because it was never something the Goku I know would laugh at."

Sanzo's voice cows Goku as always—a trained response. "We…we didn't really mean it," he says quietly.

"_You_ don't," Sanzo agrees, but then he turns to stare back at Nataku still in Goujun's grasp, "He does. He'll kill us all to keep you. Don't you see that?"

There is panic in Goku's expression when Sanzo looks back at the boy, but a moment later those slit golden eyes are filled with defiance. "No!" he yells, pushing Sanzo away and easily freeing himself from the monk's hold, "You're not Konzen anyway. You're just a liar!" With his uncanny speed, Goku rushes to Goujun, freeing Nataku only too easily. The pair stays close together then, glaring at the others as Goku yells, "You're all liars!"

"_All_ of us?"

Goku turns at the sound of this less familiar voice and finds the slightly smirking face of Homura. Goku squints, not recognizing the half-god at first, but the glow of recaptured memory fills his eyes after only a moment. "You. You're…the one who likes to stay in the flower field. I remember you."

"Yes…I used to love that field, though less when I was alone."

Taking careful, planned steps, Homura approaches the boys. Nataku has a possessive arm around Goku's waist. It is a rather humorous sight to see the smaller and younger-looking of the pair being the protective one.

Homura lengthens his smirk as he stares at them, and says, "Tell me, Goku, isn't it strange? If these men are not Konzen and your other friends then where are the real ones."

Goku opens his mouth almost instantly with a retort, but no words form. His brow creases as he tries to work out some sort of answer, but the only thing that comes to him is more panic and worry. "They're…they're somewhere. Here in Heaven where they live." Goku nods, sure of his own delusions. "Nataku and I are just playing. I'll find Konzen later."

A loud huff sounds from Gojyo at hearing that. Arms folded tightly across his chest, the redhead turns narrowed eyes on Nataku. "Tell me, kid, what were you gonna do with him when he finally went searching for us, huh?" he says, "How long did you think you could stall?"

Now, more than ever, it is Nataku who looks worried. In his hand still rests his large sword, his symbol as a god of war. It turns in his grip, glittering in warning at Gojyo's words.

Goku too looks worried, but the hold Nataku has on him, pulling him close, keeps the earth child from moving away.

Taking his own careful and well-planned steps, Goujun takes his turn speaking to Goku, another face the boy recognizes but only dimly. "Goku, there is no Konzen. Konzen…in so many words…died those 500 years ago when the things you remember as happening only moments ago really occurred. Nataku has tricked your mind." Though the words are gentle and soft, as if Hakuryuu's little chirps have found a soothing, deep voice with which to sympathize, there is a weight to the words as well.

Goku does not want to hear these truths. He shakes his head, clinging to Nataku beside him. "No…we're…just playing. Konzen's…probably in his office right now."

This time there is no scoff, but Sanzo releases a very weary and pained sigh nonetheless. "Goku…"

Homura takes another step forward, gesturing back towards the door with a grand sweep of his hand. "Then why don't you go look?" he says to Goku. The challenge could not be more plainly put.

Panic creeps its way more and more into Goku's expression and posture. He looks to everyone, Nataku last, and it is the panic in that final face that makes the decision for him.

Goku's strength and speed is so great, Nataku cannot hold him, and in a flash quicker than any before it, Goku is suddenly gone.

"Goku!" Nataku calls, and he too disappears swifter than the eye can follow.

Without thought or warning given to the others, Sanzo turns to the door, meaning to take off running, though he does not know or remember which direction to go. He is almost back out into the courtyards when Goujun's firm, clawed grip stops him. "I know a quicker way," the dragon says, eyes intent and still burning with power. Sanzo sees no reason to doubt him.

-----

The group reaches the office that once belonged to Konzen Douji in moments, and it is clear that they have managed to beat Nataku after all. But not Goku.

The door hangs open though the room is dark and as dusty as Goujun's had been if the smell of age and mold is any indication. Clearly, no one took over the position once held by the high-ranking god, or his office. Like Goujun's, it hasn't been used in centuries. Everything is decayed, dead, and covered in film. The flowers that once rested in a vase on Konzen's desk are ashes now, leaving an empty container that seems even more eerie than the still silence accompanied only by the faint sound of a child crying.

Sanzo does not need to take any time deciphering where the crying is coming from. He hears it on a level the others with him could not possibly pick up. Huddled in the furthest back corner of the room is what should be a grown young man but sits, weeping, a little boy, lost and alone.

"He…he promised he'd never…leave me…" Goku whimpers as Sanzo moves into view in front of him. The boy's legs are pulled into his chest, and it is a haunting sight to see the figure of Seiten Taisei so broken.

It is enough to move even the once unmovable. "Goku…" Sanzo tries, beginning to move closer so he can kneel before Goku and reach out to him. He does not quite reach the boy, however, before Nataku, late but not forgotten, appears just between them to take Sanzo's place as comforter.

"It doesn't matter, Goku," Nataku says, his voice dripping with panic and desperation now. "Don't you see? He left. They all left you, and now there's only me. I'm the one you have to trust now. I'm the one who'll take care of you."

A ready snarl leaves Sanzo's lips, and he has to stop himself from reaching forward and strangling the brat. "He doesn't need to be taken care of. Look at him! He grew up a long time ago, and you can't bear it that he left _you_ behind. I never left him. We were forced apart. But I was the one who found him. Where were you then, when he needed someone to save him from the cave? I was there!" Angry but near tears himself with how close he is to losing Goku and saving the boy all at the same time, Sanzo turns to his once charge, now lover, and forever friend even when he wouldn't admit it, and beseeches. "Goku…I heard your voice…and I can hear it now. Can't you still hear me…?"

Walking past Nataku and kneeling as he had meant to before, Sanzo reaches out to Goku as he did that day so long ago in the cave.

There is understandable fear from Goku at first as he looks at Sanzo, and back to Nataku who he thought he could trust. He is confused. He is scared. But when he looks back into the violet he has known for so much of his long life, he no longer hesitates. He takes that offered hand and allows Sanzo to pull him into his arms.

"Konzen…"

"No!" A sharp cry breaks from Nataku, and his sword is summoned suddenly into his hand. He is deathly close to Sanzo and Goku, and the intent to harm, to kill, is clear in his eyes. As he raises the blade, glaring with the fiercest of fires at Sanzo, he cries out, and Goujun alone understands the meaning in the words that leave him. "You won't take him from me again, Father!"

The singing of the sword cuts the air, but it does not meet its mark. As the blade came down it was halted, and continues to be held by a hand that knows such blades well. "That sword, child," says Homura, softly but with a touch of darkness in his words as well, "That sword should have only ever been used to protect." And because Homura too has great strength and speed, and because Nataku could never have expected it, it is only too easy to curve the blade in a great, slow arc and stab it deftly back into Nataku's body, "A pity really…that it never does."

With similar coldness, Homura releases Nataku to his own devices, and the boy falls to the ground limp, the sword dug deep into his body in gruesome resemblance of that day so long ago when Heaven knew chaos.

Goku calls out for his friend immediately, pushing from Sanzo to go to Nataku's side, and Sanzo allows it. A part of him is grateful to Homura, not only for saving him perhaps from the fate that boy intended, or for taking care of Nataku so aptly. But because Sanzo is free of having to do the act himself, and therefore free of whatever hatred Goku might have felt towards him for doing it.

"You're okay...you're okay…" Goku chants close beside Nataku's ear as he pulls his friend's body to his own. Nataku is conscious still, but in shock, from the wound and the suddenness of the act. He stares up at Goku but cannot speak.

While cradling Nataku to him, Goku does not look up at Homura, or at Sanzo behind him by the wall. Though Nataku may have tricked him, lied to him, Goku believes it was all done simply because Nataku loves him. The young mind of the young Goku only understands that Nataku is his friend, even if misguided.

"You…you have to be okay," Goku speaks on, fresh tears rising in his eyes, "I don't understand…what's going on, but…you…you're my friend, aren't you? And you…you were okay the last time…right?"

"Well…I'm afraid I may have had a hand in that."

In the middle of the room, between Hakkai, Gojyo, and Goujun just inside the door and Homura, Sanzo, Goku and Nataku by the furthest wall, suddenly stands Kanzeon Bosatsu as if she had been there the entire time.

Sanzo refrains from rolling his eyes.

"He needed to choose for himself, child," the Goddess of Mercy speaks, her eyes not quite kind but not cruel either as she looks down at Goku holding Nataku close, "Unfortunately, he chose poorly. But I suppose you can't deny what he wants, can you? I think perhaps, in a certain way, you only wanted the same."

A part of Sanzo doesn't like where this is going, and although Homura and Goujun say nothing, there is a definite desire in both Hakkai and Gojyo to make their own respective forms of witty comment about the goddess' benevolent appearance.

Just as Sanzo had before, Kanzeon kneels down next to Goku, and his wet, large golden eyes stare up at her, shimmering.

"You can…help him?" he asks.

There is a subtle smile on Kanzeon's face, perhaps impassive and apathetic, but a smile, as she says, "Not this time, Goku. This time he's going to die."

Sanzo has to admit—and Hakkai and Gojyo are right there with him—that he did not expect her to say that.

With a wave of her hand over Nataku's eyes, Kanzeon leaves them closed, and the boy's small body stills. It seems too easy, so easy that surely the goddess' own hand is somehow responsible for his seeming death, just as it was responsible for him continuing to live before.

The blame leaves Homura now as if Goku forgot entirely who it was that struck the original blow. All the anger in Goku as he begins to cry over Nataku's body directs itself only at Kanzeon. He howls, glaring at her all the while, for surely it is her fault. Surely she could bring him back, but won't.

"He must die, Goku," Kanzeon says, impervious to his whimpering, "He must die…in order to live again as your friends have."

A small gasp leaves Hakkai, loud in the quiet room that otherwise is filled only with Goku's sobs. Taking a few steps closer to Kanzeon and Goku, Hakkai is only slightly hesitant as he says, "You…will send his spirit to a human body to be born again?"

Kanzeon stands, her broad shoulders giving a noncommittal shrug before she crosses her arms in front of her. "Maybe youkai even. I haven't decided. Maybe I'll let him choose." Her smile is wider now, and she tilts her head at Goku as if he should somehow be grateful for what she has done, though currently he is still glaring. "He won't remember you when he is reborn, if you should ever find him, but when the time comes to die..." She reaches down, one long arm extending, and waves her hands over Goku's eyes just as she had with Nataku.

Panic races through Sanzo and he rises quickly to his feet. If she would even dare…

But Goku does not slump or even close his eyes. When Kanzeon's hand leaves him, his eyes are as open as they had been before, only now they are changed. They are wise and they are haunted, because there is much they have seen and much to remember.

"If he can be mortal…than one day…even if it is not until we die…we will find each other again." Goku's voice is the final clue, for he does not sound like a boy. He sounds only too old and experienced, as he does only when the true age of Seiten Taisei rises to the surface.

There is no smile or true words of gratitude offered to the goddess—Goku is still holding the still and cooling body of a dear friend who knew not how to love without trickery. How could he, when that was all he had ever been taught? But Kanzeon smiles, and touches Nataku's body with the same hand that awakened Goku from Nataku's spell.

In moments, there is no body at all.

"Nice to have you back for a time, Goku," Kanzeon says, helping Goku to his feet. She looks back at the standing and rather seething Sanzo not too far behind Goku and cocks her hip to the side before placing a well-manicured hand against it. "Konzen, darling," she says, and then passes a glance over at Gojyo and Hakkai, "And of course my favorite Marshall and General. You too Goujun," she adds, bowing her head at the dragon king, "Looking well. Some faces are more surprising to see than others, of course," she finishes.

Homura responds with his own bow, but says nothing.

"Well, best you were all getting out of here. Those sutras need to return to Earth where they belong, don't you think."

Sanzo readies a snarl, but when Goku turns to him and grasps his hand almost too tightly, whatever biting comment Sanzo had been about to hurl dies on his lips.

"Although…" Kanzeon starts, before any words of devotion or apology can leave either Sanzo or Goku as they stare into each other's eyes, "You can leave the robes if you want."

Sanzo looks up and blinks dumbly at the goddess. "What?"

"You don't really need them to drop those things off, do you? Especially since…when you return to Earth…you'll be set right outside Chang'an's door."

Instantly, there are wide eyes all around, and the small circle of gods and friends tightens around Kanzeon. It is Goku who looks back at her, his hand still holding Sanzo's as he attempts to speak, "But…you said…"

"I say a lot of things," Kanzeon break in dismissively, waving a hand at the air, "Certain…events needed to play out before you four would be ready to put all this behind you. Nataku only being one of them, of course. And there may yet be some surprises for you once you return, but…the journey as you know it need go no further."

There is silence as the four members of the Sanzo ikkou stare at Kazeon dumbstruck. Goujun might feel much as the others do, but it must be his dragon sense of pride and containment then that manages to make him look so composed. Homura merely stands there smirking.

"Oh, things are hardly settled between youkai and humans," Kanzeon continues, "and I'm sure some skirmishes will arise, which I would appreciate your help in sorting out. But…otherwise…"

"We can go home?" Goku's voice sounds very small, though not so young as his recent self. He squeezes Sanzo's hand in his grasp and looks to his other friends, amazed that such a thing could actually be possible after their long journey.

Kanzeon shrugs. "Really, darling, you can make a brand new one."

There is a rustling of cloth, and before anyone realizes exactly what is happening, Sanzo has disrobed himself rather inelegantly, and throws the rumpled bunch of fabric at Kanzeon's head. Thankfully for the goddess and for Sanzo, all of the things he usually keeps in his sleeves were unceremoniously dumped out onto the floor while Sanzo took the robe off.

Smiling dangerously, Kanzeon removes the robe from covering her face, where it leaves her hair in a tangled mess that she looks rather steamed about, but she merely tosses the robe aside and says, "One more thing, dear." Quick, assured steps bring Kanzeon closer to Sanzo, and the monk—former monk—presses back against the wall, anxious over what her retaliation might be.

It is certainly not what he expected.

The goddess, hips swiveling until she reaches him, grabs Sanzo by the face, pulls him close, and kisses his forehead soundly. Praise be to the gods for her not kissing his lips. But although the others stare—and Gojyo giggles—when Kanzeon pulls away it is clear what she has done. The mark that symbolized little Koryuu's change into a Sanzo priest is gone.

"Be free, Genjou Sanzo. _Koryuu_. You were always better at that than any job or responsibility I could give you anyway."

While the others expected some form of obscenity or violence in response to Kanzeon's kiss, they imagine he must have felt the mark remove although he cannot see it, because he seems to understand. He stares at her for awhile and then just nods. When she pulls away from him, leaving the blonde to lean back in relief against the wall, something not quite like a smile fits itself onto Sanzo's face, and he looks indeed somehow freer. Weightless.

Hakkai and Gojyo gather in closer, Goku already there at Sanzo's side. Goku is beaming and holding Sanzo's hand again, while Hakkai nods his approval. Because really, they have done their duty, all of them, and then some, for far too long now. All Gojyo can do is chuckle.

The attention is all too much, and before anyone can say 'shitty monk', Sanzo's annoyed scowl retakes his face. "Well? Be useful and pick up some of my shit already. Idiots." Sanzo tries to turn away from his friends, but they aren't buying his act—now that they know so fully it is only an act. Still, all three of them bend down to help gather Sanzo's fallen items. His gun is grabbed up by his own hands of course and stuck into the back of his jeans. Otherwise, each takes a sutra. Gojyo grabs up the fan in something like triumph. And Hakkai pockets Sanzo's cigarettes and lighter. The sutras that Sanzo takes, since someone has to take two, are the two that originally belonged to him in the first place. The Maten and the Seitan. But to be honest, he cannot wait to be rid of them all.

"I hate to be the bearer of such awful news," breaks in Homura's ever calm and smooth voice from behind the group, "But as much as I would like to stick around, I believe it is time I was retuning to my own Heaven. Rinrei does get so worried over me, after all."

Sanzo is the first to offer his gratitude to the half-god, but more so because he is not at all broken-hearted to see the man leave. He shakes Homura's hand, quite a feat in itself, and doesn't immediately plot the dual-eyed man's death when Goku says his goodbye with a hug.

Hakkai and Gojyo take quick turns. There isn't time for much more than a 'see ya round' even if they don't expect that to really be true until the day the rest of them die. But before Homura fades off into the same great light that brought him, Goku smiles up at him and speaks.

"I'm glad you're happy," he says.

"Same to you…Son Goku." And the dead returns to being dead only too readily.

Again there is silence. Time wanes but it is difficult, more and more so each time tragedy strikes them, to fall back into normal life.

Rightly so, it is Gojyo who breaks said silence by leaning over to Hakkai and saying, "Hey, uhh…wasn't he our ride?"

A slow smile breaks onto Hakkai's face. "I think we're covered, Gojyo."

"Indeed. But I am afraid I must ask," Goujun says, gliding in before the group with the same steady grace with which he flies as a small pet dragon. His eyes, however, turn to Kanzeon. "What about me then? I suppose…my charge is over now."

"Hmmm," Kanzeon hums, considering that, "You chose to go with them on your own, Goujun. Heaven simply gave restrictions. With their mission done now, you can of course remain on Earth if you choose, but…I hardly think the restrictions need to stay." The goddess' usual impassiveness molds into a smirk.

Hakkai's face lights up in a way that Gojyo decides he is not very fond of. Sanzo huffs, purely because he never thinks to take any 'gift' from Kanzeon without a grain of salt. And Goku, even though returned to his elder nature, bounces excitedly on the balls of his feet.

Goujun, in his great regal presence, smiles, but cocks his head at Kanzeon like a warning older brother.

"Now, Kanzeon, that doesn't sound like something the Emperor, or—"

"Oh pish. I'll worry about that," Kanzeon interrupts, waving her hand dismissively again, "You all deserve a little freedom. And, after all, dear Goujun, you are so much prettier when you have legs."

Gojyo snorts, but decides not to comment any further.

A little surprised, but pleasantly, Goujun looks to the crew he has traveled with for so long now. He spreads his arms wide, as if to give them the chance to look him over fully in his new and strange form of a man with dragon features.

"If you'll have me as I am?" he says.

Hakkai nods fervently, and much as it annoys him, Gojyo does too. Sanzo doesn't really care either way now that he can finally be rid of the burden of the last ten plus years of his life, but Goku, having gotten so much closer to Hakuryuu as of late, beams brightly.

Eventually, however, it is Gojyo who just has to ask, "Can you still turn into the jeep?"

A slight chuckle escapes Goujun, but he nods, "I can. As well as the dragon, large or small. But if you ride me too much, Gojyo, Hakkai might get the wrong impression."

Most of the others refrain from allowing the laughter that bubbles up inside them. Kanzeon does not.

With clenched fists, Gojyo narrows his red eyes at the dragon with all the practiced art with which he has glared so often at Sanzo over the years.

"Not. Funny."

"Can we go?" pipes in Goku, looking longingly at Kanzeon for approval.

"Yes. But I must at least say, Goku…it'll be a shame to lose you from the Earth one day. So do make every moment count. After all," Kanzeon smirks, hand placed perfectly on her curved hip yet again, "I'll be watching."

-----

"Did I mention how much I hate traveling like that?" Gojyo grumbles, since somehow the being sent back to earth part didn't go quite as well as the going to Heaven part. At least not for him, seeing as how he has landed rather hard on his rear in the dirt.

None of the others pay him much mind though, because the dirt he is sitting in is also the dirt of the road that leads right up to the very doors of Chang'an temple.

Sanzo has already decided that there will be no fanfare or celebration at their arrival. He stalks into the temple, throws the sutras before the three floating heads, and stalks back out. Nothing need be prolonged. He has avenged his master, brought back the five sutras, and is finally, truly free.

As Sanzo comes walking back out of the temple to where he left the others, Goku latches onto Sanzo so quickly for a very heated and inappropriate in public kiss, that even Gojyo feels like he should turn away. But it is expected. It is the first chance they have had, and Goku does not want to waste any time before claiming again what he knows is his as much as he is Sanzo's.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Sanzo." Goku rants, hugging the no-longer priest tightly to his chest, his own form still that of Seiten Taisei and seemingly forgotten, though he is careful with his claws as he clings. "I couldn't think. I couldn't remember. I didn't know who to believe or trust. But I could hear you. I could hear you, Sanzo. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize, and that I worried you so much."

"Goku," Sanzo says sternly, and waits then for Goku to look up at him, "Shut up."

They kiss again, the slow easy kind of kiss that lingers and moves in whispers because everything they need to say is said without words. There is no need for words, no time to waste on apologies or explanations anymore.

Well, maybe a few.

"And Goku…you can't call me Sanzo anymore. That's not who I am."

Goku gives a little start, and Hakkai and Gojyo too stare in slight disbelief. Sanzo has always been Sanzo. Only Goujun—or Hakuryuu, since they haven't really discussed what the dragon will be called from now on—smiles pleasantly.

Sanzo is a title, not a name. It has never been a name. It was simply what Sanzo told Goku to call him, because it was what everyone called him. Now, that must change.

"So…Kory?" Goku grins, his voice soft and small, but hopeful, because he has always liked the blonde's real name, and especially the nickname they discovered in the dreamworld.

A corner of Sanzo's mouth gives a little jump. "Well…we'll see about that. Koryuu though…I don't think I'd mind too much now…being him again."

Because this is the beginning, the beginning they have all been waiting for.

So…

"What the hell do we do now?"

"I shudder to think what our house must be like," Hakkai says with the disdain only a mother could wear.

"Hey. Do we still have the gold card?" Gojyo asks suddenly, as if that should have been one of the first things they thought to check for.

Sanzo reaches into his jean pocket and pulls out the card, which at first look perfectly normal. He studies it, however, and after a moment, growls in frustration. "That bitch. The fucking thing has a god damn limit." Sanzo accompanies his cursing by giving the ground a fierce kick.

"Great," Gojyo groans, "Guess we need to act like normal folk now and get…jobs or something."

"Ooo!" Goku exclaims, his golden eyes brightening as an idea strikes him, "The bar!" he says, "Wouldn't that be great Gojyo? Starting a bar like in the dreamworld. All of us. Maybe even Doku and the others would want to help."

The accumulative group has to admit that that doesn't sound half bad. But the question remains, and Hakkai smartly asks it, "But…where? Here? Or in the west? There is Sanzo…excuse me, Koryuu's mother to think of as well. Most of the people we care about live quite far from here."

Gojyo shakes his head. "No. No way am I getting back on the road after all we've been through. No fucking way."

"Maybe…you won't have to." The voice comes from Goujun, a hand help up to his face to block the bright sun above as he stares into the distance. The others turn to look in the same direction, and up in the sky, flying towards them, appears in a perfect silhouetted outline the form of someone on a dragon with a few empty dragons flying beside him.

"No way…" Gojyo grins. Could the Bitch of Mercy be so thoughtful as to send word to Kougaiji to get them? It would make much more sense for her to start them off on yet another journey to the west in Jeep—who Gojyo does not have any desire to ride right now.

The group decides all they can do is wait to receive their answers after their friend lands, so wait they do. And after a few minutes, Kougaiji, and only Kougaiji touches down right in front of them, bringing three dragons counting his own.

He nods to the others in greeting, pausing understandably at the sight of their new silver-haired companion and Goku looking like Seiten Taisei but still under control.

"I have a feeling we have much to catch up on. However," the prince states, sounding authoritative and steadfast as always, "The reason I have sought you out, and am pleasantly surprised to find you have so quickly reached your destination, is because I need your assistance back at the castle immediately. I do hope the Goddess of Mercy will allow you to travel by dragon _back_ to the west?"

"She damn well better," Gojyo grumbles, "What's going on?"

Kougaiji grows silent. His brow is often furrowed but seems especially tightly knit today. When he does speak again, he looks to Sanzo. "We have discovered something Nii left behind. And from what you once told us, I believe you will want to see him."

"Him?" Sanzo presses, as intrigued and worried as Kougaiji had sounded when he first realized that particular detail.

"Yes. But please, it would be better to bring you to the castle now and show you than explain things here. I apologize that I could only handle bringing along two dragons besides riding my own, but I will gladly allow your friend there…to…" As Kougaiji is saying this, he stares harder at Goujun and there is a definite click as realization strikes him. "Wait…that isn't…?"

"In fact, it is," Hakkai supplies, smiling over at his once-pet, "And I do believe he can fly just fine on his own."

It is not long before the group is settled on dragons—Sanzo and Goku on one, Hakkai and Gojyo on another, Kougaiji on his, and Goujun transformed fully this time into his large dragon form, which is very much like Hakuryuu only about twice the size of any of Kougaiji's dragons.

There will be time enough to explain about Sanzo no longer being a monk, although there are several abilities Sanzo believes he will retain even without the power of the sutras. There are many other things to explain to Kougaiji as well, things they will need to explain again to the others at the castle, but the journey ahead of them will offer them plenty of time to talk about those things.

"Oh, and by the way," the prince says suddenly, his shoulders tensing even before he delivers the punch line, "Yaone's pregnant."

Those things…and others.

tbc...MAYBE

-----

A/N: Let me explain. I had this idea for a certain someone showing up, but I am really feeling the need to end this story. I decided on a compromise. I WILL write more, but it will be more of an Epilogue where you will get to find out who is in Houtou Castle and how he will be dealt with. Cookies for the right guess! In case it takes me terribly long, as seems so common what with the wonders of life and my Supernatural fic, know how much it means to me that all of you have taken this road with me, some since the very beginning in 2005 (holy crap!). I hope I have never disappointed, besides how long I sometimes take. I love you all, thank you deeply, and hope as always...to see ya next ficcie.

Crim


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